[audio]

[blackantiquas]

[The audio begins with a hum.]

It seems many of my books are missing from their shelves.

If you've removed a book from the library and have no need of it, please return it at once. If you still require its information, at least make note of its location and and condition here.

Thank you.

[And if you've lost or destroyed any of them, gods help

Comments

[ audio ]

[unit_67]

Oh, I, uh... have a lot of books. In my room. I'm so sorry. I, I just really like to read...

[ audio ]

[blackantiquas]

[Aww, a youngun.]

That's quite alright, miss. Books are meant to be read.

Which books are in your possession, and what is their condition?

[ audio ]

[unit_67]

I have like five books about flowers! And two about guns. Did you kn - [Nobody cares about gun facts.] ... Um, they're in pretty good condition! I'm super careful.

[ audio ]

[blackantiquas]

Good! Good.

[Rem makes a few scribbles in his notes.]

Could you tell me their titles? For the record's sake. If you can, you may keep them as long as you wish.

[notpredictable]

Is this where I say 'oops'?

[blackantiquas]

And why, pray tell, must you say "oops"?

[SO GODDAMN SUSPICIOUS RIGHT NOW]

[notpredictable]

Ah.

No reason.

[blackantiquas]

What have you done to my books?

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

Why read books when you already know how they end?

[This is Bartimaeus being a smarmy bastard.]

[audio]

[blackantiquas]

If it's stories you seek, we have none. However, our library holds the finest encyclopedias you could imagine, and the quest for knowledge has no true ending.

[audio]

[likesfootnotes]

And if I already know everything?

[audio]

[blackantiquas]

Then I suppose you may as well be dead, for I cannot imagine a worse fate than having nothing more to know.

[Video]

[agentknockknock]

Your books? Cause I was sorta under the impression it was a library.

[She likes those books thanks.]

[Video]

[blackantiquas]

[And Rem responds in video. Hope you like white eyes and ashen skin, Claudia!]

It is a library, but it is my library, and I must keep it organized.

[Video]

[agentknockknock]

So Commander Data is the librarian now?

[She says that more to herself than to him.]

I've got 14. Several math, chemistry, and physics books. And one on botany. All safe and sound.

[Right be nice to the guy that controls the library.]

I'll be careful with them. Promise.

[She puts one hand over her heart and the other in the air.]

[Video] you don't actually have to list out 14 books, just like "she listed them" is fine :3

[blackantiquas]

Well, I do indeed command the data.

[Rem looks down and writes on a piece of paper, the feathery tip of his quill flicking back and forth in view.]

But thank you, miss. Would you list their titles, as well?

[gotyourwallet]

I... might have a few.

[Understatement of the year.]

I can compile a list if you'd like? All are in the same condition as when I took them, if that helps.

[A book nerd like her couldn't stand to see a single page damaged.]

[blackantiquas]

That would be most excellent. Thank you, miss - for the information, and for keeping my books well.