New strategy needed?
anonymous
May 24 2009, 18:55:39 UTC
You could avoid "bearing all," but rather censor yourself just a little bit as if you were convincing someone (maybe yourself) of the validity of your stance. However, we all need to have a separate/parallel no-holds-barred "think tank" in our mind or paper in some form.
Re: New strategy needed?ceruleanxstarMay 24 2009, 21:01:50 UTC
fyi: baring, not bearing. What you say is true - of course I want to control what is presented to other people in order to convince myself and them that my stance is justified. Controlling information is a critical form of defense. (Ugh, that sentence sounded as if it were straight from my intel agencies class.)
The other way to a no-holds-barred form is to do everything anonymously, something that's been adopted by many lj communities with more risque material. Your own anonymity makes it easier to reply to this.
I think I almost know what you mean. I used to have an anonymous journal on a virtually unknown website which I posted almost everything about myself onto, with the exception of maintaining my anonymity. It included some very personal things, but nobody knew me, so all was good.
My mistake came with introducing two of my closest friends to my journal. Suddenly the safety of my anonymity that allowed me to write without a second thought became awkward, carefully considered and effectively everything I didn't want it to be. That's part of the reason I'm here, actually.
If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened to you to prompt the change?
I've gone through similar experiences where anonymity frees you to write certain things, and then losing it simultaneously might gain you recognition (in a good way) and also lead to awkwardness. I write fiction and while it's fictional, obviously reading it does give people access to what I think...it becomes very difficult to write what I want because I've become so conscious of my audience and how others will perceive my work. (This is also why I can't write anything creative at all if someone is leaning over my shoulder and reading it. Or, for that matter of fact, I nearly failed an AP Calculus test before because my teacher decided to stand next to me for the entire hour while scrutinizing my work
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I feel exactly the same way about people looking over my shoulder. I simply refuse to work if anybody tries to observe me while I'm working, because nothing makes me feel more uneasy and if I'm uneasy then I'm 100x more likely to make silly mistakes, which will make me even more uneasy because my mistakes were observed! It's a vicious cycle. I prefer to write things in draft form, then revise and revise my work until I'm finally happy with it, and *then* I'll let a few people see
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It's what I needmytattyteddyMay 26 2009, 08:10:50 UTC
I have always had a journal. I have had my journals used against me. I wrote freely on my kitchen table, with a few lit candles to write by. I have always believed in the power of words
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Re: It's what I needbeatrixasteriskMay 26 2009, 19:38:34 UTC
I understand you completely. Strangers are the best people to talk to, for me. I'm surprised when people say they don't like talking about their lives to strangers.
I've had my journals used against me. I've had my online ones exploited and read and rudely commented on by people who I thought were my friends. Now I've moved to a different blog, a different name. I keep it to myself now. My friends won't ever see the light of it.
Re: It's what I needmytattyteddyJune 3 2009, 08:12:28 UTC
But at the same time, don't you feel the need to be honest to your friends? It's as if you can never truly be yourself to your friends then - which makes me, at least, question why they are my friends, or whether my true friends are those that I can show my journal to without fear. I keep a private, written journal, and then another xanga for fun (to entertain friends and to post things that others might find interesting or useful, like my song translations) and then a livejournal that's increasingly becoming more like my private journal since typing is so much faster than writing.
Exploited perfectly describes how I felt...there's a certain inequality in opening yourself up so much to others, handing them so much power because you give them such direct insight into yourself, your emotional states, everything.
I guess that's why I'm most comfortable with strangers. There's a certain helpful distance and no fear of judgment, but at the same time you can really connect with others sometimes.
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The other way to a no-holds-barred form is to do everything anonymously, something that's been adopted by many lj communities with more risque material. Your own anonymity makes it easier to reply to this.
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My mistake came with introducing two of my closest friends to my journal. Suddenly the safety of my anonymity that allowed me to write without a second thought became awkward, carefully considered and effectively everything I didn't want it to be. That's part of the reason I'm here, actually.
If you don't mind me asking, what exactly happened to you to prompt the change?
Ed
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I've had my journals used against me. I've had my online ones exploited and read and rudely commented on by people who I thought were my friends. Now I've moved to a different blog, a different name. I keep it to myself now. My friends won't ever see the light of it.
Reply
Exploited perfectly describes how I felt...there's a certain inequality in opening yourself up so much to others, handing them so much power because you give them such direct insight into yourself, your emotional states, everything.
I guess that's why I'm most comfortable with strangers. There's a certain helpful distance and no fear of judgment, but at the same time you can really connect with others sometimes.
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