LOST Fic : Kate & Juliet, "Contrition.' Ch1-12
Apologies for the fact that the show confuses me completley and i've probably inadvertantly changed many things. Also i was mega pissed off at Jack when i wrote this, so i have rather butchered his character. Didn't kill him like i have in all my other kuliet fics tho! Apologies for being completley out of character, it's just how it came to me, how i;d like to see Kate and Juliet rather than being actually close to canon. Anyway its all written in fun, and i mean no offence to anyone;s favourite characters (uh well except jack, that was intended) .I've also managed to confuse even myself with the timeline of this fic, so hope it makes some sense. It's completley crazy , so you;ve been warned :)
Written with all my love for
kassandra_luem
Part 1/ Juliet.
1.1 Present Day- an undecided location in the United States.
You stand nervously on the doorstep. The surroundings are so unfamiliar. You shift subconsciously from one foot to the other as the little baby stirs in your arms. You hold her close, taking a deep breath. It never ceases to amaze you the impact of a sleeping baby, how peace could descend instantly. With your free hand you reach forward and ring the door bell.
As you hear the footsteps down the hall, that sense of peace shifts suddenly, as fragments of fear and shame make their way through, piercing your heart. It’s been so long. You waited too long. You shouldn’t be here, not now.
The little boy answers the door. Your breath catches in your throat. He is strikingly beautiful. And you fall instantly in love with him. You know in that moment you would die for him, just as you would die for that baby girl in your arms.
He smiles brightly “May I help you?” He asks. He is so grown up. A real little boy, not the baby you had pictured. You had missed so much of his life. So much time cruelly stolen. So much time you’ve recklessly discarded. It had been almost a year since you returned from the island. And you hadn’t lifted a finger to find her.
“Is your mom home?” You manage to ask. The little boy nods and runs down the hall, calling for his mother.
How tempted you were in that moment. To leave that baby girl on the doorstep and run. It would be so easy.
You hear Rachel’s sobs before you see her.
“Juliet?” She asks in disbelief “Is it really you? I knew you would come back.”
Had you not been holding that baby, Rachel would have knocked you over in her enthusiasm.
She reaches forward to touch you and you step back instinctively, feeling so out of place, so unworthy.
You say nothing, your eyes cloud over with fear. Every unspoken thing about you telling your sister to keep her distance, not to push you too fast.
Rachel gets the message. She stops. Tears in her eyes. She turns her attention to her son, calling for him without turning her gaze from you and the precious baby in your arms. “Julian.” She calls him. She is crying, but there is excitement in her voice. Something like joy. “Julian, come here.” She calls to her son urgently. “Julian, this is your aunty Juliet, the one I always tell you about.”
The boy stands looking up to you in awe as Rachel puts her arms around him protectively, just as you cradle that little girl close in your arms. Somehow, with the children standing in the gap between you, that gap seems to get a little smaller.
“Come in, please.” Rachel asks you, stepping aside for you to enter. And you follow the little boy into the house, keeping that baby girl oh so close, as if she could shield you from all the regret and pain that has come between you and your sister. As if nothing can hurt you with that baby in your arms.
“Is that your baby?” Julian asks, peering at the sleeping bundle in your arms.
“Yes.” You answer him. It was somehow so much easier to converse with the child. He had no expectations. Not like Rachel, you feel her expectant eyes upon you every second. “This is my daughter, your cousin.” You say to your nephew.
“She’s cute.” Julian tells you, before he turns to his mother. “I was cute when i was a baby, wasn’t I mom?”
“Yes.” Rachel answers. “You were beautiful. “
That’s when you couldn’t hold your own tears any longer as you recalled your promise to Rachel, that you’d be there when her baby was born. You think of how sick she had been, everything that she had been through, and you abandoned her. What must she think of you? How will you ever explain? It had been a mistake coming here.
“May I hold her?” Rachel asks. You don’t want to let the baby go. But you can’t refuse Rachel anything. Not when she is standing there tears in her eyes, wanting only to hold your baby, as you’d both promised you’d do for one another when you were little girls.
Rachel’s arms brush against your own as she takes the baby from you. Rachel tries to look you in the eye, but you turn away, hastily brushing away tears. Remembering how badly Rachel had wanted you to be there for her and Julian when he was a baby. How you let her down. And now here you are landing on her doorstep out of nowhere asking for help. It was all so very wrong.
“Look Julian. “ Rachel told her little boy. “Sit here, very still alright. Do you want to hold your cousin?”
The boy sits obediently as his mother places the sleeping child in his arms. It is then you realise that Rachel isn’t nearly as interested in the baby as you believed. Sure, her eyes lit up as she held that baby girl. But she had only really wanted to take the baby from your arms, so there was nothing standing between you.
With the children occupied, Rachel stands, opposite you, nowhere for you to run, nothing to hide behind.
“Juliet?” Rachel asks, and you take a deep breath as you tear your gaze from the children and turn to face your sister.
You gasp when you see into her eyes. When you realise that there is nothing but love in there. Nothing but love and forgiveness and pure joy. No trace of anger, disappointment or shame. And yet it was that very same unconditional, undeserved love that weighs so heavily upon you, making you feel like you can’t breathe.
Before you can protest, Rachel pulls you into a tight embrace, as you both cry. All you can manage to say to her after all these years is “I’m sorry.”
And she only answers you with, “Shh, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I missed you to, you have no idea.” And you mean it from the bottom of your heart.
Rachel finally loosens her grip as Julian interrupts.
“Aunt Juliet?” the boy calls you, And the words sound so strange to your ears. “I’m named after you, did you know that?”
“Yes, I knew that.” You manage to answer, trying to wipe the tears from your eyes, but they just keep falling.
“What is your little girls name? “ The child asks you innocently
The question takes you by surprise. Of all the unanswerable questions you had been expecting, that one hadn’t crossed your mind. The baby’s name?
Rachel eyes you quizzically, as you struggle to formulate and answer on the spot.
“Aunty Juliet is tired.” Rachel tells the boy, buying you some time.
“Her name is Hope.” You hear the words from your own mouth before you even realise that you have given her a name.
“Hope?” Rachel asks “That’s perfect.”
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