Lonely, Forgotten, Lost [HanChul]
title: Lonely, Forgotten, Lost
pairing: HanChul, friendship!SiChul
rating: PG-13
genre: angst but with a happy (?) ending
disclaimer: don't own anyone of suju
summary: How HeeChul feels after a few month after HanGeng had left Super Junior.
notes: I know almost everyone has already written about heechuls feelings or hangengs when he left super junior. and i actually dont write hanchul, but i felt so sorry for heechul, and i kind of feel like how ive written....just like im not that crazy....i hope...^.^ so as always my english is not the best and its not betad sorry, but ive no one. so i hope this will do.
"Please, Hyung. Don't be so depressed," SiWon said with a sad sigh.
HeeChul didn't answer. Instead he stared out the window. It was raining outside.
SiWon felt sorry for him. He knew how close HeeChul was with HanGeng. And he knew how much pain HeeChul now felt after HanGeng had left. Okay, now was relative, HanGeng left five months ago. To see HeeChul still like that broke SiWon's heart. How much he wanted to help, but he couldn't do anything except of being there for HeeChul. But how should HeeChul notice that when HanGeng was the only one he thought about?
"Hyung, please stop being like that. Let's do something, okay? How about watching a movie? Or playing a game?" SiWon suggested, trying hard to sound happy and cheerful.
HeeChul wanted to say no, but interrupted himself while doing so. "He...there...I've to go," he murmured suddenly and turned around.
"Hyung, where are you going? Stop, you can't go out without a coat. It's raining," SiWon shouted after him, but HeeChul was already gone.
SiWon looked out of the window in confusion. There was nothing and no one to be seen. Who would go outside on a grey day with all this heavy rain after all?
Then he recognized HeeChul running kind of excited along the street. Where was he going?
"SiWon, have you seen HeeChul?" DongHae asked suddenly from behind so SiWon turned around. "LeeTeuk wants to see him and- Where are you going?" DongHae wanted to know when SiWon took his coat, ready to go out.
"A few minutes ago, he had murmured something to himself and run away. He seemed kind of excited, but he didn't even took a coat with him, so I go to look for him before he gets sick," SiWon explained quickly.
"What? But if LeeTeuk knows about it, he really will get mad. You know he's already pissed because of HeeChul's weird behavior on the show two days ago."
"Yeah, that's why I try to find him fast."
"I'll help you. I get Hyukkie, JongWoon, Wookie and KyuHyun and tell LeeTeuk that...we have to go to the city for....uhm...a surprise for him, and HeeChul is already on the way. So because it's a surprise for him, he's not allowed to call us, okay?"
"Yes, I love you, Hyung! Hurry."
DongHae disappeared and came back after a minute with the other four. DongHae had explained everything to them and so they went outside to search for their Hyung. It wasn't that HeeChul couldn't take care of himself. But after HanGeng had left, he was strange in his behavior and did sometimes some stupid things.
"So where do we look for him?" HyukJae asked.
"He ran in this direction." SiWon pointed to the street he had HeeChul last seen.
"What is the rest doing? Why don't they help us?" KyuHyun wanted to know.
"SungMin is in the city. Shopping I suppose. And ShinDong is sleeping," informed RyeoWook them.
"Okay, then let's go looking for HeeChul. Hopefully we find him before LeeTeuk decides to call him or he comes back home before us," said KyuHyun and everyone agreed.
~~~~~
HeeChul didn't dare to look away. "He...there...I've to go," he murmured to himself. He felt a mix of shock, disbelief and excitement.
There, outside, was HanGeng walking along the road. Was it really him? It couldn't be anyone else. HeeChul had seen his beautiful face. He hurried out in the street, ignoring SiWon's shouting.
He had to see HanGeng again. He had to meet him. He had to see his smile and his sparkling eyes. So HeeChul ran on the pavement to the direction he had seen HanGeng last. He ran around a corner and there, some metres in front of him, was HanGeng.
HeeChul's heart beat faster. He had missed him so much.
"Hannie! HanGeng!" he shouted but HanGeng didn't turn around. He couldn't hear HeeChul. Instead he went faster. It wasn't easy for HeeChul to even keep the distance, not to mention come closer.
"Wait!" he said loudly but HanGeng didn't react. The distance grew. HanGeng almost ran around the next corner. Why did he run?
But when HeeChul followed around, HanGeng had disappeared. HeeChul looked confused around but couldn't find the other one.
Had he hallucinated? Was HanGeng never really there? Was it all a dream?
It had felt so real. HeeChul sighed.
Just now he noticed the heavy rain falling hard down on him and the rouch wind. He shivered. It was so cold. He missed the warmth of HanGeng, of the other members, of the dorm, at least even of a coat that would protect him from the weather.
But nothing was there. No one was there. He felt lost. Why had he left the dorms after all? HanGeng couldn't be here. It was impossible. He was in China. How could he just follow a stranger like that?
HeeChul looked around again. Where was he? He didn't even know this place.
"I hate you, HanGeng. I hate you because you left me. I hate you because you're just gone without warning me first. I hate you because you haven't thought about me. I hate you," HeeChul hissed frustrated and disappointed to himself while just walking some random picked way.
A tear escaped his eyes, but on this rainy day, no one noticed. "Damn, Hannie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you. You do know that, right? So please come back to me," he whispered quietly. No one could hear him. No one was there to hear him.
His tears started to fall down, mixed with raindrops. His vision was blurry.
But suddenly he stopped in shock. There was this person again. He leant against a tree. He smiled at him. HeeChul stood still. He stopped crying and blinked a few times. He looked away for a second. But the person was still there. Smiling. Even calling his name in a whisper.
It was definitely HanGeng.
Slowly, HeeChul walked towards him. His breathing was unsteady. He couldn't believe his eyes. He raised his hand. He wanted to touch the other's face. His cheek. His lips. He wanted to feel him again after all this time. He was so desperate and lonely in this long time without HanGeng. He closed his eyes to control his breathing first. His fingertips touched something cold and wet. HeeChul opened his eyes.
It was the tree. HanGeng wasn't there anymore. HeeChul looked round again. And again he was alone.
But now, he finally realized it was all an illusion. HanGeng was never there. He had only imagined everything, because he had thought about him so much. His tears began to fall again and he sank to his knees. Suddenly everything around him was so loud. Cars driving, people shouting, even the falling rain. He felt so pitiful.
Lonely. Forgotten. Lost.
Until two strong arms lifted him up and embraced him tightly. "Hyung," a voice whispered. It was SiWon. "Come home with us." SiWon wiped his tears away. A few metres aside were KyuHyun, JoongWoon, RyeoWook, HyukJae and DongHae standing. Relieved to see their Hyung healthy.
HeeChul followed them home. He, too, was relieved, but because no one asked him about his behavior today.
When they reached home, they met SungMin who just came back at the same time with at least five big shopping bags.
"Where were you? What have you done?" he wanted to know and RyeoWook explained quietly without HeeChul hearing it:"We looked for HeeChul. You know his behavior and he ran suddenly outside. LeeTeuk wanted to talk to him, so we had to find him fast. We told LeeTeuk Hyung that we went to the city to buy him a surpri-"
In this moment, LeeTeuk opened the door and RyeoWook immadiately stopped talking.
"Welcome back. So?" LeeTeuk asked expactantly.
"Hyung?" asked DongHae back.
LeeTeuk smirked. "My surprise," he remembered them.
Panic was written in the faces. They weren't shopping. Of course, they hadn't bought anything.
"Here." Suddenly SungMin gave LeeTeuk two of his shopping bags. He had realized the situation and helped his members. LeeTeuk really shouldn't know about what had happened. Luckily he didn't find out ever.
~~~~~
A few hours later HeeChul sat with LeeTeuk alone in their living room. It was late at night, almost midnight. Everyone was sleeping.
"So? You wanted to talk to me?" began HeeChul eventually after many minutes of silence.
"Yeah. But first, can you please try to control your emotions so you don't freak out like two days ago?"
HeeChul nodded, already pissed about this subject.
"Okay. Actually I think, you'll feel better soon. I've to tell you something," LeeTeuk announced.
"Tell me now or I'll go. I'm tired," said HeeChul annoyed. He wasn't tired. It wouldn't matter if he went to bed now, he couldn't sleep. How could he sleep when he missed HanGeng like crazy every second? Since he was gone, HeeChul felt weak. Weak because he was too exhausted. He couldn't even sleep at night like before. He feel asleep late in the morning but had to wake up not long after. He couldn't change it. No one could. Only HanGeng.
"Be more thankful," LeeTeuk demanded." I've talked to HanGeng. And know what? He comes to visit us next week. Do you think you survive the last week without him, too?" LeeTeuk smiled satisfied as he saw the spakling eyes of HeeChul.
"Seriously?"
LeeTeuk nodded proudly.
"I love you, Teukie!!!" HeeChul exclaimed and hugged his Hyung happily. "Thank you so much."
"Just stop taking down the mood with you. At least try to be happy for him."
HeeChul nodded. "Yes. I'm so happy, I can't wait."
LeeTeuk's smile grew bigger as he saw HeeChul reacting like a little child who was given his birthday present. It was so unusually for HeeChul but it made the older one happy and relieved again after worrying so long for HeeChul.
AN: So what do you think? Please comment. It makes me really happy to see comments :)
pairing: HanChul, friendship!SiChul
rating: PG-13
genre: angst but with a happy (?) ending
disclaimer: don't own anyone of suju
summary: How HeeChul feels after a few month after HanGeng had left Super Junior.
notes: I know almost everyone has already written about heechuls feelings or hangengs when he left super junior. and i actually dont write hanchul, but i felt so sorry for heechul, and i kind of feel like how ive written....just like im not that crazy....i hope...^.^ so as always my english is not the best and its not betad sorry, but ive no one. so i hope this will do.
"Please, Hyung. Don't be so depressed," SiWon said with a sad sigh.
HeeChul didn't answer. Instead he stared out the window. It was raining outside.
SiWon felt sorry for him. He knew how close HeeChul was with HanGeng. And he knew how much pain HeeChul now felt after HanGeng had left. Okay, now was relative, HanGeng left five months ago. To see HeeChul still like that broke SiWon's heart. How much he wanted to help, but he couldn't do anything except of being there for HeeChul. But how should HeeChul notice that when HanGeng was the only one he thought about?
"Hyung, please stop being like that. Let's do something, okay? How about watching a movie? Or playing a game?" SiWon suggested, trying hard to sound happy and cheerful.
HeeChul wanted to say no, but interrupted himself while doing so. "He...there...I've to go," he murmured suddenly and turned around.
"Hyung, where are you going? Stop, you can't go out without a coat. It's raining," SiWon shouted after him, but HeeChul was already gone.
SiWon looked out of the window in confusion. There was nothing and no one to be seen. Who would go outside on a grey day with all this heavy rain after all?
Then he recognized HeeChul running kind of excited along the street. Where was he going?
"SiWon, have you seen HeeChul?" DongHae asked suddenly from behind so SiWon turned around. "LeeTeuk wants to see him and- Where are you going?" DongHae wanted to know when SiWon took his coat, ready to go out.
"A few minutes ago, he had murmured something to himself and run away. He seemed kind of excited, but he didn't even took a coat with him, so I go to look for him before he gets sick," SiWon explained quickly.
"What? But if LeeTeuk knows about it, he really will get mad. You know he's already pissed because of HeeChul's weird behavior on the show two days ago."
"Yeah, that's why I try to find him fast."
"I'll help you. I get Hyukkie, JongWoon, Wookie and KyuHyun and tell LeeTeuk that...we have to go to the city for....uhm...a surprise for him, and HeeChul is already on the way. So because it's a surprise for him, he's not allowed to call us, okay?"
"Yes, I love you, Hyung! Hurry."
DongHae disappeared and came back after a minute with the other four. DongHae had explained everything to them and so they went outside to search for their Hyung. It wasn't that HeeChul couldn't take care of himself. But after HanGeng had left, he was strange in his behavior and did sometimes some stupid things.
"So where do we look for him?" HyukJae asked.
"He ran in this direction." SiWon pointed to the street he had HeeChul last seen.
"What is the rest doing? Why don't they help us?" KyuHyun wanted to know.
"SungMin is in the city. Shopping I suppose. And ShinDong is sleeping," informed RyeoWook them.
"Okay, then let's go looking for HeeChul. Hopefully we find him before LeeTeuk decides to call him or he comes back home before us," said KyuHyun and everyone agreed.
~~~~~
HeeChul didn't dare to look away. "He...there...I've to go," he murmured to himself. He felt a mix of shock, disbelief and excitement.
There, outside, was HanGeng walking along the road. Was it really him? It couldn't be anyone else. HeeChul had seen his beautiful face. He hurried out in the street, ignoring SiWon's shouting.
He had to see HanGeng again. He had to meet him. He had to see his smile and his sparkling eyes. So HeeChul ran on the pavement to the direction he had seen HanGeng last. He ran around a corner and there, some metres in front of him, was HanGeng.
HeeChul's heart beat faster. He had missed him so much.
"Hannie! HanGeng!" he shouted but HanGeng didn't turn around. He couldn't hear HeeChul. Instead he went faster. It wasn't easy for HeeChul to even keep the distance, not to mention come closer.
"Wait!" he said loudly but HanGeng didn't react. The distance grew. HanGeng almost ran around the next corner. Why did he run?
But when HeeChul followed around, HanGeng had disappeared. HeeChul looked confused around but couldn't find the other one.
Had he hallucinated? Was HanGeng never really there? Was it all a dream?
It had felt so real. HeeChul sighed.
Just now he noticed the heavy rain falling hard down on him and the rouch wind. He shivered. It was so cold. He missed the warmth of HanGeng, of the other members, of the dorm, at least even of a coat that would protect him from the weather.
But nothing was there. No one was there. He felt lost. Why had he left the dorms after all? HanGeng couldn't be here. It was impossible. He was in China. How could he just follow a stranger like that?
HeeChul looked around again. Where was he? He didn't even know this place.
"I hate you, HanGeng. I hate you because you left me. I hate you because you're just gone without warning me first. I hate you because you haven't thought about me. I hate you," HeeChul hissed frustrated and disappointed to himself while just walking some random picked way.
A tear escaped his eyes, but on this rainy day, no one noticed. "Damn, Hannie, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I love you. You do know that, right? So please come back to me," he whispered quietly. No one could hear him. No one was there to hear him.
His tears started to fall down, mixed with raindrops. His vision was blurry.
But suddenly he stopped in shock. There was this person again. He leant against a tree. He smiled at him. HeeChul stood still. He stopped crying and blinked a few times. He looked away for a second. But the person was still there. Smiling. Even calling his name in a whisper.
It was definitely HanGeng.
Slowly, HeeChul walked towards him. His breathing was unsteady. He couldn't believe his eyes. He raised his hand. He wanted to touch the other's face. His cheek. His lips. He wanted to feel him again after all this time. He was so desperate and lonely in this long time without HanGeng. He closed his eyes to control his breathing first. His fingertips touched something cold and wet. HeeChul opened his eyes.
It was the tree. HanGeng wasn't there anymore. HeeChul looked round again. And again he was alone.
But now, he finally realized it was all an illusion. HanGeng was never there. He had only imagined everything, because he had thought about him so much. His tears began to fall again and he sank to his knees. Suddenly everything around him was so loud. Cars driving, people shouting, even the falling rain. He felt so pitiful.
Lonely. Forgotten. Lost.
Until two strong arms lifted him up and embraced him tightly. "Hyung," a voice whispered. It was SiWon. "Come home with us." SiWon wiped his tears away. A few metres aside were KyuHyun, JoongWoon, RyeoWook, HyukJae and DongHae standing. Relieved to see their Hyung healthy.
HeeChul followed them home. He, too, was relieved, but because no one asked him about his behavior today.
When they reached home, they met SungMin who just came back at the same time with at least five big shopping bags.
"Where were you? What have you done?" he wanted to know and RyeoWook explained quietly without HeeChul hearing it:"We looked for HeeChul. You know his behavior and he ran suddenly outside. LeeTeuk wanted to talk to him, so we had to find him fast. We told LeeTeuk Hyung that we went to the city to buy him a surpri-"
In this moment, LeeTeuk opened the door and RyeoWook immadiately stopped talking.
"Welcome back. So?" LeeTeuk asked expactantly.
"Hyung?" asked DongHae back.
LeeTeuk smirked. "My surprise," he remembered them.
Panic was written in the faces. They weren't shopping. Of course, they hadn't bought anything.
"Here." Suddenly SungMin gave LeeTeuk two of his shopping bags. He had realized the situation and helped his members. LeeTeuk really shouldn't know about what had happened. Luckily he didn't find out ever.
~~~~~
A few hours later HeeChul sat with LeeTeuk alone in their living room. It was late at night, almost midnight. Everyone was sleeping.
"So? You wanted to talk to me?" began HeeChul eventually after many minutes of silence.
"Yeah. But first, can you please try to control your emotions so you don't freak out like two days ago?"
HeeChul nodded, already pissed about this subject.
"Okay. Actually I think, you'll feel better soon. I've to tell you something," LeeTeuk announced.
"Tell me now or I'll go. I'm tired," said HeeChul annoyed. He wasn't tired. It wouldn't matter if he went to bed now, he couldn't sleep. How could he sleep when he missed HanGeng like crazy every second? Since he was gone, HeeChul felt weak. Weak because he was too exhausted. He couldn't even sleep at night like before. He feel asleep late in the morning but had to wake up not long after. He couldn't change it. No one could. Only HanGeng.
"Be more thankful," LeeTeuk demanded." I've talked to HanGeng. And know what? He comes to visit us next week. Do you think you survive the last week without him, too?" LeeTeuk smiled satisfied as he saw the spakling eyes of HeeChul.
"Seriously?"
LeeTeuk nodded proudly.
"I love you, Teukie!!!" HeeChul exclaimed and hugged his Hyung happily. "Thank you so much."
"Just stop taking down the mood with you. At least try to be happy for him."
HeeChul nodded. "Yes. I'm so happy, I can't wait."
LeeTeuk's smile grew bigger as he saw HeeChul reacting like a little child who was given his birthday present. It was so unusually for HeeChul but it made the older one happy and relieved again after worrying so long for HeeChul.
AN: So what do you think? Please comment. It makes me really happy to see comments :)