Mimiko Hashimoto vs Aiko Sakada

[sashwizzled]

Okay, this isn't an FTD, it's two characters attempting on one another. Just treat it like two separate attempts.

Does Mimiko Hashimoto kill, wound or fail to injure Aiko Sakada?

Does Aiko Sakada kill, wound or fail to injure Mimiko Hashimoto?

The time is 2227 GMT - see you in 24 hours.

Comments

Wound, Wound {1/2]

[theonlyjosh]

Gonna be shorter (unless requested by people involved to be long which Daviiid and Danny has done) but still enough to hopefully be enough critic. Here we go

Wound, Wound [2/2]

[theonlyjosh]

Mimiko: Okay, I think you're writing ability you are improving in. The layout on the latest post was much easier to read and the font. However, sometimes descriptions like what's going on in the post can be confusing,example with the latest girl fight. I wasn't totally sure at first who killed who or where the characters are. Just making it clearer makes it an lot easier to avoid the readers pondering on the outcomes.Basic descriptions though are alright like travelling etc

Wound both part 1

[rietje_1]

Okay, let's start with Mimiko

Wound both part 2

[rietje_1]

AikoWriting wise: Danny is doing fine. I think a consistent post layout can do you many favors though. Grammar/punctuation wise, I do spot some mistakes like a comma where it doesn’t belong. Stammering in thoughts isn’t, in my opinion, needed either. Sometimes, indeed, your dialog can sound awkward too. The enormous amounts of loose thoughts, while they do portray well how she’s all struggling and doubting can sometimes be a little tiring to read. Sometimes, Danny does include some nice dark humor which I think deserves to be mentioned

Aiko is killed; Mimiko is wounded

[anbyrobanby]

Mimiko on Aiko