WHO: Raven and Rimmer. Closed log.
WHERE: Lake Placid house, their bedroom.
WHEN: Backdated to the night of
this post.WARNINGS: Heavy theological content and philosophy. Discussion of souls. Discussion of humanity and demons. A couple in their pyjamas in bed. Yannow, the usual.
SUMMARY: Rimmer is none too keen on the fact that Raven seems to
(
Read more... )
She tried just about anything to excuse why she didn't want to go to bed. Joseph, I'd love you watch you paint! David, we can watch a movie! Terrence, let's go out for icecream and no it doesn't matter that it's late! None of it worked, and she found herself marching up the stairs after being caught yawning. She couldn't get away with anything in this house, one of the downsides to being so close to them all ( ... )
Reply
"I've talked to other demons, I've spoken with people like Lucifer, who knows my father better than I even do. I'm honestly fine with not having a soul, I feel it's a bit overrated now, after having time to think about it. Not having one is a part of who I am, and I can't change that."
Reply
He was firmly of the opinion that he'd lost his soul the moment he'd died, and all their discussions to the contrary wouldn't convince him otherwise. But...in spite of his disbelief, in spite of his contradictory denial and simultaneous loathing of God...he wanted rest.
A reward. Justice. Peace. Torment. Something. Not a psuedo-immortality, wandering the Earth accumulating memories until he went mad. He wanted to know it was all worth something in the end. He wanted to know that...that if it came down to it, and he and Raven were separated by the 'Porter, that he'd have something, somehow, someday to look forward to, as he took possession of a shiny new ethereal body in heaven and had her at his side ( ... )
Reply
But that got off point... a point that was already off point to begin with, but if Arnold wanted so badly to drag himself into this discussion, then so be it. In her mind, this had nothing to do with him, but he was making it about him. Again. One of his flaws that she loved him in spite of.
"I still believe you have a soul. I thoroughly believe everything I told you. Do I have a way of knowing for sure with you? No. However I do believe it's there."
Reply
"I'm not trying to take anything away from you! I'm trying to...to give you something! I'm trying to show you that you do have a soul. Without one...well, you'd be what Starscream said. A drone. And you're definitely not one of those."
He turned to her fully, now, rubbing at his chin distractedly, his book entirely forgotten.
"But...wait, hang on, there was something Joey said. Something about how he couldn't possess things without a soul. So he can't jump into...a can of cola or something. And he's able to possess your body easily enough, you said."
It was, what he thought, his trump card, using Joey's powers to bring her about to his way of thinking.
Reply
Now she had to face it head on.
"He... can possess intellectual beings." she tried to choose her words carefully, but only the initial set came out that way, as the emotional tear turned into a gap at just having to talk about this subject.
"... he was fine jumping into those with souls, all right? Just fine. What happened when he began to make that link with me? I've told you all about that. I've been nothing but disaster for him, Arnold."
Reply
Right. That.
Smeg.
"That wasn't your fault. That was your father's fault." It was a lame excuse, and they both knew it, but he had to say it. Rimmer thrived on blaming parents for problems like this, even if that particular problem was a bit out of the scope of what his parents did to him.
Reply
"I can blame my father for everything in the world, but at the end of the day I am still a demon. I'm purified to make my own choices, but that doesn't change what I am. All of this nonsense about being incomplete, like I'm not enough precisely the way I am? It's not helping what I've tried so hard to achieve."
Reply
He could hear that anger in her tone, see it in her posture and on her face. And he knew that he'd finally crossed a line with her, a line that he didn't even know existed until this conversation happened. He'd dented her pride, the one aspect of her demonic heritage that she had accepted and embraced. And here he was, trying to tell her it wasn't any good.
"I just...wanted you to love yourself..." he said inanely, seemingly at odds with everything else said here tonight. Apparently he'd made some serious mental and emotional leaps about this topic, and had subconsciously equated having a soul with self-esteem.
Which was why he said he lacked it.
Reply
She hadn't even realized how brutal and cold phrasing it like that was, it had just come out that way.
Reply
"I know I stink at showing it," he said quietly. "I did warn you, Raven. I warned you ages ago. I told you I was a smeghead."
And with that, he pushed the covers aside and slid out of bed, pushing his feet into his slippers as he swung his legs over the side. He was up and across the room seconds after that.
Reply
"... this is why I don't talk to any of you boys about these things. None of you have the ability to understand where I'm coming from on this issue." she wrapped her arms around one of his, pressing her forehead to his shoulder.
"I don't want to upset you all with these things."
Reply
"I'm trying," he said quietly. "I really am. I thought I'd be the best person to understand this, but...I don't know. I just don't know. We're going to keep talking this in circles until we're throwing crockery at each other, so forget it. Just forget it."
Reply
She gave yet another tug on his arm, and a half-step back.
Reply
She was so beautiful. He could look into her eyes for hours, days, and never get tired of it. And it was in that moment he realised something important. Her own beliefs on the state of her soul were hers, and he shouldn't and couldn't change them...but at the same time, his beliefs were his own too. And he would always, always believe that she had a soul. More soul, certainly, than the monsters who raised him, the so-called friends who tormented him, the co-workers who loathed him. They all saw Arnold Rimmer and despised him; she saw him and loved him.
So she could believe what she liked, and he wouldn't ever argue this point again. He would just look into her eyes and know his own truth, like she knew hers.
He stepped closer again and cupped her face with one hand.
"I love you," he said quietly.
Reply
"I love you too, Arnold."
She tucked a bit of hair behind her ear.
"... and I promise, I'm not putting myself down when I talk about all of this stuff. I really am okay with it, I really do see it as a positive now that I've had time to think on it."
Reply
Leave a comment