[Adstringendum Call-Out Post]
[This is the post where, if your character and Sango are set up for a conversation/offline and no immediate post or log is available, we can play out said interactions. Just slap up a comment with offline/type of media and perhaps a date, and go go go!]
This was why he was at the clinic now, wandering down the halls to where he'd learned her room was. He'd stop short in her doorway, not wanting to step in. He'd stare at her for a good minute in silence, at first being locked in horror at the sight of her. His expression twisted to anger, frustration, depression, and eventually he couldn't look at her anymore and instead just stared at the ground. His fists clenched tightly at his sides, the same fists he'd used to hurt her. ]
I... I did that... god Sango ... fuck... sorry doesn't even cover it.
[ His voice is breaking, fused thickly with the frustration he ( ... )
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[ No, because Rin doesn't trust that she could stand up to him if he ever made a mistake. With Shura, she could kick his ass seven ways to sunday. ]
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[She leans back a little and stares at the ceiling, that ridiculous smile frozen in place, and laughs again.]
Go on, you can say it. I know what you're thinking.
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Rin scowls, finally having enough of her smile when he was trying to be serious. ]
No you don't!! I need to learn to control myself but I'm not use you for the punching bag!
If you're looking to get beat up you can go to someone else cause it ain't gonna be me!!
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You say that like I go looking to get beat up. [She kind of does, but--just shut up okay.] But I understand if you don't want to.
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Don't you get it Sango?!? I could have killed you!! I'm a monster!! It doesn't get better!
So NO. I don't want to even think about possibly hurting you again!! Once was enough!!
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You're not a monster. [She would've liked to have that statement be much firmer and less happy-sounding, but she can't help it.] Maybe you have the potential to be, but you aren't. But if you keep up like that, you will be. Aspire to be a monster and you'll be a monster, Rin. You're right about one thing, though--it doesn't get better. You make it better.
Saying that you're a monster is giving up--it's taking the easy way out, blaming your actions on something you can't change when really, it's up to you to change it. I went into that battle knowing I could die and I didn't care, and you know why? [Still. Smiling.] It's because I would die to save you, in a heartbeat, because I care about you. I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't really make a point of caring about monsters.
[One arm is in a sling, so she stretches the other out towards him, though it too is bandaged.]
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Because while the notion was beyond caring, it only invoked heart break in the boy. ]
I don't want you to die to save me!! I don't want anyone else to ever do that for me again! So don't you fucking dare!![ His voice creaking with each sentence. ]
[ He'll see her extended arm through misty eyes, but he won't know what to do with it, so he stays at his spot in the doorway. ]
And maybe I should give up, I don't even know why I was allowed to live, if I can cause this much destruction... and damage... [ He trails off quietly, clenching his fists as the tears continue to fall. ]
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You told me once that you wanted to prove to people that your father was right in letting you live. He was. You're not a coward, Rin, but giving up is the coward's way out.
I know you can be great. I know you can be the Paladin. But not if you just give up.
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But she effectively shuts up him up for a few minutes. Not many people can talk the sense back into him when he gets this way. ]
... But I don't even know where to start. Tou-san... Yukio... they're both gone. And then I hurt so many others.
[ He'll lower his head, his breath hitching ever so slightly as he rubs at the stream of tears on one side of his face. ]
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[The tears are breaking her heart, as they always do, because it's pathetic and significant all at the same time, so much that the permanent smile on her face fades to a faint one.]
...come here, already.
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Still... at Sango's instruction he hesitantly walks into the room, stopping just short of her bedside. Fortunately he's within reach even if he isn't making any moves to make contact. ]
I'm sorry...
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Didn't I tell you I knew what would happen? Let it go.
[It's impossible to tell how much is being evented and how much is Sango recognizing a little brother's need, but it doesn't really matter; she stretches (painfully but he doesn't need to know that) up with her good arm to hook him around the neck for a hug.]
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Not only because moving away would hurt her more, but because even if he didn't know it, he desperately needed this type of comfort. So for a moment Rin simply lets her hold onto him, and keep them against one another.
It's when his heart beat picks up, that he slowly allows himself to burry his face into her shoulder wrap his arms around her. She was injured, and he was already cautious of giving hugs to people, so it wouldn't too crushing. He can't think of anything to say, but the shake his shoulders give is proof enough that he appreciated and needed what she was doing. ]
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[A boy that is both Rin and Kohaku, and the parallels kill her. The only difference is that she's too busy needing Kohaku to need Rin the way he needs her.]
[Rin, of course, would be so much easier to prioritize. Yes, he has his own baggage, but he's someone that Sango is actually allowed to hug and smile and reminisce with, unlike Kohaku. She would be so much happier in general if she could just let go of Kohaku.]
[But she can't, because he's Kohaku, because he is her brother, and Rin, as much one as he might be, is not. That is how it is, always has been, and always will be.]
[ ( ... )
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