(no subject)
WOW
i dont even know what to say anymore
i have wrote here in so long but that isnt the problem
i havent wirtin anything in a long time and when i do they come out like a 5 year old did it
my mom has been so far up my ass
and ive been 2 happy latly
(is that posible?)
and instead of acting like im happy i am mean and dont want to show it.
i hate this i take things out on him that he didnt even do
hes the most amazing thing to ever happen to me and i think my mind is almost posesed and wanting me to be unhappy and destroy this
which i pray to god everynight it never does
am i insane?
mentaly wanting to be sad
i dont feel im alone
but cry as if i am
he has no idea hwo perfect i want to be
plastic surgery maybe?
i hate when people argue with me about it 2
"no andrea you are pretty"
blah blah blah fuck you
i apresheate the compliment and all but does it mean what i want it to... NO
i cant feel even pretty by myself
not when i try, not when i take pictures
when i take a shower is it normal to cry about your body
wanting to melt yourself liek a candle bt then turn around and craft yourself like clay
when other girls make you cry becasue you wish to look somwhere next to them
this all sucks big ballz
i know in life all the emotions
and i cant even get those right
so my conclusion is....
there is only 1 thing i will ever know about my life and that is Love (my dear kevin) he i know will help me through this and if not then im lost. but iknow that i couldnt live or survive without him and could never lose him. so this is how it feels to be right for once.