Fanfiction || The Chain of Destiny || Buffy/Faith || Part Four
Title: The Chain of Destiny
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta: supershineygirl
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Rating: R (for now)
Pairing(s): Buffy/Faith
Word Length Thus Far: 32,806 words
Timeline: *** AU *** Welcome to me screwing with canon for my own pleasure. Buffy and Faith aren't slayers (yet), Buffy grew up in Sunnydale all her life and is the picture of popularity. Faith moved to Sunnydale eight months ago with her mother and is befriended by only Willow and Xander. I take liberties with canon events and facts and twist them to mold to my needs, you'll learn to either love or hate me for it, I'm sure.
Summary: All her life, Faith struggled with being a nobody. Then suddenly she's hit with the revelation that she's a potential Slayer, and that she and another girl that she's always despised are just pawns in the game of destiny, fate, and maybe even the end of the world...
A/N: Hold onto your hats, boys and girls. This will be one LONG ride...
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE
A/N: This chapter has a trigger warning for mentions of (non graphic) rape. It’s emotional though and therefore I figure it could be triggering to some. But there is still stuff in this chapter you need to read, so if you prefer to skip the part about the rape it’ll be between [trigger warning] and [/trigger warning]. Just keeping things on the safe side.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Secrets That Destroy Us
Faith’s hangover wasn’t as obnoxious as she expected it to be.
After dragging her ass out of bed, taking a shower, and poppin’ a couple aspirin, she looks at the clock. About time for her mother’s daily dose. She sighs, not even bothering to wish that her life were different since it would be pretty damn pointless, and grabs her mother’s drugs. Her life just is what it is; ain’t no use whining over it anymore. Turing sixteen should have made her feel like a whole other world of possibilities was now open for her, but she couldn’t get past the nagging voice in her head that kept telling her that her opportunity to become the next Slayer has come and gone.
It was Saturday, so she didn’t have school. Giles did want her to go in and train some more, but not until later.
Faith makes her way into Caroline’s room and she smiles up at her daughter, but then frowns as she takes in her appearance. “Oh honey, you look like shit.”
“Thanks,” Faith says dryly and hands her mother her bag of shit before flopping down on the bed. Her mother doesn’t do it right away though; instead she puts it on the side table and looks at her daughter in almost pity or maybe it’s understanding.
“Party too hard last night?” Caroline asks as she runs her fingers through Faith’s wet hair. If there was one person who knew about partying too hard, it’d be her mother.
“Something like that,” Faith says, trying to ignore the bruises she has on her because of Buffy’s rough behavior last night. Bitch can apparently throw down. Faith didn’t really remember much besides Buffy suddenly comin’ out of her shell and sticking up for herself. Well, that and apparently how hot it made her. It kind of disgusts her to think about. She’s got way too many damn issues.
Caroline leans over and grabs a comb from off the table and situates herself behind Faith as she starts combing her hair. Faith ain’t really into the whole coddling thing, but she’s too hung over to argue right now.
“So tell me what happened, did you have a nice birthday? It was sweet of your friends to take you out,” Caroline says as she runs the comb through her daughter’s dark locks.
“Yeah, fun as fuck, till the bitch from hell showed up,” Faith mumbles. She knew she shouldn’t have said anything after the comb stopped halfway down her hair.
“The bitch from hell, huh? Tell me about her.”
“It ain’t nothin’, Mum. Just some bitch whose head I’d like to kick in though a damn door,” Faith says flatly, but her mother chuckles, finding amusement in that. Faith narrows her eyes, “What?”
“Nothing, Fai,” Caroline says, running the comb through her hair again. Faith can feel the water droplets drip down her back, getting lost beneath her tank top. “Does this bitch have a name?” Faith knows her mother’s just trying to bond and all that crap and while bonding over Buffy isn’t exactly what she wants to do, she does want to talk to her. Just because she never really gets to anymore.
“Buffy,” Faith says quietly.
“Buffy, huh?” Caroline asks idly, except Faith can tell she means something more by it. She finds out what it when her mother goes on, “I’ve heard you talk about her in your sleep.”
“What? I don’t talk in my sleep, Mum.”
Caroline laughs a little, “You’ve always talked in your sleep. I went in and checked on your last night, you kept mumbling her name.” Faith just glares at the wall, not knowing if she’s right. She knows Buffy has shown up in her dreams a couple times, but she can never really remember them. She just knows she was there. Caroline continues though, “You must really hate her if you dream about her.”
That makes Faith turn around to face her, eyes accusing. “What are you doing? What’s with the tone?”
“What tone?”
“That tone you’re givin’ me now, like you don’t believe me or somethin’.”
“I didn’t say that,” Caroline avoids, but she has this little smile that’s aggravating Faith, and she can tell. She sighs a little and touches her cheek comfortingly, “Fai, sometimes you’re so grown up that I forget that you’re still so much a child.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Caroline gives her another smile, a more comforting one, as she lets her hand fall from her cheek. “I think you like this girl,” she tells her, knowing that one isn’t going to go over well.
“What? Mum, I’m not fuckin’ five. I don’t pull her pigtails on the playground so we can go play a little game of ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ later,” Faith snaps, annoyed. She might not be an adult yet, but she ain’t a stupid kid who teases the girl she likes cause she wants to kiss her. What the hell is that? Seriously? Buffy may be pretty, but she ain’t all that. Faith’s had hotter.
[trigger warning]
“Faith,” her mother says, her tone disapproving. “You know I don’t like when you talk about sex, especially after-”
“Don’t start on that,” Faith warns her eyes flashing. That was one thing she never, ever wanted to remember. In her mind, that fuckin’ day doesn’t even exist. But Caroline is looking at her sadly. She tries to wrap Faith up in her arms but Faith pushes her away.
“You have to acknowledge it happened, just like I did,” Caroline tells her, her voice coming out shaky from the emotion behind it. All the love… and all the protection she failed to give her. Faith sets her jaw and looks away from her.
“I didn’t happen.”
“Fai, what you’re father did…”
“HE’S NOT MY FATHER!” Faith screams, standing up, all the fury and all the emotion making camp in her chest and threatening to claw its way back out of her. She’s breathing heavily, her hands clasped into fists at her side. She can feel her nails start to dig in, start to pierce the skin, but it only makes her do it harder.
Her father… her father was nothing. A sick fucking bastard who four years ago allowed his daughter to get violated as payment since he didn’t have the money. Sat there and fuckin’ watched as her world and her body got torn apart. He is nothing, he is nobody. And she never, ever wanted to remember that day. It doesn’t exist.
“Okay, okay sweetie, hey…” Caroline says, getting up, trying to calm her daughter who looks on the verge of tearing the room and herself apart. “I’m sorry, we won’t talk about this now, you’re not ready. I’m sorry…”
“That day doesn’t exist,” Faith says, her voice coming out strangled and detached. She was breaking, she could feel it. It’s like something sick crawled inside her and died, trying to take her with it. She could feel his hands again all over her, could smell his sour breath and hear his grunts of pleasure as he violated a child. It was eating at her all over again and she could feel the pain force its way up her throat.
The pain turns out to be vomit though, and she bends over and hurls onto the carpet, the acids burning her throat and bringing tears to her eyes. She chokes and sputters, seeing some blood mixed in with her bile on the carpet. Would’ve helped if she had anything in her stomach other than day old booze.
Caroline is by her side in a second but Faith pushes her away. “Don’t,” her voice comes out strangled and hoarse. “Just leave me alone,” she tells her, all the hurt, anger, and disgust flowing through her words. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and leaves her mother’s room; leaving her to clean up the mess she started. She slams the door behind her and makes her way into the bathroom, turning on the sink before rinsing her mouth out.
Faith knows why her mother pushes her to talk about it. She’s all about ‘talking is how you heal’, or some shit. She can’t afford her to bring her to a therapist, so does this about twice a year, just trying to let Faith work through it. But she never wants to work through it. Working through it means she has to accept it happened to her and she just ain’t fucking ready to do that. It’s too messed up and yeah, maybe her whole life is pretty damn messed up but that’s one thing she can’t accept.
She tries not to blame her mother for it. It ain’t her fault it happened. After she tried to stop it she got thrown into a wall and was unconscious for longer than it took the bastard to finish, which felt like forever. But maybe somewhere deep inside she does blame her mother, cause it ain’t like her getting beat was anything new. Wasn’t like how completely fucked off her father was, was anything new. Faith doesn’t even remember when they were happy, but her mother tells her that they were once. But it took her years and years of getting beat down, of Faith being beat down, Faith getting violated for her to finally get the balls to run.
And it wasn’t even cause of that that they ran. It took the fuckin’ place being shot up cause her father pissed off the wrong gang or something. Scared of bullets but ain’t scared of getting a beat down every damn day. Whatever. Yeah, she resents her mother for it a little, but she’s all Faith’s got now. Caroline tried to protect her when she could, but it just wasn’t enough. Never is. She loves her cause she tried, but hates her cause she failed.
Sometimes Faith wonders what it’d be like if she had a normal family; if she had a house and a dog and maybe a little brother or sister, just something normal. Family dinners and all that shit that she’d see on TV. But she always stops wondering cause there ain’t no point in holding onto something that’ll never happen. That ship has sailed and she was on the wrong fuckin’ boat.
Faith knows this is why she gets how she does. Angry; needing to be in control no matter what the cost. She’s never been big on psychology but she can see what it all did to her. She knows what the rape did to her too, even though she doesn’t like to think about it. But being a lesbian; a lesbian slut no less… it’s clear as fuckin’ day why that happened.
She doesn’t have any trust in men and really doesn’t ever want to. Xander’s different; he’s like one of the girls. His cherry still ain’t popped so he ain’t become a monster yet. Faith’s not sure he’d ever really become a monster, but it’s not like she’s looking to start her first mutual sexual encounter with a man with him. He’s a friend, but that’s it. She’s not lookin’ to expand into new territory anyway.
The shit that went down she knows subconsciously made her feel like that’s all she’s worth. She knows it ain’t true, that yeah, she’s gotta be worth something, but sometimes an imprint like that is hard to shake. That’s why she fucks around. Gets some and gets gone. It’s all about give and take and nothing in between. Faith doubts there will ever be anything in between. It’s what people wants from her so why the hell not just give it to them?
Maybe a part of her thinks that a girl like her doesn’t deserve more. That love and happiness and all that crap are reserved for normal people; people who don’t have a bastard father, a drug addict mother, and more baggage than she can ever carry herself. Who would want to deal with that? She doesn’t even want to deal with that.
Maybe that’s why Faith needed the slaying. Why she needed to be Chosen. Just to feel like someone or something out there actually gives a shit and thinks she’s worth more than this shell of a person she’s become. She knows she’s strong; she’s strong as all hell for what she’s been through and how she deals with it. She’s still going to school, still trying to do some right by herself. She’s trying to live even though half the time it seems pretty fuckin’ pointless. But no matter how strong she is she always feels so damn weak.
But she gets by; she survives. She has to now. Her life might not seem like much, but it’s a whole lot better than how it was. Compared to before, this shit’s like Disney Land. She’s moved up, she’s moved on, and she’s trying. Trying to give her and her mother more than what they had, even if it’s only by a little. But they got freedom now, freedom from him and his fucked up life, and that’s gotta be the best thing out of it all.
Besides, there’s no use torturing herself about the past. She was already tortured enough when she was in it.
[/trigger warning]
* * *
A week went by and Faith continued to train with Giles, work on her schoolwork, and stay clear from anything that would heavily piss her off - like Cordelia and Buffy - who were now seemingly separated, which made it harder. When they roamed in packs it was easy to stay clear, but now that Cordelia had decided that Buffy was uncool, the blonde had taken to being by herself most of the time. It’s not like Faith is avoiding a confrontation, no, she lives for that shit, but right now she’s trying to give herself a break from all the drama. She’s falling behind in her classes and that was one thing that was actually important to her, so she stopped with all the bullshit for awhile. She couldn’t concentrate when she was pissed off and around both of them she was pissed off a lot.
Avoidance didn’t last long, of course. Though through no fault of her own.
Faith strolled into the library one day only to stop short by the sight of Buffy, eyes red and puffy from crying, talking to Giles as her hands were shaking. She looked a wreck; scared and upset beyond words. Faith felt her mouth go dry and she wasn’t able to be cruel only because she’d never seen anyone look more devastated in her entire life.
“Ah, Faith,” Giles says, noticing her in the doorway. He has a pained expression on his face, almost as much as how nervous he’s clearly become. Faith seems rooted to the spot, not knowing what the hell was going on. “Faith… meet Buffy; the Slayer.”
Faith’s eyes go wide and she feels like she’s been punched in the gut. She takes a step back, her eyes connecting with Buffy’s. She reaches out to the desk to steady herself, her brain going faster than she can comprehend. She can barely think, let alone make out words right now besides:
“…What?” It’s quiet, so quiet she doesn’t even think she said it at all.
“Faith, Buffy is going to be… under my care for a little while. Merrick…” but he couldn’t finish, the pain washes over his face again in waves and Faith can’t even fuckin’ breathe. She knows what he’s going to say anyway; Merrick was dead. Buffy started crying harder, upset that she couldn’t protect him.
Buffy Summers. Buffy two-faced closet-case Summers is the Slayer? It didn’t make sense, and she almost laughs at just how absurd it is, but she can’t make her mouth move. Buffy couldn’t be the Slayer, she’s all pink and girly and-Faith’s mind flashes to when Buffy pinned her up against the wall. She was strong. Too damn strong. It wasn’t the liquor that impaired Faith; it was that Buffy was just so much stronger than her.
She can’t breathe. Life just bitch slapped her across the face.
“You will still be under my care, of course,” Giles goes on as he takes off his glasses, cleaning them. His hands were shaking and she can detect the slight tremor in his voice. “But I will be training you both… and Faith, it is absolutely vital that we train you and that you help us learn more about the Zan’Hurrak so that Buffy has a fighting chance to survive.”
So that Giles has a chance to survive too. They’ve been picking off her Watchers one by one. And Giles… Giles was…
It infuriates Faith. She has never felt so much hated in her life until that very moment. Buffy fucking Summers is the Slayer, and Buffy just painted a big red target on both of their backs. “You…” Faith says slowly, her eyes dangerous. She laughs a little, she can’t help it. “Are you shitting me?!”
“Faith…” Giles tries.
“No, G! What the fuck? You told me you didn’t want me involved, I don’t want to be fucking involved! Let B handle this shit on her own, she’s gonna fuckin’ get us all killed if she sticks around here!”
“She is the Slayer and you will respect her,” Giles says firmly. “And me, for that matter. This is your duty, Faith, as well as it is mine. We are both involved whether we like it or not and you must be prepared for what it about to rain down on all of us.”
“Fuck this,” Faith responds, still too much in disbelief at all of this. Buffy?!? She turns to walk away, but another voice says her name; calling her back. Buffy. She sounded so broken; so distant.
Faith whips around and stars advancing on her, “No! No you don’t just come in here and take everything away from me! You don’t fuckin’ come in here and make me and Giles next on some demon clan’s hit list! Who the fuck do you think you are?!”
“Get out of my face,” Buffy warns her, the effect of recent events making her voice choke from sobbing. But her eyes flash at her, making Faith aware of the danger. That she was not to be fucked with, especially not right now. But Faith doesn’t move; she’s right up in her face. She’s not backing down. No one, not even the fuckin’ Slayer is about to fuck up her life. It’s Buffy’s destiny, not her’s. And yeah, Faith really hates the bitch in front of her for that too.
Go figure right? Of all of the people in this school, of course it’s gotta be the one she despises the most.
“Girls, please,” Giles says, apparently now realizing the two of them have spotty history with each other. Making them work together was going to be a task in itself.
“Make me,” Faith spits out at her. Buffy stands up then, the chair she was in clanging against the tile as it falls to the ground. Faith backs up instinctively, knowing she should have done so in the first place. She can smell the power radiating off of Buffy and it makes her furious, but it doesn’t make her completely stupid. Buffy looks almost detached from reality, but also like her only anchor to keep her grounded is Faith and the anger she’s causing within her. Faith barely notices though; to wrapped up in herself.
“Do you think I want this?!” Buffy screams at her, and now she’s the one advancing on Faith. “If I could give this stupid destiny to you I’d do it without a second thought! I don’t want to be the Slayer! It’s my fault everyone’s dying!”
“Got that right B. That is your fault,” Faith snarls at her, but backs up just as much as Buffy’s coming towards her. She has fear in her, but it doesn’t show in her voice. “And I ain’t dying for you.”
“I don’t want you to! I don’t want anyone to!”
“Got a funny fuckin’ way of showing it.”
That was obviously one step too far as suddenly Buffy’s fist collides with Faith, the force lifting her off the ground before she crashes into a bookshelf, books falling down around her. She groans in pain, feeling like she just got hit by a fuckin’ truck.
“Buffy! Faith!” Giles yells, furious. “Stop this right now! We do not have time for your childish quarrels. We are all in danger!” He runs over to Faith and holds out his hand to help her up, but Faith slaps it out of the way before picking herself up off the ground, wincing at how badly that hurt.
Her ego just keeps getting beat down by this bitch, let alone her body.
She fucking hates her. Faith’s eyes connect with Buffy’s and she can feel nothing but rage. She already had everything and she had to go and take the one thing Faith wanted. She had to come in and turn her life upside down and now in a couple weeks she’ll probably be six feet under because of this stupid bitch. This is not what she wanted!
“Fuck you. Fuck all of you,” Faith says, her voice hard as she starts to walk away. Giles calls back to her but she doesn’t listen, she just keeps right on walking. Once she’s out of the school she takes off running down the street, just needing to get away. She ran for miles and miles, just trying to make her chest stop feeling like it’s ripping in half.
Buffy Summers is the Slayer… and Faith wants to destroy her for that.
A/N: This chapter ended up being WAY too long so I split it into two parts. So here's part one.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Breaking Apart: Part One
Storming out dramatically didn’t work out exactly the way Faith had planned. Mainly because usually when someone storms out, the whole point would be to not come back. To show the fuckin’ world you’re pissed and that everyone can just fuck the hell off and die for all you give a shit.
Faith came back though, probably because the dying part was a bit too real now.
She gets responsibly, she gets destiny. She’s not completely dense and she’s not completely selfish either. But it hurts. Everything fuckin’ hurts inside and she’s freaked out to realize it’s because she’s terrified. Not like she’ll admit it. No, she’ll never say anything like that out loud. But she is. She’s got this big red target on her back now that screams, “Take your best shot, big guy!” It ain’t something she’s exactly had to deal with before… and she’s dealt with a lot.
She’s pissed because Buffy’s the Slayer but she’s even more pissed because the bitch just brought hell to rain down on Giles’ and her friend’s heads, let alone her own.
She just doesn’t know how to handle it. Doesn’t know how to handle her. Buffy.
There’s something about Buffy Summers that bugs the hell out of her. It’s like this feeling in the pit of her stomach that’s drawing her in at the same time that her mind warns Faith that Buffy’s not good for her; screaming at her to stay the hell away. Maybe that’s because of the Slayer thing, maybe that’s just because of her. She’s always felt weird around Buffy, though not enough to really notice it before. But lately it’s like it’s pokin’ its head out and letting her know that something’s wrong and she’s trying like hell to ignore it but she just can’t.
For real though, on her top ten things to do this week, dying ain’t one of them. That’s why she came back.
When she strides through the Library doors she’s greeted by the sight of Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles all sitting around the table with books laid out around them. They all look up at her, Xander and Willow looking relieved, Giles still looking angry with her for storming out, and Buffy still looking shaken up.
“No one say anything,” Faith warns as she comes over and flops down into a seat. She meets every single questioning and surprised glance that’s thrown her way with dangerous eyes. She’s not talking about why she’s back. She just is; end of story.
There’s a silence that stretches on for what seems like forever before Buffy speaks. “I’m sorry I hit you,” she says softly, her words coming out cracked. Her hands still seem to be shaking.
“What part of ‘don’t say anything’ did you fail to grasp, Twinkie?” Faith shoots back at her, becoming increasingly aware of the pain on the side of her face. If she has a huge bruise in the morning she’s throwing down with this bitch, Slayer or not.
Reality has yet to hit Faith about what’s really going on. Imminent death, yeah, she gets that. She get’s everything that has to do with herself. But she’s refusing to see what has already happened to other people around her. She doesn’t want to think about it, she doesn’t want to feel. Faith doesn’t want to feel for her. Maybe it’s selfish, but she is far past the point of caring. She’s fuckin’ terrified, okay? Yeah, she’ll admit it to herself. Faith’s terrified for herself and she’s terrified for her friends. She just can’t think about what someone else is going through cause it’s just going to make the reality so much worse.
Denial. Faith’s almost as good at it as Buffy is. Faith denied acknowledging the fact that Buffy was the Slayer even though she feels like it was in front of her the whole time. If she can’t handle it then she just won’t deal with it, plain and simple. What she can handle? Anger. Oh, anger she can handle just fine…
Buffy shoots her an indignant look at the bitchy attitude and Giles clears his throat. “Enough, both of you, please,” he says before sliding a book Faith’s way. “We need to find out what we can about the Zan’Hurrak as quickly as possible. Faith, I’ve filled in Xander and Willow already, they arrived not long after you… left,” he says the last word with distaste. She knows he’s still pissed, but like she’s the poster girl for controlling her emotions. She really should get a gold fuckin’ star and a scratch n’ sniff sticker for coming back this soon, seriously; pat on the back for her, damnit, since no one else seems really inclined.
“If the Council can’t find this shit, how are we gonna?” Faith asks. Not to be a damper on their parade or anything, but just cause it’s a valid question.
“Faith,” Giles says her name like he’s sick of explaining this to her, “Like I told you once before, these are not regular library books. What you have in front of you is a book that is hundreds of years old. While yes, there are translations of that book across the world, it is still one of very, very few.” Faith cocks an eyebrow at the word ‘translation’ and Giles assures her, “You have the English one. But some of these books are some of the last in existence and are volumes that the Council does not possess. Some of these are even from my own collection. We may find what we are looking for here and we may not, but we will not find anything if we don’t try.”
“Yeah, got it,” Faith mumbles. She hates when he gets all annoyed at her. She had a damn valid reason for storming out, shit. She got fuckin’ thrown into a wall, told she was basically gonna die, and that the girl she couldn’t stand had everything she wanted and a bag of peanuts. Why can’t she just get credit that she came back?
She knows why, but she won’t think about it. She can’t think about it. Thinking about it makes it real. That’s another reason why she keeps avoiding everyone’s look of disapproval at her snapping at Buffy.
The Library falls silent after that and nothing can be heard but the turning of pages. After about ten minutes Willow slips her a note that asks, ‘After this we can go back to yours and talk, right?’ Faith just nods to her. She knows both of them probably haven’t been able to say word one about Buffy suddenly being the super hero since they got there. Giles probably didn’t give them much time to react, though not like there was much time at all to do anything anymore, it seemed.
The air in the room is heavy. Shock mixed with determination and desperation. Everyone’s trying to concentrate but not being able to really think. Faith’s thoughts are going so fast through her head that she barely has time to process them. She’s trying to push everything else out and just tries to focus on her anger. She’s pretty sure her anger is the only reason she’s survived as long as she had, so it’s a good enough plan to fall back on.
“Ah ha!” Xander bursts out after another long stretch of silence. Everyone looks at him and then he scrunches up his face, confused. “No wait, no ah ha. Nevermind.”
Faith sighs and slumps lower in her chair, trying to look at the words on the page in front of her but they seem to just be blurring together. Her eyes flicker up to land on Buffy, who’s sitting across from her looking like she can’t concentrate on the words in front of her either. She’s leaning on one of her hands, staring down at the book in front of her as she slides her slightly trembling fingers slowly through her blonde hair. Faith doesn’t realize she’s staring until Buffy looks up at her, which makes Faith glare at her before dropping her gaze back to the page in front of her.
Bitch.
That weird feeling that she gets when she’s around Buffy just intensifies and she really wishes she knew what the hell it was. Maybe it really was a potential Slayer thing; like all the Slayers and Slayers-To-Be get butterflies in their stomach when another one of their kind is around. Maybe she’ll ask Giles about it later when he’s not actively being disappointed with her. It’s weird though, she’s never gotten anything like that with anyone else. Comes sort of between the realm of nerves and the tingles you get from sexual anticipation. It feels good, but that’s the problem. She doesn’t want to get the warm fuzzies when she’s around Buffy. She hates her. She’s trying really fuckin’ hard to not let anything change that.
Faith gets the feeling someone’s watching her so she looks up and meets Buffy’s eyes again. She doesn’t look down though; she doesn’t seem embarrassed about being caught. Instead she mouths a silent, “I’m sorry,” fucking again. Seriously though, what is this girl’s issue? Why the hell does she have to go and apologize every time something goes south between them? It ain’t like she’s gonna win any kind of award for it and it ain’t like she’s looking for a new friend in Faith. Right? Cause just… no. And it’s making her feel weird. Almost guilty. She doesn’t like that feeling… at all. Reality isn’t allowed to bleed through right now.
Girls like them ain’t meant to get along. Period. Cut from different clothes or whatever. She doesn’t get why Buffy has to turn around and be so freaking nice. It’s frustrating, especially right now. Especially after everything. Can’t they just stick to being rude to each other? She knows Buffy doesn’t like her, that much is clear. So why the hell is she trying? Does she get charity work credit for this shit? Fuck that. She just needs to leave her alone cause Faith isn’t ready to feel yet. She isn’t ready to see that Buffy’s a… person.
A person that’s in so much pain right now that she can barely contain it inside of her.
But Faith refuses to see that. She turns a blind eye and focuses back on the book in front of her. All there is inside of her is anger, that’s what Faith tries to focus on. Anger. She’s not a person; she’s a Slayer. She should be equipped to deal with this type of thing. Half demon, right? But Buffy looks all mortal right now, in more ways than one. That’s the problem.
But even though she’s holding onto the anger, Faith ain’t about to start another fight, at least not when Giles is still all pissy. So instead she just shrugs a little and puts up her hands to tell her it’s cool, for now. When she sees the damage to her face it might not be, but they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it. Right now they gotta stick to the books and find out more about who the hell wants to chop them up into little pieces and make a Slayer pie.
“Wait!” Willow exclaims, making almost all of them jump out of their skin as her voice pierces the silence of the room.
“What is it, Willow?” Giles asks.
“Here, I-I think I found something,” Willow says, looking really pleased with herself through her nervousness. “It’s a diary entry written by a Watcher from the 16th century. Look,” she says, sliding the book, or apparently diary, over to Giles who picks it up and adjusts his glasses on his nose before reading outloud.
“I do not believe I will live though the night, hence I will write this hurriedly and hold onto the hope that this will never be discovered by those whom wish me harm. None whom acquired knowledge of them have lived to breathe a word of their existence, but I must try. I do not know what name they call themselves; all I know is this: they feel themselves connected to the Slayer line, perhaps even behind controlling it. They carry out the orders to pave the way for the new world, for the destiny of two-” Giles stops, apparently where the passage ends.
“Guessing our boy got interrupted,” Faith says, just to fill the silence of the room.
“That is the last entry,” Giles affirms. He takes off his glasses and begins cleaning them thoroughly. Faith knows that means he’s freaking out a bit. “If… by some chance this man spoke the truth, then this has been going on for centuries now. I’m inclined to believe that they are trying to carry out a prophecy, though it’s quite disconcerting that not many have known about their existence and lived to speak about it.”
“Wait,” Buffy says, sitting up now, most of the tremble gone from her voice now. She’s trying to be stronger and Faith tries like hell not to notice. Faith’s eyes do flicker up to look at the Slayer though as she speaks, “If… If no one knew about them, then how does the Council know their name?”
“Good point,” Xander says, pointing at Buffy and then to Giles with an expectant look.
She does have a good point, but Faith doesn’t stress it, she just looks at Giles. Giles puts his glasses back on his nose before answering, “I said not many. The Council has one passage on them that only describes them as manipulators of fate. It says they are classified as neutral, but under the current situation they have been referred to as a threat. Though,” Giles says, thoughtful for a moment. “You may be on to something, Buffy. All of the Council has been warned about them, been told their name, and yet there are far less deaths than one would presume if this entry is true.”
“S-So what does that mean?” Willow stutters, a little freaked out about being in the know about something that could get them all killed. She’s not the only one. Xander still looks a bit green, but every single one of them is trying to deal with this as well as can be expected.
“It may mean the prophecy of the New Age is coming to pass right at this very moment. That the Slayer it entails is in fact the current Slayer.”
All eyes turn to Buffy, whose own eyes go wide in fear.
“Me? Why me? I don’t want to be Prophecy Girl!”
“Would you rather be Dead Girl?” Faith asks with a snap of annoyance. Buffy seems to think about that, but not very hard. She shakes her head and then slumps further into her chair, looking defeated. Oh my god, the bitch is pouting.
The fate of the world rests on the shoulders of a pouter. They’re all fuckin’ doomed.
Faith narrows her eyes, her line of sight never leaving the blonde. She slouches in her chair before kicking her feet up on the table. That lasts all of about five seconds before Giles pushes them off without even a glance at her. But Faith doesn’t even spare a glance Giles’ way either; she’s still staring at Buffy who doesn’t seem to be handling anything as well as Faith would expect from a Slayer.
Don’t they get bravery in with that package of kung fu and crazy ass strength?
Looking at her though, that clearly isn’t true. Buffy just looks as much like a scared girl as Faith feels herself. They’re both trying to be strong though; trying to deal. The façade is faltering though; falling apart in front of each other as their eyes finally meet again. Faith can’t bring herself to glare, she can’t even sneer. She just looks at her, looks at all of her… and can’t deal with it. She looks down again. She doesn’t want to recognize the pain behind the older girl’s eyes.
Anger. Anger. She has to remember that.
“They keep killing off her Watchers though,” Xander says. Buffy immediately stiffens, the fear back on her face. Faith doesn’t look at her. She can’t watch her react to that.
“Yes, which is what troubles me the most; if one is to assume, they have been controlling the way the Slayer line is passed down, it in essence would mean they would be eliminating the Slayer at the correct moment in their timeline. The fact that they have been eliminating your Watchers,” he’s speaking to Buffy now, “also fits the theory that you are what they have been waiting for. They seem to be guiding you to a place in your life. It may be isolation and it may be something else, I do not know.”
“So we’re still on the hit list but B here seems to be off the hook?” Faith asks spitefully, shooting a scornful look at Buffy who at least has the decency not to meet her eye. Anger. She’s doing anger. She hates that she has to constantly remind herself to do it though.
She also hates that every single time she does it everyone looks at her like she’s being the biggest bitch from hell. But they just don’t understand. Hell, Faith barely even understands. But she knows she has to. She knows it’s easier.
If there was one thing she learned in her life, it was to protect herself above everyone else. In the end, everyone’s always lookin’ out for numero uno anyway.
Buffy can protect herself any way she wants to and Faith will do the same.
“To be on the safe side I think we should all assume that every one of us are still in danger, Buffy included, even after-,” Giles starts, but notices the look on Buffy’s face so he falls silent. “Willow,” he says, addressing the red head, changing the subject. “Would you assist me with preparing a protection spell of sorts? It is not a guarantee safety net, but it should do the trick for a little while. It’s more like a cloaking spell; hiding us from those who wish to do us harm.”
“Sure!” Willow exclaims, excited to be doing some real magic for once instead of just studying.
Buffy raises her hand cautiously, “Is that going to affect my slaying? Like… can I beat up on unsuspecting vampires and they won’t be able to see me?” She sounds hopefully, but only feebly so. Hell, Faith would be too if she was her. Sounds… a heck of a lot fuckin’ safer.
“Unfortunately no, once you make your presence known to any danger, they will be able to tell you are there. That goes for all of us. The spell will only cloak us for as long as we do not engage our opponents directly. Be cautious that the Zan’Hurrak may also already have an effective method against such obstacles as well, so we all must be on guard,” Giles tells them as he gathers up his books. “Xander, could you assist Willow and me by going out and gathering some ingredients while we prepare?”
“I’m on it, just tell me where you need me,” Xander says, getting up.
“Excellent. Let me write down a list of what we’ll need, Willow and I will start preparing in my office.” He looks up then at both Buffy and Faith. “Oh, and Buffy? Would you please assist Faith in her training?”
“What?” Buffy asks, surprised.
”What?” Faith asks, annoyed. She needed to get out of here if she wasn’t needed for the spell. She just needed to… get away. Probably go get really fuckin’ drunk, even though that’s probably the shittiest plan in existence. Also not the healthiest way to deal with… well, anything. Everything.
“Yes, she seems to have some trouble with blocking when the attacks come from behind. I know Merrick has taught you exceptionally well these past few weeks, though do not make the mistake - I will be enhancing his training after we get through with this spell. Just remember to pull your punches; I’d rather not see Faith look like a swollen blueberry.”
A swollen blueberry? Fuck, fine, go on and shoot her pride down just a bit fuckin’ further. That’s cool. Like she really needs that right now.
“Nah G, I don’t need-” Faith starts, but is interrupted.
“Yes, Faith, you do. Now is not the time for your petty quarrels with each other. In fact, I need you to start practicing self control over your anger issues and this is a good enough exercise to start. That is what weakens you the most. It causes you to overestimate your own abilities and underestimate your opponent’s. I hope you will learn to overcome that quickly,” Giles tells her in that way that makes her feel like she has no choice. Damnit. Fuck, fine. Why not get her ass handed to her by the one person she’s trying like hell to get away from? Just peachy.
Buffy gets up though, looking hesitantly at Giles. Giles gives her a small smile of encouragement and comes over to her, telling her something softly in her ear. He puts a comforting hand on Buffy’s shoulder and the blonde nods slowly, that urge to be strong coming back, all while Faith’s eyes are shooting daggers in their direction because of the simple gesture. Buffy looks over at Faith before Giles walks away from her and into his office.
Buffy’s trying to be okay with this. With everything. But Faith isn’t. She can’t.
Willow and Xander follow after Giles and Buffy and Faith are left alone for a minute, just staring at each other. Buffy looks a bit uncomfortable with the situation as well and she coughs a little, maybe just to clear the air. “Well, I guess we should…” Buffy starts, still looking hesitant.
“Whatever,” Faith says in a huff as she gets up quickly, the chair scratching on the floor a little. She turns and makes her way into the locked closet, finding the key hidden behind some old books and opens it. She walks in, grabs the blue mats and throws them out onto the floor.
This is gonna suck.
GO TO PART FIVE
Author: Sapphire Smoke cuzimastripper
Beta: supershineygirl
Fandom: Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Rating: R (for now)
Pairing(s): Buffy/Faith
Word Length Thus Far: 32,806 words
Timeline: *** AU *** Welcome to me screwing with canon for my own pleasure. Buffy and Faith aren't slayers (yet), Buffy grew up in Sunnydale all her life and is the picture of popularity. Faith moved to Sunnydale eight months ago with her mother and is befriended by only Willow and Xander. I take liberties with canon events and facts and twist them to mold to my needs, you'll learn to either love or hate me for it, I'm sure.
Summary: All her life, Faith struggled with being a nobody. Then suddenly she's hit with the revelation that she's a potential Slayer, and that she and another girl that she's always despised are just pawns in the game of destiny, fate, and maybe even the end of the world...
A/N: Hold onto your hats, boys and girls. This will be one LONG ride...
Other Parts: PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE
A/N: This chapter has a trigger warning for mentions of (non graphic) rape. It’s emotional though and therefore I figure it could be triggering to some. But there is still stuff in this chapter you need to read, so if you prefer to skip the part about the rape it’ll be between [trigger warning] and [/trigger warning]. Just keeping things on the safe side.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Secrets That Destroy Us
Faith’s hangover wasn’t as obnoxious as she expected it to be.
After dragging her ass out of bed, taking a shower, and poppin’ a couple aspirin, she looks at the clock. About time for her mother’s daily dose. She sighs, not even bothering to wish that her life were different since it would be pretty damn pointless, and grabs her mother’s drugs. Her life just is what it is; ain’t no use whining over it anymore. Turing sixteen should have made her feel like a whole other world of possibilities was now open for her, but she couldn’t get past the nagging voice in her head that kept telling her that her opportunity to become the next Slayer has come and gone.
It was Saturday, so she didn’t have school. Giles did want her to go in and train some more, but not until later.
Faith makes her way into Caroline’s room and she smiles up at her daughter, but then frowns as she takes in her appearance. “Oh honey, you look like shit.”
“Thanks,” Faith says dryly and hands her mother her bag of shit before flopping down on the bed. Her mother doesn’t do it right away though; instead she puts it on the side table and looks at her daughter in almost pity or maybe it’s understanding.
“Party too hard last night?” Caroline asks as she runs her fingers through Faith’s wet hair. If there was one person who knew about partying too hard, it’d be her mother.
“Something like that,” Faith says, trying to ignore the bruises she has on her because of Buffy’s rough behavior last night. Bitch can apparently throw down. Faith didn’t really remember much besides Buffy suddenly comin’ out of her shell and sticking up for herself. Well, that and apparently how hot it made her. It kind of disgusts her to think about. She’s got way too many damn issues.
Caroline leans over and grabs a comb from off the table and situates herself behind Faith as she starts combing her hair. Faith ain’t really into the whole coddling thing, but she’s too hung over to argue right now.
“So tell me what happened, did you have a nice birthday? It was sweet of your friends to take you out,” Caroline says as she runs the comb through her daughter’s dark locks.
“Yeah, fun as fuck, till the bitch from hell showed up,” Faith mumbles. She knew she shouldn’t have said anything after the comb stopped halfway down her hair.
“The bitch from hell, huh? Tell me about her.”
“It ain’t nothin’, Mum. Just some bitch whose head I’d like to kick in though a damn door,” Faith says flatly, but her mother chuckles, finding amusement in that. Faith narrows her eyes, “What?”
“Nothing, Fai,” Caroline says, running the comb through her hair again. Faith can feel the water droplets drip down her back, getting lost beneath her tank top. “Does this bitch have a name?” Faith knows her mother’s just trying to bond and all that crap and while bonding over Buffy isn’t exactly what she wants to do, she does want to talk to her. Just because she never really gets to anymore.
“Buffy,” Faith says quietly.
“Buffy, huh?” Caroline asks idly, except Faith can tell she means something more by it. She finds out what it when her mother goes on, “I’ve heard you talk about her in your sleep.”
“What? I don’t talk in my sleep, Mum.”
Caroline laughs a little, “You’ve always talked in your sleep. I went in and checked on your last night, you kept mumbling her name.” Faith just glares at the wall, not knowing if she’s right. She knows Buffy has shown up in her dreams a couple times, but she can never really remember them. She just knows she was there. Caroline continues though, “You must really hate her if you dream about her.”
That makes Faith turn around to face her, eyes accusing. “What are you doing? What’s with the tone?”
“What tone?”
“That tone you’re givin’ me now, like you don’t believe me or somethin’.”
“I didn’t say that,” Caroline avoids, but she has this little smile that’s aggravating Faith, and she can tell. She sighs a little and touches her cheek comfortingly, “Fai, sometimes you’re so grown up that I forget that you’re still so much a child.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Caroline gives her another smile, a more comforting one, as she lets her hand fall from her cheek. “I think you like this girl,” she tells her, knowing that one isn’t going to go over well.
“What? Mum, I’m not fuckin’ five. I don’t pull her pigtails on the playground so we can go play a little game of ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours’ later,” Faith snaps, annoyed. She might not be an adult yet, but she ain’t a stupid kid who teases the girl she likes cause she wants to kiss her. What the hell is that? Seriously? Buffy may be pretty, but she ain’t all that. Faith’s had hotter.
[trigger warning]
“Faith,” her mother says, her tone disapproving. “You know I don’t like when you talk about sex, especially after-”
“Don’t start on that,” Faith warns her eyes flashing. That was one thing she never, ever wanted to remember. In her mind, that fuckin’ day doesn’t even exist. But Caroline is looking at her sadly. She tries to wrap Faith up in her arms but Faith pushes her away.
“You have to acknowledge it happened, just like I did,” Caroline tells her, her voice coming out shaky from the emotion behind it. All the love… and all the protection she failed to give her. Faith sets her jaw and looks away from her.
“I didn’t happen.”
“Fai, what you’re father did…”
“HE’S NOT MY FATHER!” Faith screams, standing up, all the fury and all the emotion making camp in her chest and threatening to claw its way back out of her. She’s breathing heavily, her hands clasped into fists at her side. She can feel her nails start to dig in, start to pierce the skin, but it only makes her do it harder.
Her father… her father was nothing. A sick fucking bastard who four years ago allowed his daughter to get violated as payment since he didn’t have the money. Sat there and fuckin’ watched as her world and her body got torn apart. He is nothing, he is nobody. And she never, ever wanted to remember that day. It doesn’t exist.
“Okay, okay sweetie, hey…” Caroline says, getting up, trying to calm her daughter who looks on the verge of tearing the room and herself apart. “I’m sorry, we won’t talk about this now, you’re not ready. I’m sorry…”
“That day doesn’t exist,” Faith says, her voice coming out strangled and detached. She was breaking, she could feel it. It’s like something sick crawled inside her and died, trying to take her with it. She could feel his hands again all over her, could smell his sour breath and hear his grunts of pleasure as he violated a child. It was eating at her all over again and she could feel the pain force its way up her throat.
The pain turns out to be vomit though, and she bends over and hurls onto the carpet, the acids burning her throat and bringing tears to her eyes. She chokes and sputters, seeing some blood mixed in with her bile on the carpet. Would’ve helped if she had anything in her stomach other than day old booze.
Caroline is by her side in a second but Faith pushes her away. “Don’t,” her voice comes out strangled and hoarse. “Just leave me alone,” she tells her, all the hurt, anger, and disgust flowing through her words. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and leaves her mother’s room; leaving her to clean up the mess she started. She slams the door behind her and makes her way into the bathroom, turning on the sink before rinsing her mouth out.
Faith knows why her mother pushes her to talk about it. She’s all about ‘talking is how you heal’, or some shit. She can’t afford her to bring her to a therapist, so does this about twice a year, just trying to let Faith work through it. But she never wants to work through it. Working through it means she has to accept it happened to her and she just ain’t fucking ready to do that. It’s too messed up and yeah, maybe her whole life is pretty damn messed up but that’s one thing she can’t accept.
She tries not to blame her mother for it. It ain’t her fault it happened. After she tried to stop it she got thrown into a wall and was unconscious for longer than it took the bastard to finish, which felt like forever. But maybe somewhere deep inside she does blame her mother, cause it ain’t like her getting beat was anything new. Wasn’t like how completely fucked off her father was, was anything new. Faith doesn’t even remember when they were happy, but her mother tells her that they were once. But it took her years and years of getting beat down, of Faith being beat down, Faith getting violated for her to finally get the balls to run.
And it wasn’t even cause of that that they ran. It took the fuckin’ place being shot up cause her father pissed off the wrong gang or something. Scared of bullets but ain’t scared of getting a beat down every damn day. Whatever. Yeah, she resents her mother for it a little, but she’s all Faith’s got now. Caroline tried to protect her when she could, but it just wasn’t enough. Never is. She loves her cause she tried, but hates her cause she failed.
Sometimes Faith wonders what it’d be like if she had a normal family; if she had a house and a dog and maybe a little brother or sister, just something normal. Family dinners and all that shit that she’d see on TV. But she always stops wondering cause there ain’t no point in holding onto something that’ll never happen. That ship has sailed and she was on the wrong fuckin’ boat.
Faith knows this is why she gets how she does. Angry; needing to be in control no matter what the cost. She’s never been big on psychology but she can see what it all did to her. She knows what the rape did to her too, even though she doesn’t like to think about it. But being a lesbian; a lesbian slut no less… it’s clear as fuckin’ day why that happened.
She doesn’t have any trust in men and really doesn’t ever want to. Xander’s different; he’s like one of the girls. His cherry still ain’t popped so he ain’t become a monster yet. Faith’s not sure he’d ever really become a monster, but it’s not like she’s looking to start her first mutual sexual encounter with a man with him. He’s a friend, but that’s it. She’s not lookin’ to expand into new territory anyway.
The shit that went down she knows subconsciously made her feel like that’s all she’s worth. She knows it ain’t true, that yeah, she’s gotta be worth something, but sometimes an imprint like that is hard to shake. That’s why she fucks around. Gets some and gets gone. It’s all about give and take and nothing in between. Faith doubts there will ever be anything in between. It’s what people wants from her so why the hell not just give it to them?
Maybe a part of her thinks that a girl like her doesn’t deserve more. That love and happiness and all that crap are reserved for normal people; people who don’t have a bastard father, a drug addict mother, and more baggage than she can ever carry herself. Who would want to deal with that? She doesn’t even want to deal with that.
Maybe that’s why Faith needed the slaying. Why she needed to be Chosen. Just to feel like someone or something out there actually gives a shit and thinks she’s worth more than this shell of a person she’s become. She knows she’s strong; she’s strong as all hell for what she’s been through and how she deals with it. She’s still going to school, still trying to do some right by herself. She’s trying to live even though half the time it seems pretty fuckin’ pointless. But no matter how strong she is she always feels so damn weak.
But she gets by; she survives. She has to now. Her life might not seem like much, but it’s a whole lot better than how it was. Compared to before, this shit’s like Disney Land. She’s moved up, she’s moved on, and she’s trying. Trying to give her and her mother more than what they had, even if it’s only by a little. But they got freedom now, freedom from him and his fucked up life, and that’s gotta be the best thing out of it all.
Besides, there’s no use torturing herself about the past. She was already tortured enough when she was in it.
[/trigger warning]
* * *
A week went by and Faith continued to train with Giles, work on her schoolwork, and stay clear from anything that would heavily piss her off - like Cordelia and Buffy - who were now seemingly separated, which made it harder. When they roamed in packs it was easy to stay clear, but now that Cordelia had decided that Buffy was uncool, the blonde had taken to being by herself most of the time. It’s not like Faith is avoiding a confrontation, no, she lives for that shit, but right now she’s trying to give herself a break from all the drama. She’s falling behind in her classes and that was one thing that was actually important to her, so she stopped with all the bullshit for awhile. She couldn’t concentrate when she was pissed off and around both of them she was pissed off a lot.
Avoidance didn’t last long, of course. Though through no fault of her own.
Faith strolled into the library one day only to stop short by the sight of Buffy, eyes red and puffy from crying, talking to Giles as her hands were shaking. She looked a wreck; scared and upset beyond words. Faith felt her mouth go dry and she wasn’t able to be cruel only because she’d never seen anyone look more devastated in her entire life.
“Ah, Faith,” Giles says, noticing her in the doorway. He has a pained expression on his face, almost as much as how nervous he’s clearly become. Faith seems rooted to the spot, not knowing what the hell was going on. “Faith… meet Buffy; the Slayer.”
Faith’s eyes go wide and she feels like she’s been punched in the gut. She takes a step back, her eyes connecting with Buffy’s. She reaches out to the desk to steady herself, her brain going faster than she can comprehend. She can barely think, let alone make out words right now besides:
“…What?” It’s quiet, so quiet she doesn’t even think she said it at all.
“Faith, Buffy is going to be… under my care for a little while. Merrick…” but he couldn’t finish, the pain washes over his face again in waves and Faith can’t even fuckin’ breathe. She knows what he’s going to say anyway; Merrick was dead. Buffy started crying harder, upset that she couldn’t protect him.
Buffy Summers. Buffy two-faced closet-case Summers is the Slayer? It didn’t make sense, and she almost laughs at just how absurd it is, but she can’t make her mouth move. Buffy couldn’t be the Slayer, she’s all pink and girly and-Faith’s mind flashes to when Buffy pinned her up against the wall. She was strong. Too damn strong. It wasn’t the liquor that impaired Faith; it was that Buffy was just so much stronger than her.
She can’t breathe. Life just bitch slapped her across the face.
“You will still be under my care, of course,” Giles goes on as he takes off his glasses, cleaning them. His hands were shaking and she can detect the slight tremor in his voice. “But I will be training you both… and Faith, it is absolutely vital that we train you and that you help us learn more about the Zan’Hurrak so that Buffy has a fighting chance to survive.”
So that Giles has a chance to survive too. They’ve been picking off her Watchers one by one. And Giles… Giles was…
It infuriates Faith. She has never felt so much hated in her life until that very moment. Buffy fucking Summers is the Slayer, and Buffy just painted a big red target on both of their backs. “You…” Faith says slowly, her eyes dangerous. She laughs a little, she can’t help it. “Are you shitting me?!”
“Faith…” Giles tries.
“No, G! What the fuck? You told me you didn’t want me involved, I don’t want to be fucking involved! Let B handle this shit on her own, she’s gonna fuckin’ get us all killed if she sticks around here!”
“She is the Slayer and you will respect her,” Giles says firmly. “And me, for that matter. This is your duty, Faith, as well as it is mine. We are both involved whether we like it or not and you must be prepared for what it about to rain down on all of us.”
“Fuck this,” Faith responds, still too much in disbelief at all of this. Buffy?!? She turns to walk away, but another voice says her name; calling her back. Buffy. She sounded so broken; so distant.
Faith whips around and stars advancing on her, “No! No you don’t just come in here and take everything away from me! You don’t fuckin’ come in here and make me and Giles next on some demon clan’s hit list! Who the fuck do you think you are?!”
“Get out of my face,” Buffy warns her, the effect of recent events making her voice choke from sobbing. But her eyes flash at her, making Faith aware of the danger. That she was not to be fucked with, especially not right now. But Faith doesn’t move; she’s right up in her face. She’s not backing down. No one, not even the fuckin’ Slayer is about to fuck up her life. It’s Buffy’s destiny, not her’s. And yeah, Faith really hates the bitch in front of her for that too.
Go figure right? Of all of the people in this school, of course it’s gotta be the one she despises the most.
“Girls, please,” Giles says, apparently now realizing the two of them have spotty history with each other. Making them work together was going to be a task in itself.
“Make me,” Faith spits out at her. Buffy stands up then, the chair she was in clanging against the tile as it falls to the ground. Faith backs up instinctively, knowing she should have done so in the first place. She can smell the power radiating off of Buffy and it makes her furious, but it doesn’t make her completely stupid. Buffy looks almost detached from reality, but also like her only anchor to keep her grounded is Faith and the anger she’s causing within her. Faith barely notices though; to wrapped up in herself.
“Do you think I want this?!” Buffy screams at her, and now she’s the one advancing on Faith. “If I could give this stupid destiny to you I’d do it without a second thought! I don’t want to be the Slayer! It’s my fault everyone’s dying!”
“Got that right B. That is your fault,” Faith snarls at her, but backs up just as much as Buffy’s coming towards her. She has fear in her, but it doesn’t show in her voice. “And I ain’t dying for you.”
“I don’t want you to! I don’t want anyone to!”
“Got a funny fuckin’ way of showing it.”
That was obviously one step too far as suddenly Buffy’s fist collides with Faith, the force lifting her off the ground before she crashes into a bookshelf, books falling down around her. She groans in pain, feeling like she just got hit by a fuckin’ truck.
“Buffy! Faith!” Giles yells, furious. “Stop this right now! We do not have time for your childish quarrels. We are all in danger!” He runs over to Faith and holds out his hand to help her up, but Faith slaps it out of the way before picking herself up off the ground, wincing at how badly that hurt.
Her ego just keeps getting beat down by this bitch, let alone her body.
She fucking hates her. Faith’s eyes connect with Buffy’s and she can feel nothing but rage. She already had everything and she had to go and take the one thing Faith wanted. She had to come in and turn her life upside down and now in a couple weeks she’ll probably be six feet under because of this stupid bitch. This is not what she wanted!
“Fuck you. Fuck all of you,” Faith says, her voice hard as she starts to walk away. Giles calls back to her but she doesn’t listen, she just keeps right on walking. Once she’s out of the school she takes off running down the street, just needing to get away. She ran for miles and miles, just trying to make her chest stop feeling like it’s ripping in half.
Buffy Summers is the Slayer… and Faith wants to destroy her for that.
A/N: This chapter ended up being WAY too long so I split it into two parts. So here's part one.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Breaking Apart: Part One
Storming out dramatically didn’t work out exactly the way Faith had planned. Mainly because usually when someone storms out, the whole point would be to not come back. To show the fuckin’ world you’re pissed and that everyone can just fuck the hell off and die for all you give a shit.
Faith came back though, probably because the dying part was a bit too real now.
She gets responsibly, she gets destiny. She’s not completely dense and she’s not completely selfish either. But it hurts. Everything fuckin’ hurts inside and she’s freaked out to realize it’s because she’s terrified. Not like she’ll admit it. No, she’ll never say anything like that out loud. But she is. She’s got this big red target on her back now that screams, “Take your best shot, big guy!” It ain’t something she’s exactly had to deal with before… and she’s dealt with a lot.
She’s pissed because Buffy’s the Slayer but she’s even more pissed because the bitch just brought hell to rain down on Giles’ and her friend’s heads, let alone her own.
She just doesn’t know how to handle it. Doesn’t know how to handle her. Buffy.
There’s something about Buffy Summers that bugs the hell out of her. It’s like this feeling in the pit of her stomach that’s drawing her in at the same time that her mind warns Faith that Buffy’s not good for her; screaming at her to stay the hell away. Maybe that’s because of the Slayer thing, maybe that’s just because of her. She’s always felt weird around Buffy, though not enough to really notice it before. But lately it’s like it’s pokin’ its head out and letting her know that something’s wrong and she’s trying like hell to ignore it but she just can’t.
For real though, on her top ten things to do this week, dying ain’t one of them. That’s why she came back.
When she strides through the Library doors she’s greeted by the sight of Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Giles all sitting around the table with books laid out around them. They all look up at her, Xander and Willow looking relieved, Giles still looking angry with her for storming out, and Buffy still looking shaken up.
“No one say anything,” Faith warns as she comes over and flops down into a seat. She meets every single questioning and surprised glance that’s thrown her way with dangerous eyes. She’s not talking about why she’s back. She just is; end of story.
There’s a silence that stretches on for what seems like forever before Buffy speaks. “I’m sorry I hit you,” she says softly, her words coming out cracked. Her hands still seem to be shaking.
“What part of ‘don’t say anything’ did you fail to grasp, Twinkie?” Faith shoots back at her, becoming increasingly aware of the pain on the side of her face. If she has a huge bruise in the morning she’s throwing down with this bitch, Slayer or not.
Reality has yet to hit Faith about what’s really going on. Imminent death, yeah, she gets that. She get’s everything that has to do with herself. But she’s refusing to see what has already happened to other people around her. She doesn’t want to think about it, she doesn’t want to feel. Faith doesn’t want to feel for her. Maybe it’s selfish, but she is far past the point of caring. She’s fuckin’ terrified, okay? Yeah, she’ll admit it to herself. Faith’s terrified for herself and she’s terrified for her friends. She just can’t think about what someone else is going through cause it’s just going to make the reality so much worse.
Denial. Faith’s almost as good at it as Buffy is. Faith denied acknowledging the fact that Buffy was the Slayer even though she feels like it was in front of her the whole time. If she can’t handle it then she just won’t deal with it, plain and simple. What she can handle? Anger. Oh, anger she can handle just fine…
Buffy shoots her an indignant look at the bitchy attitude and Giles clears his throat. “Enough, both of you, please,” he says before sliding a book Faith’s way. “We need to find out what we can about the Zan’Hurrak as quickly as possible. Faith, I’ve filled in Xander and Willow already, they arrived not long after you… left,” he says the last word with distaste. She knows he’s still pissed, but like she’s the poster girl for controlling her emotions. She really should get a gold fuckin’ star and a scratch n’ sniff sticker for coming back this soon, seriously; pat on the back for her, damnit, since no one else seems really inclined.
“If the Council can’t find this shit, how are we gonna?” Faith asks. Not to be a damper on their parade or anything, but just cause it’s a valid question.
“Faith,” Giles says her name like he’s sick of explaining this to her, “Like I told you once before, these are not regular library books. What you have in front of you is a book that is hundreds of years old. While yes, there are translations of that book across the world, it is still one of very, very few.” Faith cocks an eyebrow at the word ‘translation’ and Giles assures her, “You have the English one. But some of these books are some of the last in existence and are volumes that the Council does not possess. Some of these are even from my own collection. We may find what we are looking for here and we may not, but we will not find anything if we don’t try.”
“Yeah, got it,” Faith mumbles. She hates when he gets all annoyed at her. She had a damn valid reason for storming out, shit. She got fuckin’ thrown into a wall, told she was basically gonna die, and that the girl she couldn’t stand had everything she wanted and a bag of peanuts. Why can’t she just get credit that she came back?
She knows why, but she won’t think about it. She can’t think about it. Thinking about it makes it real. That’s another reason why she keeps avoiding everyone’s look of disapproval at her snapping at Buffy.
The Library falls silent after that and nothing can be heard but the turning of pages. After about ten minutes Willow slips her a note that asks, ‘After this we can go back to yours and talk, right?’ Faith just nods to her. She knows both of them probably haven’t been able to say word one about Buffy suddenly being the super hero since they got there. Giles probably didn’t give them much time to react, though not like there was much time at all to do anything anymore, it seemed.
The air in the room is heavy. Shock mixed with determination and desperation. Everyone’s trying to concentrate but not being able to really think. Faith’s thoughts are going so fast through her head that she barely has time to process them. She’s trying to push everything else out and just tries to focus on her anger. She’s pretty sure her anger is the only reason she’s survived as long as she had, so it’s a good enough plan to fall back on.
“Ah ha!” Xander bursts out after another long stretch of silence. Everyone looks at him and then he scrunches up his face, confused. “No wait, no ah ha. Nevermind.”
Faith sighs and slumps lower in her chair, trying to look at the words on the page in front of her but they seem to just be blurring together. Her eyes flicker up to land on Buffy, who’s sitting across from her looking like she can’t concentrate on the words in front of her either. She’s leaning on one of her hands, staring down at the book in front of her as she slides her slightly trembling fingers slowly through her blonde hair. Faith doesn’t realize she’s staring until Buffy looks up at her, which makes Faith glare at her before dropping her gaze back to the page in front of her.
Bitch.
That weird feeling that she gets when she’s around Buffy just intensifies and she really wishes she knew what the hell it was. Maybe it really was a potential Slayer thing; like all the Slayers and Slayers-To-Be get butterflies in their stomach when another one of their kind is around. Maybe she’ll ask Giles about it later when he’s not actively being disappointed with her. It’s weird though, she’s never gotten anything like that with anyone else. Comes sort of between the realm of nerves and the tingles you get from sexual anticipation. It feels good, but that’s the problem. She doesn’t want to get the warm fuzzies when she’s around Buffy. She hates her. She’s trying really fuckin’ hard to not let anything change that.
Faith gets the feeling someone’s watching her so she looks up and meets Buffy’s eyes again. She doesn’t look down though; she doesn’t seem embarrassed about being caught. Instead she mouths a silent, “I’m sorry,” fucking again. Seriously though, what is this girl’s issue? Why the hell does she have to go and apologize every time something goes south between them? It ain’t like she’s gonna win any kind of award for it and it ain’t like she’s looking for a new friend in Faith. Right? Cause just… no. And it’s making her feel weird. Almost guilty. She doesn’t like that feeling… at all. Reality isn’t allowed to bleed through right now.
Girls like them ain’t meant to get along. Period. Cut from different clothes or whatever. She doesn’t get why Buffy has to turn around and be so freaking nice. It’s frustrating, especially right now. Especially after everything. Can’t they just stick to being rude to each other? She knows Buffy doesn’t like her, that much is clear. So why the hell is she trying? Does she get charity work credit for this shit? Fuck that. She just needs to leave her alone cause Faith isn’t ready to feel yet. She isn’t ready to see that Buffy’s a… person.
A person that’s in so much pain right now that she can barely contain it inside of her.
But Faith refuses to see that. She turns a blind eye and focuses back on the book in front of her. All there is inside of her is anger, that’s what Faith tries to focus on. Anger. She’s not a person; she’s a Slayer. She should be equipped to deal with this type of thing. Half demon, right? But Buffy looks all mortal right now, in more ways than one. That’s the problem.
But even though she’s holding onto the anger, Faith ain’t about to start another fight, at least not when Giles is still all pissy. So instead she just shrugs a little and puts up her hands to tell her it’s cool, for now. When she sees the damage to her face it might not be, but they’ll cross that bridge when they come to it. Right now they gotta stick to the books and find out more about who the hell wants to chop them up into little pieces and make a Slayer pie.
“Wait!” Willow exclaims, making almost all of them jump out of their skin as her voice pierces the silence of the room.
“What is it, Willow?” Giles asks.
“Here, I-I think I found something,” Willow says, looking really pleased with herself through her nervousness. “It’s a diary entry written by a Watcher from the 16th century. Look,” she says, sliding the book, or apparently diary, over to Giles who picks it up and adjusts his glasses on his nose before reading outloud.
“I do not believe I will live though the night, hence I will write this hurriedly and hold onto the hope that this will never be discovered by those whom wish me harm. None whom acquired knowledge of them have lived to breathe a word of their existence, but I must try. I do not know what name they call themselves; all I know is this: they feel themselves connected to the Slayer line, perhaps even behind controlling it. They carry out the orders to pave the way for the new world, for the destiny of two-” Giles stops, apparently where the passage ends.
“Guessing our boy got interrupted,” Faith says, just to fill the silence of the room.
“That is the last entry,” Giles affirms. He takes off his glasses and begins cleaning them thoroughly. Faith knows that means he’s freaking out a bit. “If… by some chance this man spoke the truth, then this has been going on for centuries now. I’m inclined to believe that they are trying to carry out a prophecy, though it’s quite disconcerting that not many have known about their existence and lived to speak about it.”
“Wait,” Buffy says, sitting up now, most of the tremble gone from her voice now. She’s trying to be stronger and Faith tries like hell not to notice. Faith’s eyes do flicker up to look at the Slayer though as she speaks, “If… If no one knew about them, then how does the Council know their name?”
“Good point,” Xander says, pointing at Buffy and then to Giles with an expectant look.
She does have a good point, but Faith doesn’t stress it, she just looks at Giles. Giles puts his glasses back on his nose before answering, “I said not many. The Council has one passage on them that only describes them as manipulators of fate. It says they are classified as neutral, but under the current situation they have been referred to as a threat. Though,” Giles says, thoughtful for a moment. “You may be on to something, Buffy. All of the Council has been warned about them, been told their name, and yet there are far less deaths than one would presume if this entry is true.”
“S-So what does that mean?” Willow stutters, a little freaked out about being in the know about something that could get them all killed. She’s not the only one. Xander still looks a bit green, but every single one of them is trying to deal with this as well as can be expected.
“It may mean the prophecy of the New Age is coming to pass right at this very moment. That the Slayer it entails is in fact the current Slayer.”
All eyes turn to Buffy, whose own eyes go wide in fear.
“Me? Why me? I don’t want to be Prophecy Girl!”
“Would you rather be Dead Girl?” Faith asks with a snap of annoyance. Buffy seems to think about that, but not very hard. She shakes her head and then slumps further into her chair, looking defeated. Oh my god, the bitch is pouting.
The fate of the world rests on the shoulders of a pouter. They’re all fuckin’ doomed.
Faith narrows her eyes, her line of sight never leaving the blonde. She slouches in her chair before kicking her feet up on the table. That lasts all of about five seconds before Giles pushes them off without even a glance at her. But Faith doesn’t even spare a glance Giles’ way either; she’s still staring at Buffy who doesn’t seem to be handling anything as well as Faith would expect from a Slayer.
Don’t they get bravery in with that package of kung fu and crazy ass strength?
Looking at her though, that clearly isn’t true. Buffy just looks as much like a scared girl as Faith feels herself. They’re both trying to be strong though; trying to deal. The façade is faltering though; falling apart in front of each other as their eyes finally meet again. Faith can’t bring herself to glare, she can’t even sneer. She just looks at her, looks at all of her… and can’t deal with it. She looks down again. She doesn’t want to recognize the pain behind the older girl’s eyes.
Anger. Anger. She has to remember that.
“They keep killing off her Watchers though,” Xander says. Buffy immediately stiffens, the fear back on her face. Faith doesn’t look at her. She can’t watch her react to that.
“Yes, which is what troubles me the most; if one is to assume, they have been controlling the way the Slayer line is passed down, it in essence would mean they would be eliminating the Slayer at the correct moment in their timeline. The fact that they have been eliminating your Watchers,” he’s speaking to Buffy now, “also fits the theory that you are what they have been waiting for. They seem to be guiding you to a place in your life. It may be isolation and it may be something else, I do not know.”
“So we’re still on the hit list but B here seems to be off the hook?” Faith asks spitefully, shooting a scornful look at Buffy who at least has the decency not to meet her eye. Anger. She’s doing anger. She hates that she has to constantly remind herself to do it though.
She also hates that every single time she does it everyone looks at her like she’s being the biggest bitch from hell. But they just don’t understand. Hell, Faith barely even understands. But she knows she has to. She knows it’s easier.
If there was one thing she learned in her life, it was to protect herself above everyone else. In the end, everyone’s always lookin’ out for numero uno anyway.
Buffy can protect herself any way she wants to and Faith will do the same.
“To be on the safe side I think we should all assume that every one of us are still in danger, Buffy included, even after-,” Giles starts, but notices the look on Buffy’s face so he falls silent. “Willow,” he says, addressing the red head, changing the subject. “Would you assist me with preparing a protection spell of sorts? It is not a guarantee safety net, but it should do the trick for a little while. It’s more like a cloaking spell; hiding us from those who wish to do us harm.”
“Sure!” Willow exclaims, excited to be doing some real magic for once instead of just studying.
Buffy raises her hand cautiously, “Is that going to affect my slaying? Like… can I beat up on unsuspecting vampires and they won’t be able to see me?” She sounds hopefully, but only feebly so. Hell, Faith would be too if she was her. Sounds… a heck of a lot fuckin’ safer.
“Unfortunately no, once you make your presence known to any danger, they will be able to tell you are there. That goes for all of us. The spell will only cloak us for as long as we do not engage our opponents directly. Be cautious that the Zan’Hurrak may also already have an effective method against such obstacles as well, so we all must be on guard,” Giles tells them as he gathers up his books. “Xander, could you assist Willow and me by going out and gathering some ingredients while we prepare?”
“I’m on it, just tell me where you need me,” Xander says, getting up.
“Excellent. Let me write down a list of what we’ll need, Willow and I will start preparing in my office.” He looks up then at both Buffy and Faith. “Oh, and Buffy? Would you please assist Faith in her training?”
“What?” Buffy asks, surprised.
”What?” Faith asks, annoyed. She needed to get out of here if she wasn’t needed for the spell. She just needed to… get away. Probably go get really fuckin’ drunk, even though that’s probably the shittiest plan in existence. Also not the healthiest way to deal with… well, anything. Everything.
“Yes, she seems to have some trouble with blocking when the attacks come from behind. I know Merrick has taught you exceptionally well these past few weeks, though do not make the mistake - I will be enhancing his training after we get through with this spell. Just remember to pull your punches; I’d rather not see Faith look like a swollen blueberry.”
A swollen blueberry? Fuck, fine, go on and shoot her pride down just a bit fuckin’ further. That’s cool. Like she really needs that right now.
“Nah G, I don’t need-” Faith starts, but is interrupted.
“Yes, Faith, you do. Now is not the time for your petty quarrels with each other. In fact, I need you to start practicing self control over your anger issues and this is a good enough exercise to start. That is what weakens you the most. It causes you to overestimate your own abilities and underestimate your opponent’s. I hope you will learn to overcome that quickly,” Giles tells her in that way that makes her feel like she has no choice. Damnit. Fuck, fine. Why not get her ass handed to her by the one person she’s trying like hell to get away from? Just peachy.
Buffy gets up though, looking hesitantly at Giles. Giles gives her a small smile of encouragement and comes over to her, telling her something softly in her ear. He puts a comforting hand on Buffy’s shoulder and the blonde nods slowly, that urge to be strong coming back, all while Faith’s eyes are shooting daggers in their direction because of the simple gesture. Buffy looks over at Faith before Giles walks away from her and into his office.
Buffy’s trying to be okay with this. With everything. But Faith isn’t. She can’t.
Willow and Xander follow after Giles and Buffy and Faith are left alone for a minute, just staring at each other. Buffy looks a bit uncomfortable with the situation as well and she coughs a little, maybe just to clear the air. “Well, I guess we should…” Buffy starts, still looking hesitant.
“Whatever,” Faith says in a huff as she gets up quickly, the chair scratching on the floor a little. She turns and makes her way into the locked closet, finding the key hidden behind some old books and opens it. She walks in, grabs the blue mats and throws them out onto the floor.
This is gonna suck.
GO TO PART FIVE