Baby for sale?

[ohboy09]

A loving, financially stable couple has been waiting to adopt a baby for years. The couple is unable to have children for whatever reasons

Comments

[chrispina]

the money probably went to an agency that did the locating and legal stuff. they still did the work even if the birth mother changed her mind.

birth parents should be able to change their minds. i think 3 months is probably a reasonable upper limit.

there are a lot of risks inherent to adoption and to parenting in general. children don't come with guarantees. i think that adoptive parents need to go into the process understanding the risks and knowing that they could lose their investment and not end up with a baby. a safer bet would be to try to adopt a baby who is already born and available for adoption, but i think there are more hoops to jump through and fewer babies available... and you might end up with one that isn't ~*perfect*~ or who doesn't look like you.

ETA: i think that a nonrefundable deposit up front is reasonable to cover the expenses of the agency and then the rest of the money when the adoption is finalized would make sense.

[thesilia]

i think 3 months is entirely too long if the child is to be in the custody of the adoptive parents during that period. they can't be expected to put their lives on hold for 90 days to care for a child that they can't get too attached to because the birth mother could change her mind and reclaim it. if that's the case, the babies need to go into foster care during the waiting period and not be placed with their adoptive parents until the relinquishment papers are signed.

[chrispina]

i think that having all adoptions begin as foster relationships wouldn't be a terrible idea...

[thesilia]

it's an interesting idea. so long as everyone was fully informed and knew they were entering a fostering arrangement, i could see it being helpful, at least in some cases. i can see potential pitfalls, too. given my druthers, i would opt for an irrevocable relinquishment before placement and no fostering period, though.

[ptork66]

Babies don't forget the women who parented and carried them for nine months. What about that trauma?

[cocacola_sorrow]

Babies don't forget the women who parented and carried them for nine months. What about that trauma?

Sorry, but as a baby who WAS adopted, I most certainly did forget about the woman who carried me for nine months- and she certainly didn't parent me. My adopted parents parented me. I was, and am, close to my adopted parents from day one (when I was six weeks old) and if someone had tried to take me away from them, after 3 months or 1 year, then I would most certainly have suffered trauma.

[idemandjustice]

What if she can't afford to pay back the medical costs?

[thesilia]

most states prohibit prospective adopters from trying to recoup money given to a birth mother directly. they also generally prohibit the prospective adopters from giving anything other than reimbursement for routine medical or legal expenses and living expenses. that the money is at risk is something usually stated loudly and clearly in any arrangements made by an agency or lawyer.

there's a small industry for adoption insurance, to protect the monetary investment of prospective adopters because they are prohibited from trying to recover the money from the birth parents.

[thesilia]

90 days? so a person is expected to take home a baby, love, bond with, parent, feed, diaper, etc. for three months, not knowing the entire time if this child is really theirs? maybe you get to keep it? maybe you don't? maybe you're just providing 90 days of free babysitting? (that may sound snarky, i don't mean it to be. i'm just bouncing the idea back from the perspective of an adoptive parent because i'm in line to be one.)

30K is a pretty much average figure. the agencies (if they're good, anyway) provide counseling for birth mothers, place ads, pay social workers to monitor them, perform drug tests, provide counseling post adoption, help with prenatal care and living expenses for birth mothers, provide transportation, investigate prospective parents, maintain state licensure, provide continuing education for their staff, mediate open adoption arrangements, maintain records on past adoptions, etc. the fee covers all that operating overhead, basically.

[lsmsrbls]

Of course it is. The birth mother is probably poor and can't provide for the child as well as the nice adoptive parents who have $30,000 to pay upfront for a child. The child will have a better life, anyway. If the birth mother is coerced, it's all for the best.