it's a lonely time for yours truly

[foldedsteel]

WHO: Tifa Reno lol
WHEN: uh. Thurs May 29th late, prolly Fri May 30th in the wee hours
WHERE: Reno's place. Particularly, Reno's bed. And then elsewhere.
WHAT: Lol not what you think.
WARNINGS: Naked. Still not what you think.
COMPLETED

Comments

[cynicalnevada]

Reno hadn't heard her leave so much as he'd felt her leave. He had always been a very light sleeper, and so when she would sometimes get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water or...whatever it was she did from time to time, he sort of slid halfway into consciousness, and then lingered in that half-asleep limbo until she returned, unwilling to go back to sleep without her there. There was something very fundamentally wrong about sleeping without her there, he thought. He just...couldn't quite bring himself to do it. And so he would wait, still and silent, for her to return.

But this time she didn't come back the way she usually did. He frowned groggily when he reached over to her side of the bed and found it cold--she'd been gone for a good twenty minutes this time, and unless something about Cassandra's meatloaf had really not agreed with her, there was no reason for that. Sitting up slowly, Reno cocked an ear when an unusual sound registered to his brain, and he made a face

[foldedsteel]

She wasn't sure if she'd fallen asleep or just cried herself into some sort of stupor, but when the water suddenly went cold, as water in apartment complexes was sometimes wont to do, she jerked fully awake, lifting her face to the cold rainfall and heaving a long, weary sigh.

It was time to stop wasting Sandy's money.

So she rose and shut the water off, grabbing a towel and planting her face into it, just standing there a long moment, shivering. But she finally stepped out of the shower, drying off and wrapping her long hair up in the towel, yowling softly as she bashed her hip into the counter in the dark.

She couldn't find her clothes...and they were all snotty and gross anyway. Nngh, whatever. She needed clean clothes and those were in Reno's room, and he was asleep and...well shit.

She supposed she could walk back naked. It was just down the hall, and no one was going to be awake at four in the morning anyhow. And Reno would never complain about her being naked, at least not when they were alone

[cynicalnevada]

Reno had apparently nodded off where he'd been perched outside the door, because when it opened inward behind him, he snapped awake at the sudden shift in equilibrium, and let out an unbecoming cry of alarm as he lost his balance and pitched backward, slamming into...Tifa's legs. It was dark, and Reno was disoriented and groggy, and it might have been just as well, because Tifa was very naked and he was in a very good position to see straight up her miles of legs. Not that he hadn't seen what was at the end of that road before, but there was something alarming about falling backward into your naked girlfriend's shins and then eyeballing her from a low angle. It was just...weird.

And so he scrabbled to get his bearings, suddenly very awake, and he might have gasped something like an apology but he honestly wasn't sure

[foldedsteel]

She was...speechless. "Y--wha--R--wh--y--di--R--?!"

Yeah, definitely speechless.

But then it slowly occurred to her that he'd...noticed she was gone, and come looking for her, and realized she was showering, and gotten her clothes, and brought them out to her, and waited for her to come out so he could give them to her, and we was the most wonderful accident-prone awkward foot-in-mouth gentleman-jerkface she'd ever known and she didn't deserve him

[foldedsteel]

"No, I'm fine," she insisted defensively, realizing too late that this was the wrong thing to say; she stood and took the clothes from him, rifling through them in the dark and getting dressed, pretending she hadn't said anything non sequitur. "Here, I'm done now--sorry I kept you up. Let's just...go back to bed now, okay

[cynicalnevada]

He didn't believe her, but didn't argue. He was no good at arguing with girls, because when a boy argued with a girl he always lost, no matter how compelling his argument may have been. Planting his hands on the wall, he got to his feet and frowned puzzledly at her.

"...Okay," was all he said, and extended a hand to guide her through the dark toward his bedroom.

[foldedsteel]

She took his hand in her cold, shaking fingers, and followed him back to his room. Tifa sank wearily back onto the bed, pulling the towel down off her head and rubbing down her damp hair, which was wet without actually being conditioned, so it felt weird, raw and rusty, almost squeaky. A long heavy sigh flickered out of her and she just shook her head, drawing up her legs and hugging her knees a moment before slowly tipping herself over to lie on her side, still in that fetal position. "...Reno?" she murmured softly, torn between saying something stupid and sappy and...telling him something substantial.

She hadn't been substantial in so long. She wasn't able to afford it; no one could know who she was, what she was...she'd had to chuckle along blithely as people laughed about torching her home, killing her father... Laugh! She didn't know how to be vulnerable anymore. It felt wrong, almost, like studying hard for a test and then failing on purpose, or training hard for a marathon and then getting wasted the night before

[cynicalnevada]

He closed the door behind him and followed her to the bed, sitting down on the edge beside her where she had sort of flopped down unceremoniously, and he frowned sidelong at her. He plunked a hand down on the curve of her side and shook his head then. "I don't," he said, and then frowned, looking perplexed. "...Wish you wasn't...weren't... Uhm..." He paused, then tried again. "I'm...I wouldn't want you to be different, yo," he finally settled on, venturing something like a smile. "You're independent and fierce and strong and not like most girls I've ever met. You'd punch a guy in the face before you'd let him take advantage of you, yo, and that's pretty impressive

[foldedsteel]

"...Huh?"

Well, that had been...unexpected. She had...no idea what to say to that, and so for a long time she just sat there, face pressed to his chest, breathing the scent of him, her body shaking. "I don't think--...I do, don't I?" whispered Tifa after a while. "Look, I just--I'm not... I can't be..."

Great, how was she supposed to explain this? "...No one's ever cared before. You think--you think I like this? I like being alone in the dark with ghosts and glassy eyes?! Be a girl and let someone protect me--I never had that luxury, Reno!" Her voice was tight, a little higher-pitched than normal. "I couldn't tell anyone anything! I was the only kid in fourth grade who wasn't allowed to talk about her mother; I couldn't even--not even my dad... It...hurt him too much; I--I couldn't-- Reno, you think I wanted to be this strong? There's no strength in me; I just hide my weakness. If--...if I was really strong, then I wouldn't hurt like I do. If I were strong...then I wouldn't be this way. I can't--sometimes I can't--I wish

[cynicalnevada]

He tightened his grip on her shoulders and shook her gently. "Will you listen to yourself?" he cried softly. "You... Maybe you didn't have the luxury then, but you have it now! Whatever you want to call what you are, you don't have to be like this anymore! You didn't learn anything but how to clam up and let everything you're afraid of fester inside you like some sort of...rot, babe, and it's..." He shook his head. "You scare the hell out of me sometimes, yanno? You have eyes that belong to someone three times your age, yo."

And he shook his head again, lowering his brow onto her shoulder and sighed softly into her skin. "Nobody else is gonna die, okay?" he said then. "Elena's not gonna die...I'm not gonna die--you're not gonna die. I won't have it. Are we clear? Do you understand me, Tifa?" He hugged her tightly. "We've lost enough. You've lost enough. I won't let you lose anything else, okay?" He grit his teeth. "They can't have Elena, and they can't have you, and if I have to kill every last one of them myself

[foldedsteel]

"Life runs out fast in Vegas," she whispered softly as he accused her of having old eyes. "Maybe I am three times your age..." But apparently he didn't hear her; he went right on talking, and she just whimpered and cried quietly into his shoulder until he pulled back, trying to catch her gaze with those sad eyes of his.

There were tears on her cheeks and everything in her was telling her she needed to leave, to go get a hold on herself, but as she tugged experimentally at his grasp, he held tight, just as she expected he would. And he asked about her mother.

I don't like talking about it. Please don't ask me. She could still hear her youthful voice dismissing friends and teachers with the same rote response.

But not Reno. Not Reno--Reno was different. Reno said she could be different. With Reno she wasn't just a pair of legs wearing a nice rack and a pair of big brown eyes with no name and no past. She was Tifa, Tifa Lockhart, and his father killed her father and her quest for revenge had almost gotten the both of them killed too

[cynicalnevada]

Reno sat still for a moment, unsure of what to make of all of this. Her mother...her mother had been shot in the head, right in front of her. Reno had never put any thought into keeping track, as it were, of perhaps who had seen worse things in their day, but somehow knowing that Tifa did know how it felt to watch someone be shot right in front of her made him feel less alienated for having wept over Lula's body that night. She had known how it felt. She knew, maybe even better than he did--she'd lost her own mother that way. Reno had loved his crazy aunt dearly, but had it been his mother who had fallen down dead in front of him, Reno probably wouldn't have been able to function.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, Reno reached out and gathered Tifa into his arms, holding her gently against his chest, her head tucked beneath his chin.

"I'm...sorry," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have asked, I..." He shook his head. "Shit, babe, I..."

He didn't know what to say. What could he say?

[foldedsteel]

"You sound like my dad," she chuckled softly, smiling up at him with wet eyes. "I'm sorry. I worry, a lot. More than I should, probably." Slowly, she lifted her left hand and caught his hand at her chin, bringing his knuckles to her lips. "I'm just...not used to all this. Any of this. No one ever cares about me; I've never had...anyone...just ask if I was okay. I mean in a way where they actually wanted an answer. You know. People always ask, 'You okay?' but they don't want to hear about it. They just want 'Yeah I'm fine' so they can go 'Oh okay' and get on with their lives. ...So...sorry." She moved his hand to press her cheek against it. "I guess I just get into default mode and forget that I can tell you. I've never told anyone before, any of this. You're like...the first person I've ever really talked to since my dad died

[cynicalnevada]

"Would that I actually had wings, yo," he chuckled, holding his free arm up over her to illustrate. "I guess I could say something super-corny like you'd be the wind beneath them, but it's a little late for that much cheese." Reno smiled, then sighed and shook his head. "Look, Tif, I don' run out on people. Not...not on purpose, anyway. I kinda bailed on Elena when she really needed me when her sister died, and I feel like shit for it. I wasn't really thinking about the people I was leaving behind when I ran off to Vegas, and I see that now, yo. But I never left because I was trying to abandon her. I guess I just wasn't really used to having people counting on me." He looked puzzled. "So I guess we've both got some learning to do, eh?" he asked. "Me, how to be leaned on and you...how to lean."

[foldedsteel]

"You...are a very huge dork," she informed him softly, breathing out a sigh and leaning forward into his chest, settling her arms around his waist. "Feels weird," she confided in him, giggling and making to push him over, leaning harder and harder, though she was still mindful of her arm. "Think you can handle it?"

Reno was right. It was way too late at night for that much cheese, but the thought was still very much appreciated. Still, after so much somber discussion, it felt good to poke fun; the humor made everything lighter.

[cynicalnevada]

He rolled his eyes and leaned back, then cracked up laughing and planted a hand on the wall to hold himself up when she leaned harder than really he had the energy to withstand without aid.

"You cheater," he snorted; "that ain't what I meant and you know it." He twisted and let go of the wall, wrapping both his arms around her and pitching back to the mattress, taking her with him and making sure to mind where her injured arm fell.

He sighed then, rolling onto his back with her pillowed on one of his arms. "I bailed on Elena once already," he said softly; "I ain't bailin' on her this time, yo." He nudged her head gently with his shoulder. "We'll get her back. I promise. And then? I'll handle both of you leaning on me, yo." He chuckled triumphantly. "I ain't fallin' over anymore. Just you wait and see, yo."