Missing: Mark G. Meltzer

[iheartufos]

Um, hi. This is Phil Isidore, radioing from call number Zebra-Niner-Zebra-Uncle-Foxtrot-Oscar.

Anybody seen a guy named Mark Meltzer? His daughter Cindy got kidnapped some time ago and I helped him track down any helpful info. When he found out where she was, he took a cruise on a ship called the Nellie Bly.

He left a bunch of notes and pictures

Comments

[objectivismlol]

More of you? GO HOME, LOSERS.

[iheartufos]

You haven't seen Mark or Cindy, have you, Mister?

It's a little hard for me to go home, just getting here was pretty damn tough.

[objectivismlol]

I might have...

/STERN

What's it to you? Did anyone invite you down here?

[iheartufos]

M-mark Meltzer? He counts...I think.

[mmhsocommongood]

Mr. Isidore, I'm so glad you arrived! My name is Dr. Sofia Lamb and Mark has told me so much about you. He is perfectly fine by the way and I am sure you will meet him soon.

Incidentally, if the leaks worry you I would be more than happy to provide you with one of our special diving suits - they are the latest fashion down here and Mark really recommends them, too!

[iheartufos]

I found him, but thank you anyway, Dr. Lamb.

He told you all about me? Squee!

I d-don't know about those diving suits - they look awfully hot and heavy. And I'm kinda used to the leaks already.

[mmhsocommongood]

You may be okay with the leaks now, but you never know when the next psychopath comes along, smashes a pipe and sends hundreds and hundreds of people to their watery graves just because he found out that hitting a note seems so much easier accomplished when you're drunk.

Hot and heavy you say? That describes a lot down here, actually. Don't underestimate our technology, it is so much more comfortable than it looks as I'm sure your dear friend Mark can confirm.

[iheartufos]

Oh. Oh dear. There's that many psychopaths walking around? Isn't there any police force down here? Or military or something? Is that why I nearly got killed earlier?

Um...I think I'll ask Mark first. J-just to be safe. I'm getting bad vibes off of this.

[not_harry_mason]

[there's a surprised-sounding whale noise from over here.]

Woah.

No way.

Phil?

[iheartufos]

M-mark?

Is that you? In the diving suit?

I knew I'd find you down here! Studying the notes you left in your underwear drawer on your desk proved me right!

/tackleglomp

[not_harry_mason]

Phil! I've missed you down here, you crazy guy. :D

/REUNION HUGS

[iheartufos]

He hugged me back! *squeeeeee*

What's been going on? Why are you in that diving suit - Dr. Lamb wants me to wear one, too, is it really as comfortable and safe as she said? Did you find Cindy? Is she okay?

[urmothergoose]

There are no such things as UFOs.

Your sister was not taken by little green men.

[iheartufos]

She's not my sister. And how do you know there's no such things, lady? They could be watching us RIGHT NOW, even underwater!

[mmhsocommongood]

No, she is right for a change, we haven't been producing little green men since the 1930s.

[iheartufos]

You haven't? But surely you've saved a few somewhere!

Am I allowed to see? Or do I need some sort of official ID or clearance? I'm the head of the National Unidentified Flying Object Society in Baltimore. Need my card? I got it right here next to Mark's lucky pair of boxers.

[In which Stango is a hateful asshole]

[wildmustango]

No wonder Meltzer's such a fuckup, hangin' around crackpots like you.

[not_harry_mason]

If we want your opinion, we'll--

No, who am I kidding, we'll never want your opinion.

[wildmustango]

;-;

[not_harry_mason]

>:I