it's a lonely time for yours truly

[foldedsteel]

WHO: Tifa Reno lol
WHEN: uh. Thurs May 29th late, prolly Fri May 30th in the wee hours
WHERE: Reno's place. Particularly, Reno's bed. And then elsewhere.
WHAT: Lol not what you think.
WARNINGS: Naked. Still not what you think.
COMPLETED

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[foldedsteel]

She took his hand in her cold, shaking fingers, and followed him back to his room. Tifa sank wearily back onto the bed, pulling the towel down off her head and rubbing down her damp hair, which was wet without actually being conditioned, so it felt weird, raw and rusty, almost squeaky. A long heavy sigh flickered out of her and she just shook her head, drawing up her legs and hugging her knees a moment before slowly tipping herself over to lie on her side, still in that fetal position. "...Reno?" she murmured softly, torn between saying something stupid and sappy and...telling him something substantial.

She hadn't been substantial in so long. She wasn't able to afford it; no one could know who she was, what she was...she'd had to chuckle along blithely as people laughed about torching her home, killing her father... Laugh! She didn't know how to be vulnerable anymore. It felt wrong, almost, like studying hard for a test and then failing on purpose, or training hard for a marathon and then getting wasted the night before.

"I'm sorry," she all but whispered, planting her forehead on her knees. She didn't really explain what she was sorry for, though she did offer up a bit of elaboration, "I...wish I wasn't like this."

[cynicalnevada]

He closed the door behind him and followed her to the bed, sitting down on the edge beside her where she had sort of flopped down unceremoniously, and he frowned sidelong at her. He plunked a hand down on the curve of her side and shook his head then. "I don't," he said, and then frowned, looking perplexed. "...Wish you wasn't...weren't... Uhm..." He paused, then tried again. "I'm...I wouldn't want you to be different, yo," he finally settled on, venturing something like a smile. "You're independent and fierce and strong and not like most girls I've ever met. You'd punch a guy in the face before you'd let him take advantage of you, yo, and that's pretty impressive."

He knew that wasn't what she was talking about.

He sighed then, shifting a bit to lie down behind her, folding an arm over her side and propping his jaw against his other fist. "You're...not really okay, are you." It wasn't really a question. He sighed. "Come on, what happened?" he asked. "You've been really out of sorts lately; you don't still blame yourself for what happened, do you?" He shook his head again. "We'll get Elena back, trust me, yo. I ain't gonna let those bastards keep her. If anything, it was my fault for pissing her off and making her leave the house in the first place." He quickly placed two fingers sideways across her lips when she undoubtedly moved to protest.

"No," he said firmly. "Stop trying to make this your fault and tell me what's really bothering you." He rested his chin in the hollow of her neck. "Why were you showering at 4am, babe?"

[foldedsteel]

"So I could pretend it was just raining," she whispered brokenly, tucking her chin to break the contact between his fingers and her lips. "So I could pretend it wasn't me. So I...didn't have to hear myself. I wasn't really showering; I'm no cleaner now than I was. Maybe I should go back and do it properly--my hair feels like I just stepped out of the pool." Okay that was a lie, it wasn't that bad (she'd showered just before going to bed, so the conditioner in her hair had pretty much just rehydrated and rinsed out), but she was trying to avoid the subject.

"I--I couldn't save her," she whimpered, gritting her teeth so tightly her jaw ached. "She was...right there, and I couldn't save her. The blood and the glass and--and when I woke up in the hospital and she was gone, and I couldn't--I couldn't even stand at the funeral; they didn't want me to go and...I just...sat there...and it was like there was still blood on my hands, still--and--and she--" Her voice broke and she scoffed, or tried to, the sound something mutilated and agonized, breathy, like something dying. "She--fuck."

Well, she'd tried. She clearly wasn't capable of talking about anything rationally; as soon as she tried, everything in her just seized up and shook, and Reno was right there, right there and listening to her voice quake and tremble, his arm around her feeling her body tense and taut, and she shook her head, shook her head like it could dislodge every bad memory. "Nothing. Nevermind. Just--just go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you; I shouldn't keep you up even longer. Just--"

[cynicalnevada]

Reno jumped as she spoke. Couldn't save her? Save who? Lula? That hadn't been-- Wait, glass? There hadn't been any glass...well, from the window, sure, but... Was she talking about Elena? There had been glass there, apparently; she'd had some nasty cuts. Er... Hospital? She hadn't been unconscious at the hospital, had she? She'd been kinda woozy, and...she hadn't mentioned that-- Wait funeral?

What the hell was she talking about?

"Tif...babe, what are you--?" Aaaand then with the brushing off. She always did this. She always did this! As soon as she started to open up and tell him what was going on in that cluttered-up head of hers, she'd balk and stop short and apologize like it was a sin that she even felt vulnerable...like how dare she ask a friend to listen to her problems?? Really. It was like she thought friendship was a two-way street or something.

He put his hand over her mouth again as she tried to tell him it was nothing, and he sat up, sliding a hand beneath her neck and reaching around to take her shoulder with the other, pulling her into a tight hug that pressed her face against his chest.

"Why do you think I'm an asshole?" he asked sharply. "Why do you think I don't care about what upsets you? Do you honestly think I'm that mean? That cold? Why won't you ever tell me why you're so strong all the time? You don't have to be--why won't you just be a girl and let me protect you sometimes?" He shook his head, scowling. "You're...making me look bad, yo."