Lock and Key
Please refer to the links above for anything writing or fanfiction related. This is my personal livejournal.
Most entries are locked. I write here mainly for myself. I rant about my fears and doubts and despairs. I'd rather not have to worry about worrying other people too. This used to be a private journal that I left on the table for strangers to read. But having had it once used against me, I am reluctant to bare myself to the eyes of people who don't understand. Stranger-to-stranger is fine. Sharing personal thoughts with strangers doesn't create pressure at all; you can be yourself and they can take it or leave it. Once you share your personal thoughts with someone you know, however, the natural thing to do is to start censoring yourself, to start presenting yourself. With every attempt to control how others perceive you, some bit of honesty is lost.
Somewhere in the house, there must be a mirror that you can use in order to see yourself without makeup on. Yes, even selfish whims and petty vindictiveness. Even buried grudges and momentary irritations. You can't write it out as catharsis if you're worried that other people will remember it forever, though. The problem, or beauty, of writing is that it takes impermanent innermost thoughts and makes them permanent, directed presentations.
Most entries are locked. I write here mainly for myself. I rant about my fears and doubts and despairs. I'd rather not have to worry about worrying other people too. This used to be a private journal that I left on the table for strangers to read. But having had it once used against me, I am reluctant to bare myself to the eyes of people who don't understand. Stranger-to-stranger is fine. Sharing personal thoughts with strangers doesn't create pressure at all; you can be yourself and they can take it or leave it. Once you share your personal thoughts with someone you know, however, the natural thing to do is to start censoring yourself, to start presenting yourself. With every attempt to control how others perceive you, some bit of honesty is lost.
Somewhere in the house, there must be a mirror that you can use in order to see yourself without makeup on. Yes, even selfish whims and petty vindictiveness. Even buried grudges and momentary irritations. You can't write it out as catharsis if you're worried that other people will remember it forever, though. The problem, or beauty, of writing is that it takes impermanent innermost thoughts and makes them permanent, directed presentations.