duende

[bubblingbeebles]

i've been talking in several channels recently about the relative merits of letting yourself feel things more or less strongly. the one is harder to control, and sometimes more gratifying; the other makes, well, a lot of things easier - thinking clearly, getting work done.

a year, or two years, ago - i don't remember - i realised that my brain has

Comments

[bubblingbeebles]

a long time ago i was thinking about the idea of people being inherently more "thinking" or "feeling". i definitely used to be a "thinking" person; now i'm not sure where i am, and i don't know if i still buy the distinction or if it's just a matter of separate capacity for each.

[dreaminventor]

Your innate reaction, whether it be thinking or feeling, does not actually dictate how you choose to respond.

[aleffert]

As with a lot of personality stuff, there's something there, but most of it is garbage c.f. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error.

I make basically all of my decisions by thinking very hard about them then going with my gut. Is that feeling or thinking?

[bubblingbeebles]

which confirmation bias would that be?

[bubblingbeebles]

maybe i am missing the point, but that seems like a waste of a good moment...?

it's not like i don't think about it independently of personal relevants afterward.

[redglasses]

the more you ignore your feelings, the harder it is to invoke happiness on a whim

This needn't be conscious, and that is why I'm on an SSRI now. Do not neglect the meat; a person is not mind in a void.

What if I have no interest in expressing myself in bed?

[bubblingbeebles]

then you could take the fortune at face value, instead! c.c

[valantrapitor]

Gotta read the situation. A lot of people don't take fortunes seriously, and acting as if they do is mostly an impetus for personal discussion. People aren't always in the mood for the touchy-feeling side of things - at best you'll get a 'that's nice' and a sense of lacking resolution. Seek resolution within yourself, and share significantly only when asked for. Otherwise, you'll be seen as pushing your principles on others - they should be receptive when you want to share things, they should be thinking about the world on the same level as you, etc.

[bubblingbeebles]

Seek resolution within yourself, and share significantly only when asked for.

that was where i started before this. if i don't start the sharing, who will?

(or, in more conciliatory words, what am i supposed to look for that indicates being asked to share?)

[valantrapitor]

You don't have to -stop- the sharing, per se. Make a sideways comment any time you wish - a comment not too far from the conversation at the time, but closer to what you want to express. Don't attach emotional commitment to it, and don't get offended if it doesn't catch. It's like throwing out feelers, hoping perhaps that at some time, it'll catch people. If people latch to it in the way you wanted as a response, all the better. If not, then just proceed with the flow. Though people occasionally act like they can't read your mind, sometimes they don't really want to - and there's no need to push the situation. Sure, it's a bit more passive, but I think that the fewer ACKs that you get will, in the end, be more worthwhile. Expressions between people are improved when both are willing.

[bubblingbeebles]

mm. good newsletter.