I'm filthy.
As I was walking yesterday between one count mandated meeting and another, I felt the pull of suicidal ideation. I had been walking endless through the baking sun on 3rd street, route 41 north and south through Indiana. My feet where sore and so was my right hip -- but worse, I felt no reason to go on ( Read more... )

(not the band but cascading style sheets ( Read more... )

Quite a long rant follows ( Read more... )

Terrible terrible days.The jokes on the content, joy fades, suffering is forever. the racing grand personal narrative versus the creeping entropy resulting from the goal of constant comfort. OR: adventure is a lifestyle choice in opposition to the legend of the American middle class "dream"

So I'm facing it:
Reality
The fact is I'm going to give it my best. I don't care if I fail miserably, again, this time I'm going to be nothing but earnest and honest. Gotta knockout the community service. Need to do 120 hours, really not that bad, I'm hoping to have it done by early May ( Read more... )

I am no more on track than ever.

Everything that follows is ugly and poorly executed, excuse me, I am making myself ill.
Compromise, or more specifically, lying to myself and others just enough to avoid overt reproach from within and without has led me here. To imagine continuing the life of hypocrisy will lead me to something unexpected is ( Read more... )

Marbles are found and lost today -- went to mass, felt ol' demiurge's presence, thought he was out of the way. Started having mild visual hallucinations, which apparently are a common memory for me. Turns out I've been self-medicating away persistent paranoia away with benzos and opiates. Now that I'm really down dirt ugly sober (we're even out of ( Read more... )

OOOh weeee.

Listening to Girl talk, trollin' whatever I can. HELLDIVE.

Is that the word I'm looking for?

Chrissy and I are fairly desperate and despondent. The triple threat of recovery, joblessness and angst makes for some tough days (although seemingly sexy nights, albeit guilt ridden.)
I need to cash in on something. It's not that I don't want to work or earn, it's that I'm woefully unqualified. My body is weak, ( Read more... )

my hand is swollen from junk abuse. my head hurts. i desperately need an opportunity.