Day 30: Cafeteria, Dinner

[captain_hunam]

The cafeteria was all but empty when Zelnick got there. He was a little disappointed; he had gotten the impression that patients usually ate dinner in their rooms, so he hadn't arranged to meet anyone, and there really wasn't anyone to sit by and engage in conversation yet

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[wantsyourzex]

ZEX engaged the nurse who accompanied him in small talk to be polite, but when they entered the cafeteria he broke off mid-word in favor of something infinitely more important. Where could his human have gotten off to...? Surely he must be here.

Ah, there he was. Unaware of his presence for now, but that was fine with him. He liked the advantage of surprise. Rather than exercising his usual caution about human foodstuffs, he picked up a little of everything available for dinner, and tried to keep everything in balance on his tray while he walked. Ironic that a body that was so stiff and rigid would feel so untrustworthy.

He glanced around with the intention of making it look like he wasn't making a direct line for the Captain, but he found that he couldn't keep it up for very long.

"Fancy meeting you here, Captain!" ZEX said, with a perhaps inappropriately satisfied smile. "What are the odds? Hee! Hee! Hee!" Mmm, he's so beautiful. After a short pause where ZEX practically leered at him without much shame, he adjusted his tray

[wantsyourzex]

"This entire experience has been... stressful." ZEX looked exhausted, as if all his years had suddenly caught up with him. "I do try to handle everything with as much grace as I can, no matter what the situation but sometimes..." He hesitated... it was almost difficult to say out loud. "I suppose even I can only take so much. One shock after another today, and one with the most distasteful echoes..."

ZEX looked at the Captain and focused on how he felt everytime he looked at him, that desire to have him in every way he could imagine in this body or any other, and his doubt faded, replaced by permanence. Identity. He smiled at him, weak and worn. "I'm sure I am still myself now. You're a most potent reminder, my Captain." Although he doubted the human would ever understand why. "For a moment though... I suppose I wondered. I haven't done that in decades... that's why I was temporarily..." what word to use, "...unsettled. I'll be alright

... this was hard to write, I kept on getting teary-eyed re-reading your post

[captain_hunam]

Once again, Zelnick wondered how long ZEX had been here, and how lonely it must have been. "I doubt I'd have fared so well," he murmured, quite truthfully. He had taken almost everything so far in stride, but the constant shift between too-bland day and violent night, mixed with an unfamiliar body and no way to prove that you are what you say you were, no sign that the universe was as you remembered it... it was a distractingly grim situation.

Zelnick didn't understand at all, but he wasn't sure he wanted to understand the working of ZEX's mind. Still, seeing ZEX smile (no matter how wanly) made Zelnick's smile stronger. "Well, who else could you be?" he asked, as if it were obvious. "You're certainly not whoever they're telling you you are

ZEX will struggle on boldly through identity crises in his quest for human tail

[wantsyourzex]

"Well..." ZEX disliked feeling this powerless. After so many years in relative control of things around him, it was a state of mind he did not care for. "I suppose it'd be difficult for anyone." It shouldn't be this difficult for me, he thought with a tinge of frustration, and he decided to change the subject.

"I am definitely not this Max Vyer person, no. Even if I am currently speaking... well." ZEX smiled again, this time more genuinely. "Have they given you your false name yet, my Captain? It makes therapy a bit awkward. My name was so infamous... it's still strange for me to think that no one knows it here."

The Captain was still speaking VUX... he didn't think that'd be possible for human lips to produce the noises required for such a thing, but still that's what he heard. He tried not to think about it. Ah, his hand was so warm. He sighed softly.

oh, ZEX, you monstrous pervert~ <3

[captain_hunam]

ZEX seemed to be adjusting to... whatever trauma he had just gone through, so Zelnick refrained from continuing on that subject. Instead, he answered ZEX's question, starting with a confused "Ah..." What had the nurse called him? He'd been rather muddled, taken to his room in the middle of raiding a pantry and called... "The staff called me Caleb, I think. Which, needless to say, is not my name." Not that anyone called him Zelnick unless he asked them to; he answered equally well to "Captain" and "human" and "hunam captain" and all kinds of things that weren't his name. He wondered if that was how he would go down through history, an officer no-one knew by name... but there wouldn't be a history to go down through if he hadn't won.

"And... therapy? What kind of therapy?" He had the fleeting idea of barbaric old procedures, the stuff they had used in the 20th century, electroshock and icepick lobotomies... he tried to put that out of his mind, if for no other reason than this place seemed to be closer to early 21st century technology

consternation of VUX psychiatrists everywhere

[wantsyourzex]

He'd spend more time puzzling over the matter when he had some time to himself, and as it was he'd felt that he'd somewhat embarrassed himself in front of the human Captain. There were very few things he felt any kind of shame over, and the fact that he'd managed to encounter one of those things right in front of him... he did hope the Captain didn't think any less of him for it. Surely he wouldn't, but he much preferred to keep an air of confidence and strength around the human than... doubt. Although the human's sympathy was deeply comforting, and he was going to keep it in mind for a long time

And human psychiatrists here, I'm sure~

[captain_hunam]

"Some species have oddly poetic names," Zelnick commented between bites. "The Slylandro, especially-- I suppose it makes sense to them, but 'Content to Hover' and 'Sullen Plummet' just sound strange, in a pretty way." Smiling a bit, he added, "And some names are just unpronounceable." Like the Mmrnmhrn, both as a species, and most of their personal names.

Question and answer was considerably less grim than Zelnick had half-expected, and he sighed in relief. "I've never really talked to a therapist," he admitted. "They had a few on Earth's Starbase, to try and keep everyone sane, but I was wandering around the galaxy so often that I never talked to them." Toward the end, while the Vindicator was being outfitted with the Bomb, Hayes had actually tried to get Zelnick to see them, to no avail-- "If this works, I'll have years to get therapy," he had reasoned, "and if it doesn't, I'll be dead anyway." Hayes had be unimpressed and set up appointments anyway, which Zelnick had ducked out of. I suppose I can't do that here. "And... wait,

xenophilia is never appreciated in its time

[wantsyourzex]

ZEX was nodding hesitantly, and then he blinked a bit at the unfamiliar name. "Slylandro...? I've never heard of a Slylandro before." The name was difficult for him, but the concept itself was too exciting for him to struggle with it for long. "Are they another sentient species? Were they contacted by the Ur-Quan? What are they like

I can think of a few who... appreciate... ZEX~

[captain_hunam]

Oh, of course ZEX wouldn't know of them! "Yes, another intelligent species-- and they did know the Ur-Quan, a long time ago, even before the Dnyarri. They, ah, live on a gas giant, actually-- planet-bound, and... they're really interesting. And interested in everything else, since their world is nothing but clouds." Zelnick grinned a bit ruefully. "If you ever had a red-and-white crystalline probe attack one of your ships after declaring peace, that was one of theirs-- they bought the things from the Melnorme, using the credits they earned by letting the Melnorme study them-- Sullen Plummet messed up the programming, y'see, so after gathering information on whatever it was talking to, it would try to use the object-- or ship-- as raw material for replication. Complete accident, they were horrified at what they'd done." He realized he was babbling a bit and subsided. "Nice guys. You'd probably like them."

Listening to ZEX's recounting, Zelnick's expression grew dark. "That's horrible," he said, rather forcefully. "Not everyone should

ZEX enjoys being appreciated all night long~

[wantsyourzex]

"A gas giant!" ZEX's voice was almost reverent. "I didn't think any life could really develop on a gas giant! The possibilities this opens up... ah, I wish I could have met them! I have so many questions already... although I must say I'm not surprised that the Melnorme would have wanted to study them. I would have gladly bought that information from them! A pity they didn't offer it to me."

ZEX blinked a bit at the human's anger. He hadn't expected such a strong reaction. "Of course I agree with you, my human love, and I've found my countrymen's closemindedness to be infuriating at times. Childish and immature without question. Change comes from those that propose innovation that does not stray too far from the accepted guidelines... it's slow and steady, and does not favor those that move quickly. It's not conducive to sudden change. I assume most VUX fear it." ZEX paused for a moment in thought. "I believe this is part of why we were in such dire straights at the beginning of the War, until I came to the fore and forced quick,

Who *wouldn't* enjoy appreciation that involves him? |D

[captain_hunam]

"I could tell you what I know," Zelnick offered, smiling a bit. "They're eager to share knowledge, even if all they know a lot about is clouds

therapists, apparently O3

[wantsyourzex]

"What did they look like? I assume they wouldn't have any solid technology... how did they record their history? How do they deal with conflict? How do they reproduce?" ZEX had to rule out exploring that himself, since he wasn't sure how to actually visit the surface of a gas giant and not get killed in the process

Bah, they just don't understand the appeal~

[captain_hunam]

"They were amorphous-- sort of resembled zooplankton, in a way, if the zooplankton you know is anything like the stuff I know-- and halfway clear in a glowing white translucent skin. They keep their history through chants, though those aren't perfect." He grinned, briefly. "They mostly avoid conflict by moving away from whoever they're annoyed with. How did Content to Hover put it...? 'All are equal, but that doesn't stop people from being stupid jerks,' I think, or something close. As for reproduction..." Zelnick shrugged. "Though the topic came up accidentally, I dropped it as soon as I figured out why Sullen Plummet was so embarrassed."

Sighing, Zelnick shoved what was left of his mashed potatoes around. The topic at hand was rather destroying his appetite. "Ethics are a difficult subject, because each person's view of them depends on how that person grew up and what they were surrounded with, but that sort of pointless death--" He shook his head, unable to articulate why it was so very wrong. "'Typical' for your species is damned

Re: Bah, they just don't understand the appeal~

[wantsyourzex]

"How fascinating." ZEX tried to picture them in his mind, more similar to some of the underwater creatures of Luyten, and with the most beautiful colors. "And chanting, I should have guessed. A verbal history, how amazing..." ZEX's voice still reverent and somewhat dreamy. "I wish I could have seen them, or met with them. They sound exquisite

[captain_hunam]

"You'd like them," Zelnick said again. "And... while I don't claim to be a great artist, I could try drawing them for you, to give you an idea of what they look like," he offered.

While he agreed with the sentiment, the lovers part at the end made him flinch and blush and notice how very close he was still sitting to ZEX. But still... "I agree with the sentiment," he said, trying his best not to sound like an idiot or like he agreed with everything ZEX said. "It's far better to be allies than enemies, and even better to be friends. I don't see it happening, though, not when the majority of VUX still consider anything outside their narrow world as... monsters

[wantsyourzex]

"Ah, I'd love a drawing of them." ZEX smiled. "I really enjoyed the drawings you posted on the bulletin board as well, my Captain. You have far more talent than I do, but I was never creative in... that way."

Ah, the human changed color! ZEX watched him with interest. What did that mean...? Was it an attempt at camouflage? Perhaps a vestigial remnant from early human development? It did make the Captain look very fetching though... something in his human body recognized it, although he wasn't sure what it was. "Yes, definitely! There should be no limits to the rapport that two individuals can develop, regardless of species. It can be as close as one can imagine..." ZEX sighed happily at the thought, then shook himself out of it slightly. "But yes, my countrymen are less than receptive to such talk. Xenophobia can be so hard to overcome... I'd hoped that perhaps I could convince the High Council to at least scale back their inflammatory rhetoric, but I fear it may be a hopeless cause." He had no reason to lie and exaggerate his