La fin

[carnivalnights]

It is truly pathetic that I have allowed a break-up of a two-year relationship to reduce me to high school coping mechanisms

Comments

[zahrimsthoughts]

I believe there is someone for everyone, yes even you my dear girl. And I hope one day you find the one that will make you as happy as I think you deserve to be *huggles* Love you to pieces girl, I constsntly wish I was around to slap you when you need it and provide hugs on tap but alas distance is the curse of us all. If you are determined you are to be alone. fine. but be happy with that choice.. if you arent then somewhere you havent quite given up yet :) Be well hun <3

[carnivalnights]

Thanks, hun. I sometimes wish I was an idealist and just too delusional to know any better. I wish I had childlike fantasies to keep my faith alive. I envy the people who are able to see past the baddness in this world and believe in things like true love. And I do wish I believed I deserved something really good for myself, but I don't. Not in the love department. I want those things, yes, but I don't believe I will get them. I'm hoping I will find some way to change that, despite all the real things in society that almost guatantee someone like me won't get what she wants.

[zahrimsthoughts]

Dont give up. I had and if you read my journal for today you will see I have a shot at the second chance in life I thought I had blown. Fingers crossed I will get better and make a difference. *grin* I will get to Canada in the next couple of years and im gonna hug the hell out of you dear girl I warn thee now. You always were, are and always will be a rare and beautiful inspiration to me my friend xxxx

[dandypoet]

The end of what, exactly? I've known you (i wouldn't even really say known. although i just did.) for a very short period of time. Perhaps if I began reading your journal earlier, then maybe I'd have more insight into what this entry is actually referring to. I mean, I understand what you're saying, but somehow it all seems so vague, like I don't know what lead up to this. I can tell you one thing for sure, though, that even if you've given up on yourself, there are other people who haven't given up on you. I don't know what it feels like to be broken up with because I've never been with anyone before. So I can't tell you basically anything about love. But oh, I am so fucking glad that people cannot read eacthother's minds because some of the shit I think about, I don't even believe, it just pops into my head. And while I'm positive this sounds much better in theory, you should probably learn to feel more comfortable with yourself, before you start trying to please someone else with you. You know? I really apologize if this is

[carnivalnights]

No, I did mention the word breakup in the first paragraph, but I added in "two-year relationship" in case anyone else thought I was trying to be cryptic. I wasn't. This was all about my relationship, my self-esteem, my SAD

[flourishing]

Why are the good ones always fucked up by someone else? I'm so sorry, Skyler. I'm sorry for you being in this amount of pain, and not knowing where to turn. I hate to admit that, to an extent, I do know what that place of fucking loss and finality looks like. I can't tell you it'll get better. . .because so far, in my experience, it hasn't. I hate when I am told to look toward the future. I'm sorry. This world is awful.

[carnivalnights]

I hate this place. I hate being here. If you want honesty, I will tell you I really do want to get better and I do not want to be so lost with no one to turn to. I do not want to be alone. I think we all know what loss and finality looks like. But I think that is very human and not necessarily weakness.

I d not expect you to tell me it will get better. Thank you for your honesty. I too hate when people tell me to look to the future. Sometimes your mind is so clouded by the awful things in the world you can't see past tomorrow. I can only hope, for the both of us and everyone, that there will be a clearing. Some day.

♥

[livinginoctober]

Hello...

I'm a friend of a friend who referred me here, and I just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you and wishing you peace in this....

[carnivalnights]

You are very sweet. Thank you. That means a lot coming from a stranger. ♥

[_janie_jones_]

You will never progress if you keep placing yourself as the victim. Placing yourself as the victim causes self-hurt that hurts way more than anyone else ever hurting you. If you are truly interested in women's rights, you will take this seriously. How can you command respect in the public sphere if you don't even command respect from yourself? Just the fact that you're wirting about self-loathing in a livejournal shows you don't even really hate yourself. If you truly hated yourself you'd go jump off a bridge. So suck it up, stop making yourself the victim and stop hurting yourself.

[embryonicdreams]

That is the most insensitive thing I have ever read through out my time on this forum.

[carnivalnights]

I have decided: I love you.

I barely know you but you have already played the role of a true friend. ♥

[embryonicdreams]

Ah, I really don't believe in the tough-love bullshit agenda. I felt very uncaring statements be made (especially ones that were unrealistically created through the make-belief of internet projection). If we are not here to hold each other up, what is our purpose in telling stories & sharing emotions?

You need to be surrounded with people that love you, bring you warmth and protect you. Losing a love is like dying a death; pieces of ourselves are taken with that person. But You will grow new limbs. & You have spirits beside you, ready to hold you up as you take this journey on, forward. I am here, should you need anything, darling bee.

You're not alone, dear-girl. I'm inside a fire as well, and I know how it curls and rises ready to burn you up at each second. But we prevail. We'll lick each other's wounds & grow new shells, yes?

Kiss.

Vay