dilemma

[dathon]

I got an email from a friend that asked if I knew anyone that would be willing to take her two cats.  I was immediately worried because I know that she loves them with the love of a thousand lovers (like pretty much every other cat owner I know) and wouldn't give them up unless it was a dire situation.  When I found out the story, it really

Comments

[sandyosullivan]

Ah. I don't think you are overreacting; I think I'd have the same reaction

[dathon]

You're perceptive about a lot of things, Sandy. He has had some trouble keeping jobs and has been home for parts of the past few years. Part of it was that child care is very expensive and they were balancing the benefit of having him home against the loss of income from a second job. At this point, she works during the day and he works a 2nd or 3rd shift.

Also, I'm not friends with him. She and I worked together for 5 or 6 years and we keep in email contact and sometimes go to lunch/movies (but only twice a year or so). I feel a great affection for her even though we aren't day-to-day close. I've had times in the past when I haven't held him in the highest regard, but I chalked that up to me being protective of my friend when she was telling me regular relationship stuff. One never does know what goes on between people when you only hear one side of the story.

Your comments did help because you validated the things that made me uncomfortable and echoed stuff that was in my head about not being in a position to challenge him.

[sravenk]

I am with Snad on this one. Guy sounds like he is trying to exert some control over a situation that makes him feel disempowered. And from the outside, it's hard to tell exactly how controlling he is being. It's shitty that your friend feels forced to give up something she really loves, members of her family, really, to accommodate him. That is a big red flag and I don't think you are at all off-base for recognizing it. But there is not a lot you can do besides offer your friend any kind of support that she needs and letting her know that you care for her. To push too hard with any assumption about what is going on could alienate her, but to pretend like nothing is going on leaves her alone in the situation, so I would say just be very present for her, so that she knows she has someone outside of the relationship who is at the very least a sounding board and a kind ear.

[dathon]

Thank you. I have responded to her in that way and she has come back to me a few times with more details.

[roman_machine]

Nah, I don't think you're overreacting at all. There's definitely something wrong here. I agree with Sandy - it's one person controlling another and that's not a good sign. It's too bad she's not asking for relationship advice because that can be tricky to give if the person's not open to it

[dathon]

Aside from the clear control issues, it doesn't make any sense to me because he has a big drooly dog that she loves. They both had their pets when they got together.

Poop foot? I love it when people that I know adore their animals call them things like "the little moron." I call mine shitbird sometimes and my mom refers to all cats as axiomatically bad.

[roman_machine]

Hmm, sounds like he's just an unreasonable jackass to me. Dogs are just as gross as cats. That's part of having a pet. I'm betting the closet incident was more of a convenient excuse to freak out than an actual straw that broke the camel's back. As in, he's been looking for some reason to demand that she get rid of the cats and this just happened to come along. That way, it's easier to convince himself that his demand is justified than if he just brought it up out of nowhere

[dathon]

Ah yes... poop foot.

My gf has a bunny named Baxter Frits-Herbert Von Kleber. Not quite as much of a mouthful as your kitty, but certainly along the same lines. My sister let my nephew name their cat and he came up with Fluffy Trouble Rabies. Ok, so he was 4 at the time.