Sestina!fic #4, "The Truth in Dreams"

[bironic]

Others:
- Sestina #1: House post-infarction
- Sestina #2: "A Typical Day in Diagnostics"
- Sestina #3: "Breaking the Cycle"

Title: The Truth in Dreams
Character: Gregory House, with House/Wilson undertones
Rating: PG
Word Count: 362
Prompts: truth (from daasgrrl), Vicodin, Wilson, dreams, leg, puzzles
Spoilers: Vague for "Meaning" and "Cane and Able"
A/

Comments

[topaz_eyes]

What was the prompt for which you substituted "dreams"? It reads nicely as it stands.

Psst... your 2nd stanza is 2 lines too long, and the 3rd is 2 lines too short.

[bironic]

Thanks. It was "piano" originally, and then it went through a few changes I can't remember and landed on "dreams."

Yes, on purpose -- those "extra" two lines belonged subject-wise with the preceding stanza, while the last four belonged together. Did you find it very distracting?

[topaz_eyes]

A little distracting, yes. I did see why you grouped them by subject on reading though. For formal poetry like sestinas, does format trump subject or does it matter? It's been a loooong time since I took poetry.

[bironic]

Oh man, LJ ate my comment.

I don't remember having learned about internal organization for sestinas in any classes, but I've seen poems over at McSweeney's online magazine where stanza lengths and line breaks deviate from the standard while the end words remain in the proper order. Thought I'd try that here. Maybe I'd be better off breaking up "Breaking the Cycle" than this one, though, since here it was just the one occurrence and that could be confusing or distracting, while in the other there are three or four places I'd like to bridge or splice stanzas. Hm.

[nightdog_barks]

I'm with topaz_eyes -- I think it reads fine; "dreams" works very well for what House is thinking about and looking for, and this:

-- something about heat, and need, and Wilson,
And a sense of utter contentment possible only in dreams.

Is a particularly beautiful line.

[bironic]

Thank you. Everyone has been very encouraging so far. As I was just saying to daasgrrl, maybe my dissatisfaction with this one stemmed from the difference between my original hopes for the poem and the shape it ended up taking.

And I'm glad you like that line. It was changed late in the process, and it's hard to tell whether adjusted lines work as well when you're so accustomed to reading the earlier version.

[elynittria]

I honestly don't see how substituting "dreams" cheapens any of the other prompts-the sestina is quite powerful as it stands. I think you might be feeling that "dreams" is too optimistic ("fluffy") or vague when set against the harsh realities of "Vicodin," "truth," and "leg," but the poem benefits from the counterbalance. The balancing point is "Wilson" (both the character and the word), who mediates between the worlds of waking pain and dreaming peace.

I loved the description of synesthesia:
He tastes truth,
Sees pain, smells music, hears love, feels puzzles.
Brilliant all around!

[elynittria]

Addendum: In my reading, the prompt "puzzles" is a double-edged word, having elements of both pain/harshness and dreams/peacefulness. Wilson is both a puzzle to House and the solution, if House (and probably Wilson as well) would let himself "admit [the] buried truths [that] surface in dreams."

[bironic]

I seem to have been unanimously outvoted on the "dreams" matter. You and daasgrrl are right -- it was a combination of not achieving what I had set out to and feeling as though I hadn't taken full advantage of the other prompts by adding the less weighty "dreams" into the mix. But your insights are just wonderful and have done the most so far to convince me that it's actually all right, particularly your remarks about the counterbalance and Wilson being the liminal figure in the poem and House's life. You saw balance where I had seen contradictions. And I'm extremely pleased you added the comment about Wilson as problem and solution -- I wasn't sure whether the lack of a conclusion on whether he's helpful or harmful made the poem complex or confusing -- and that you picked up on the point at the end about House needing to push past his denial about Wilson

[daasgrrl]

I think it works really well - I'm guessing you meant by using dreams it made it a little easier to write? But the whole 'truth in dreams' scenario worked really well. I suppose it depends what you intended to write :)

My favourite lines were the 'running by the river with Wilson' one - it's one of those images that just does something for me. Also the 'nightmare' of Wilson refusing him Vicodin, which is actually true, and of course the 'something about heat, and need, and Wilson'.

[bironic]

Yes, when I swapped in "dreams" everything became much easier to write -- as in, I was actually able to write it. That sudden click into place seemed like cheating, somehow. But I think you're right that this is a case of the difference between the original vision for the poem and the final product. Probably I was being too ambitious and nonspecific at first by picking words for all the grand themes in House's life.

If I had guessed, I think I would have known you'd like the river and Wilson-dream bits. :) Oh, those two and their unresolved issues. Seriously, I'm glad that worked for you; I was afraid those couple of lines about the sex-y dream either wouldn't come across properly or were too banal with "heat" and "need." I'm also glad you liked the bit about the dreaming and waking nightmare of Wilson withholding his meds. I tried to work in a line or two afterwards about the fact that it happened in dreams and in reality, but it got too complicated

[daasgrrl]

I tried to work in a line or two afterwards about the fact that it happened in dreams and in reality, but it got too complicated.

Hee - I actually think it's better this way even if you could have done it. I think if you know your canon (as House people do), that part is so obvious that it works better with just the implications.

Also to say I'm glad you 'fixed' the formatting. I read your reasoning, but I still found it terribly distracting, personally. I didn't mention it because topaz_eyes had already and I thought it was actually just an error. From you, I should have known better *g*.

And synesthesia, yes. *rueful smile* I tried to get the word into the poem

I was amused, just because I know how tempting it is to demonstrate one's vocabulary. I think you made the right decision :)

[bironic]

So there were at least two of you put off by the uneven stanzas. Definitely glad I changed it then.

And yes, restraint is usually the best way to go. So no overexplaining or pointlessly impressive words.

[stephantom]

I really liked it actually. I thought the description of nightmares where he's confused/losing his mind or paralyzed with Wilson taunting him and refusing to give him Vicodin was quite powerful and telling - would explain some of his reactions to Wilson and the whole stealing scrips thing... The whole thing is great. I look forward to the last one!

[bironic]

Thank you. Everyone has been very encouraging. I'm glad you found the nightmares section accurate and moving. I tried to highlight what I think are some of House's greatest fears, many of which were made explicit in "No Reason" and early S3 -- losing his ability to reason or speak, being betrayed, being refused a prescription.

The last poem that's in progress is actually a Harry Potter one. I may do a fifth House, though, so as not to be anti-climactic to non-HP readers.

[stephantom]

Ah, heh. Well, that's alright - I read HP too. :) (Though I don't have an HP icon, so I am using a a LOTR one, lol.)