Compliments!

[black_samvara]

Are technically expressions of praise, congratulations or encouragement and I'm all for developing the ability to respond to genuine offers with grace. It can however be a bit rough when you're being complimented for things you don't want to be complimented on because it puts you in the difficult position of kind of wanting to produce a gracious

Comments

[transcendancing]

Do you think that there is context at play here? As in, outside of your MBA situation would someone complimenting your shoes be more appropriate to you, and I'm asking inside of situations that include both strangers and people to whom you are either acquainted or friends with

[black_samvara]

I think it's socially constructed, it's a little like the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's not inherently gross, but it subtly reinforces a social norm that does not benefit me as a woman and then expects me to like it.

If you're going to compliment me on things that imply you have some sort of right to judge my attractiveness then you better have an existing relationship and understanding with me where I have given you permission to do so.

I'm not going to punish some guy for being oblivious, he can't see it and he's trapped by our cultural conditioning as well. But I am going to feel uncomfortable because *I* am aware of it and I didn't like it. Perhaps in the future I'll say 'Thank you, but I'd prefer to be complimented for my mind'

I'll think about it :)

[transcendancing]

Thank you for mentioning about this stuff - what you're saying makes total sense. Not sure where I personally stand atm, but am thinking on it since it's come up a few times in conversations lately.

[liadebeaumont]

i like compliments on my workd especially my sewing and i HATE it when people point out stuff that is look wise ie my "nice boobs"or my eyes. my eyes are just genetics, my boobs usually have a demeaning and superficial attachment to any comment bout them, they are not something i worked hard at.
is it wrong to feel like that?

[black_samvara]

No it's not wrong. I think it's a pretty normal response, our culture tends to treat us like objects and this is a Bad Thing.

When we experience casual behaviour that reinforces it - and as an extra kick in the teeth we are under social pressure to be gracious about it - I think disliking it is a pretty understandable result.

[liadebeaumont]

ok good as i thought maybe i was just being too touchy and i know alot of the cosplays i do probably dont help but i should be able to wear a dress that works on me without people groping me, or like what happened at manifest, some chick actually stuf her hands down into my dress

[zebra363]

All kinds are welcome!

[black_samvara]

I appreciate your hair!

[cricketk]

I like compliments that aren't:
* Backhanded, or
* Astonished that I've achieved basic competence in something

[black_samvara]

Fabulous use of both legs in walking!
Great shoelace tying!
Magnificent approach to breathing!

Incidentally, doofus cannot breath the Spanish Breakfast from the Beaufort Street Merchant... it was a noble attempt

[ariaflame]

Well, I don't mind the wii fit complimenting me on my breathing. One day I'll get to 4 star balance while breathing....

[shrydar]

I welcome most compliments in most circumstances - it's subsequent behaviour that I sometimes have a problem with.

As in, sure, tell me my shirt is hot or my hair is sexy, but that doesn't mean you get to rip the former open or use the latter to drag me off into the corner.

I'm happy to be complimented on my shoes under pretty much any circumstances; just let me get back to browsing the bookstore if I'm obviously trying to move on :)