you know i love your stuff! so it's not a big thing and i think it's really a style issue more than anything else - just that sometimes i get a bit lost amongst all your sentences. i like the stream of consciousness thing, but sometimes i guess i just lose the point halfway into the paragraph (but i find it!)
can't say I'm very surprised. :) it's something a little bit harder to fix, because I usually can follow my own train of thought, but I forget that the reader doesn't sit in my head and doesn't share the same set of associations. so I'll work on this!
I didn't realise this, but I think I know what you mean because my very old texts were even worse in this aspect. I don't know why I seem to be scared of simplicity, but I'll try to keep this in mind. thank you soso much for sharing this thought. ♥
While there's very little to fault in your fic, the one thing I could say is that sometimes in your more dialogue-heavy work I lose track of who's saying what. You don't always indicate it, and going back and rereading and trying to work it out sort of takes me out of the story.
The other thing is your work occasionally suffers from what my beta likes to call "mood whiplash" - I noticed it because it's something I do all the time and she picks me up on it. >< "Mood whiplash" is when the fic jerks the reader too quickly from one mood to another - say, pure comedy to horrifying - and it's disorienting. You could justify this, however, on the basis that many Japanese pop cultural texts - especially manga and anime - are choc full of mood whiplash in a way that wouldn't seem quite right in the west.
On the other hand, I actually disagree with faiee - I really like your long, complex sentences!
ah, the stray dialogue lines. sometimes I'm even conscious of them being left without a clearly indicated speaker, I don't really know why I do this. I will definitely be more careful about this.
I'm not sure how I feel about the "mood whiplash" thing, though. that is, I know what you mean, but I've never been aware of it and I will have to try looking for it and seeing the problem.
and that is very relieving, I have to say. :D I always wonder if my sentences make sense because English seems to prefer simplicity more often than not?
thank you~ for pointing all these out, it's very much useful. ♥
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just.. so you know? :P
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thank you thank you thank you ♥
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I didn't realise this, but I think I know what you mean because my very old texts were even worse in this aspect. I don't know why I seem to be scared of simplicity, but I'll try to keep this in mind. thank you soso much for sharing this thought. ♥
...and I know. XD
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The other thing is your work occasionally suffers from what my beta likes to call "mood whiplash" - I noticed it because it's something I do all the time and she picks me up on it. >< "Mood whiplash" is when the fic jerks the reader too quickly from one mood to another - say, pure comedy to horrifying - and it's disorienting. You could justify this, however, on the basis that many Japanese pop cultural texts - especially manga and anime - are choc full of mood whiplash in a way that wouldn't seem quite right in the west.
On the other hand, I actually disagree with faiee - I really like your long, complex sentences!
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I'm not sure how I feel about the "mood whiplash" thing, though. that is, I know what you mean, but I've never been aware of it and I will have to try looking for it and seeing the problem.
and that is very relieving, I have to say. :D I always wonder if my sentences make sense because English seems to prefer simplicity more often than not?
thank you~ for pointing all these out, it's very much useful. ♥
Reply
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