Comments | co_workers_suck: [STICKIED] Community Question Post #42

theidolhands in co_workers_suck

[STICKIED] Community Question Post #42 - THE OTHER "F" WORD

Jul 24, 2015 03:18

Each week we post a new question for the members of the community to answer! As usual, if you have a question you'd like to see answered by the community, leave it in a comment on this post.

theidolhands asks: Can you recall a time that a co-worker really ticked you off or rubbed you the wrong way and you came to forgive them? Why ( Read more... )

justice is served, we're cool but not that cool, *theme post, overreacting, unfair treatment, who do you think you are?!, backstabber, exile, everything falls apart

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kharmii July 24 2015, 19:11:43 UTC

Had to ponder this one for a bit because it takes a lot for a long time to get me angry in the first place. If I've gotten to the point where I actually dislike somebody or get resentful of them -because I try my best to get along with everybody- then it's usually because I think they are unredeeming and worthless.

My husband had this lifelong friend who he said he got along with because, not only was he a good listener, but he would listen to her vent without trying to offer advice or judgement. I'm not like that. I'm an alright listener, but I feel the need to contribute. After all, I don't have to listen to people, right? -And it's awfully charitable to let people unburden on me in the first place.

Sometimes I've clashed with people because: 1.) People want to complain about the same thing over and over without doing what it takes to change. When a person offers advice, it's taken with resentment. 2.) People will be okay with giving me advice, but if I give advice, it's taken with disdain because for whatever reason people don't respect my equal status. 3.) People will patronize me or speak in a condescending tone because maybe they think my life experiences are so different that I can't possibly understand.

Calling out #1 makes people madder, but I've called out #2-3 and got somewhere with some individuals. Then we'd be good again.

theidolhands July 25 2015, 05:08:19 UTC

Very well said and I really relate. I try to soften the blow with advice by using very polite terms (or try to) but that's me, still I know I've offended people with advice when they apparently wanted none. *but were unclear on that

Thank you for all the times you've tried to help me and not taking it personal if the advice didn't work out.

kharmii July 25 2015, 21:30:53 UTC

I enjoy getting advice from people because it makes me feel as if they are putting enough thought into what I'm saying to be inspired to contribute. Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way.

theidolhands July 26 2015, 02:58:44 UTC

Yup

gamingkitty July 25 2015, 13:38:47 UTC

I try not to get upset at people giving advice, even if the advice isn't really applicable. I have more problems when the other person doesn't let me finish before "you MUST do X, Y, and Z!".

And sometimes I just need to vent to let off pressure so I can think clearly about the situation.

kharmii July 25 2015, 21:33:41 UTC

I have more problems when the other person doesn't let me finish before "you MUST do X, Y, and Z!".

That's understandable. I let people finish before giving advice. I believe there are some personality types who see all kinds of advice as being like that example, as if giving advice were a threat to his/her authority, or maybe they think a person is being a know-it-all, idk.

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