(Untitled)

[crimeas_hero]

Man, how in the world did I get stuck with this job?

Everyone, calm down and give me your attention! We've apprehended the thief. So everyone, just calm down, and if your, er...undergarments were stolen, stop by town hall and talk to me to pick them up. Uh...if you can find them, at any rate. Ashera knows almost all of them look the same to me.

Comments

[sore_feet_man]

*pats Ike on the back*

Good job.

[crimeas_hero]

Uh...thanks, I think.

[novolumecontrol]

If you need him executed, just give the word.

[crimeas_hero]

Execution for theft? I'd like to think the system here isn't that extreme.

[novolumecontrol]

I don't think anyone would really care if he just 'disappeared' on the way to the station.

[crimeas_hero]

That doesn't matter. Everyone is guaranteed certain rights by the law, even those accused of crimes. To violate those rights would be to become criminals ourselves, and I will not stand for the law enforcement her to sink that low.

[idkmybfffate]

I...

Mine... aren't here, Ike-san.

...Where are they!?

[crimeas_hero]

...Wait, they're...not here? How can you even tell?

...I don't like this. This means there may be more than one culprit. I'll let the other patrolmen know.

[idkmybfffate]

They're not here! I... not a single one of these is mine.

Who would do this?!

[crimeas_hero]

I...I don't know. But I'll do everything within my power to find out, so don't worry, all right?

[Filtered]

[holy_bitch]

Excellent work. Who was it?

[Filtered]

[crimeas_hero]

The big blonde guy -- Zapp, I think his name was?

But we've still got a problem. There must have been another thief, because a friend of mine said she couldn't find what was stolen from her here. I'm stuck here until all the stolen goods are claimed, so can you keep an eye out?

Re: [Filtered]

[holy_bitch]

Oh. Him.

Of course I will be vigilant. Do you think this may have been an accomplice or someone working separately?

[Filtered]

[crimeas_hero]

Probably the latter. Zapp doesn't seem the type to share.

[vespa_alien]

Who's this "Ashera" chick, and why does she know so much about your underwear preferences?

[crimeas_hero]

She heard that? Just how good is her hearing?!

...Ashera is the goddess of my home world. Does that make the context of what I said clearer?

[vespa_alien]

A likely story.

[crimeas_hero]

What, you don't believe me? Why don't you ask her apostle herself if I speak the truth or not? She's here, you know.