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(Untitled)
I hate it when there are so many scars that it's hard to find an uncrowded place to cut ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
It is impossible for me to talk to people. Whenever I do it feels like I said the wrong thing. I feel like I live on a different plane than everyone else. My mind lies on a different sphere. It's hard to know if I have any friends, because it's hard to know if other people in my life consider me to be a friend. I never really thought about ( Read more... ) -
Just Once
I'm in a bad mood again. I'm upset that I can't just lose control completely. That would be soo nice, I think, to lose control. Just once, even. I want to lose control. Once. There are many things I want to do, in my life. White water raft a second time, learn rockclimbing, learn kungfu, go to a pacific ocean beach before ocean levels rise ( Read more... ) -
CHEATER
I was just thinking how yesterday was a "good" day, an si free day. I went on a 15 mile hike with my karate group, and it was hilarious and a great workout and I really was in a good mood ( Read more... ) -
one poem about how i feel, and one about how i desperately want to feel. both are pretty crappy.
you are beautiful inside
they say
and i want to see
so i open my skin
with my shiny blade
the blood is so pretty
but once it washes away
i think
i am ugly inside
but beautiful also
it is a strange thing
to look at your insides
you become your own lab-rat,
this is the dissection of your soul
follow me to the other side of the mirror
beyond the pale silver we will ( Read more... ) -
grrrrrrrrr!
so so sleepy
just one more term to look up
whywhywhy couldn't it be in the glossary like the rest of the terms?
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a veil of darkness is falling
a demon whispering, pushing and pulling inside my veins
studying does nothing to eliminate the poison
so why am i in the ( Read more... ) -
It's when I sit still
I'm so lonely and cold and tired. It's either go out in the cold windy outside and buy chinese food with sparse money, or have a date with sharp silver. or both. or just lay in my bed half-awake and dreaming of a world that will never be mine. I will never really truly have friends. I will never fall in love. I never will really be worth ( Read more... ) -
@#$%^&*()_^&(()##$%^&$#@!
I should just sleep. Maybe it won't be better in the morning. Maybe this will linger. I am too tired to wash away the blood. I am sick and fascinated at the same time. But mostly I'm just tired. I need to sleep to pass time, sleep to dream, and in the morning it will be that closer to 5 pm, hopefully hopefully hopefully hopefully..... -
*screams*
it's just one big circle, isn't it? nothing can go away forever. it always comes back. two hours later and i'm in the same shitty mood again, just because of a movie. I guess it's a little bit different, more bittersweet, but sometimes I wish someone would just find me. I just wish life was different sometimes. That life wasn't a war. But ( Read more... ) -
I'm sick of it all
I'm sick of taking chinese
I'm sick of mean computer lab workers telling you to go outside if you have lemonade
I'm angry at the world
I wish I could be paid
To cut myself