in the customer restroom at work someone wrote on the wall, "hi there. we fucked in this bathroom 2/8/2011. it was great. hope you enjoyed your coffee. C/E".

family dinner with the handley's the other night yielded a mountain of kyle's baby pictures and some grainy VHS footage of him, age 8, singing, dancing and tearing off his shirt to seal's "kiss from a rose." he sheepishly explained that he was trying to emulate the video. weird that saturday marks one year of embarking on this relationship. that ( Read more... )

my sixteen year old self peed down my leg when i took conor oberst's order for a soy latte yesterday.

nickelback reserved some rooms at the hotel my friend works at. i know that pseudonyms are common for anyone who can boast even a mild celebrity, but middle aged men who choose to check in as HUGH JORGAN and HUGH G. RECTION? do you know how sick i feel inside realizing that in my enire life i will probably never amass the amount of money these ( Read more... )

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turning water into wine is miraculous, but today at work while i was ignoring a customer who scoffed at the vegan muffins and stammered that she was "a carnivore" (?) i was wondering what kind of wine. if you were given this ability, would the product match the worthiness of your soul? would my friends be pounding on my door at 3AM demanding i ( Read more... )

"it's only in my twenties that i came to appreciate the slow-jam - the perfect catchy yes yes yes r&b form, the perfect thing for slow-dances and lip-sync and romantic montages." fuck, it's all making sense. my furtive headphones only music, all this shit where the music video is some dude in a half unbuttoned shirt doing jazz hands in the rain ( Read more... )

my favorite discovery after last night's party was on the lid of the toilet. a penis beautifully rendered in gold paint pen. and written next to it: herpes.

cleaning the basement with malorie and jimmy and realizing what we must look like in our flannels, sweatpants and mullets as we battled black mold, water damage and long forgotten sports equipment. there are two sets of crutches, a male mannequin head sporting luxurious, real human facial hair and mountains of dryer lint. "my favorite bracelet and ( Read more... )

i got one of those pounding headaches that feels like church when you're a kid in a too tight velvet pinafore and a plastic headband while fire and brimstone rains down from the southern baptist preacher dude, you know? maybe nobody else grew up in texas.

tonight me, meghan, graye, tanner, ryan, colin and jonah collaged, markered and glued 50 CD ( Read more... )