LOST Fic : Kate & Juliet, "Contrition.' 1.2

Oct 06, 2009 09:26


1.2 On the island

Some time ago, maybe 12 months ago or so. Or whenever.

You held your breath as you watched Ben beat the other woman brutally. It wasn’t his style really, to be so physically violent. He preferred mental torture, it was all the more excruciating, more effective. But you realised as you watched on in horrified silence, that this was exactly his way of torturing Kate. You had read all about her family, her father and the way he beat her and her mother. It was Ben’s way of humiliating her, degrading her. And you stood, watching. Refusing to turn your eyes away. Every instinct in you wanted to push him off her, to take Kate in your arms and hold her.

Kate’s eyes clouded over, with rage and terror. You hardly recognised her. She fought him so fiercely. You wanted to plead with her to stop, it only made him angry. She made things so difficult for herself. But you knew if you opened your mouth, it would only make things worse, for you and for Kate. So you kept your silence.

After Ben had finished, he walked past you standing in the doorway, kissing you on the cheek. “Keep an eye on her.” He warned you.

You stood for a moment, as if you were waiting to make sure Ben had left. Not that it mattered. It was Ben’s plan, all of this, that you befriend the woman. Gain her trust. But the joke was on Ben. Because you found yourself inexplicably drawn to her. Against every reason you could think of.

You pushed the cameras aside as you approached her. This was for Kate’s benefit, not Ben’s. Anything he caught on camera he would only attribute to his master plan. But you wanted her to know that Ben wasn’t watching. That it was just the two of you. You wanted her to trust you.

You kneeled down to where she was curled on the hard wooden floor. You reached forward to touch her, Kate pulled away instinctively.

“Please, I’m not going to hurt you.” You told her gently.

Kate struggled to sit up, trying hard not to flinch. She locked eyes with you “What do you want?” She demanded to know.

“I’m sorry.” You told her.

“How sorry can you be? You just stood there and watched him beat the shit out of me.”

“Why do you provoke him? He would have left you alone but you insist on fighting back. You bring it all on yourself Kate, you really do.”

You saw something flicker in her eyes at your words. You wondered how often she had heard those words in the past. From her father, her mother. And just like that, after those few careless words, she completely froze you out.

You found yourself desperately fishing for something to say to redeem yourself in her eyes. Uncertain why it even meant so much to you, only certain that it did.

“I’m only trying to help.” You explained. “I’m a prisoner here too, Kate.” You finally admitted.

Kate scoffed in disbelief.

“You don’t believe me? Why would I come here Kate? To this island? To these people? Spend three years of my life here? I have a life back home. People waiting for me.” Your voice trailed off at the thought of your sister and nephew.

“Go on, I’m listening.” Kate prompted you. And you realised that you had her attention.

As you began, it occurred to you that you had never told that story aloud to a living soul. About your sister, her illness, her pregnancy. About being drugged and waking up on that submarine. Desperately wanting to go home, and Ben holding Rachel’s illness over you. About the patients who died in your care as you sat back powerless. How homesick you were, that you would do anything to escape. How you wanted to die every single morning that you woke up and realised this wasn‘t a nightmare, but the thought, the hope, of seeing your sister, that baby boy, is what kept you going.

You felt Kate’s eyes upon you the entire time you were speaking. “That’s all very touching. But, Really, you kidnapped me. Tormented my friends, conducting your bizarre experiments on us. You just stood there watching while your friend almost beat me to death. So I’m afraid I don’t have a whole lot of compassion for you right now.”

It’s not like you could have expected more from her. Did you really think you’d win her over with a few words after everything that happened? Tell some tragic story and have her suddenly trust you and want you in her life, the way you somehow knew you wanted her in yours. It’s not like her rejection should have wounded you, but it did. It made you defensive. It made you almost angry. Honestly, it cut right to the bone.

“Suit yourself. I was trying to help you. Thought you could use a friend.” You told her as you got up to walk away.

“You want to be my friend?” She asked you in disbelief.

“I just told you things I’ve never told anyone. The deepest secrets of my life. ”

“I don’t think so.” She answered, shaking her head.

“Excuse me?”

“If you want to be my friend, Juliet, then tell me the real reason you left your life behind and came to this island.”

No one had ever asked you that. No one had ever looked at you, and seen right through you like Kate did in that moment. “I just told you.” You answered her quickly.

“The REAL reason.” Kate said again, slowly. “The real reason you left when your sister had been so sick...”

“She was in remission.” You defended yourself.

“..When you had just achieved this amazing goal, she was pregnant, when she needed you by her side...”

“She told me to go, she gave me her blessing.” Speaking it aloud you realised how unbelievable it all sounded.

“I’m sure that’s what she said.” Kate agreed, punctuated by the unspoken judgement that you shouldn’t have listened. That Rachel needed you and you should have known better. Kate continued, asking you again “ What’s the real reason a smart woman like you would allow herself to be drugged and dragged to this island? You must have had a bad feeling about it?” Kate kept asking you questions, and you realised how insane the whole things sounded. And if this stranger could take one look at you and see right through you, how would you ever explain any of this to Rachel?

“How do you know these things? About me?” You wanted to know

“Not nice, is it? When someone knows everything about you, and throws it in your face time and time again.” No doubt referring to the information Ben had collected on the survivors of the plane crash. And the times you had used it against her, tormenting her with the things you knew about her and Sawyer, her and Jack.

“You have some sort of secret file about me?” You couldn’t help but ask. Even though it wasn’t possible. You had been here years before that plane crashed. You were the one with the knowledge, the power, not Kate. Yet how had she known all those things about you? And no, you silently answered her question, it isn’t nice at all.

“No.” Kate laughed. “That’s your thing. But I know when someone is lying to me. And I know when someone is running so hard from something that they’ve almost convinced themselves it doesn’t exist. So tell me, what’s the real reason you ended up here?
   

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femslash, kate austen, lost, fanfic, kuliet, juliet burke

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