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simon_alexander May 25 2011, 20:03:40 UTC
This sounds like it has potential to be an interesting story about a depressed, self-harming girl who "falls" for a Guy (see what I did thar) who's not very good for her at all. Unfortunately, I don't think this is what the author intended, or has the capability to handle.

Some YA authors just shouldn't try to tackle heavy issues like this if they can't do it RIGHT. (I'm looking at you, Hunger Games)

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lonetread May 25 2011, 20:29:32 UTC
That comma splice, holy crap. It doesn't even take rewording the sentence completely, just one word. "Tumbling". Bam. Fixed. How hard was that, editors? Sheesh.

"Edward Cullen School of Charming a Woman" = both hilarious and apt. *claps*

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insanepurin May 25 2011, 20:33:01 UTC
I do not like you, Guy. Sure, you seem perfectly sweet and all, but you do things that make me wonder if you went to the Edward Cullen School of Charming a Woman.

Hee hee. That made me giggle.

But yeah. Throwing razors at someone? That's totally smart!

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emploding May 25 2011, 21:48:28 UTC
Hmm, girl meets tragedy. Girl starts to self-destruct. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl starts to like boy. Boy tries to save girl. Boy realises he can't save girl and gets mad. Boy and girl end up living happily ever after.

Hardly a unique story! But they could have made it half-decent with some effort. It sounds like it was written by a teenager.

And for what it's worth, it's written by someone with no experience or medical knowledge. If a scab is small enough to fall off when someone touches it, it's not going to bleed enough to go through her shirt and make him roll up her sleeve.

Yes, being a self-harmer myself I'm quite pedantic and critical when people try to write about it lol

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jajikimbap May 26 2011, 08:30:02 UTC
^ Dis! Former self-cutter too :(

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87_degrees May 26 2011, 13:25:13 UTC
I can understand a teenage girl who's obviously seriously depressed feeling that people are making a fuss about nothing. It's probably quite realistic characterisation. As you say, it's going to be true to life but it's difficult to like a character like that and you really have to like the central character of a book (unless the author is really, really good).

But Guy sounds dreadful. Grabbing a girl when she's leaving is not a good way to behave. And throwing razors? Ugh!

Not what's wanted in a romance!

I did love your Edward comment though. :)

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