CHEATER
I was just thinking how yesterday was a "good" day, an si free day. I went on a 15 mile hike with my karate group, and it was hilarious and a great workout and I really was in a good mood.
BUT....is it considered cheating because millions of times I twisted my ankle (not on purpose, we were kind of racing and there are lots of rocks), fell on my shin twice, and accidentally (really accidentally, I'm not lying) scraped my knuckles against thorns when walking through them to get back to the trail from the lookout...at the moment I saw blood on my knuckles though, I looked at it and said softly to myself so no one could hear, "cool" and grinned. I thought about going back to the thorns. They were so sharp, and it wasn't even a deep cut, extremely shallow actually, and it really WAS an accident, but...those thorns could have made such a deep cut.
So...is it cheating? Nothing was on purpose buttt...I liked it all. Even the pain in the upper thighs/hamstrings from going uphill for a long period of time. Is it cheating when I love it when other people perform techniques on me and I kind of like it if they decide to do a wrist lock or if during training doing wrist-grab-escape techniques I love what it feels like to be grabbed, and how when either the attacker or defender arms scrape against each other and sometimes my cuts start bleeding again.
Maybe it's not cheating, but it's lying to myself. Even though the intention isn't there, the desire is fed, and I like what it feels like, and I use it.
But maybe it doesn't even matter? Like, so what? Whenever I see someone smoking or drinking, I secretly want to say, "Don't smoke, don't drink, try cutting instead!!!" with a huge grin on my face. Even one time, smoking, drinking, and permanent damage. & I've heard/been taught that that is addicting too. So why not choose a more benign addiction if you must choose one?
I know it's reallllly bad to think that, and if most people heard "Why smoke, why drink, no need, try cutting instead!" they would laugh their asses off, think I'm crazy because (note sarcasm coming up) cutting is OBVIOUSLY worse than smoking and drinking!!! Labelling, people! Society has brainwashed everyone to view the LABEL "cutter" as some blackened, vile, repulsive, outcasting thing, even if logic could tell people that it's not really as bad as a lot of dangerous/bad things out there.
BUT....is it considered cheating because millions of times I twisted my ankle (not on purpose, we were kind of racing and there are lots of rocks), fell on my shin twice, and accidentally (really accidentally, I'm not lying) scraped my knuckles against thorns when walking through them to get back to the trail from the lookout...at the moment I saw blood on my knuckles though, I looked at it and said softly to myself so no one could hear, "cool" and grinned. I thought about going back to the thorns. They were so sharp, and it wasn't even a deep cut, extremely shallow actually, and it really WAS an accident, but...those thorns could have made such a deep cut.
So...is it cheating? Nothing was on purpose buttt...I liked it all. Even the pain in the upper thighs/hamstrings from going uphill for a long period of time. Is it cheating when I love it when other people perform techniques on me and I kind of like it if they decide to do a wrist lock or if during training doing wrist-grab-escape techniques I love what it feels like to be grabbed, and how when either the attacker or defender arms scrape against each other and sometimes my cuts start bleeding again.
Maybe it's not cheating, but it's lying to myself. Even though the intention isn't there, the desire is fed, and I like what it feels like, and I use it.
But maybe it doesn't even matter? Like, so what? Whenever I see someone smoking or drinking, I secretly want to say, "Don't smoke, don't drink, try cutting instead!!!" with a huge grin on my face. Even one time, smoking, drinking, and permanent damage. & I've heard/been taught that that is addicting too. So why not choose a more benign addiction if you must choose one?
I know it's reallllly bad to think that, and if most people heard "Why smoke, why drink, no need, try cutting instead!" they would laugh their asses off, think I'm crazy because (note sarcasm coming up) cutting is OBVIOUSLY worse than smoking and drinking!!! Labelling, people! Society has brainwashed everyone to view the LABEL "cutter" as some blackened, vile, repulsive, outcasting thing, even if logic could tell people that it's not really as bad as a lot of dangerous/bad things out there.