Comments | blackwaltz0: Someone help me, please...

blackwaltz0

Someone help me, please...

Jun 05, 2007 22:31

Right now I'm not actually typing on the computer that has internet access. That computer is right now being used by my sister to play Maple Story, but all of a sudden I had an urge to write a LJ entry so here I am, mashing away on my typewriter-slash-paperweight. I've had lots of stuff on my mind lately and I've been using my livejournal less and ( Read more... )

bad day, dad, matt, death, sad, work

Comments 3

wolfbaneshybrid June 5 2007, 15:08:06 UTC

Maybe, you're right, and it would be a good idea to take a rest, and let yourself experience things, and work things out for a while... But, that doesn't mean you should stop posting here. This is also probably good--because it's a journal for you, to share those experiences and help yourself work those things out ( ... )

Response: First Half. Silly LJ... erice675 June 5 2007, 19:26:40 UTC

I feel like I've failed in my job just as I failed at my last one. I'm no good at anything anymore.

Nursing is a hard job, dear, no matter how good you are. A nurse that has been in the business for years make tons of mistakes because nursing is a demanding job that demands change at the very last second. You are not a failure, not by a long shot.

I'm really worried that with Wilf gone my hours and pay are going to be cut back as I'll only be taking care of the old lady from now on. If this happens I don't know how this is going to affect my capacity to save money. I had a budget that I posted three or four months back and if this happens it's going to ruin my current plans for the future. I feel like such a disgusting human being for worrying about something like money after a person has just died. Wilf was a person, not some kind of a cash cow! I hate myself sometimes.

The unfortunate reality of it all is that death is part of the job; no one expects you not to be worried about pay. After all, money is what helps one reach their ( ... )

Reply: Second Half. erice675 June 5 2007, 19:28:16 UTC

Do you guys know that it's been seven months since I saw Matthew last? Seven of the worst months of my life. An undetermined amount of time but at least four months left. I miss him so much that there's no literate way to describe it, and I love him so damn much that I wanna hate his miserable tardy guts at the same time. It's not right to fall in love with somebody and then be hurt by not having them there when you need them most of all. One or two years ago I'd cry about four times every year (mostly from dad's drunken rants), and now I'm lucky if I can get through three days without sniffling over something or otherLove is possibly one of the most insanity inducing emotion in this world; hell, love may as well be a paradox because hate plays a very big part in it. It's not so unusual to hate it when a person is not near you when you're hurting more than anyone knows; but I don't believe that you hate Matt, you two are very much and love, after all. I honestly think you hate the circumstances. I could be wrong, though, and if I am, ( ... )