Doing It Right (18/19)
Title: Doing It Right, Chapter 18: Love Is a Battle, Part 1
Author: creedogv
Rating: T
Summary: Santana has been given the opportunity to correct her past mistakes with Brittany, so she can’t help but take it. With the deadline looming, Santana must pull out all the stops.
Pairing: Santana/Brittany
Word Count: ~5000/9000
Spoilers: 2x15 “Sexy”
Author’s Note: This is the penultimate chapter, meaning there’s one more left. I tell you this because it’s important and no one will remember by the end of the chapter.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 6.5 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 16.5 Chapter 17 Chapter 17.5
So here’s what you missed on Glee. Santana and Brittany are totally back to friends-with-benefits, and even though Santana is totally dedicated to making Brittany her girl, she’s enjoying those benefits. Rachel throws a party and everyone gets drunk and makes out during Spin-the-Bottle, then the girls get their Spice Girl on. Emma’s drinking, too, but it’s like sad drinking, so she goes to rehab. Figgins is back and he has New Directions do a number for Alcohol Awareness Week, but Brittany totally barfs on stage just like last time, but Santana’s there to help her through it. She’s gets some good advice from Rachel: “Don’t let her go.” Totally. And that’s what you missed on… Glee!
Rachel and Quinn were sitting across from each other in Mrs. Dooley’s classroom, staring at one another.
“So, how are things with Sam?” Rachel finally asked.
“Great,” Quinn replied, “And you and Finn?” Her voice cracked just a little.
“Excellent.”
Another silence overtook the room which lasted until the door opened and Faith Jennings walked in. “Hi, is this the Celibacy Club?”
“Yes!” Rachel replied excitedly.
Quinn was mellower. “Yes, it is. Welcome. Please have a seat. I’m Quinn Fabray.”
“Yeah, you’re pretty well-known around here,” remarked Faith.
“Have you heard of me?” Rachel wondered.
“Rachel Berry.”
“Oh! I’m popular.”
“I tried out for the glee club, and you put your picture on the top of all the sign-up sheets.”
“Oh. Yes, I recall. You did a lovely rendition of Carrie Underwood ‘Jesus, Take the Wheel’.”
“Thank you.” Faith took a seat and no one said anything for several seconds. “So, what exactly do we do in Celibacy Club?”
“I don’t know. Ask Quinn, she’s the expert in celibacy.”
Quinn narrowed her eyes. “Oh, please, if anything, I have a reason to be celibate. I have experienced the consequences first hand. I don’t flaunt my progressive attitudes about sex and then prove to be an enormous prude.”
Rachel shot back, “Excuse me, I am not a prude. I’ll have you know that I have a very healthy attitude about my sexuality. It’s simply that a number of events have led me to repeatedly reconsider my views. Firstly, your pregnancy. And then my rush to show my love for Jesse, which backfired in a monumental and dramatic betrayal of trust. And I’m currently dealing with the fact that my boyfriend lied to me about losing his virginity to a hussy.”
“So, do we all have to air our dirty laundry?” Faith asked.
Quinn ignored Faith to snap back at Rachel. “Nice to know that your morals are so flexible that they can bounce back and forth with such frequency. You want to be the type of girl who thinks their first time will be something out of a romance novel? Fine. You want to be the type of who keeps a 30-pack of condoms in her purse? Great. But choose a side, because when you flip-flop, bad things happen.” Subconsciously, Quinn’s hand jumped to her stomach.
“Bad things happen when you deny what you truly want because you’re obsessed with your image. Lauren Zizes tells me you already hired the A/V club to design your prom campaign posters. I hope they don’t run out of yellow ink.”
Faith looked shocked. “Oh, seriously, what’s going on? Is your glee club some underground roastmasters group? Do you guys just make fun of each other all day?”
From her seat, Rachel mumbled, “Sometimes it seems that way.”
“So, are you girls fighting over a guy or something? Because I thought you two both had boyfriends on the football team.”
Quinn answered, “We do.” She added matter-of-factly, “She stole her last one from me.”
Rachel didn’t let that slide. “Excuse me; you did not need any of my help pushing him away. One drink and suddenly you’ll open your legs to anybody.”
“I had feelings for Puck. Might I remind whose business you got all up just last weekend when you had a little to drink?”
Rachel jumped up from her chair. “That is not fair. That bottle pointed towards you. I didn’t want to get naked and run around my house.”
Faith’s eyes were the size of saucers. “Am I being recruited into some kind of Ancient Greek debauchery cult? Because if you guy sit around and yell at each other and drink and have naked same-sex relations…”
“No,” Quinn interrupted, long after Faith had trailed off, “you’re right. Rachel and I just have a bit of… an uneasy history. Celibacy Club is for those who recognize that teenagers having an active sex life is risky and immoral.”
Rachel volleyed, “No, it’s about dogmatic repression of one’s natural inclinations when it should be about teenagers making informed decisions about their social maturity when it comes to romantic relationships.”
Faith spoke up, “Okay, I don’t want to get in the middle of… whatever this is… but are there no boys in this club?”
Quinn turned her head. “You’re using this club as a dating service? That’s so… predatory. Now I know why you’re friends with Santana.”
“No! To either part. I’m hoping to meet some guys who might have a more conservative outlook on dating. I’m kind of… behind the curve.”
“But you’re so pretty,” Rachel noted, more bewildered that complimentary.
Faith wasn’t sure whether say thank you. “I’m from Utah. The school I went to before I moved here was ninety percent Mormon. The guys there believed kissing was something you did when the minister told you to kiss the bride. I was hoping there would be guys at this school who like to take it slow.”
“Then you’re out of luck,” Rachel groaned, “There was only one guy at this school who didn’t want to get in a girl’s pants and he transferred out.”
Quinn stated sympathetically, “I’m going to be straight with you. The way to get a guy to take it slow is not to give in.”
Faith slumped in her seat. “So, dating is a battle? You try to hold the line while the guy attempts to gain ground?”
“Welcome to the real world, Salt Lake.”
“That’s disappointing.”
Rachel asked, “Why? Do you have your eye on someone?”
A brief image of dark hair and golden skin popped into Faith’s mind. “No,” she replied too quickly.
Quinn giggled. “Liar. C’mon, spill. Let us taken ladies live vicariously through the single gal. Who is it?”
“No one,” Faith insisted.
“Santana,” Quinn said slowly, watching her closely. When Faith’s eyes shot open, the blonde pointed at her. “Caught ya.” She informed Rachel, “She likes Puck. Santana was going around trying to find Puck a new girlfriend… or a new hookup buddy, and I know you were one of her candidates.” She conjectured, “You turned her down and now he’s with Lauren Zizes, and you think you missed your chance.”
Faith answered with intentional shyness, “It’s just a silly crush, okay? Besides, totally not my type.”
Quinn nodded. “I hear ya, sister. He’s promiscuous and thinks he’s a total badass and looks at virgins like they’re prey. But he can also be really sweet.”
“And he totally has a thing for blondes,” Rachel added.
“I’ve heard,” Faith replied distantly. “Are they together now?”
“Who?” Rachel asked, “Puck and Zizes? I think I lost the line of conversation when we started talking about blondes.”
“No, it was me.”
Rachel then gasped. “Wait, if the boys in Utah don’t kiss, have you never…?”
“No, I have!” Faith defended, and then admitted, “But not until I came here. I went out with this guy, Daniel Creek, but we broke up after a week. No sparks. But, technically, my first kiss was some girl in a cheerleading outfit who kind of laid one on me at my locker out of the blue. She was carrying around a clipboard for some reason.” Rachel and Quinn giggled for a long time after that. Silence filled the room again and Faith remarked, “Have you ever thought about inviting more people? This club might be more fun with a crowd. We wouldn’t have to do anything. We could just... talk about things, like this.”
Quinn teased, “Maybe we should invite people from glee club? Certain people?”
“Sure,” Faith replied.
* * *
As Ms. Holliday started her lecture series on sex, complete with a cucumber and a condom. Santana wasn’t listening. Health was the only class she actually had to pay attention in, since she only remembered Mrs. Pepino’s half-baked lessons from the previous time. Ms. Holliday didn’t do half-baked. Today, however, Santana was checking her day planner. Sure enough, it was March 7th, the day Ms. Holliday had started her sex ed lessons the first time, which meant that in four and a half days, she would be repeating the day she went back.
So, how the hell does this work again? Let’s say I reach the day that Brittany blows me off, the day I go weeping like a baby-a badass, awesome baby-to Ms. Holliday, who takes me to Dr. Whathisname. Do I get sent back? Or do I keep living until… until what? I swear to God he explained this to me, but that was five freakin’ months ago.
I can’t take that chance. I’m getting Brittany to agree to be with me by the end of the week. Sure, I’m finishing this by the skin of my teeth, but Santana Lopez gets shit done. She gets the girl.
Santana turned to Brittany in the seat next to her. She seemed withdrawn, but that was a minor hurdle. Santana looped her fingers into Brittany’s hand. It was one of the nice things about being left-handed; she could hold hands with Brittany while they both could take notes (or usually, just pretend to). After Finn’s confusion about cucumbers spreading HIV, Brittany seemed to making a note: “No cucumbers in salad unless wearing condom.”
* * *
Brittany seemed to avoid Santana for the rest of the day, but the Latina knew she wouldn’t miss glee. When she walked into the choir room, the tension in the room was palpable. Okay, what’s this about and how can Batwoman fix it? “Hey, what’s going on?” she asked the club.
“Brittany’s thinks she’s pregnant,” Tina remarked. She had her arms wrapped around the slouching girl, causing an unavoidable twinge of jealousy to shoot up Santana’s spine. Even if she knew Tina wasn’t interested in Brittany in that way, it was still her job to comfort Brittany. It seemed strange that she hadn’t gone to her in the first place.
Brittany was insistent. “It’s true. I have a bun in the oven.”
At first Santana didn’t react. Oh, that. Okay, time to drop the facts on life on her. For now, gotta play along. Santana widened her eyes and dropped her jaw. I should become an actress. Gay actresses get all the best roles.
Several feet away, Artie was zoned out. “My life is over.” He rolled over to Brittany, and a real twinge of jealousy shot up Santana’s spine this time. “I’ll be there for you, Brittany. I promise.” He shot a look to Santana, who didn’t even bother scowling. The boy was in for a rude awakening.
Sweetly, Brittany replied, “Artie, that’s really sweet, but I can’t ask you to do that. The baby isn’t yours.”
“What?” Artie cried.
“What?” Santana echoed. Hold it, who else is she getting her freak on with? And, more importantly when does she find the time? And more, more importantly, why? I should be wearing her out.
Brittany started bawling. “Santana, it’s yours. I’m so sorry.”
Relief flooded into Santana’s chest. Okay, let’s just get this resolved then. The rest of the club was too stunned to groan.
Artie explained, “Brittany, Santana can’t get you pregnant. It has to be mine.”
Brittany was unconvinced. “But…”
This is going on too long. Santana prompted, “Brittany, how can you know you’re pregnant already? You haven’t been showing any signs. I would know. We’re together day and night.” This caught Artie’s attention, as it was meant to.
And, to Santana’s relief, Brittany told the story about the stork building a nest in her yard. Artie was at first relieved, then frustrated when he realized he’d lost his bargaining chip to get Brittany back. Sadly, he rolled back to designated spot. Santana walked over to Brittany, and without having to be asked Quinn moved up a row to give her room to sit by her best friend.
Quinn put her hand on Brittany’s shoulder. “Brittany, you remember me getting pregnant last year, with the wine cooler seduction and the growing stomach, right?”
“Yeah, your boobs and your ankles got bigger, too.”
Quinn let that go. “There was no stork involved.”
“You mean the stork didn’t bring an itty bitty baby that you swallowed like a piece of gum? I thought babies maybe grew like those plastic toys that get bigger when you put them in water. They advertise them during Woody Woodpecker.” She insisted, “Guys, it has to be Santana’s. The stork didn’t start building its nest until Santana and I started getting our wet lady-hugs on again.” She looked up to Ms. Holliday. “I wish you had done your sexy lessons last week. I would have made Santana put on a condom.”
“On what?” Santana asked.
Mr. Schue and Ms. Holliday watched the proceedings with shock. “Will, I may have to do a mash-up.”
“Of what songs?”
“Of ‘The Ballad of Regionals Preparation’ and ‘Sex Education in B-Flat’.”
I guess that means a little “Do You Wanna Touch Me?” With the answer being “yes.”
* * *
At the previous GayLesbAll meeting, Rachel had implored all the members to attend the Chastity Club meetings. Since Kurt couldn’t make it, “all the members” consisted of Finn, Santana, and Brittany. Santana wonder why she bothered when she and Quinn had given the same spiel to the glee club the day before, so they weren’t reaching anybody new. Leave it to Rachel to be thorough to the point of redundancy.
Finn showed up at the meeting, of course, no doubt being dragged by his girlfriend. Sam had the same excuse for being there. Santana and Brittany were there, too, because Brittany insisted on attending. At first Santana was afraid she was going to lose her best tool for enamoring Brittany, but a brief conversation placated her fears.
“I wonder if we’re going to meet Chastity this time.”
“What?”
“Chastity. We were in the club all freshman year and in sophomore year until Quinn got knocked up by Puck’s wine cooler, and we never got to meet her. Quinn was always so secretive about her, so I figure it must be a surprise about what she is. I bet she’s a pony.”
“In that case, there’s only one way to find out. But you’re still coming over tonight?”
This question seemed to perplex Brittany. “Of course. Can I bring something?”
Nine out of ten times, Brittany bringing “something” meant “something kinky”. “As long as it’s not Charity.”
Needless to say, Santana was only too happy to become a hypocritical member of the Chastity Club. Quinn’s sneer indicated her opinion about their presence, as if she was expecting Santana to go down on Brittany in the middle of the meeting just to spite her. Puck had publically refused the invitation, wrapping an arm around Zizes, which made Santana queasy. Tina had done so in private; she said she respected what the club represented, but it wouldn’t be right for her and Mike to join since they had taken their relationship to that step, and they didn’t belong.
To Santana’s surprise, Artie didn’t join, even when it became public knowledge that Brittany would be there. Mercedes did show up, self-deprecatingly pointing out that she had no choice but to be chaste. This saddened Brittany, and Santana knew it was only a matter of time before she would be expected to play matchmaker.
Faith Jennings also attended, and even though Santana was warned she’d be there, she was intrigued. Quinn had cryptically explained that Faith had something to tell her, so Santana swallowed her pride, and went over to make small talk. Her eyes kept flitting back to Brittany, whose side she’d left reluctantly; aware of how clingy she was being.
Santana folded her arms and flatly noted to the blonde, “Fabray says you had something to tell me.” We’re skipping the small talk, if you didn’t notice.
Faith looked wholly confused and a little terrified, making Santana wonder exactly how scary she came off. Faith seemed to have an epiphany and told her, “She’s under the impression I’m madly in love with Puck, and I don’t know what she thinks I want to tell you. Either she thinks I want to thank you for offering me the opportunity to date him, or perhaps ask you to send him my way once he’s on the market again.” Santana was already tired of the conversation, but Faith kept rambling, “But you should know she’s totally overemphasizing it. It’s like a little crush. It’s not like I go for bad… boys. It’s just something new to me because I’m used to the squeaky clean type. Where I come from, that…” She moved her hand in a circle to indicate a hypothetical presence in front of her, but ended up gesturing at the girl she was talking to. “…is not allowed and I didn’t even realize I was into that…” She repeated the gesture with both hands this time, cupping her hands in front of Santana’s chest. “…until I got here and met you.” She then stared at Santana for a very long time.
“So, we done?”
“Yeah,” Faith replied, glad to be done with the conversation. Then she changed her mind, and grabbed Santana’s arm. “Wait. No, one more thing.” Solemnly, she explained, “I’ve had a lot of time to think. If there’s something wrong with one of us, it’s with me. No one should be ashamed of who they are. Maybe we can be friends now.”
“Normally, I would tell you to go tell you to jump naked in a frozen pond.” Faith shivered. “But I’m on this whole turn-a-new-leaf, be-nice-to-everyone kick, because of that one.” She gestured over to Brittany, who was watching the couple closely.
“I think I know her from somewhere.”
“Her name’s Brittany. She’s in glee and she’s my best friend.”
“She’s not looking at you like a best friend,” Faith noticed hollowly.
“That’s what I’m banking on.” Seeing Faith’s conflicted face, she asked, “I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?”
“No,” she lied, “So, friends?”
Santana rolled her eyes. “Sure, why not? But I’m still mad that you didn’t join glee, though.” She pointed her finger accusingly.
“Maybe next year. But until then, we’ve got this club,” she noted hopefully, “Hopefully, my parents won’t find out that the ‘dirty lesbian’-their words, not mine-is in this club, and even if they do, they think a chaste lesbian is almost good as a regular person-again, their words, not mine.”
Santana was still looking in Brittany’s direction. “Then let’s hope they don’t find out I’m a devout, practicing one. Anyway, I’m going to mingle. We should do this again sometime.”
The moment Santana stomped away, Mercedes snuck up to Faith. “I wanted to come say hi, and I was waiting for Satan to leave.” Faith smiled and started chatting with the girl.
“Who was that?” Brittany asked jealously when Santana returned to her side.
“Faith. You remember her. I invited her to try out for glee and she did the country song. She couldn’t join because her folks are total gay-bashers. But it turns out she’s pretty cool, and she wanted to be friends with me.”
“Friends like we are?” Brittany muttered.
Santana laughed at that. “Absolutely not. Being a total out lesbian means my gaydar is spectacular. Nah, she totally wants Puck.”
“Really?”
Santana shrugged her shoulders. “Mmm, maybe not, but she believed the stupid rumor about me, so it’s only fair that we spread it indiscriminately.” Seeing Brittany pouting, she wrapped her arms around her neck, stating, “Wipe that jealous look off you face. I’m flattered, really. Besides, she’s a complete V-carder, and why would I waste time training a new recruit when I already got someone who knows all the right moves?” She sidled her body up closer to Brittany’s.
A loud whistle screamed through the room. Of course, it came from Rachel, who pointed at the pair. “Celibacy Club is a strict below-the-wrist zone.”
“I’ll show you what I can do with my below-the-wrist,” Santana called back, wiggling her fingers suggestively, but detangled herself from Brittany all the same. She whispered to Brittany, “Tonight.” And that was all she needed to say.
“Point of order,” Quinn cried out, “we do have one item on the agenda today. As much as Rachel and I appreciate Ms. Holliday’s progressive views on teen sexuality, I do believe that she is overstepping her bounds. While it is foolish to believe that you can keep a large body of teenagers from engaging in premarital relationship, it’s also pessimistic to assume we’re nothing more than a bunch of animals that can’t control our urges. Let’s give our demographic some credit. Plenty of young people can and do abstain until adulthood.”
“Yeah, uggos,” Santana joked.
Rachel pointed out, “People with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in sexual activity, if only to validate their self-worth. Are you volunteering to share your experiences to demonstrate this phenomenon?”
“Britts, can I have permission to punch her? She’s being mean to me.”
Quinn jumped in, “You know, there are studies that show that closeted teen homosexuals have a higher incidence of pregnancy because they deliberately engage in risky heterosexual relations to prove to themselves and to others that they’re straight. Why does that sound familiar?”
Santana attacked the gaping hole in her argument. “Because it involves teen pregnancy. Is this your way of coming out, Quinn? Welcome to fold.” She tilted her head and smiled sweetly. Her eyes fell on Rachel, “Oh my gosh, with the president of the GayLesbAll? That explains why you too were the only two members for so long. Spin-the-Bottle claims two more victims.”
“Santana, please, that’s enough,” Rachel groaned.
“You’re right. I’m out of material. You were saying, Q?”
Quinn glowered, but put on her fake smile to announced, “We would like to do a song that celebrates the innocent pleasures of life, as a kind of counterargument to Ms. Holliday’s inappropriately mature lesson plans which have even begun to permeate our glee club meetings.”
Yeah, I’m not letting this opportunity go. “We should sing ‘Afternoon Delight’. It’s about having dessert in the middle of the afternoon,” Santana noted matter-of-factly.
While the rest of the club discussed this idea, Santana slowly dragged Brittany towards the door, and whispered, “Changed my mind about waiting till tonight.”
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some Afternoon Delight
My motto’s always been “When it’s right, it’s right.”
Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night?
* * *
Santana and Brittany were cuddling on the bed, Santana on top, but pulled away when she noticed a lack of enthusiasm from Brittany. “Britt-Britt, your cuddle skills are kind of weak tonight.”
“I’m sorry, Santana, I just still feel kind of dumb because of what happened in glee club. Everyone thinks I’m even dumber than Finn now.”
“Brittany, you got confused about one thing. You get confused about breakfast sometimes.”
“There are too many cereals. They have their own aisle at the grocery store. It’s right next to the pet food aisle, which was really bad planning for two foods that look the same and both have animals on the front.”
“You and I are some of the most well-informed girls about sex at school. We can ask Ms. H to let us help her with her lesson. We can totally explain all about all the different contraceptives and sexual positions we’re familiar with. We can even volunteer to demonstrate.”
Brittany sat up quickly, rolling Santana off and rubbing her bare legs. Just because we’re just cuddling doesn’t mean we have to keep our pants on, Santana had told her. Santana put a hand on her shoulder. “Brittany?”
“I thought we weren’t going to do that. Make out in front of everyone for show.”
Santana laughed. “Oh, gosh, no, no, no. It wouldn’t be like when we showed off for the football idiots. We’d just be offering to be a living visual aid for Ms. Holliday, like sexy mannequins. All our clothes would stay on.”
“Won’t everyone wonder why we’re not embarrassed to do it?”
“Sweetie, no one’s gonna wonder. We got drunk last weekend and we were all up in each other’s business in front of everyone. I’m pretty sure everyone knows we’re ‘comfortable’ around each other.”
Brittany paused thoughtfully. “What are we… to each other?”
“That’s kind of a loaded question.” Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany. “We are two gorgeous babes who are totally into each other. And one of us is just waiting for the one who broke up with her boyfriend ages ago to decide it’s time to move on.”
Brittany pulled away. “I’m scared. I don’t know how to do this. I mean, I like you and I know you like me…”
Try “love”, love. Since when are you afraid of feelings?
“…I just don’t know how any of this works.”
Well, I guess the tables have turned.
“I have an idea. Ms. Holliday obviously the expert in all things sexy. Maybe you’d feel better if we talked to her about our feelings? Maybe she can help us be less confused?”
* * *
Kurt thought he might be imagining things when he saw Karofsky in the main foyer at Dalton Academy. Then he wished he was imagining things when Karofsky didn’t turn out to be a mirage. He sent a quick text to Blaine to join him and stomped down to the bottom of the stairs on borrowed courage. “What are you doing here, Neanderthal? This is a no-bullying zone.”
Karofsky flatly noted, “You’re stepmom’s not ugly.”
Kurt was flabbergasted. “What?”
“The lady your dad married, Hudson’s mom? She’s not ugly.”
Kurt pressed, “Why are you here, Karofsky?”
“Your glee club replaced you with Lauren Zizes.”
“I know. I hang out with my former glee-mates all the time. I live with Finn.”
“But you’re a better singer than her. You have a lady voice and she doesn’t. It’s funny.”
“It’s not that funny.”
“She sang some techno song for her tryout.”
This revealed an interesting tidbit. “You were there? No one told me you auditioned.”
“No. I went. I… maybe I thought about it. To get on Sylvester and Beiste’s good side,” he added quickly. “But I chickened out. It’d be like walking into the lion’s den. Who does that?”
“I joined football last year as the kicker.”
“I was still on hockey then. But I think I remember hearing about that. You’re braver than me. That’s why I’m surprised you haven’t come back. The football team’s been laying off the glee nerds since the championship game.”
“I’m not afraid of the football team.”
Karofsky’s familiar growl finally came out. “I told you I wasn’t gonna mess with you. You’re the idiot who kept poking me about some shit like I wanted to join the fruity club.”
“Why are you denying everything about yourself?”
“Because that’s the world we live in, Kurt! There are rules. Boys don’t wear pink or dresses. Girls don’t become football players or President. You grow up to be just like your dad and you don’t leave Lima. No one escapes Ohio; they get kicked out for sticking out. That’s how it works.”
“Be the change you see in the world,” Kurt quoted.
“You sound like a bad motivational poster.”
“That was Ghandi.”
“Is he some kind of gay rapper or something?”
“I’m just saying your life would be easier if you defied the norms.”
“Stop trying to help me! This isn’t about me, okay? You should come back to McKinley.”
“So you can push me into lockers more?”
“Why would I do that? I’ll get expelled. I have nothing to gain and everything to lose from you coming back. You, on the other hand, can go to your silly choir competition if you’re at McKinley and in glee again.”
Blaine came racing down the stairs, putting himself in front of Karofsky, puffing up his chest. “You can’t be here!”
“I’ve got a visitor’s badge.” He pointed to the hanging identification on his jacket.
“This is a safe place.”
“I haven’t hurt him. I haven’t even touched him. I haven’t even said anything mean. We were just having a nice conversation.”
“Kurt?” Blaine check, keeping his eyes on Karofsky.
“It’s fine, Blaine. We were done talking anyway.”
“Nice boyfriend,” Karofsky teased, “Did he come in a box with his own accessories?” He walked off.
Blaine put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. He was just… I don’t know… here.” He looked up lovingly. “I feel kind of honored that you came to my rescue.”
Blaine blushed. “I… care about you, okay? No one should have to go through that.”
“You probably shouldn’t have tried to take him on yourself. He’s bigger than both of us put together.”
“C’mon, Kurt, give me some credit.” He pointed up to the top of the stairs, where all the Warblers were standing. Kurt waved at his teammates.
Up at the top of the balcony, David whispered to Wes, “Are they still dancing around each other?”
“Looks like it,” Wes replied sadly, “Are we going to have to give him another sexy song to sing lead on so that he can flirt with Kurt some more?”
“Wouldn’t hurt. I could call Chloe and get her to bring the Starlings over. She’s been having Laurel bug me about letting them do a show for us, because Regionals is coming up. We could return the favor. I know you and Miranda haven’t had any time alone in a while.”
“Make the call.” He turned back to the Warblers and announced, “Brainstorming session in the lounge in five.”
Author’s Note: So, in a roundabout way, the “zorra” nickname and Santana’s use of the Batwoman the Lesbian Superheroine moniker kind of came together. Because, what fictional character is Batman based on? That’s right: Zorro.
Part 2
Author: creedogv
Rating: T
Summary: Santana has been given the opportunity to correct her past mistakes with Brittany, so she can’t help but take it. With the deadline looming, Santana must pull out all the stops.
Pairing: Santana/Brittany
Word Count: ~5000/9000
Spoilers: 2x15 “Sexy”
Author’s Note: This is the penultimate chapter, meaning there’s one more left. I tell you this because it’s important and no one will remember by the end of the chapter.
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 6.5 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 16.5 Chapter 17 Chapter 17.5
So here’s what you missed on Glee. Santana and Brittany are totally back to friends-with-benefits, and even though Santana is totally dedicated to making Brittany her girl, she’s enjoying those benefits. Rachel throws a party and everyone gets drunk and makes out during Spin-the-Bottle, then the girls get their Spice Girl on. Emma’s drinking, too, but it’s like sad drinking, so she goes to rehab. Figgins is back and he has New Directions do a number for Alcohol Awareness Week, but Brittany totally barfs on stage just like last time, but Santana’s there to help her through it. She’s gets some good advice from Rachel: “Don’t let her go.” Totally. And that’s what you missed on… Glee!
Rachel and Quinn were sitting across from each other in Mrs. Dooley’s classroom, staring at one another.
“So, how are things with Sam?” Rachel finally asked.
“Great,” Quinn replied, “And you and Finn?” Her voice cracked just a little.
“Excellent.”
Another silence overtook the room which lasted until the door opened and Faith Jennings walked in. “Hi, is this the Celibacy Club?”
“Yes!” Rachel replied excitedly.
Quinn was mellower. “Yes, it is. Welcome. Please have a seat. I’m Quinn Fabray.”
“Yeah, you’re pretty well-known around here,” remarked Faith.
“Have you heard of me?” Rachel wondered.
“Rachel Berry.”
“Oh! I’m popular.”
“I tried out for the glee club, and you put your picture on the top of all the sign-up sheets.”
“Oh. Yes, I recall. You did a lovely rendition of Carrie Underwood ‘Jesus, Take the Wheel’.”
“Thank you.” Faith took a seat and no one said anything for several seconds. “So, what exactly do we do in Celibacy Club?”
“I don’t know. Ask Quinn, she’s the expert in celibacy.”
Quinn narrowed her eyes. “Oh, please, if anything, I have a reason to be celibate. I have experienced the consequences first hand. I don’t flaunt my progressive attitudes about sex and then prove to be an enormous prude.”
Rachel shot back, “Excuse me, I am not a prude. I’ll have you know that I have a very healthy attitude about my sexuality. It’s simply that a number of events have led me to repeatedly reconsider my views. Firstly, your pregnancy. And then my rush to show my love for Jesse, which backfired in a monumental and dramatic betrayal of trust. And I’m currently dealing with the fact that my boyfriend lied to me about losing his virginity to a hussy.”
“So, do we all have to air our dirty laundry?” Faith asked.
Quinn ignored Faith to snap back at Rachel. “Nice to know that your morals are so flexible that they can bounce back and forth with such frequency. You want to be the type of girl who thinks their first time will be something out of a romance novel? Fine. You want to be the type of who keeps a 30-pack of condoms in her purse? Great. But choose a side, because when you flip-flop, bad things happen.” Subconsciously, Quinn’s hand jumped to her stomach.
“Bad things happen when you deny what you truly want because you’re obsessed with your image. Lauren Zizes tells me you already hired the A/V club to design your prom campaign posters. I hope they don’t run out of yellow ink.”
Faith looked shocked. “Oh, seriously, what’s going on? Is your glee club some underground roastmasters group? Do you guys just make fun of each other all day?”
From her seat, Rachel mumbled, “Sometimes it seems that way.”
“So, are you girls fighting over a guy or something? Because I thought you two both had boyfriends on the football team.”
Quinn answered, “We do.” She added matter-of-factly, “She stole her last one from me.”
Rachel didn’t let that slide. “Excuse me; you did not need any of my help pushing him away. One drink and suddenly you’ll open your legs to anybody.”
“I had feelings for Puck. Might I remind whose business you got all up just last weekend when you had a little to drink?”
Rachel jumped up from her chair. “That is not fair. That bottle pointed towards you. I didn’t want to get naked and run around my house.”
Faith’s eyes were the size of saucers. “Am I being recruited into some kind of Ancient Greek debauchery cult? Because if you guy sit around and yell at each other and drink and have naked same-sex relations…”
“No,” Quinn interrupted, long after Faith had trailed off, “you’re right. Rachel and I just have a bit of… an uneasy history. Celibacy Club is for those who recognize that teenagers having an active sex life is risky and immoral.”
Rachel volleyed, “No, it’s about dogmatic repression of one’s natural inclinations when it should be about teenagers making informed decisions about their social maturity when it comes to romantic relationships.”
Faith spoke up, “Okay, I don’t want to get in the middle of… whatever this is… but are there no boys in this club?”
Quinn turned her head. “You’re using this club as a dating service? That’s so… predatory. Now I know why you’re friends with Santana.”
“No! To either part. I’m hoping to meet some guys who might have a more conservative outlook on dating. I’m kind of… behind the curve.”
“But you’re so pretty,” Rachel noted, more bewildered that complimentary.
Faith wasn’t sure whether say thank you. “I’m from Utah. The school I went to before I moved here was ninety percent Mormon. The guys there believed kissing was something you did when the minister told you to kiss the bride. I was hoping there would be guys at this school who like to take it slow.”
“Then you’re out of luck,” Rachel groaned, “There was only one guy at this school who didn’t want to get in a girl’s pants and he transferred out.”
Quinn stated sympathetically, “I’m going to be straight with you. The way to get a guy to take it slow is not to give in.”
Faith slumped in her seat. “So, dating is a battle? You try to hold the line while the guy attempts to gain ground?”
“Welcome to the real world, Salt Lake.”
“That’s disappointing.”
Rachel asked, “Why? Do you have your eye on someone?”
A brief image of dark hair and golden skin popped into Faith’s mind. “No,” she replied too quickly.
Quinn giggled. “Liar. C’mon, spill. Let us taken ladies live vicariously through the single gal. Who is it?”
“No one,” Faith insisted.
“Santana,” Quinn said slowly, watching her closely. When Faith’s eyes shot open, the blonde pointed at her. “Caught ya.” She informed Rachel, “She likes Puck. Santana was going around trying to find Puck a new girlfriend… or a new hookup buddy, and I know you were one of her candidates.” She conjectured, “You turned her down and now he’s with Lauren Zizes, and you think you missed your chance.”
Faith answered with intentional shyness, “It’s just a silly crush, okay? Besides, totally not my type.”
Quinn nodded. “I hear ya, sister. He’s promiscuous and thinks he’s a total badass and looks at virgins like they’re prey. But he can also be really sweet.”
“And he totally has a thing for blondes,” Rachel added.
“I’ve heard,” Faith replied distantly. “Are they together now?”
“Who?” Rachel asked, “Puck and Zizes? I think I lost the line of conversation when we started talking about blondes.”
“No, it was me.”
Rachel then gasped. “Wait, if the boys in Utah don’t kiss, have you never…?”
“No, I have!” Faith defended, and then admitted, “But not until I came here. I went out with this guy, Daniel Creek, but we broke up after a week. No sparks. But, technically, my first kiss was some girl in a cheerleading outfit who kind of laid one on me at my locker out of the blue. She was carrying around a clipboard for some reason.” Rachel and Quinn giggled for a long time after that. Silence filled the room again and Faith remarked, “Have you ever thought about inviting more people? This club might be more fun with a crowd. We wouldn’t have to do anything. We could just... talk about things, like this.”
Quinn teased, “Maybe we should invite people from glee club? Certain people?”
“Sure,” Faith replied.
* * *
As Ms. Holliday started her lecture series on sex, complete with a cucumber and a condom. Santana wasn’t listening. Health was the only class she actually had to pay attention in, since she only remembered Mrs. Pepino’s half-baked lessons from the previous time. Ms. Holliday didn’t do half-baked. Today, however, Santana was checking her day planner. Sure enough, it was March 7th, the day Ms. Holliday had started her sex ed lessons the first time, which meant that in four and a half days, she would be repeating the day she went back.
So, how the hell does this work again? Let’s say I reach the day that Brittany blows me off, the day I go weeping like a baby-a badass, awesome baby-to Ms. Holliday, who takes me to Dr. Whathisname. Do I get sent back? Or do I keep living until… until what? I swear to God he explained this to me, but that was five freakin’ months ago.
I can’t take that chance. I’m getting Brittany to agree to be with me by the end of the week. Sure, I’m finishing this by the skin of my teeth, but Santana Lopez gets shit done. She gets the girl.
Santana turned to Brittany in the seat next to her. She seemed withdrawn, but that was a minor hurdle. Santana looped her fingers into Brittany’s hand. It was one of the nice things about being left-handed; she could hold hands with Brittany while they both could take notes (or usually, just pretend to). After Finn’s confusion about cucumbers spreading HIV, Brittany seemed to making a note: “No cucumbers in salad unless wearing condom.”
* * *
Brittany seemed to avoid Santana for the rest of the day, but the Latina knew she wouldn’t miss glee. When she walked into the choir room, the tension in the room was palpable. Okay, what’s this about and how can Batwoman fix it? “Hey, what’s going on?” she asked the club.
“Brittany’s thinks she’s pregnant,” Tina remarked. She had her arms wrapped around the slouching girl, causing an unavoidable twinge of jealousy to shoot up Santana’s spine. Even if she knew Tina wasn’t interested in Brittany in that way, it was still her job to comfort Brittany. It seemed strange that she hadn’t gone to her in the first place.
Brittany was insistent. “It’s true. I have a bun in the oven.”
At first Santana didn’t react. Oh, that. Okay, time to drop the facts on life on her. For now, gotta play along. Santana widened her eyes and dropped her jaw. I should become an actress. Gay actresses get all the best roles.
Several feet away, Artie was zoned out. “My life is over.” He rolled over to Brittany, and a real twinge of jealousy shot up Santana’s spine this time. “I’ll be there for you, Brittany. I promise.” He shot a look to Santana, who didn’t even bother scowling. The boy was in for a rude awakening.
Sweetly, Brittany replied, “Artie, that’s really sweet, but I can’t ask you to do that. The baby isn’t yours.”
“What?” Artie cried.
“What?” Santana echoed. Hold it, who else is she getting her freak on with? And, more importantly when does she find the time? And more, more importantly, why? I should be wearing her out.
Brittany started bawling. “Santana, it’s yours. I’m so sorry.”
Relief flooded into Santana’s chest. Okay, let’s just get this resolved then. The rest of the club was too stunned to groan.
Artie explained, “Brittany, Santana can’t get you pregnant. It has to be mine.”
Brittany was unconvinced. “But…”
This is going on too long. Santana prompted, “Brittany, how can you know you’re pregnant already? You haven’t been showing any signs. I would know. We’re together day and night.” This caught Artie’s attention, as it was meant to.
And, to Santana’s relief, Brittany told the story about the stork building a nest in her yard. Artie was at first relieved, then frustrated when he realized he’d lost his bargaining chip to get Brittany back. Sadly, he rolled back to designated spot. Santana walked over to Brittany, and without having to be asked Quinn moved up a row to give her room to sit by her best friend.
Quinn put her hand on Brittany’s shoulder. “Brittany, you remember me getting pregnant last year, with the wine cooler seduction and the growing stomach, right?”
“Yeah, your boobs and your ankles got bigger, too.”
Quinn let that go. “There was no stork involved.”
“You mean the stork didn’t bring an itty bitty baby that you swallowed like a piece of gum? I thought babies maybe grew like those plastic toys that get bigger when you put them in water. They advertise them during Woody Woodpecker.” She insisted, “Guys, it has to be Santana’s. The stork didn’t start building its nest until Santana and I started getting our wet lady-hugs on again.” She looked up to Ms. Holliday. “I wish you had done your sexy lessons last week. I would have made Santana put on a condom.”
“On what?” Santana asked.
Mr. Schue and Ms. Holliday watched the proceedings with shock. “Will, I may have to do a mash-up.”
“Of what songs?”
“Of ‘The Ballad of Regionals Preparation’ and ‘Sex Education in B-Flat’.”
I guess that means a little “Do You Wanna Touch Me?” With the answer being “yes.”
* * *
At the previous GayLesbAll meeting, Rachel had implored all the members to attend the Chastity Club meetings. Since Kurt couldn’t make it, “all the members” consisted of Finn, Santana, and Brittany. Santana wonder why she bothered when she and Quinn had given the same spiel to the glee club the day before, so they weren’t reaching anybody new. Leave it to Rachel to be thorough to the point of redundancy.
Finn showed up at the meeting, of course, no doubt being dragged by his girlfriend. Sam had the same excuse for being there. Santana and Brittany were there, too, because Brittany insisted on attending. At first Santana was afraid she was going to lose her best tool for enamoring Brittany, but a brief conversation placated her fears.
“I wonder if we’re going to meet Chastity this time.”
“What?”
“Chastity. We were in the club all freshman year and in sophomore year until Quinn got knocked up by Puck’s wine cooler, and we never got to meet her. Quinn was always so secretive about her, so I figure it must be a surprise about what she is. I bet she’s a pony.”
“In that case, there’s only one way to find out. But you’re still coming over tonight?”
This question seemed to perplex Brittany. “Of course. Can I bring something?”
Nine out of ten times, Brittany bringing “something” meant “something kinky”. “As long as it’s not Charity.”
Needless to say, Santana was only too happy to become a hypocritical member of the Chastity Club. Quinn’s sneer indicated her opinion about their presence, as if she was expecting Santana to go down on Brittany in the middle of the meeting just to spite her. Puck had publically refused the invitation, wrapping an arm around Zizes, which made Santana queasy. Tina had done so in private; she said she respected what the club represented, but it wouldn’t be right for her and Mike to join since they had taken their relationship to that step, and they didn’t belong.
To Santana’s surprise, Artie didn’t join, even when it became public knowledge that Brittany would be there. Mercedes did show up, self-deprecatingly pointing out that she had no choice but to be chaste. This saddened Brittany, and Santana knew it was only a matter of time before she would be expected to play matchmaker.
Faith Jennings also attended, and even though Santana was warned she’d be there, she was intrigued. Quinn had cryptically explained that Faith had something to tell her, so Santana swallowed her pride, and went over to make small talk. Her eyes kept flitting back to Brittany, whose side she’d left reluctantly; aware of how clingy she was being.
Santana folded her arms and flatly noted to the blonde, “Fabray says you had something to tell me.” We’re skipping the small talk, if you didn’t notice.
Faith looked wholly confused and a little terrified, making Santana wonder exactly how scary she came off. Faith seemed to have an epiphany and told her, “She’s under the impression I’m madly in love with Puck, and I don’t know what she thinks I want to tell you. Either she thinks I want to thank you for offering me the opportunity to date him, or perhaps ask you to send him my way once he’s on the market again.” Santana was already tired of the conversation, but Faith kept rambling, “But you should know she’s totally overemphasizing it. It’s like a little crush. It’s not like I go for bad… boys. It’s just something new to me because I’m used to the squeaky clean type. Where I come from, that…” She moved her hand in a circle to indicate a hypothetical presence in front of her, but ended up gesturing at the girl she was talking to. “…is not allowed and I didn’t even realize I was into that…” She repeated the gesture with both hands this time, cupping her hands in front of Santana’s chest. “…until I got here and met you.” She then stared at Santana for a very long time.
“So, we done?”
“Yeah,” Faith replied, glad to be done with the conversation. Then she changed her mind, and grabbed Santana’s arm. “Wait. No, one more thing.” Solemnly, she explained, “I’ve had a lot of time to think. If there’s something wrong with one of us, it’s with me. No one should be ashamed of who they are. Maybe we can be friends now.”
“Normally, I would tell you to go tell you to jump naked in a frozen pond.” Faith shivered. “But I’m on this whole turn-a-new-leaf, be-nice-to-everyone kick, because of that one.” She gestured over to Brittany, who was watching the couple closely.
“I think I know her from somewhere.”
“Her name’s Brittany. She’s in glee and she’s my best friend.”
“She’s not looking at you like a best friend,” Faith noticed hollowly.
“That’s what I’m banking on.” Seeing Faith’s conflicted face, she asked, “I’m not making you uncomfortable, am I?”
“No,” she lied, “So, friends?”
Santana rolled her eyes. “Sure, why not? But I’m still mad that you didn’t join glee, though.” She pointed her finger accusingly.
“Maybe next year. But until then, we’ve got this club,” she noted hopefully, “Hopefully, my parents won’t find out that the ‘dirty lesbian’-their words, not mine-is in this club, and even if they do, they think a chaste lesbian is almost good as a regular person-again, their words, not mine.”
Santana was still looking in Brittany’s direction. “Then let’s hope they don’t find out I’m a devout, practicing one. Anyway, I’m going to mingle. We should do this again sometime.”
The moment Santana stomped away, Mercedes snuck up to Faith. “I wanted to come say hi, and I was waiting for Satan to leave.” Faith smiled and started chatting with the girl.
“Who was that?” Brittany asked jealously when Santana returned to her side.
“Faith. You remember her. I invited her to try out for glee and she did the country song. She couldn’t join because her folks are total gay-bashers. But it turns out she’s pretty cool, and she wanted to be friends with me.”
“Friends like we are?” Brittany muttered.
Santana laughed at that. “Absolutely not. Being a total out lesbian means my gaydar is spectacular. Nah, she totally wants Puck.”
“Really?”
Santana shrugged her shoulders. “Mmm, maybe not, but she believed the stupid rumor about me, so it’s only fair that we spread it indiscriminately.” Seeing Brittany pouting, she wrapped her arms around her neck, stating, “Wipe that jealous look off you face. I’m flattered, really. Besides, she’s a complete V-carder, and why would I waste time training a new recruit when I already got someone who knows all the right moves?” She sidled her body up closer to Brittany’s.
A loud whistle screamed through the room. Of course, it came from Rachel, who pointed at the pair. “Celibacy Club is a strict below-the-wrist zone.”
“I’ll show you what I can do with my below-the-wrist,” Santana called back, wiggling her fingers suggestively, but detangled herself from Brittany all the same. She whispered to Brittany, “Tonight.” And that was all she needed to say.
“Point of order,” Quinn cried out, “we do have one item on the agenda today. As much as Rachel and I appreciate Ms. Holliday’s progressive views on teen sexuality, I do believe that she is overstepping her bounds. While it is foolish to believe that you can keep a large body of teenagers from engaging in premarital relationship, it’s also pessimistic to assume we’re nothing more than a bunch of animals that can’t control our urges. Let’s give our demographic some credit. Plenty of young people can and do abstain until adulthood.”
“Yeah, uggos,” Santana joked.
Rachel pointed out, “People with low self-esteem are more likely to engage in sexual activity, if only to validate their self-worth. Are you volunteering to share your experiences to demonstrate this phenomenon?”
“Britts, can I have permission to punch her? She’s being mean to me.”
Quinn jumped in, “You know, there are studies that show that closeted teen homosexuals have a higher incidence of pregnancy because they deliberately engage in risky heterosexual relations to prove to themselves and to others that they’re straight. Why does that sound familiar?”
Santana attacked the gaping hole in her argument. “Because it involves teen pregnancy. Is this your way of coming out, Quinn? Welcome to fold.” She tilted her head and smiled sweetly. Her eyes fell on Rachel, “Oh my gosh, with the president of the GayLesbAll? That explains why you too were the only two members for so long. Spin-the-Bottle claims two more victims.”
“Santana, please, that’s enough,” Rachel groaned.
“You’re right. I’m out of material. You were saying, Q?”
Quinn glowered, but put on her fake smile to announced, “We would like to do a song that celebrates the innocent pleasures of life, as a kind of counterargument to Ms. Holliday’s inappropriately mature lesson plans which have even begun to permeate our glee club meetings.”
Yeah, I’m not letting this opportunity go. “We should sing ‘Afternoon Delight’. It’s about having dessert in the middle of the afternoon,” Santana noted matter-of-factly.
While the rest of the club discussed this idea, Santana slowly dragged Brittany towards the door, and whispered, “Changed my mind about waiting till tonight.”
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some Afternoon Delight
My motto’s always been “When it’s right, it’s right.”
Why wait until the middle of a cold, dark night?
* * *
Santana and Brittany were cuddling on the bed, Santana on top, but pulled away when she noticed a lack of enthusiasm from Brittany. “Britt-Britt, your cuddle skills are kind of weak tonight.”
“I’m sorry, Santana, I just still feel kind of dumb because of what happened in glee club. Everyone thinks I’m even dumber than Finn now.”
“Brittany, you got confused about one thing. You get confused about breakfast sometimes.”
“There are too many cereals. They have their own aisle at the grocery store. It’s right next to the pet food aisle, which was really bad planning for two foods that look the same and both have animals on the front.”
“You and I are some of the most well-informed girls about sex at school. We can ask Ms. H to let us help her with her lesson. We can totally explain all about all the different contraceptives and sexual positions we’re familiar with. We can even volunteer to demonstrate.”
Brittany sat up quickly, rolling Santana off and rubbing her bare legs. Just because we’re just cuddling doesn’t mean we have to keep our pants on, Santana had told her. Santana put a hand on her shoulder. “Brittany?”
“I thought we weren’t going to do that. Make out in front of everyone for show.”
Santana laughed. “Oh, gosh, no, no, no. It wouldn’t be like when we showed off for the football idiots. We’d just be offering to be a living visual aid for Ms. Holliday, like sexy mannequins. All our clothes would stay on.”
“Won’t everyone wonder why we’re not embarrassed to do it?”
“Sweetie, no one’s gonna wonder. We got drunk last weekend and we were all up in each other’s business in front of everyone. I’m pretty sure everyone knows we’re ‘comfortable’ around each other.”
Brittany paused thoughtfully. “What are we… to each other?”
“That’s kind of a loaded question.” Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany. “We are two gorgeous babes who are totally into each other. And one of us is just waiting for the one who broke up with her boyfriend ages ago to decide it’s time to move on.”
Brittany pulled away. “I’m scared. I don’t know how to do this. I mean, I like you and I know you like me…”
Try “love”, love. Since when are you afraid of feelings?
“…I just don’t know how any of this works.”
Well, I guess the tables have turned.
“I have an idea. Ms. Holliday obviously the expert in all things sexy. Maybe you’d feel better if we talked to her about our feelings? Maybe she can help us be less confused?”
* * *
Kurt thought he might be imagining things when he saw Karofsky in the main foyer at Dalton Academy. Then he wished he was imagining things when Karofsky didn’t turn out to be a mirage. He sent a quick text to Blaine to join him and stomped down to the bottom of the stairs on borrowed courage. “What are you doing here, Neanderthal? This is a no-bullying zone.”
Karofsky flatly noted, “You’re stepmom’s not ugly.”
Kurt was flabbergasted. “What?”
“The lady your dad married, Hudson’s mom? She’s not ugly.”
Kurt pressed, “Why are you here, Karofsky?”
“Your glee club replaced you with Lauren Zizes.”
“I know. I hang out with my former glee-mates all the time. I live with Finn.”
“But you’re a better singer than her. You have a lady voice and she doesn’t. It’s funny.”
“It’s not that funny.”
“She sang some techno song for her tryout.”
This revealed an interesting tidbit. “You were there? No one told me you auditioned.”
“No. I went. I… maybe I thought about it. To get on Sylvester and Beiste’s good side,” he added quickly. “But I chickened out. It’d be like walking into the lion’s den. Who does that?”
“I joined football last year as the kicker.”
“I was still on hockey then. But I think I remember hearing about that. You’re braver than me. That’s why I’m surprised you haven’t come back. The football team’s been laying off the glee nerds since the championship game.”
“I’m not afraid of the football team.”
Karofsky’s familiar growl finally came out. “I told you I wasn’t gonna mess with you. You’re the idiot who kept poking me about some shit like I wanted to join the fruity club.”
“Why are you denying everything about yourself?”
“Because that’s the world we live in, Kurt! There are rules. Boys don’t wear pink or dresses. Girls don’t become football players or President. You grow up to be just like your dad and you don’t leave Lima. No one escapes Ohio; they get kicked out for sticking out. That’s how it works.”
“Be the change you see in the world,” Kurt quoted.
“You sound like a bad motivational poster.”
“That was Ghandi.”
“Is he some kind of gay rapper or something?”
“I’m just saying your life would be easier if you defied the norms.”
“Stop trying to help me! This isn’t about me, okay? You should come back to McKinley.”
“So you can push me into lockers more?”
“Why would I do that? I’ll get expelled. I have nothing to gain and everything to lose from you coming back. You, on the other hand, can go to your silly choir competition if you’re at McKinley and in glee again.”
Blaine came racing down the stairs, putting himself in front of Karofsky, puffing up his chest. “You can’t be here!”
“I’ve got a visitor’s badge.” He pointed to the hanging identification on his jacket.
“This is a safe place.”
“I haven’t hurt him. I haven’t even touched him. I haven’t even said anything mean. We were just having a nice conversation.”
“Kurt?” Blaine check, keeping his eyes on Karofsky.
“It’s fine, Blaine. We were done talking anyway.”
“Nice boyfriend,” Karofsky teased, “Did he come in a box with his own accessories?” He walked off.
Blaine put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. He was just… I don’t know… here.” He looked up lovingly. “I feel kind of honored that you came to my rescue.”
Blaine blushed. “I… care about you, okay? No one should have to go through that.”
“You probably shouldn’t have tried to take him on yourself. He’s bigger than both of us put together.”
“C’mon, Kurt, give me some credit.” He pointed up to the top of the stairs, where all the Warblers were standing. Kurt waved at his teammates.
Up at the top of the balcony, David whispered to Wes, “Are they still dancing around each other?”
“Looks like it,” Wes replied sadly, “Are we going to have to give him another sexy song to sing lead on so that he can flirt with Kurt some more?”
“Wouldn’t hurt. I could call Chloe and get her to bring the Starlings over. She’s been having Laurel bug me about letting them do a show for us, because Regionals is coming up. We could return the favor. I know you and Miranda haven’t had any time alone in a while.”
“Make the call.” He turned back to the Warblers and announced, “Brainstorming session in the lounge in five.”
Author’s Note: So, in a roundabout way, the “zorra” nickname and Santana’s use of the Batwoman the Lesbian Superheroine moniker kind of came together. Because, what fictional character is Batman based on? That’s right: Zorro.
Part 2