Wait and Hope: Chapter Fourteen
Miss Tammy Sue
It had been a long, tiring and extremely upsetting ride on the MTA from the middle school Harry had been sent to Monday. His auburn haired companion on the commute home had stayed seated when Harry exited the subway car. Harry nearly missed the bus stop on the brownstone’s block only a short hop from the transfer station; Harry’s awareness of his surroundings was distracted by the trepidation roiling deep in his gut. How will John react when I tell him about my accidental encounter?
Jack’s nails clicking like castanets on the hardwood floor as the dog trotted happily from his room to sit antsy at Harry’s feet were the only sounds heard in the apartment. The apprehensive older man still couldn’t help but feel crestfallen facing the empty silence that echoed hollowly in every room with Rafe not being here. The details of Mr. Furnham’s chance meeting with another employee of the school system and possible repercussions were shoved hastily to the back of his mind. For the first time in years Harry allowed his personal life and happiness to take precedence over everything else.
Rafe had spent the night following their picnic lying next to Harry, each one feeling content to hold the other man close. A kiss good morning with the room bathed in pale light of the setting moon infiltrating through the open blinds had turned heated between them ending with Rafe pulling away. Apologizing profusely, he had stood next to the bed running fingers through sleep mussed hair, erection tenting the front of his briefs. Harry struggled to sit up carefully, his own sensitive arousal trapped between cloth and skin. He had reached for the repentant man’s hand attempting to reassure him there was no need to be sorry, but Rafe had only pulled away further.
Harry limped wearily over to the sofa and sank heavily down on it. He absently stroked Jack’s ears, the dog having followed to sit near his charge’s knees and laying his head on the man’s lap. Remembering Rafe’s words as he pulled away caused Harry to chafe inwardly.
“I want you so badly … and…and I know you want me. But wanting isn’t enough right now, is it? You want to be able to reciprocate intimate touch for intimate touch and you couldn’t do that. I don’t want to push you too hard. As much as I need you and want you, I might lose control of myself. I don’t want to go back to my empty apartment, to be alone again, but I think that it’s best that is where I should go until you feel you are ready. ”
It was what he wanted. Right? Time and space was all Harry needed to come to grips with his insecurities, at least for now. The doubts plaguing him about if Rafe truly wanted them to be together and the sensibility in them even reuniting because of their pasts were no longer an issue. Harold needed time to heal physically from the abuse he’d put his body through trying to deal with the depression of being separated from John all those months. Regretting that he had agreed to Rafe leaving for now Harry sighed heavily. Can I do this alone?
Harry went into the kitchen to pour a glass of the leftover green iced tea from yesterday’s picnic. There sitting front and center on the top shelf was a covered casserole dish with a post-it note stuck to it.
‘I’ll be home at seven. I’m still waiting to hear about your date. See you then!!’
Harry poured himself a tall tumbler of the iced tea and made up a small plate of a slice of the leftover quiche, one of the sandwiches and a brownie. Harry blushed slightly remembering their amorous activities were the reason they hadn’t gotten around to eating the sweet concoction. He rarely ate anywhere other than sitting at his table in the kitchen, but breaking his rules Harry opted to return to the living room to relax in his recliner heaven.
He really did want to go speak with his friend, maybe confide in her about how things turned out. Ask her for advice. Martha was only older by a few years but sometimes her wisdom about real life made Harry feel like an inexperienced child.
With an hour to wait until Martha returned, Harry relaxed into his recliner mulling over the day's happenings in his mind.
The two men had parted this morning giving each other quick feathery kisses, Rafe's strong yet gentle hands cradling his older lover’s face, while Harry ran tremoring hands up and down the taller man’s muscular back. Although they had mutually agreed to keep their distance for the time being, they still required even those briefest of touches to sustain their need for connection until being physically together once more.
Rafe had offered one more time unsuccessfully with Harry politely declining again to be driven to the school in Queens. He hated having to leave Jack at home; not having the dog’s companionship, but the commute required taking the bus, the subway, the train ending with a ten minute walk to get there. Maybe it would have been wiser to go by car rather than the hassle of the alternative, but Harry didn’t want to spend any more time alone with Rafe. He didn’t want to be tempted to change his mind about the temporary separation, ask that Rafe be waiting at the end of the school day to take them both home.
Seated on the bus as it passed in front of his home, Harry had almost reached for the rope, to alert the driver that he wanted to get off. They were only going to be separated for a few days, but Rafe was standing next to the Lexis, the same look of forlornness shadowing his handsome face Harold had seen on John’s all those months ago. Harry had wished to rush back to the other man, to grab him and tell him that their being apart, even for a few days, wouldn’t solve a thing. I wish now I had.
The day started as usual. He checked in at the office to pick up materials or lesson plans the regular teacher might leave if his or her absence was scheduled. Thankfully this was, Harry had lesson plans in hand when he walked into the classroom. The students were a bit rambunctious when he entered but quickly settled down. It was a relief to be at a school where discipline was strictly upheld, especially in regards to classroom behavior.
The morning passed quickly enough and Mr. Furnham excused the class for their hour lunch and playground break. While most of the faculty opted to spend that free hour in the faculty lounge eating food brought from home or purchased out of ridiculously priced vending machines for a school break room, Harry did neither. Even though it was many years ago, another lifetime ago, when he had had to live frugally, Harry had no problem doing so again. School system employees could eat for free or next to nothing in school cafeterias.
Mr. Furnham seated himself at an empty faculty table waiting until the last group of the students headed through the lunch line for the day. A boy of about nine or ten who remembered Furnham from last spring when Harry had subbed at the school bounced up next to his side asking where Jack was today. After five minutes the boy left with a wave eliciting a promise from Harry that Mr. Furnham would make sure to bring Jack the next time. Occupied with his chat with the young student Harry paid little attention to the activities at the lunch counter, toward any student or school employee.
Harry got up and took his place behind the last of the students pushing his tray along as members of the lunch staff dished out whatever food he asked for as he went down the line. He thanked an elderly lady for the generous helping she gave him of Salisbury steak then moved further along for the next entrée. Harry about slid the tray, food and all, straight off the metal bars when he looked over to see a familiar face dishing out ice cream scoops of mashed potatoes. It was Samantha Groves.
Root looked up just then to see Harold Finch standing in front of her. The woman appeared as shocked as Harry had felt, but recovered hurriedly and in a honeyed southern drawl asked, “Would you like an extra helping? You looked starved, Sugar.” He nodded yes and after she put an extra serving on his plate, Harry hurried away from the line as quickly as he could; feeling her eyes boring holes in his back all the way until he reached his place at the table.
Once seated Harry looked in her direction, but Miss Groves had returned to her duties not even looking his way. He ate slowly watching the woman warily. Harry knew she had never hurt a child, but still was fearful for the students’ safety. It really was hard to make a judgment in a scant half-hour of observation, but everyone, staff and children, appeared to like Miss Tammy Sue.
Harry had to keep his mind on finishing the rest of the day, but every so often his thoughts would stray to his unexpected meeting with the familiar face from his past life. Finally he just had to push those distractions forcefully to the side in his mind. Harry Furnham had a job to do, and not as temporary babysitter or class monitor the way Harold had woefully approached this new identity but teaching young minds, even though it was only the intricacies of long division; the last lesson for this day. Despite the quite shocking reminder today that his past truly wasn’t behind him, this is who he was now. A teacher. And if that was all he’ll ever be, Harold Finch is at peace with that.
With a reminder five minutes before the buzzer sounded ending the school day, Mr. Furnham reminded the class of their spelling assignment-twenty words and sentences using those words was due first thing the next morning-and bade the class goodbye for the day. As they exited the classroom chattering happily, Harry gathered his things wishing he could be so excited about getting to go home. Not only did his back and hip twinge minutely in remembrance of what they had been subjected to this morning and the repeat performance due to come, going home to an empty apartment made him feel…well empty. But he couldn’t stay here, so with a shrug and an inward groan Harry hobbled his way out of the school to meet the train.
Harry winced noticeably when he sat down on the subway car bench seat, grunting in pain. The sudden feeling of discomfort that made him stiffen had nothing to do with his physical aches but more the disquiet he felt when the woman was near. He didn’t need to turn in her direction to know who it was sitting down next to him.
Harry nodded turning his head slightly, drawing in an unsettled breath, “Miss…?”
“Tammy Sue, Tammy Sue Boudreaux.” Root did her version of a conspiratorial wink before babbling on, “I was just on my way home and I saw you sitting here and I just had to come say hello. Do you live in Brooklyn? I do too with my roommate Celine. She’s out of town right now, selling drugs…I mean… Oh damn! I mean, what’s that big word? Oh, yes, pharmaceuticals. She’s one of those representatives, is that what you call them? Celine is a representative for Smith-Thomson, the big drug company. She travels all around the country, seeing all these grand places.”
Root or Tammy Sue paused briefly to wave goodbye to the passengers that had been sitting across from them and were now exiting the car. To anyone around she appeared to be the country bumpkin, not yet hardened by NYC life, too friendly to virtual strangers.
Tammy Sue started back up hardly taking a breath before prattling on, “Now me, this is my first time in a big city. I grew up in this little bump in the road called Tuckerville. But, I just couldn’t wait though to get out of there, so now here I am. Started out real good too, I had this really great job. But things didn’t quite work out like I planned. My boss loved me, wants me back someday, when the time is right again. There were four of us, well seven if you count the part-timers. She wants us all back together someday.”
Trying to appear abashed for babbling on Tammy Sue asked once more, “So do you live in Brooklyn?”
Root knew full well where he lived, but Harry politely answered. “Yes, I just moved there recently. I’m originally from Philadelphia.”
“Oh were you a teacher there too?” Tammy Sue asked inquisitively.
Harold was tiring quickly answering questions that Miss Groves knew the answer to, but keeping up the charade Harry responded, “No, teaching is something new for me. Maybe not unlike you, unfortunate circumstances forced me to seek out different employment.”
“Oh so you would go back to your job too, if things changed?”
Harry blinked a few times, was Root asking if Harold was ready to resume their fight? He turned fully to face Tammy Sue, Samantha Groves, Root or whoever, “No, I like where my life is going now.”
Harold looked Root squarely in the eye and spoke low enough that no one else could hear, “I hope you both understand and respect my wishes. That part of my past is over. I’ve made too many sacrifices, lost more than I ever thought possible. I finally have a chance to be happy and at peace. Please allow me that.”
Root didn’t look satisfied at his words or some voice in her head, but then smiled, “Of course. We understand.”
When Harold arose to exit at his stop, Root grabbed his arm, “Take care of yourself…Harry, Rafe too.”
Harry stood on the platform watching as the cars pulled away; wondering if that would be the last he saw of Miss Tammy Sue.
Now sitting in his recliner Harold was still mulling over whether he would see Root again? Did he do the right thing in looking toward his own happiness foremost when he’d told The Machine goodbye? Would John be pleased with the decision he’d made for them both. What if John wanted to continue their mission?
At seven-thirty Harry knocked at his friend’s door. She swung it wide open, smiling a warm greeting until she saw his face and his troubled expression. “Come on in and tell me all about it!”
She pulled him towards the couch, not even waiting until they sat down to ask, “Did your date not go well? I thought...I assumed that you were...you both came home together.”
Harry sat back hands on his knees, “Things went well, maybe a little too well.”
“I don’t understand, Harry. How can things go, too well?”
“Rafe wants me. Those doubts I had were all laid to rest. He set out a feast fit for a sultan, treated me like a king, and worshipped me almost.” Harry fairly radiated recalling the blanket spread beneath the trees, the food, Rafe’s flirting and kisses.
Puzzled Martha asked, “That’s what you had hoped for. How can you say it went too well?”
Embarrassed to tell Martha, what happened physically, Harry felt the flush heating his face but still confided in his friend, “Things got affectionate, we would have…anyways we were interrupted, thankfully.”
Harry swallowed, “I wanted to…um…return his attentions. I couldn’t. I was afraid.”
“I still don’t understand, why?”
Harry held his hands out; the tremors were barely visible but still there. “I was afraid to touch him, intimately.”
Martha grabbed his hands, “Oh honey these will go away.”
“I know; I’ve stopped the drinking. Rafe understands that I just need some time to get better. He’s willing to wait.”
Martha squeezed the hands reassuringly, “See I told you he’s mad in love with you. Now, you want to tell me why you looked like you just found out you’re getting audited?”
“I met someone from our past, someone involved in the reason why Rafe and I are in hiding.” Harry swallowed hard. “I know Rafe will be troubled that she crossed my path. He doesn’t like her, but she is part of what we used to do. It was our mission and that mission gave Rafe a purpose in life. When things went south, we had to abandon our lives, our identities. We both lost so much because of it. Now we have a chance to lead normal happy lives. What once used to be everything to me is not important anymore; only Rafe’s wellbeing is now. I told her that she and our associates needed to continue without us when the time comes.”
“You love Rafe. Of course you care about him more than yourself. That’s what love is.”
Harry worried his lip. “I know, but I’m afraid I might have been selfish to include us both. What if Rafe wants to continue?”
“Harry look at me! I only spoke to your young man for thirty-minutes. I’m not saying I am the perfect judge of how anyone feels about anyone. But, that man’s only purpose now is you Harry Furnham."
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Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five
Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Epilogue