[STICKIED] Community Question Post #42 - THE OTHER "F" WORD

[theidolhands]

Each week we post a new question for the members of the community to answer! As usual, if you have a question you'd like to see answered by the community, leave it in a comment on this post.

theidolhands asks: Can you recall a time that a co-worker really ticked you off or rubbed you the wrong way and you came to forgive them? Why

Comments

[awkward_as_heck]

I've posted about Obnoxious before, summary of the saga is basically she bad mouthed/undermined me in front of staff/students. I didn't talked to her for months because she didn't apologise. She eventually did and whilst I wouldn't say I trust her or want to be her friend I have forgiven her and talk to her (though I reserve the right to hold the incidents against her in the future).

[theidolhands]

I commend you and fully agree!

[classics_lover]

When my Dad was in hospital dealing with cancer one of my (now) former managers was having a night out celebrating what had become a contract change (it was originally her leaving do until she got a new contract at the last minute) she asked me why was I not going to her do. I replied to the effect that my Dad was in hospital and I would be visiting him. Her reply was "But you can see him any time."

The only reason I didn't fall out with her over it is that I understand her really dry, deapan sense of humour. She comes out with these outrageous statements and doesn't laugh but watches to see other people's reactions. I took it in the spirit intended although I never forgot it. Jokes like that, told to the wrong person could have terrible repercussions.

[theidolhands]

Yeah, a society that embraced more kindness in a situation like that, rather than some absurd attempt to be clever/snarky AND using your power over the person (since they're a manager) would've gone over better. Golly, she must be insecure.

I had a manager like that too. I still owe him a punch in the gut.

We'll see what happens when it's her father, but you're a good soul to have let it go.

[kharmii]

Had to ponder this one for a bit because it takes a lot for a long time to get me angry in the first place. If I've gotten to the point where I actually dislike somebody or get resentful of them -because I try my best to get along with everybody- then it's usually because I think they are unredeeming and worthless

[theidolhands]

Very well said and I really relate. I try to soften the blow with advice by using very polite terms (or try to) but that's me, still I know I've offended people with advice when they apparently wanted none. *but were unclear on that

Thank you for all the times you've tried to help me and not taking it personal if the advice didn't work out.

[kharmii]

I enjoy getting advice from people because it makes me feel as if they are putting enough thought into what I'm saying to be inspired to contribute. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way.

[theidolhands]

Yup

[ellex42]

It takes a fair amount of effort to get in my bad graces. You have to actually work at it (not just be a lazy ass who doesn't want to do their job). I've never met anyone who managed to redeem themselves.

Like Sweeney Todd, I never forget and I never forgive! But once those people are out of my life, I don't give them another thought.

[theidolhands]

Bonus points for quoting Sweeney Todd.

[ellex42]

It's seldom I can point to one thing and say "that's my favorite", but Sweeney Todd is my all-time favorite musical. I was incredibly disappointed by the Tim Burton film, but I have both the George Hearn/Angela Lansbury version from 1983 and the George Hearn/Patti LuPone concert version from 2001, which are excellent.

You can't talk about forgiveness (or lack thereof) without a nod to Sweeney Todd.

[theidolhands]

I was disappointed in it as well and I am an (obvious) devotee of some of their work (which doesn't mean I'm a devotee of Depp himself). I felt like I couldn't cut through a lot of fandom squealing to lodge a complain though.

I mean, it looks cool in still shots, but overall it didn't capture the essence of the plays I'd enjoyed. The judge wasn't creepy or old enough looking (although of course I enjoy Rickman's work) and Todd stood out far too much as a cartoon image to go by unsuspected by townsfolk (which was a huge appeal for me).

The only part that I liked was the child being a child (as opposed to a man-child), that was an okay twist imo & made the drunk scene hilarious as well as shocking.

[rusti_knight]

I had another designer come waltzing into the newspaper world and end up our department supervisor somehow or another. She would complain when she was given a week to put together a magazine when the three of us doing the daily ads had barely 30 minutes sometimes to cough something up into InDesign.

Looking back I think she was honestly trying to motivate us the only way she knew how but it fell really, really flat, telling the ad reps that if they didn't want any thought put into their ads to bring them over to us instead of her. And intentionally loud enough for us to overhear across the cube aisle. It irritated me but it mortally offended my cube neighbor.

I ended up having to tell her to knock it off, it wasn't helping, but thinking about it now I'm not angry. I don't work for that newspaper anymore and ultimately she's the one that has to live with herself.