I FUCKEN HATE THIS

holding tears back so i dont mess my makeup up so noone knows im crying and asks whats wrong. 
i dotn want to have to explain it amillion times and still have noone understand why. 
i just want to be held right now.
for no reason, because i dont want to have one

Jack: My dearest friend ( Read more... )

 i wish that you would understand
how much im hurting deep inside
why i dont know
the said part is i try
i want to look perfect
wish you could see how much your words hurt me
i dont beelive alot of it
its all been said b4
show me how, show me why
 how to love myself
why i should
how to feel pretty
why i need to
how to see what you do
why do you see that?
how to ( Read more... )

WOW

i dont even know what to say anymore
 i have wrote here in so long but that isnt the problem
 i havent wirtin anything in a long time and when i do they come out like a 5 year old did it
my mom has been so far up my ass 
 and ive been 2 happy latly
 (is that posible?)
 and instead of acting like im happy i am mean and dont want to show it.
 i hate ( Read more... )

       well i  need to learn to show feelings.... about when somthing happenes not later             
       ex. mad/ sad i didnt get to see kevin today because he had to drive his dad to work.... but i held it in and said no its ok... just missed you and all that.    and alittle while later i take it out on kevin about somthing he said(whcih ( Read more... )

Darlin your in tears again
and need to suck it up
he believes your beautiful
that should be enouph
you know hes everything
his feelings are always mutchual
inside your pretty little mind
happiness and frowns star their dual
you do this all the time
make yourself bealieve
there always better then you look
maybe eyes desieve?
but you'll never know 
trust the ( Read more... )

i dont think i want to say what im thinking in here... but i honestly dont care anymore what you guys know right now.  i have to put it somwhere.  even though my livejournal isnt private(if you dont like it or deside to say somthing go for it... if you dont care about it lol dont read it.)

why am i being like this?  they way i always am ( Read more... )

well the last few days havent been bad at all. hanging out with some people. 
lol yup yup the people who actualyl read this already know.

hmm theres so much bullshit goin on and i think its kinda funny. everyone is in like this drama stage. 
im excited abutt his weekend. if we end up doing it at all lol. i hope we do but i guess we will see. kevins ( Read more... )

and is 2 stuck in myspace lol...
thought i would let this all out.....

when i broke up with mark i didnt really want to... i did nd i didnt. i knew i should but it was 2 hard to let go. he never knew it but while we wree dating i was going through the break up.  now hes gone its weird but our memories dont bother me anymore... and i can talk about it ( Read more... )

k well dont remember really were i left off but i will let you in on this weekend if you didnt hear from tanya.

k friday mark came down and we hung a bit and tanya was going to go with us!! and i wanted her to go(and she thought it was me that made it so she couldnt and it wasnt) and eric wasnt going to be comeing so she didnt end up comeing mark ( Read more... )

 well  today was ok...  i got to see mark!!and he came after school something happened that i didnt really like when i wasnt there but ill just be pissed a while about it.  we went for a walk and omg i had a cig. it felt so good it was amazing!! idk why but i felt so relaxed.... i think it will help me alot. well when mark left it qwas around 9:00 ( Read more... )