Fic: Jack´s secret - Ianto/Jack - R/NC17 - Torchwood - Part: 4/6 + Epilogue
Title: Jack’s secret.
Part: 4/6 + Epilogue
Author: Celebrian.
Web page: http://www.livejournal.com/users/celebrian_lotr/
http://users.insanejournal.com/_bad_wolf/
Pairing: Ianto/ Jack - mentions of The Doctor.
Rating: R/NC17
Summary: Jack thought he understood timelines and the importance of an average man and their life in this world. But this time, he is determined in not letting go on the person he loves.
Spoilers: Season 2 (Mostly Ep 13)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: Angst & Fluff? Character(s) death.
Author’s notes: Story is finished. Only needs posting ;)
Character death BUT happy ending, I think so, at least ;) Just keep reading up until the Epilogue.
Feedback: Is addictive and encouraging ;-)
Thanks to Beta xibalba who is a saint and reads stories about a fandom she’s only heard me rambling about. And to ru_salki99 and just4bri . All remaining mistakes, my fault. Note, English is not my native language.
Hours later, near four am, Jack stood by the Tardis as the Doctor stood in the opened doorway, “Give Rose my love, when you see her.”
The Doctor simply looked at him, nodding silently and closed the doors, leaving Jack to watch the Tardis disappearing from sight, sighing deeply to himself.
Through the CCTV that was running on Tosh’s station (which was part of the security system in case someone broke in during night time), he could see Ianto sitting at his desk in the tourist office typing away, and so he headed upstairs.
Passing the beaded curtain, Jack smiled when the Welshman raised his eyes from the screen to lock them with his.
“I still have no idea how you manage to make this computer, hack into other computers... it’s so old,” He pointed out as he moved to where Ianto was sitting, “What were you doing? Vandalizing someone’s personal data? Reading porn?” He asked mischievously.
“I did quite a few things with older computers than this one when I was a teen; this one is actually fast compared to the ones I used to have growing up,” Ianto said and stretched his legs under the desk before sitting back to look at Jack. “I was chatting with an online friend.”
“You have an online friend?”
“Two or three,” Ianto admitted.
“Really?”
“Yup, the internet is a wonderful place to spend your time whenever you can’t sleep at four am in the morning,” Ianto pointed out simply.
“I guess. I never tried getting into any chat rooms or anything.”
“I met my friends through lists, we share some common interests; old movies, cooking, coffee, that sort of thing.”
“Hey,” Jack pouted when Ianto closed his messenger window, and gave him a mild, playful glare, “you were talking about me!” The Captain exclaimed, because he had caught sight of his name, written on the screen.
“Maybe,” Ianto grinned.
“Good stuff I hope?”
“I was actually commenting on your mood the other day; when I wouldn’t go with you to see that movie you wanted to see and you, hmm, complained for hours.”
“It sounded interesting,” Jack pointed out with a sulking face.
“It was guts and blood throughout.”
“But the fun is to notice just how fake those things are,” Jack complained.
“So, we have the rest of the audience looking our way because you’re a bundle of laugher, threatening to slip from your seat? Not to mention them wanting to throw pop corn and what not at us because of your erm, commentary on how things are ´not´ that way in real life?”
“Well, most aren’t. YOU should know that,” Jack nodded sagely; Ianto should be backing him up on that! Those movies were funny! Utterly wrong; but that actually made them better than comedies.
“Jack,” Ianto said, and swallowed whilst looking at the Captain, “are you, are you going to leave? Anytime soon?”
“No,” Jack looked Ianto right in the eyes, letting the other read the truth in his own, “I am not leaving. Not without you anyways,” He smiled.
“Why did the Doctor keep on scanning me? Is there something I should know about? Something, that will happen to me?”
“If there were something that was going to happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that because it would be messing with the timelines. You can’t come back and warn people about something bad that is going to happen so they avoid it.”
“That’s what I thought, but then; why did he keep on scanning me?”
Sighing deeply Jack raked a hand through his hair and looked down at his boots for a couple minutes.
“Jack?”
“Remember when we were talking about you, eventually dying? I refused to acknowledge that. When you told me I would have to move on? Find someone else?”
“Yes, I remember, it was a couple days ago.”
“Well, I don’t want to find someone else. I found the one I want with me for the rest of my life. I don’t want to let him go,” The Captain pursed his lips and looked at Ianto seriously, “I am not willing to let go of you Ianto, for as long as I live, I want you with me, by my side...”
“Jack, I want that too. But… we can’t. Even if we did find something it would probably be against timeline rules. You can’t.”
“I shouldn’t,” Jack interrupted his young lover, and looked at him seriously, “I did...” He confessed, “You’ve died on me twice already Ianto. I brought you back to life,” He finally confessed, and the shock was more than easily read in Ianto’s expressive grey eyes.
“I died?”
“Yes. When Lisa threw you in the air, after you tried talking to her, you were dead. Remember I was giving you CPR? I asked you to be quiet?”
“That didn’t feel like CPR,” Ianto muttered.
“It was, and wasn’t,” Jack frowned to himself a little. “That was the first time, I, hmm, cheated.” He admitted. “You were dead, I checked your pulse and there was none, so I tried something and it worked... I passed some of my life force to you. I forced it into your body and it accepted it. You came back to life, as I would normally do.”
“The second time? The other night, when we were at my place? I didn’t pass out after hitting a concrete column, did I?”
“No, you broke your neck. I did the same, you came back to life, eventually... your pulse came back right away but your body seemed to need a little time repairing itself before you could wake up.”
“And the other times, the times I got injured, but my… Oh God, I thought most of them healed fast because they were light scratches or bruises. It was you.”
“Yeah,” Jack rubbed his hand against the nape of his neck, and watched Ianto carefully, not sure how the other would react to the news.
Wanted or not, The Captain had being doing this without Ianto’s consent.
“Were you going to tell me? Did it ever occur to ask me what I wanted? Instead of waiting for a Time Lord, to come scold you so you would just tell me? What did he say? That he would get rid of me because I am a walking mistake? What?”
“No; he actually said something along those lines to me though. Not the getting rid part, even though he did offer once, to help out,” Jack rambled whilst recalling.
“Jack.”
Ianto’s voice made him snap back from his reverie and Jack sighed deeply. “He tried dissuading me from doing this, it is not right… but it is not harmful either... time wise. There will be no consequences for the timeline, nor the universe, or the planet. Just… you and me.”
“You and me?” Ianto asked with a frown. “You can’t die, Jack. What could possibly happen to you?”
“Sharing this gift I have, with you. It’s… complicated,” The Captain muttered.
“Try.”
“Sharing this with you will have consequences, for me mostly. You will remain young, you will not visibly age, nor will I, but our bodies will slow down, and then eventually, give up through the passing of the years; because they’re not built to be the way I am... The Doctor estimated we would get a hundred years or so if I keep on doing this.”
Noticing Ianto’s shocked features Jack tried putting things a little more clearly for him, “We will both age the same way, we will look the same but our hearts will eventually stop, due to the strain of what I would do to keep us both alive... That will be the same for the both of us. For me; I’ll take more time coming back whenever I die, it will hurt more, and I will heal with less speed...”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all I know...” Jack admitted, and still, he couldn’t tell what was going through Ianto’s mind.
“Do I get a say in this? Or will you just keep on doing it because you can?”
“If you didn’t have say, I wouldn’t have told you Ianto. Of course you have a say in this. If you’d rather live a normal life, I will- I will,” Jack swallowed hard, “not interfere next time something happens.”
The Captain waited for Ianto to react, to say something, but no words were coming from that beautiful mouth. “Ianto, talk to me, please.” He pleaded.
“I can’t, Jack. I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Anything; scream, hit me, yell at me, curse at me, anything… just please, don’t stay silent.”
“I’m trying to understand all this, I just- how on earth can I possibly get angry at you when you brought me back from death, twice? When you are risking your own existence to keep me alive?”
“That is my choice, and it is made. I want this; I want to live for as long as I possibly can with you...”
“You’re making this sound too Arwen like, ´I choose a mortal life´” Ianto frowned.
“In a way, I ´am´ choosing a mortal life; I never said I didn’t want to die. In fact, all these years whilst I waited for the Doctor, I was waiting for him to fix me. I did want to die Ianto; I wanted to live one lifetime as best I could, with, hopefully, one person by my side. I wanted to be normal again,” Jack looked seriously at the Welshman; who was looking at him if not blankly, then rather shocked, for Ianto was always in check when it came to his emotions, “Don’t you want this?”
“I want you, Jack. I don’t want to die; who wants to die? But I don’t want to harm you either; you, doing this will get you killed in the end. How can I take something, even though it is willingly offered, while knowing it will get you killed in the end? I love you too much to be able to bear something like that.”
“And I love you too much to live without you Ianto. The day I lose you, will be the day I get on that phone Martha left for me to contact the Doctor; and tell him to kill me and make sure I stay dead for good. Consider it this way; if you do choose to share this with me, you would be granting me a little bit longer to live... I might come across as hopelessly romantic, and maybe I am, but I’ve seen enough; I’ve lived enough, and I’ve died way too many times. This one time, I want something for me, I want your love... and I want to wake up next to you for as long as I live,” Jack frowned a little to himself, “as long as I do manage ´some´ sleep…”
“Trying to bribe me into it now?”
“No, I just,” The Captain breathed in, a sharp intake of breath, “I want you. For once, I do know what I want, who I want, and it’s you,” He looked at the other man in the eyes, vulnerability showing remarkably clear in his bright blue eyes as he locked his gaze with his lover, “I love you,” He whispered brokenly, “I can’t bare losing you. Not you…”
Noticing Ianto looking back at him more shocked than he had ever seen him before, Jack swallowed and stared at his hands. It just hit him; it had never occurred to him to think, the young Welshman might not return his feelings with the same strength, or the same way.
Sure, The Captain knew Ianto cared for him; but did he love him enough? He had assumed- but, he had never asked before. He had just assumed he would.
So was it like this? That he’d finally fucked things up for good? Was Ianto going to start avoiding him now; because of what he’d done? Anyone would probably think that having more than one life would be something everyone would like; but Ianto wasn’t anyone. He might just want things to be the right way, as he usually did…
That was one of the many things Jack loved about Ianto; no matter what self sacrifices the Welshman had to make, he made them, as long as it would make everything right.
“Assuming I do accept this gift, which, to be honest. I don’t know what to make of just yet,” Looking up and locking eyes with Ianto Jack nodded, encouraging him to talk, “what, would happen with the others?”
“We would have to enjoy having them around and eventually, watch them die. Be it in the line of duty or by natural causes. I can’t share this with them… I never tried it before; other than with you. But to be honest I don’t think it would even work,” He admitted.
“Why would it work on me, and not them?”
“Ianto, I can’t go around saving everyone; not ´that´ way at least,” Jack frowned a little to himself while he considered it; and he almost winced at the idea of actually doing it and then having to deal with the Doctor.
“No, that is not what I meant. I meant, why you don’t think this would work for the others, our team members.”
“Because despite loving each one of them, I don’t love them the way I love you,” Jack explained biting his lower lip. “It is complicated,” he gesticulated with his hands whilst trying to find the right words.
“Whenever I pass this life force into you, I focus on my feelings, on everything I feel towards you, my mind fills with images of you, us- together during different situations. They go from watching you die, to watching you laugh. In a way, I can feel you; within me,” The Captain told him, and then chuckled at what he’d said. “Not like that; even though the idea is always tempting,” He laughed softly.
“Jack.”
The light scold, and Ianto’s puzzled, if not interested eyes made him reflect, “Oh, this is going to sound so corny.” He wrinkled his nose. “Whenever I bring you back to life, I feel as if our souls are connected. As if there were a link, of some sort; we can’t see it but it is there,” He explained and checked to see if Ianto was following him, which the Welshman obviously was.
“Like a soul mate?”
”I did say it was going to sound corny,” Jack remarked and noticed Ianto going back into a silent state whilst staring blankly at the screen of his computer.
The moment seemed to stretch for an endless amount of time, “Do you love me Ianto?” Jack asked, and yet one more time, his voice was more vulnerable than anyone had ever heard it before. Not even The Captain himself.
His deep sea blue eyes locked with the Welshman’s grey ones when Ianto turned to face him and Jack waited for his answer, already fearing the reply. Maybe he had seen things wrong, maybe the greed of having someone like Ianto to himself made him see things that weren’t there. Maybe, he wasn’t destined to be loved ´that´ way by anyone.
In a way, wouldn’t it make sense, after over a hundred years and never having felt this way? Perhaps he was doing something wrong, or he wasn’t destined for it. Of course, Jack had no idea when he started to believe in destiny.
Ianto chuckled softly and shook his head slowly. Jack shifted a little in his place and noticed the other standing before him. Both of Ianto’s hands cupping his own, squeezing them reassuringly and making sure, Jack was locking eyes with him.
“I love you, more than my life itself. There is ´nothing´ in this world, or any other that I wouldn’t do for you.”
The Welshman’s words reassured Jack to the point that he was once again smiling, and he squeezed Ianto’s hands back. “I was getting worried. I said ´I love you´ and you went quiet…”
“I dreamt of the day I’d hear you say that; I just didn’t figure it would come with the proposal you just made to me,” Ianto admitted. “I’m sorry I didn’t react right away. I do love you; in a way that I never thought I could love anyone. What I had with Lisa, what I’ve had with anyone, doesn’t even come near to what I feel towards you.”
“Stay with me, Ianto,” Jack pleaded, “please, I don’t want to be left behind and alone anymore… I do know I have my quirks and all but…”
“I love you, quirks or not.”
Jack smiled brightly at that and looked at his lover sheepishly, “Even when I eat in bed and leave crumbs on the sheets?”
“Yes.”
“Even when I keep staining my clothes with pizza sauce; though you gave me a plate to put it on, instead of waving the slice in the air as I talk?”
“I do rather prefer pizza sauce to blood, so yes.”
Jack’s grin widened and his eyes twinkled as he noticed Ianto was now looking amused.
“What about that day, I tried help with the laundry and your white clothes ended up pink?”
“Well, red and derivates thereof, are my colour.”
“I sort of, flooded your kitchen,” Jack added like a sheepish little boy because of the look Ianto had given him back then.
“Still loving you… Sorry, but it’s not going to just go away because you flood my kitchen or die my boxers pink.”
“Still, you had to think about it, didn’t you?” Jack asked, this time with a more serious connotation.
He could almost see the debate going on Ianto’s mind, his eyes suddenly clouded with the most recent puzzle to solve.
“How am I going to live knowing that with each life breath you give me I am killing you a little? Knowing that everyone I know, our friends, will die?”
“It isn’t easy, I can tell you that. I know what I’m asking isn’t easy. But still, I can’t stop myself from asking. Or doing it whenever I see you battered or dead. I’m greedy when it comes to you. I don’t think; all that comes to mind is how I can’t see myself living without you anymore,” Noticing Ianto standing still, partially in shock, Jack rubbed his hands over the young man’s arms, “Think it through. Tell me when you’ve made up your mind.”
“Hopefully, before the next time I die?”
Jack chuckled at Ianto’s sense of humour and nodded, “Preferably. But since we are hoping, just try not to die on me again. I’m starting to get an idea as to how it might feel for you whenever I die,” Noticing the Welshman cringe, Jack pulled him into a tight embrace and held him close, “I’m sorry I am putting you through all this. I just can’t lose you. I love you too much,” He whispered to the other’s hair and felt Ianto’s arms wrapping tight around him.
“I love you too Jack.”
The Captain felt Ianto speaking to the crook of his neck, right where it met the shoulder, his hot breath colliding against his skin in the sweetest of the ways.
“Every time you die, I can’t help panicking. After what happened with Abbadon, I can’t help thinking; that might be it. The one time you won’t come back. I can’t bear that… I do understand what it is like. So, do try not to be so reckless from now on, would you?”
Jack couldn’t help a small chuckle and held Ianto tighter, “I promise,” he whispered and when Ianto pulled back enough to look at him and kiss him; The Captain returned the kiss with matched intensity until they were both breathless.
“Are you going to indulge me on this?” Jack asked, cupping his lover’s face in the palms of his hands lovingly. “Are you for once, letting me do something that is questionable; just so you can stay with me? So we can be together?” He asked and there it was again, the inner struggle Jack feared so much.
“Yes.”
Ianto’s broken voice took The Captain by surprise, because he’d thought the other would ask him for time to think about it; but then Ianto nodded and kissed the palm of his hand whilst cupping it in his own.
“Yes, Jack. I will indulge you in this. As questionable as it is; I am not willing to lose you either. You aren’t the only greedy one. Nor the one who’s never felt like this before.”
Nodding, Jack smiled thanking whatever God or entity made Ianto say that and he pressed a kiss to his brow as he pulled him back into a tight hug.
Ianto’s arms soon settled around him and his body snuggled up to his stronger one, fitting against him as if he always belonged there.
“The others can’t know about this,” he whispered into the Welshman’s hair. “I wish I could do the same for everyone; keep them all with us, but I can’t. I shouldn’t be doing this already.”
“I know, I understand,” Ianto assured.
“I would if I could; I really would…”
“I know.”
Silence took over the little room in the back of the tourist centre, as they snuggled up against each other for comfort and Jack luxuriated at having Ianto as close as he could manage; with clothes on of course.
“What are you thinking about?” Ianto’s voice snapped him from his reverie and Jack smiled against the other’s skin, “Two things,” he said softly, rubbing his hand against Ianto’s back, “Well, maybe three.”
“Tell me.”
“First; it is way too late and you will get NO sleep unless you take the morning off, which you are IMPOSSIBLE to convince to do; so… you might end up napping during lunch.”
“I was thinking of doing that already.”
Jack grinned at the small chuckle Ianto let go and kept on stroking his hand over the other’s back.
“Second; I was wondering about my surprise, which you didn’t let me see yet.”
“Third?”
“Third,” Jack mused out loud and hummed softly, “Third; I was wondering if our new agreement would actually be enough of an excuse for me to ask you to wear matching rings?” He asked innocently and smiled; giving Ianto that ´little innocent boy´ smile when the other pulled back to look at him, as if to make sure he was serious, “No? Too much?”
“You serious?”
“Well,” Jack thought and shrugged a little, “why not? I rather like the idea of everyone knowing you’re already taken; it would be quite handy whenever we go out and girls ´and´ guys start checking you out…”
“I think they check you out more than they could ever check me out.”
“See? My point’s made, it would be very handy,” Jack beamed and tugged on Ianto’s hand, he lead the way back into the Hub after opening the door that led to the hallway and the lift; he rubbed his thumb over the skin of the back of Ianto’s hand.
“You ´really´ want to wear rings?”
“Yeah. As long as you’re ok with it, of course.”
“You do realize Owen will have a blast with it don’t you?” The Welshman pointed out.
Waiting for the cog door to open Jack looked over his shoulder and nodded with a smile, “I’m sure you can handle Owen, you’ve been quite good at that since day one,” He pointed out.
“Now that I think about it, I’m not sure what would be most difficult, coping with Owen teasing or Gwen’s, most likely, endless enquiring.”
“That is a good point,” Jack admitted with a slightly wrinkled nose, as he paused by his desk to consider, “Gwen, definitely Gwen,” He nodded to himself as he started picking up things whilst Ianto helped. “You didn’t eat,” He recalled the Doctor had had Ianto’s dinner.
“I had some crisps and crackers, mostly out of anxiety. I’m not all that hungry; my stomach was lurching whilst waiting to see what was going to happen.”
The Captain glanced up with a puzzled look and a mild frown.
“I thought you were leaving again.”
“Oh, no leaving. Not without you,” Jack promised and took things to the kitchen downstairs with Ianto’s help. “Aren’t you hungry now?”
“No, I am actually tired, I’d like to go lie down for a bit before I start my morning round in, about hour and half.”
“You should take the morning off,” Jack pointed out and caught Ianto before he started washing the little things that were in the sink and tugged his hand until they were standing in front of the locked door to his ´room´ “All yours.”
Jack arched an eyebrow at Ianto’s mischievous smirk and watched him opening the door.
“After some consideration, I thought I would do my best to give you a decent bed to sleep on.”
Jack noticed that the camp bed which they usually slept on was gone, and his eyebrows rose up high before he made it down the ladder to see a real bed on the opposite side to the one that the camp bed had been on.
It was actually more handy, movement wise, when climbing down the ladder too. Opposite the ladder was an improvised bed, larger than the camp bed that had previously been there, with a really comfortable looking mattress and fluffy pillows.
The duvet was similar to the one at Ianto’s place, though it was lighter because it tended to be hot there, so it was there more for decoration than anything else. Two naked bodies pressing together under a sheet, in such a confined space was more than enough to keep anyone warm.
“How did you get this here?!” The Captain asked with gleeful surprise and sat on the new bed as his hand patted over the smooth surface, “Hmm, Ianto Jones, spoiling me already?” He grinned.
“Always,” Ianto chuckled.
“Seriously though, how did you get it here?” He asked with the curiosity of a child.
“The archives; I know everything that’s in there? I knew about this device that makes things smaller, small enough to fit in the palm of your hand; so I used it to shrink the mattress and the bed and get them down the ladder, then re-sized them.”
“Clever,” Jack grinned.
“Do you like it then? I wasn’t sure you would, because of the change.”
“Are you kidding me? I love it, it’s the fanciest bed I’ve had in… I won’t even bother counting back years, back or forwards,” Jack kicked his boots off and started to get rid of his clothes in light speed time until he was folding the duvet down, “Need help with that?” He asked because Ianto was still standing there, fully dressed, jacket barely removed from one shoulder.
Jack couldn’t help but laugh when Ianto eventually started to undress, because he knew he was acting like a little boy with a new toy to play with, and kneeling on the edge he pushed Ianto´s jacket away for good. “On a scale from one to ten, how very tired are you; exactly?”
“That is rather difficult to answer Jack; I’ve been up since five am yesterday morning…”
Jack hummed and kept on striping his lover until Ianto was wearing no more than his boxers and he couldn’t help but take in the perfect sight before pulling on Ianto’s hand yet one more time until they were in bed. “Number?”
“Ten. I’m afraid I am knackered,” Ianto admitted and watched Jack cuddling up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his body to hold him tight.
“I guess I will have to behave until lunch then?”
“Nap time during lunch, remember?”
“Damn,” The Captain muttered and glanced up when Ianto chuckled before he found himself being pushed onto his back, Ianto’s body over his own whilst the Welshman’s lips locked with his and his lover’s thigh pressed against his groin.
“Can’t believe you fell for that one.”
“Hey, I was trying to behave!” Jack laughed with delight and became easily distracted as Ianto started kissing his way down his chest; causing Jack to purr in a cat like way as the young Welshman had his way with him.
Previous Parts:
Jack´s secret Part 1/6 + Epilogue
Jack´s secret Part 2/6 + Epilogue
Jack´s secret Part 3/6 + Epilogue
Part: 4/6 + Epilogue
Author: Celebrian.
Web page: http://www.livejournal.com/users/celebrian_lotr/
http://users.insanejournal.com/_bad_wolf/
Pairing: Ianto/ Jack - mentions of The Doctor.
Rating: R/NC17
Summary: Jack thought he understood timelines and the importance of an average man and their life in this world. But this time, he is determined in not letting go on the person he loves.
Spoilers: Season 2 (Mostly Ep 13)
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Warnings: Angst & Fluff? Character(s) death.
Author’s notes: Story is finished. Only needs posting ;)
Character death BUT happy ending, I think so, at least ;) Just keep reading up until the Epilogue.
Feedback: Is addictive and encouraging ;-)
Thanks to Beta xibalba who is a saint and reads stories about a fandom she’s only heard me rambling about. And to ru_salki99 and just4bri . All remaining mistakes, my fault. Note, English is not my native language.
Hours later, near four am, Jack stood by the Tardis as the Doctor stood in the opened doorway, “Give Rose my love, when you see her.”
The Doctor simply looked at him, nodding silently and closed the doors, leaving Jack to watch the Tardis disappearing from sight, sighing deeply to himself.
Through the CCTV that was running on Tosh’s station (which was part of the security system in case someone broke in during night time), he could see Ianto sitting at his desk in the tourist office typing away, and so he headed upstairs.
Passing the beaded curtain, Jack smiled when the Welshman raised his eyes from the screen to lock them with his.
“I still have no idea how you manage to make this computer, hack into other computers... it’s so old,” He pointed out as he moved to where Ianto was sitting, “What were you doing? Vandalizing someone’s personal data? Reading porn?” He asked mischievously.
“I did quite a few things with older computers than this one when I was a teen; this one is actually fast compared to the ones I used to have growing up,” Ianto said and stretched his legs under the desk before sitting back to look at Jack. “I was chatting with an online friend.”
“You have an online friend?”
“Two or three,” Ianto admitted.
“Really?”
“Yup, the internet is a wonderful place to spend your time whenever you can’t sleep at four am in the morning,” Ianto pointed out simply.
“I guess. I never tried getting into any chat rooms or anything.”
“I met my friends through lists, we share some common interests; old movies, cooking, coffee, that sort of thing.”
“Hey,” Jack pouted when Ianto closed his messenger window, and gave him a mild, playful glare, “you were talking about me!” The Captain exclaimed, because he had caught sight of his name, written on the screen.
“Maybe,” Ianto grinned.
“Good stuff I hope?”
“I was actually commenting on your mood the other day; when I wouldn’t go with you to see that movie you wanted to see and you, hmm, complained for hours.”
“It sounded interesting,” Jack pointed out with a sulking face.
“It was guts and blood throughout.”
“But the fun is to notice just how fake those things are,” Jack complained.
“So, we have the rest of the audience looking our way because you’re a bundle of laugher, threatening to slip from your seat? Not to mention them wanting to throw pop corn and what not at us because of your erm, commentary on how things are ´not´ that way in real life?”
“Well, most aren’t. YOU should know that,” Jack nodded sagely; Ianto should be backing him up on that! Those movies were funny! Utterly wrong; but that actually made them better than comedies.
“Jack,” Ianto said, and swallowed whilst looking at the Captain, “are you, are you going to leave? Anytime soon?”
“No,” Jack looked Ianto right in the eyes, letting the other read the truth in his own, “I am not leaving. Not without you anyways,” He smiled.
“Why did the Doctor keep on scanning me? Is there something I should know about? Something, that will happen to me?”
“If there were something that was going to happen to you, I wouldn’t be able to tell you that because it would be messing with the timelines. You can’t come back and warn people about something bad that is going to happen so they avoid it.”
“That’s what I thought, but then; why did he keep on scanning me?”
Sighing deeply Jack raked a hand through his hair and looked down at his boots for a couple minutes.
“Jack?”
“Remember when we were talking about you, eventually dying? I refused to acknowledge that. When you told me I would have to move on? Find someone else?”
“Yes, I remember, it was a couple days ago.”
“Well, I don’t want to find someone else. I found the one I want with me for the rest of my life. I don’t want to let him go,” The Captain pursed his lips and looked at Ianto seriously, “I am not willing to let go of you Ianto, for as long as I live, I want you with me, by my side...”
“Jack, I want that too. But… we can’t. Even if we did find something it would probably be against timeline rules. You can’t.”
“I shouldn’t,” Jack interrupted his young lover, and looked at him seriously, “I did...” He confessed, “You’ve died on me twice already Ianto. I brought you back to life,” He finally confessed, and the shock was more than easily read in Ianto’s expressive grey eyes.
“I died?”
“Yes. When Lisa threw you in the air, after you tried talking to her, you were dead. Remember I was giving you CPR? I asked you to be quiet?”
“That didn’t feel like CPR,” Ianto muttered.
“It was, and wasn’t,” Jack frowned to himself a little. “That was the first time, I, hmm, cheated.” He admitted. “You were dead, I checked your pulse and there was none, so I tried something and it worked... I passed some of my life force to you. I forced it into your body and it accepted it. You came back to life, as I would normally do.”
“The second time? The other night, when we were at my place? I didn’t pass out after hitting a concrete column, did I?”
“No, you broke your neck. I did the same, you came back to life, eventually... your pulse came back right away but your body seemed to need a little time repairing itself before you could wake up.”
“And the other times, the times I got injured, but my… Oh God, I thought most of them healed fast because they were light scratches or bruises. It was you.”
“Yeah,” Jack rubbed his hand against the nape of his neck, and watched Ianto carefully, not sure how the other would react to the news.
Wanted or not, The Captain had being doing this without Ianto’s consent.
“Were you going to tell me? Did it ever occur to ask me what I wanted? Instead of waiting for a Time Lord, to come scold you so you would just tell me? What did he say? That he would get rid of me because I am a walking mistake? What?”
“No; he actually said something along those lines to me though. Not the getting rid part, even though he did offer once, to help out,” Jack rambled whilst recalling.
“Jack.”
Ianto’s voice made him snap back from his reverie and Jack sighed deeply. “He tried dissuading me from doing this, it is not right… but it is not harmful either... time wise. There will be no consequences for the timeline, nor the universe, or the planet. Just… you and me.”
“You and me?” Ianto asked with a frown. “You can’t die, Jack. What could possibly happen to you?”
“Sharing this gift I have, with you. It’s… complicated,” The Captain muttered.
“Try.”
“Sharing this with you will have consequences, for me mostly. You will remain young, you will not visibly age, nor will I, but our bodies will slow down, and then eventually, give up through the passing of the years; because they’re not built to be the way I am... The Doctor estimated we would get a hundred years or so if I keep on doing this.”
Noticing Ianto’s shocked features Jack tried putting things a little more clearly for him, “We will both age the same way, we will look the same but our hearts will eventually stop, due to the strain of what I would do to keep us both alive... That will be the same for the both of us. For me; I’ll take more time coming back whenever I die, it will hurt more, and I will heal with less speed...”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all I know...” Jack admitted, and still, he couldn’t tell what was going through Ianto’s mind.
“Do I get a say in this? Or will you just keep on doing it because you can?”
“If you didn’t have say, I wouldn’t have told you Ianto. Of course you have a say in this. If you’d rather live a normal life, I will- I will,” Jack swallowed hard, “not interfere next time something happens.”
The Captain waited for Ianto to react, to say something, but no words were coming from that beautiful mouth. “Ianto, talk to me, please.” He pleaded.
“I can’t, Jack. I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Anything; scream, hit me, yell at me, curse at me, anything… just please, don’t stay silent.”
“I’m trying to understand all this, I just- how on earth can I possibly get angry at you when you brought me back from death, twice? When you are risking your own existence to keep me alive?”
“That is my choice, and it is made. I want this; I want to live for as long as I possibly can with you...”
“You’re making this sound too Arwen like, ´I choose a mortal life´” Ianto frowned.
“In a way, I ´am´ choosing a mortal life; I never said I didn’t want to die. In fact, all these years whilst I waited for the Doctor, I was waiting for him to fix me. I did want to die Ianto; I wanted to live one lifetime as best I could, with, hopefully, one person by my side. I wanted to be normal again,” Jack looked seriously at the Welshman; who was looking at him if not blankly, then rather shocked, for Ianto was always in check when it came to his emotions, “Don’t you want this?”
“I want you, Jack. I don’t want to die; who wants to die? But I don’t want to harm you either; you, doing this will get you killed in the end. How can I take something, even though it is willingly offered, while knowing it will get you killed in the end? I love you too much to be able to bear something like that.”
“And I love you too much to live without you Ianto. The day I lose you, will be the day I get on that phone Martha left for me to contact the Doctor; and tell him to kill me and make sure I stay dead for good. Consider it this way; if you do choose to share this with me, you would be granting me a little bit longer to live... I might come across as hopelessly romantic, and maybe I am, but I’ve seen enough; I’ve lived enough, and I’ve died way too many times. This one time, I want something for me, I want your love... and I want to wake up next to you for as long as I live,” Jack frowned a little to himself, “as long as I do manage ´some´ sleep…”
“Trying to bribe me into it now?”
“No, I just,” The Captain breathed in, a sharp intake of breath, “I want you. For once, I do know what I want, who I want, and it’s you,” He looked at the other man in the eyes, vulnerability showing remarkably clear in his bright blue eyes as he locked his gaze with his lover, “I love you,” He whispered brokenly, “I can’t bare losing you. Not you…”
Noticing Ianto looking back at him more shocked than he had ever seen him before, Jack swallowed and stared at his hands. It just hit him; it had never occurred to him to think, the young Welshman might not return his feelings with the same strength, or the same way.
Sure, The Captain knew Ianto cared for him; but did he love him enough? He had assumed- but, he had never asked before. He had just assumed he would.
So was it like this? That he’d finally fucked things up for good? Was Ianto going to start avoiding him now; because of what he’d done? Anyone would probably think that having more than one life would be something everyone would like; but Ianto wasn’t anyone. He might just want things to be the right way, as he usually did…
That was one of the many things Jack loved about Ianto; no matter what self sacrifices the Welshman had to make, he made them, as long as it would make everything right.
“Assuming I do accept this gift, which, to be honest. I don’t know what to make of just yet,” Looking up and locking eyes with Ianto Jack nodded, encouraging him to talk, “what, would happen with the others?”
“We would have to enjoy having them around and eventually, watch them die. Be it in the line of duty or by natural causes. I can’t share this with them… I never tried it before; other than with you. But to be honest I don’t think it would even work,” He admitted.
“Why would it work on me, and not them?”
“Ianto, I can’t go around saving everyone; not ´that´ way at least,” Jack frowned a little to himself while he considered it; and he almost winced at the idea of actually doing it and then having to deal with the Doctor.
“No, that is not what I meant. I meant, why you don’t think this would work for the others, our team members.”
“Because despite loving each one of them, I don’t love them the way I love you,” Jack explained biting his lower lip. “It is complicated,” he gesticulated with his hands whilst trying to find the right words.
“Whenever I pass this life force into you, I focus on my feelings, on everything I feel towards you, my mind fills with images of you, us- together during different situations. They go from watching you die, to watching you laugh. In a way, I can feel you; within me,” The Captain told him, and then chuckled at what he’d said. “Not like that; even though the idea is always tempting,” He laughed softly.
“Jack.”
The light scold, and Ianto’s puzzled, if not interested eyes made him reflect, “Oh, this is going to sound so corny.” He wrinkled his nose. “Whenever I bring you back to life, I feel as if our souls are connected. As if there were a link, of some sort; we can’t see it but it is there,” He explained and checked to see if Ianto was following him, which the Welshman obviously was.
“Like a soul mate?”
”I did say it was going to sound corny,” Jack remarked and noticed Ianto going back into a silent state whilst staring blankly at the screen of his computer.
The moment seemed to stretch for an endless amount of time, “Do you love me Ianto?” Jack asked, and yet one more time, his voice was more vulnerable than anyone had ever heard it before. Not even The Captain himself.
His deep sea blue eyes locked with the Welshman’s grey ones when Ianto turned to face him and Jack waited for his answer, already fearing the reply. Maybe he had seen things wrong, maybe the greed of having someone like Ianto to himself made him see things that weren’t there. Maybe, he wasn’t destined to be loved ´that´ way by anyone.
In a way, wouldn’t it make sense, after over a hundred years and never having felt this way? Perhaps he was doing something wrong, or he wasn’t destined for it. Of course, Jack had no idea when he started to believe in destiny.
Ianto chuckled softly and shook his head slowly. Jack shifted a little in his place and noticed the other standing before him. Both of Ianto’s hands cupping his own, squeezing them reassuringly and making sure, Jack was locking eyes with him.
“I love you, more than my life itself. There is ´nothing´ in this world, or any other that I wouldn’t do for you.”
The Welshman’s words reassured Jack to the point that he was once again smiling, and he squeezed Ianto’s hands back. “I was getting worried. I said ´I love you´ and you went quiet…”
“I dreamt of the day I’d hear you say that; I just didn’t figure it would come with the proposal you just made to me,” Ianto admitted. “I’m sorry I didn’t react right away. I do love you; in a way that I never thought I could love anyone. What I had with Lisa, what I’ve had with anyone, doesn’t even come near to what I feel towards you.”
“Stay with me, Ianto,” Jack pleaded, “please, I don’t want to be left behind and alone anymore… I do know I have my quirks and all but…”
“I love you, quirks or not.”
Jack smiled brightly at that and looked at his lover sheepishly, “Even when I eat in bed and leave crumbs on the sheets?”
“Yes.”
“Even when I keep staining my clothes with pizza sauce; though you gave me a plate to put it on, instead of waving the slice in the air as I talk?”
“I do rather prefer pizza sauce to blood, so yes.”
Jack’s grin widened and his eyes twinkled as he noticed Ianto was now looking amused.
“What about that day, I tried help with the laundry and your white clothes ended up pink?”
“Well, red and derivates thereof, are my colour.”
“I sort of, flooded your kitchen,” Jack added like a sheepish little boy because of the look Ianto had given him back then.
“Still loving you… Sorry, but it’s not going to just go away because you flood my kitchen or die my boxers pink.”
“Still, you had to think about it, didn’t you?” Jack asked, this time with a more serious connotation.
He could almost see the debate going on Ianto’s mind, his eyes suddenly clouded with the most recent puzzle to solve.
“How am I going to live knowing that with each life breath you give me I am killing you a little? Knowing that everyone I know, our friends, will die?”
“It isn’t easy, I can tell you that. I know what I’m asking isn’t easy. But still, I can’t stop myself from asking. Or doing it whenever I see you battered or dead. I’m greedy when it comes to you. I don’t think; all that comes to mind is how I can’t see myself living without you anymore,” Noticing Ianto standing still, partially in shock, Jack rubbed his hands over the young man’s arms, “Think it through. Tell me when you’ve made up your mind.”
“Hopefully, before the next time I die?”
Jack chuckled at Ianto’s sense of humour and nodded, “Preferably. But since we are hoping, just try not to die on me again. I’m starting to get an idea as to how it might feel for you whenever I die,” Noticing the Welshman cringe, Jack pulled him into a tight embrace and held him close, “I’m sorry I am putting you through all this. I just can’t lose you. I love you too much,” He whispered to the other’s hair and felt Ianto’s arms wrapping tight around him.
“I love you too Jack.”
The Captain felt Ianto speaking to the crook of his neck, right where it met the shoulder, his hot breath colliding against his skin in the sweetest of the ways.
“Every time you die, I can’t help panicking. After what happened with Abbadon, I can’t help thinking; that might be it. The one time you won’t come back. I can’t bear that… I do understand what it is like. So, do try not to be so reckless from now on, would you?”
Jack couldn’t help a small chuckle and held Ianto tighter, “I promise,” he whispered and when Ianto pulled back enough to look at him and kiss him; The Captain returned the kiss with matched intensity until they were both breathless.
“Are you going to indulge me on this?” Jack asked, cupping his lover’s face in the palms of his hands lovingly. “Are you for once, letting me do something that is questionable; just so you can stay with me? So we can be together?” He asked and there it was again, the inner struggle Jack feared so much.
“Yes.”
Ianto’s broken voice took The Captain by surprise, because he’d thought the other would ask him for time to think about it; but then Ianto nodded and kissed the palm of his hand whilst cupping it in his own.
“Yes, Jack. I will indulge you in this. As questionable as it is; I am not willing to lose you either. You aren’t the only greedy one. Nor the one who’s never felt like this before.”
Nodding, Jack smiled thanking whatever God or entity made Ianto say that and he pressed a kiss to his brow as he pulled him back into a tight hug.
Ianto’s arms soon settled around him and his body snuggled up to his stronger one, fitting against him as if he always belonged there.
“The others can’t know about this,” he whispered into the Welshman’s hair. “I wish I could do the same for everyone; keep them all with us, but I can’t. I shouldn’t be doing this already.”
“I know, I understand,” Ianto assured.
“I would if I could; I really would…”
“I know.”
Silence took over the little room in the back of the tourist centre, as they snuggled up against each other for comfort and Jack luxuriated at having Ianto as close as he could manage; with clothes on of course.
“What are you thinking about?” Ianto’s voice snapped him from his reverie and Jack smiled against the other’s skin, “Two things,” he said softly, rubbing his hand against Ianto’s back, “Well, maybe three.”
“Tell me.”
“First; it is way too late and you will get NO sleep unless you take the morning off, which you are IMPOSSIBLE to convince to do; so… you might end up napping during lunch.”
“I was thinking of doing that already.”
Jack grinned at the small chuckle Ianto let go and kept on stroking his hand over the other’s back.
“Second; I was wondering about my surprise, which you didn’t let me see yet.”
“Third?”
“Third,” Jack mused out loud and hummed softly, “Third; I was wondering if our new agreement would actually be enough of an excuse for me to ask you to wear matching rings?” He asked innocently and smiled; giving Ianto that ´little innocent boy´ smile when the other pulled back to look at him, as if to make sure he was serious, “No? Too much?”
“You serious?”
“Well,” Jack thought and shrugged a little, “why not? I rather like the idea of everyone knowing you’re already taken; it would be quite handy whenever we go out and girls ´and´ guys start checking you out…”
“I think they check you out more than they could ever check me out.”
“See? My point’s made, it would be very handy,” Jack beamed and tugged on Ianto’s hand, he lead the way back into the Hub after opening the door that led to the hallway and the lift; he rubbed his thumb over the skin of the back of Ianto’s hand.
“You ´really´ want to wear rings?”
“Yeah. As long as you’re ok with it, of course.”
“You do realize Owen will have a blast with it don’t you?” The Welshman pointed out.
Waiting for the cog door to open Jack looked over his shoulder and nodded with a smile, “I’m sure you can handle Owen, you’ve been quite good at that since day one,” He pointed out.
“Now that I think about it, I’m not sure what would be most difficult, coping with Owen teasing or Gwen’s, most likely, endless enquiring.”
“That is a good point,” Jack admitted with a slightly wrinkled nose, as he paused by his desk to consider, “Gwen, definitely Gwen,” He nodded to himself as he started picking up things whilst Ianto helped. “You didn’t eat,” He recalled the Doctor had had Ianto’s dinner.
“I had some crisps and crackers, mostly out of anxiety. I’m not all that hungry; my stomach was lurching whilst waiting to see what was going to happen.”
The Captain glanced up with a puzzled look and a mild frown.
“I thought you were leaving again.”
“Oh, no leaving. Not without you,” Jack promised and took things to the kitchen downstairs with Ianto’s help. “Aren’t you hungry now?”
“No, I am actually tired, I’d like to go lie down for a bit before I start my morning round in, about hour and half.”
“You should take the morning off,” Jack pointed out and caught Ianto before he started washing the little things that were in the sink and tugged his hand until they were standing in front of the locked door to his ´room´ “All yours.”
Jack arched an eyebrow at Ianto’s mischievous smirk and watched him opening the door.
“After some consideration, I thought I would do my best to give you a decent bed to sleep on.”
Jack noticed that the camp bed which they usually slept on was gone, and his eyebrows rose up high before he made it down the ladder to see a real bed on the opposite side to the one that the camp bed had been on.
It was actually more handy, movement wise, when climbing down the ladder too. Opposite the ladder was an improvised bed, larger than the camp bed that had previously been there, with a really comfortable looking mattress and fluffy pillows.
The duvet was similar to the one at Ianto’s place, though it was lighter because it tended to be hot there, so it was there more for decoration than anything else. Two naked bodies pressing together under a sheet, in such a confined space was more than enough to keep anyone warm.
“How did you get this here?!” The Captain asked with gleeful surprise and sat on the new bed as his hand patted over the smooth surface, “Hmm, Ianto Jones, spoiling me already?” He grinned.
“Always,” Ianto chuckled.
“Seriously though, how did you get it here?” He asked with the curiosity of a child.
“The archives; I know everything that’s in there? I knew about this device that makes things smaller, small enough to fit in the palm of your hand; so I used it to shrink the mattress and the bed and get them down the ladder, then re-sized them.”
“Clever,” Jack grinned.
“Do you like it then? I wasn’t sure you would, because of the change.”
“Are you kidding me? I love it, it’s the fanciest bed I’ve had in… I won’t even bother counting back years, back or forwards,” Jack kicked his boots off and started to get rid of his clothes in light speed time until he was folding the duvet down, “Need help with that?” He asked because Ianto was still standing there, fully dressed, jacket barely removed from one shoulder.
Jack couldn’t help but laugh when Ianto eventually started to undress, because he knew he was acting like a little boy with a new toy to play with, and kneeling on the edge he pushed Ianto´s jacket away for good. “On a scale from one to ten, how very tired are you; exactly?”
“That is rather difficult to answer Jack; I’ve been up since five am yesterday morning…”
Jack hummed and kept on striping his lover until Ianto was wearing no more than his boxers and he couldn’t help but take in the perfect sight before pulling on Ianto’s hand yet one more time until they were in bed. “Number?”
“Ten. I’m afraid I am knackered,” Ianto admitted and watched Jack cuddling up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his body to hold him tight.
“I guess I will have to behave until lunch then?”
“Nap time during lunch, remember?”
“Damn,” The Captain muttered and glanced up when Ianto chuckled before he found himself being pushed onto his back, Ianto’s body over his own whilst the Welshman’s lips locked with his and his lover’s thigh pressed against his groin.
“Can’t believe you fell for that one.”
“Hey, I was trying to behave!” Jack laughed with delight and became easily distracted as Ianto started kissing his way down his chest; causing Jack to purr in a cat like way as the young Welshman had his way with him.
Previous Parts:
Jack´s secret Part 1/6 + Epilogue
Jack´s secret Part 2/6 + Epilogue
Jack´s secret Part 3/6 + Epilogue