Day 30: Cafeteria, Dinner

[captain_hunam]

The cafeteria was all but empty when Zelnick got there. He was a little disappointed; he had gotten the impression that patients usually ate dinner in their rooms, so he hadn't arranged to meet anyone, and there really wasn't anyone to sit by and engage in conversation yet

Comments

consternation of VUX psychiatrists everywhere

[wantsyourzex]

He'd spend more time puzzling over the matter when he had some time to himself, and as it was he'd felt that he'd somewhat embarrassed himself in front of the human Captain. There were very few things he felt any kind of shame over, and the fact that he'd managed to encounter one of those things right in front of him... he did hope the Captain didn't think any less of him for it. Surely he wouldn't, but he much preferred to keep an air of confidence and strength around the human than... doubt. Although the human's sympathy was deeply comforting, and he was going to keep it in mind for a long time.

Put aside the difficult questions, and return to more comfortable ground. He sounded out the word carefully. "Caleb... human names have such a different sound than VUX names." Don't think any further, stay focused. "Each species is so unique in that department. I remember the Umgah having some particularly interesting names... unfortunately the Ur-Quan relied mostly on numbers, as did the Androsynth, but some were more unique." Talking about reality was more comfortable, and it made their current situation, trapped as prisoners in this strange place with no ready avenue of escape, seem less serious.

"Ah, nothing too unusual, I suppose." ZEX waved a hand vaguely. "Mostly questions and answers. They weren't too pleased with mine." Therapists never seemed to be. "Although, there was less disgust and fewer accusations than I recall, and not as many veiled threats. But I haven't been forced into such things since I was a child, so my memory on how it's done is hazy."

When the Captain began eating again, ZEX reminded himself that he ought to be doing the same. He picked up the fork a bit awkwardly, gripping it in one fist rather than attempting the delicate hold the Captain was using again, and jabbed it experimentally at the corn on his tray. It didn't seem to react the way he thought it would.

And human psychiatrists here, I'm sure~

[captain_hunam]

"Some species have oddly poetic names," Zelnick commented between bites. "The Slylandro, especially-- I suppose it makes sense to them, but 'Content to Hover' and 'Sullen Plummet' just sound strange, in a pretty way." Smiling a bit, he added, "And some names are just unpronounceable." Like the Mmrnmhrn, both as a species, and most of their personal names.

Question and answer was considerably less grim than Zelnick had half-expected, and he sighed in relief. "I've never really talked to a therapist," he admitted. "They had a few on Earth's Starbase, to try and keep everyone sane, but I was wandering around the galaxy so often that I never talked to them." Toward the end, while the Vindicator was being outfitted with the Bomb, Hayes had actually tried to get Zelnick to see them, to no avail-- "If this works, I'll have years to get therapy," he had reasoned, "and if it doesn't, I'll be dead anyway." Hayes had be unimpressed and set up appointments anyway, which Zelnick had ducked out of. I suppose I can't do that here. "And... wait, what?" Something ZEX had said finally made it from his ears to his brain. "Your therapists threatened you? When you were younger, I mean." Something about that seemed very wrong, and mildly traumatic.

Watching ZEX struggling with his fork again was somewhere between funny and pathetic, neither of which were appropriate reactions, even for someone as blunt as Zelnick could be. "Do you want help with that?" he asked, as tactfully as he could.

xenophilia is never appreciated in its time

[wantsyourzex]

ZEX was nodding hesitantly, and then he blinked a bit at the unfamiliar name. "Slylandro...? I've never heard of a Slylandro before." The name was difficult for him, but the concept itself was too exciting for him to struggle with it for long. "Are they another sentient species? Were they contacted by the Ur-Quan? What are they like?"

ZEX couldn't imagine the human having a reason to go to a therapist... as far as he was aware, the human didn't seem too strange compared to the rest of his species. He didn't really need "realignment", as they'd put it. Then again, he didn't know as much about the human as he would have liked. "I don't much care for them myself, but my experience with them has not been positive." ZEX blinked at the question. "Yes, they did threaten me, occasionally. I understand it's part of the process. To better motivate change, I suppose, since I presented such a unique 'problem'. " His voice was bitter again. "I suppose I'm lucky in that I didn't just 'disappear' like other VUX who challenged the social order tended to do. Although, they did remind me that it was still a possibility, if I kept my 'perverse' and 'unnatural' notions. Hmmph. The War soon proved their theories as to where I'd end up if I didn't change wrong enough." ZEX's voice was dark with a forced nonchalance. "It was such a waste of time, really. There's nothing wrong with me. It was really their problem."

ZEX was quickly broken out of angry thoughts by the Captain's offer, and he smiled at him. "Ah, thank you. I'd appreciate it. This yellow item isn't breaking apart at all."

I can think of a few who... appreciate... ZEX~

[captain_hunam]

Oh, of course ZEX wouldn't know of them! "Yes, another intelligent species-- and they did know the Ur-Quan, a long time ago, even before the Dnyarri. They, ah, live on a gas giant, actually-- planet-bound, and... they're really interesting. And interested in everything else, since their world is nothing but clouds." Zelnick grinned a bit ruefully. "If you ever had a red-and-white crystalline probe attack one of your ships after declaring peace, that was one of theirs-- they bought the things from the Melnorme, using the credits they earned by letting the Melnorme study them-- Sullen Plummet messed up the programming, y'see, so after gathering information on whatever it was talking to, it would try to use the object-- or ship-- as raw material for replication. Complete accident, they were horrified at what they'd done." He realized he was babbling a bit and subsided. "Nice guys. You'd probably like them."

Listening to ZEX's recounting, Zelnick's expression grew dark. "That's horrible," he said, rather forcefully. "Not everyone should fit into whatever mould is considered the norm." He wouldn't argue that ZEX's tastes were bizarre (to say the least), but if the guy was happy like that-- well, actually, he did have an objection to the kidnapping thing, but that was neither here nor there at the moment. "Our therapists-- they're supposed to help by, by keeping people functional, and help people who are actually ill, not... not by shaping people into things they're not." His voice was actually shaking in anger, he realized, and he took a few breaths to calm down. "If everyone's the same, where does change come from? Or is stagnation and rotting approved of?"

Shaking his head forcefully, as if to cast hire ire at VUX society aside, Zelnick pulled ZEX's tray over in front of him. "It's corn-on-the-cob. It's, um, unique-- the center is hard, and you can get at the kernals by picking it up and scraping them off with your teeth--" which Zelnick bet ZEX would mess up, "-- or by cutting them off the sides with a knife and picking them up with your fork." That said, he took his (frustratingly blunt) knife and scraped the corn into a pile before sliding it back. "Here, try now." He forced a smile past his slowly-cooling anger.

ZEX enjoys being appreciated all night long~

[wantsyourzex]

"A gas giant!" ZEX's voice was almost reverent. "I didn't think any life could really develop on a gas giant! The possibilities this opens up... ah, I wish I could have met them! I have so many questions already... although I must say I'm not surprised that the Melnorme would have wanted to study them. I would have gladly bought that information from them! A pity they didn't offer it to me."

ZEX blinked a bit at the human's anger. He hadn't expected such a strong reaction. "Of course I agree with you, my human love, and I've found my countrymen's closemindedness to be infuriating at times. Childish and immature without question. Change comes from those that propose innovation that does not stray too far from the accepted guidelines... it's slow and steady, and does not favor those that move quickly. It's not conducive to sudden change. I assume most VUX fear it." ZEX paused for a moment in thought. "I believe this is part of why we were in such dire straights at the beginning of the War, until I came to the fore and forced quick, necessary innovation. You'd think something different would kill them with the way they fight against it. You won't hear them mention any of this nowadays. Just my 'corruptive' influence." ZEX laughed briefly without humor.

ZEX smiled a bit thinly. "Your human therapy sounds useful. I wasn't aware therapy could accomplish anything of that nature. Your society is so appreciative of difference... for ours it is a threat. We're a strong, cohesive whole and can accomplish great things together, but if you stray too far from what's acceptable... you have to be 'realigned'. Most of the more problematic VUX came with me to Cerenkov, if they weren't forced into normalcy, or discreetly killed. A great number of them were in our military, imagine that..." Almost sarcastic for a moment, and he smiled. "I suppose it must have bothered them that I kept so many of them alive."

Scraping food off with your teeth? Teeth were bizarre to begin with, but that function was even more difficult to understand. ZEX watched the Captain strip the yellow item of its small pieces. Why not have it prepared that way in the first place? Humans had such strange food. "How curious..." He tried for a moment to stab an individual kernel without success before trying to pick up a forkful at once. A few got lost along the way, but he at least got some into his mouth. Odd... they kind of burst when pressure was applied. Somewhat like eggs... perhaps that was how this yellow thing reproduced.

Who *wouldn't* enjoy appreciation that involves him? |D

[captain_hunam]

"I could tell you what I know," Zelnick offered, smiling a bit. "They're eager to share knowledge, even if all they know a lot about is clouds."

Breathing out a sharp sigh, Zelnick did his best to get his anger under control, and said in a carefully level voice, "I'm familiar with the concept. A lot of governments-- that were generally considered evil by their neighbors-- enforced that sort of standard, a couple hundred years ago. It was also popular in fiction around that time, as a dystopian future to be avoided at all costs." What was that story? Where one man preferred taking evening strolls through a silent city over sitting at home and letting his brain rot from mindless entertainment? "'Human' therapy is very rarely forced upon people, now. Only if they're a genuine threat to the wellbeing of themselves or those around them." Smiling humourlessly, he added, "Like people who think they're alien military commanders stuck in the wrong body." Going grim again, he continued, "Murder of people because of their differences has been frowned on for a very long time. It's barbaric. Most people-- most humans, at least-- would see you keeping your comrades alive as something to be lauded."

Seeing how ZEX seemed to be dealing well enough with the corn, Zelnick refrained from comment. It probably was pretty strange, for someone used to a liquid diet.

therapists, apparently O3

[wantsyourzex]

"What did they look like? I assume they wouldn't have any solid technology... how did they record their history? How do they deal with conflict? How do they reproduce?" ZEX had to rule out exploring that himself, since he wasn't sure how to actually visit the surface of a gas giant and not get killed in the process.

"It's interesting that you describe it as evil," ZEX said. "Human ethics seem to differ from ours. I am not inclined to think the best of most of my countrymen, or the society that decided to banish me when I became too 'problematic' for them, but I'm not sure I would call them evil, necessarily. Foolish, shortsighted, ungrateful, bigoted, but not necessarily evil... simply normal. Typical for my species. But our definition of normal is different than yours, I suppose. I find human's positive attitude towards difference and general open-minded nature to be so refreshing after a lifetime exposed to unwarranted prejudice, merely because I prefer to keep myself open to all possibilities. It's part of why I respect and admire you so much." That and they were incredibly attractive.

ZEX's voice had a bitter tinge beneath the air of deliberately false nonchalance. "I don't think they saw it as murder. Simply necessary. That can be enough. After all, the Insult was enough of a reason for most of my people to vow eternal war against yours without regret."

Bah, they just don't understand the appeal~

[captain_hunam]

"They were amorphous-- sort of resembled zooplankton, in a way, if the zooplankton you know is anything like the stuff I know-- and halfway clear in a glowing white translucent skin. They keep their history through chants, though those aren't perfect." He grinned, briefly. "They mostly avoid conflict by moving away from whoever they're annoyed with. How did Content to Hover put it...? 'All are equal, but that doesn't stop people from being stupid jerks,' I think, or something close. As for reproduction..." Zelnick shrugged. "Though the topic came up accidentally, I dropped it as soon as I figured out why Sullen Plummet was so embarrassed."

Sighing, Zelnick shoved what was left of his mashed potatoes around. The topic at hand was rather destroying his appetite. "Ethics are a difficult subject, because each person's view of them depends on how that person grew up and what they were surrounded with, but that sort of pointless death--" He shook his head, unable to articulate why it was so very wrong. "'Typical' for your species is damned stupid. Even keeping morals out of it, nothing's ever perfect, and situations change-- everything from battle plans to evolution work that way, and if adaption is taken out of the equation, there's a lot of death and failure."

Urgh, that thrice-damned Insult. Zelnick glowered rather fiercely at his food. "Socially condoned murder is still murder, just like socially condoned bigoted idiocy is still bigoted idiocy," he grumbled.

Re: Bah, they just don't understand the appeal~

[wantsyourzex]

"How fascinating." ZEX tried to picture them in his mind, more similar to some of the underwater creatures of Luyten, and with the most beautiful colors. "And chanting, I should have guessed. A verbal history, how amazing..." ZEX's voice still reverent and somewhat dreamy. "I wish I could have seen them, or met with them. They sound exquisite."

ZEX didn't much care for the topic either, although his voice stayed level. "I agree with you of course, my Captain, and not all VUX feel that way. Just the majority of us. It's a shame, really, that there were so few of us at Cerenkov. The smothering pressure to be 'normal' I'm sure keeps some trapped in fear at homeworld, unable to find mental peace without breaking down. It's a pity. In a way I was glad for my banishment, as it provided me a safe place to gather those who were more open-minded." He certainly didn't feel that way when he first heard about the decree and had only come to appreciate the order in hindsight after the anger and hurt subsided, but he decided not to mention that. "I'm sure they find humans just as foolish and distasteful, and I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to tell you as such, if they saw you. We are both monsters, in their eyes, simply for being different. It's a shame that so many are so mired in their ways, unable to look past what's obvious towards potential. We could be allies, friends, lovers, if only bigotry and hatred didn't make things so simple and violent." ZEX sighed.

"Very true, and I found my countrymen's complete overreaction simply ridiculous. We may be somewhat vain, perhaps, but it was such a poor excuse. Those of us who can see clearly saw the reason we clung to that Insult quickly enough." ZEX had a distinctly unimpressed air to his words. "I certainly never waged battle during the War on behalf of wounded national pride. Battle is not something to be undertaken carelessly, or for such petty reasons. There's an art to it."

[captain_hunam]

"You'd like them," Zelnick said again. "And... while I don't claim to be a great artist, I could try drawing them for you, to give you an idea of what they look like," he offered.

While he agreed with the sentiment, the lovers part at the end made him flinch and blush and notice how very close he was still sitting to ZEX. But still... "I agree with the sentiment," he said, trying his best not to sound like an idiot or like he agreed with everything ZEX said. "It's far better to be allies than enemies, and even better to be friends. I don't see it happening, though, not when the majority of VUX still consider anything outside their narrow world as... monsters."

Zelnick didn't see much art in killing things-- just necessity, and a grim one at that. But he supposed ZEX saw that, like so much, differently. (Though this conversation was beginning to show how much they saw the same... Zelnick supposed it was like he had said, earlier; common ground really was easier to find.) "Pride and belief in your righteousness are all well and good, but they shouldn't be a reason in of themselves," he said, again halfway-agreeing.

[wantsyourzex]

"Ah, I'd love a drawing of them." ZEX smiled. "I really enjoyed the drawings you posted on the bulletin board as well, my Captain. You have far more talent than I do, but I was never creative in... that way."

Ah, the human changed color! ZEX watched him with interest. What did that mean...? Was it an attempt at camouflage? Perhaps a vestigial remnant from early human development? It did make the Captain look very fetching though... something in his human body recognized it, although he wasn't sure what it was. "Yes, definitely! There should be no limits to the rapport that two individuals can develop, regardless of species. It can be as close as one can imagine..." ZEX sighed happily at the thought, then shook himself out of it slightly. "But yes, my countrymen are less than receptive to such talk. Xenophobia can be so hard to overcome... I'd hoped that perhaps I could convince the High Council to at least scale back their inflammatory rhetoric, but I fear it may be a hopeless cause." He had no reason to lie and exaggerate his chances of success now... he wasn't trying to coerce the Captain into giving him something he wanted through emotional manipulation, after all. At least, not at the moment.

"Pride can be quite blinding. Vanity as well. Both are traits we VUX have in abundance. I suppose even I am not entirely exempt, and may rarely succumb to such things..." ZEX thought of some of his jewelry that he'd left behind... a shame he'd never had the chance to show it off for his human. It was really quite beautiful. "Although I do not allow it to dictate my behavior like some do. That's a dangerous path."

[captain_hunam]

The drawings of the ships hadn't been anything to write home about, but he smiled anyway. "I'll have a sketch for you by tomorrow," he promised.

The scrutiny and implication of sex (again!) just made Zelnick go redder. Smiling uneasily, Zelnick managed, "Well, you can't change society if you don't at least try." Argh, ZEX's flirting (or whatever he was doing) was so... uncomfortable, even if the admiral seemed to enjoy it.

Zelnick hadn't thought them dangerous, exactly, though he understood what ZEX meant. "Blindness of any sort is rarely a good trait, no matter what the situation... especially blindness to one's own flaws." Irritation managed to rise past his awkward embarrassment. "Like pride in one's logic making it so it's hard to see the prejudice underneath." Or pride in one's queen making it hard to realize she had ruined your honor, or dependency on an artifact blinding you to the fact you were dependent upon it... "Not that it's a flaw your species holds a monopoly on."

[wantsyourzex]

"Lovely." ZEX was honestly looking forward to it... he liked the idea of the Captain giving him something, even if it was something relatively small.

His color kept changing! ZEX found himself smiling in response and feeling inordinately pleased with himself. For whatever reason, his human body seemed to like the Captain's new color. "I've always ascribed to that philosophy, you know." ZEX was grinning quite widely, his voice smooth and flowing again. "You never quite know what's possible until you try. It opens up many doors, if you're willing to take that risk. It's a shame that more don't... rise to the challenge. My people are all the poorer for it, I believe."

ZEX continued to smile. "If there's anything I've learned in my life, it's that there is no species that's perfect. We're all flawed in our own ways... the magnitude may differ, but it's there. We're all alike in that way... capable of mistakes and misunderstandings, of terrible and great things... we are all people, each race and species. The greatest tragedy is when we allow such problems to prevent a meaningful relationship... misunderstandings that lead to war, or worse. Artificial barriers that keep us all apart."

[captain_hunam]

There wasn't a "or whatever he was doing" about this; ZEX was flirting, Zelnick was sure of it, and grinning like he'd won at life, and oh man awkward. If his face got any hotter, his eyebrows would singe off....

Under the not-very-subtle guise of getting more comfortable, Zelnick slid his chair a few inches away from ZEX and started abusing his food again-- not eating it, just shoving it around his plate nervously. Wasn't this sort of thing supposed to be less awkward, the older you got? Granted, it wasn't every day that a guy got hit on by a xenophilic VUX stuck in a human body, but still...!

He managed to pull his wits together long enough to nod a wooden agreement to whatever ZEX had said. "It's only when you stop thinking of other species as 'people' that you run into problems," he said, a bit faintly-- his thoughts were scattered wildly by the flirting, something that was so much easier to ignore when it was over a viewscreen.

[wantsyourzex]

The human was getting fidgety, and was still that lovely red shade. He did so like that color, and the Captain wore it so well. ZEX wished his human had head tentacles so he could know how he felt... human expressions were so complicated and difficult to understand... all natural movement seem transplanted to their face, which went against most everything that ZEX knew about interpreting body language. ZEX was still rather pleased by the Captain's behavior, somewhere that made him feel warm and satisfied.

The human moved away from him again, a pity, and ZEX tried to think of why, since they were getting along so well... perhaps his Captain was shy? How utterly charming! He found the idea only heightened the thrill of the chase, and he found laughter bubbling up without thought. "Hee! Hee! Hee! My Captain, you seem to have changed color... is something wrong?"

He was still giggling somewhat as he watched the Captain prode his food around his plate. Reminded of the fact he was still holding his fork in one hand, he picked up a small piece of meat and put it in his mouth, leaving the fork in place. He smiled around the tines, watching the Captain for a few seconds. He eventually rested his hand back on the table, his voice smooth as silk and somewhat soft. "I think it's really something that we should put a stop to... focusing on the differences between our species, waging war against one another for such petty reasons. There's so much we can learn from each other, if we only see through it all to see the person beneath. We need only make the effort, have the desire to learn, and worlds of possibilities open up before you, with everything to gain." Being purposefully and teasingly vague. ZEX tilted his head a little, as close an approximization to the gesture he would have used in his natural body as he could get, and he smiled almost serenely. "Don't you agree?"

WELL I'M CONVINCED. <3 ZEX, you charmer~

[captain_hunam]

Oh, and how was he supposed to answer that? "Why yes, there is something wrong, you're making me incredibly uncomfortable and I want you to go away so I can try not to spontaneously combust?" Actually, that wasn't a bad idea, but when he opened his mouth to say it, all that came out was "No, nothing's wrong," in a far too mild tone.

While ZEX was giggling to himself, the knot of nerves in the pit of Zelnick's stomach just keep winding itself tighter, and the way he was speaking... it was obvious that he wasn't talking about politics. Where, Zelnick wondered, does the line between flirting and seduction lie? The instant the thought registered on the rest of his mind, he felt that spontaneous combustion starting, and sunk even more deeply into his chair, edging away again.