(Untitled)

[theboxization]

OKAY, sorry for not closing and getting a post up earlier this afternoon. I had a minor disagreement with the kitchen sink and it regurgitated all over the floor and I had to clean away the ROTTEN MOLDY TURKEY BROTH AND SEWAGE SMELL. My dogs - who are perfectly intelligent and didn't take the opportunity to roll around on the floor or anything -

Comments

[macintech]

Ins for Shino,

Outs for Kanda, Panthera, Watanuki (;_;), Soma, and Kazuki.

Wanted to make a shout out for Kazuki: the only reason I voted you out was because... I was really confused by the speech patterns. They were very stilted and formal, and just seemed kind of... abnormal to me? I've never seen your canon so if this is actually how Kazuki talks, please tell me -- it'd be an in-vote if I weren't so put off by the diction and such. :)

ALSO ask for crit and I may or may not respond.

[unconsumedbysin]

Ins for Panthera and Kazuki! Ask for crit, and so on.

Soma apper

[unconsumedbysin]

If you've got advice to give, I'd love to have it.

Re: Soma apper

[unconsumedbysin]

I think this is the seed of a good app, but it needs to be fleshed out. Soma isn't actually doing much, and I think I'd prefer to see him actually acting instead of just talking to himself, which makes it a little flavorless. Think up a funny or weird scenario for him, and it'll be golden. Also, your canon is really focused on recapping the plot, which is fine, but I'd rather see that space go towards description of Soma's personality and how he might interact in camp.

Really, I'd love to see Soma in camp, and I think you're well on your way; please reapp!

Re: Soma apper

[unconsumedbysin]

I'll keep your advice in mind for the future, and thank you!

[anyposition]

Shino(OUT): There wasn't anything camp-related for me to indulge with and measure him against. For a character like Shino, that's hard, but you did have a good start. I'd fish for an idea, theme, or subject to focus Shino's observations, to. Please to be reapping because the camp can always use more dots.

Panthera(OUT): A nice idea, but I can't back it in good faith. There's really nothing to let me know just how camp is affecting Panthy-chan. I think if you focus less on the story and more on why h/she'd have to tell it (ten minutes before the primate beatings commence? Pass the Wrathelu on the left-hand side?), you could win an easy shot in.

Watanuki(OUT): The canon was...kinda not there. And his anger and spaz had no overall goal--I lost focus on it several times. I remember him a little from Clover-mun, so...I'd encourage a reapp. Try and ground his spaz toward an end focus, and build the app around it in order to compliment. And detail the canon a little more, for those not in the know.

Soma(OUT): Flat. I...

[anyposition]

Oops. Yuu was an ABSTAIN. G'luck, yo.

Soma apper

[anyposition]

Thank you very much for that advice! It's already given me an idea or two to work on for my next try.

Shino apper

[anyposition]

I didn't expect to make it past the weeding stage, so seeing my app up was an accomplishment in and of itself. XD;; But thank you for the advice. I haven't fully grasped the craziness of CFUD, perhaps why I didn't want to reference anything directly related to the camp. But, if it will help, I'll try and app next time.

Conversing with ellipses is definitely an art form.

- Shino apper

[shinnanigans]

Okay, I was worried that I was voting everyone out because I'm miserable, but apparently I'm not alone. Okay. I know a surprising number of canons this round. Weird. And sad that knowing three canons is a lot for me, but here goes:

Kanda, app just wasn't funny. Also, end formatting for emphasis was a turn-off.

Watanuki, regulate your number of dots. And then use it consistantly. No, seriously. Also, find a way besides caps -- bold or italics works -- to emphasise things. Give your spazziness flow and structure -- yeah, it's tough. Just do it -- and decrease the canon reliance. Don't use multiple question and exclamation marks in one place. Similarly, needs more funny.

Kazuki, there's no reason to use capitalization in the canon section. And seriously, don't use the word "skillz" more than once. It's only barely funny the first time. That said, the first line seemed dead on to me. Actually, most of the app had Kazuki's voice. It just wasn't funny. So you're on the right track; now you just need to find some humor for it.

Does

[macintech]

You know Kazuki stuff! ... So that's actually how he sounds and stuff? Like. The speech isn't too jilted or formal or... er. Does that make sense?

[shinnanigans]

Uh...

It's been forever since I saw the series (I feel bad; I played the girl who crushed on Kazuki a couple months ago and now I remember noooothing). It reads like a very literal reading of one of the bad fansub groups I followed, so I understand where it's coming from... and it's effective at communicating how polite Kazuki is (or seemed to be in those subs)...

I dunno. The voice wasn't a concern for me. It could be a little looser, but I was more concerned about the fact that it just didn't amuse me.

[macintech]

Mmn, okay. Thanks. :)

[overacting]

All out. Except Panthera, who I abstained from.

Shino and Soma, app was just too... short.

Everyone else, concrit if you want?