My reason for avoiding positions within the service industry that demand frequent customer interaction is that I am impatient and people are slow ( Read more... )

So I was reading some article or something. I remember either in the article or in the comments some chick being like "My bf thought it would be funny if he peed on me while I was in the shower ( Read more... )

tony: my tooth hurts. do you have any painkillers?
me: i have.. midol? it's.. for girls.
tony: (glares) if it makes me pregnant, i will kill you.

tony: "the niggers here think the white man is racist, but all the arabs fucking hate them. you know, back home a black man can't own land, they are treated like slave. everyone hate them. one time i was visiting my son in yemen, and we were on the second floor of the house. a black man walk by on the ground, and my son pull his dick out and piss ( Read more... )

tony: "don't get me wrong, not all niggers are bad. like, one out of a hundred is okay, have job, pay bills. but most of them stand outside all the time, wearing six, seven pairs of pants, trying to sell crack. they take that money and spend it on bitches in the bar, buy them marijuana. they spend all their money, they're always broke. why not just ( Read more... )

me: (mid-conversation) our dog is fixed.
tony: what does that mean?
me: they took his balls. no babies.
tony: back home, i knew a man who raised goats. he would pick out a few to breed. the rest, he would bite the balls until the muscle break. in a few days, the balls just shrivel up.
me: ... bite with his teeth?
tony: yeah.

rachel ( Read more... )

i was thinking about this the other day while scrubbing every key on the keyboard with clorox wipes. this is all i've got so far.

- run half a mile in shoes with uneven soles (one sole slightly thicker than the other)

it feels like the terminator is nesting in my uterus.

("lady" by styx plays on car radio)

me: "lady" is about the gayest word ever.

mom: "yeah, i know. it was a big thing back then. of course, that was before we knew to call it gay."