Compliments!

[black_samvara]

Are technically expressions of praise, congratulations or encouragement and I'm all for developing the ability to respond to genuine offers with grace. It can however be a bit rough when you're being complimented for things you don't want to be complimented on because it puts you in the difficult position of kind of wanting to produce a gracious

Comments

[transcendancing]

Do you think that there is context at play here? As in, outside of your MBA situation would someone complimenting your shoes be more appropriate to you, and I'm asking inside of situations that include both strangers and people to whom you are either acquainted or friends with.

Also, I wonder is interpersonal language at play as well - does that affect the levels of appropriateness and welcomeness of compliments. Aka, someone being skeevy is perhaps unwelcome, but someone being thoughtful and clearly making efforts in the opposite direction, still unwelcome?

I'm interested in this and I think it's fascinating, complex and very personal. I'm just interested in your experiences of it (and if you're comfortable, may grab this as an interesting thoughts invitation post for the down under feminists carnival, as I think this highlights a very invisible thing, and I think is distinctly feminist related, feel free to decline or to indicate you'd prefer to do a more comprehensive write up, or to laugh loudly, but this thought enquiry is interesting and I love that you ask these questions!)

[black_samvara]

I think it's socially constructed, it's a little like the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's not inherently gross, but it subtly reinforces a social norm that does not benefit me as a woman and then expects me to like it.

If you're going to compliment me on things that imply you have some sort of right to judge my attractiveness then you better have an existing relationship and understanding with me where I have given you permission to do so.

I'm not going to punish some guy for being oblivious, he can't see it and he's trapped by our cultural conditioning as well. But I am going to feel uncomfortable because *I* am aware of it and I didn't like it. Perhaps in the future I'll say 'Thank you, but I'd prefer to be complimented for my mind'

I'll think about it :)

[transcendancing]

Thank you for mentioning about this stuff - what you're saying makes total sense. Not sure where I personally stand atm, but am thinking on it since it's come up a few times in conversations lately.