Sestina!fic #1: House post-infarction

[bironic]

So those sets of six prompts I requested back in September? The big secret is that I've been playing around with some sestinas. (Yes, I am that much of a geek.) For those of you who aren't familiar with the term, it's a type of poem consisting of seven stanzas where the same six words appear at the ends of the lines in a different order in each of

Comments

[simple__man]

I read, let it sink in, came back and read again. That last line is so incredibly powerful, it almost takes a minute for your brain to wrap around the implications of that. And I love the "opposite of painkiller" line, because I could hear it in my head.

I would be so intimidated by this format, but you really did an awesome job with it, and it really works well as a mirror for House's thoughts, the running together-ness of it.

The imagery works so well, but it really is a time bomb, seemingly simple and then, like five or ten minutes later, something explodes and you go, "Oh, that was good..." Love these, look forward to more.

[bironic]

Thank you so much. That's exactly the sort of reaction I was hoping this would evoke. Actually, that's not even true -- what you've described is beyond what I'd hoped for. You've made me feel good all day. :)

I owe a lot to early Season Six BtVS for that last line. I think you'll know what I mean.

Three people so far have singled out the "opposite of painkiller" line, which is fitting, because that's the first line I wrote. Sestinas force you to be creative about how you use the repeated words; as I was thinking about different ways to incorporate "painkiller," that line just came to me, and like you, I could hear House shouting it. The whole poem was then built around that stanza, which I put near the end because I wanted to build up to it. It seems to have worked!

[simple__man]

Good, excellent! My job here is done, you are an excellent feedbacker, and you deserve the same in return.

Oh my yes. The imagery is not lost on me. Seriously, through the day, I kept coming back to that thought. That would be an excellent exploration, btw, of House in comp to Season 6 Buffy...with Wilson as his Spike?

It's a damned good line, and one that opens up your imagination as to just how bad it could be with House after the infarction.

Love, love, love this. I cannot sing your praises enough. Look forward to more.

[bironic]

I'm starting to fear the others aren't going to live up to this! Certainly none of them are as angry.

House in comp to Season 6 Buffy...with Wilson as his Spike

Oh yes. There's so much there. And Wilson for Spike is the next logical substitution. Stacy as Willow, the catalyst who alienates the hero(ine)? And it could culminate in a musical! and then degenerate into a season's worth of very unhealthy sex.

Anyway, if that's a hint, I've got to at least finish the Spike/William one first (the fic I cheated on with these poems).

[firestorm717]

I don't read much poetry, but this was great - I could feel the anger and bitterness crackle off the page (or rather, computer monitor), and hear their argument in my head. Have to agree with the above commenter that

What's the opposite of painkiller
Because that's you

was my favorite part. The ending was powerful; loved the reference to his father, because I imagine everyone has a version of their father's voice in their head, and that's definitely House's.

No criticism, because I don't read enough poetry to talk about that.

[bironic]

Oh, marvelous! I was hoping all those roiling emotions would come through.

As I said to simple__man, it's fitting that people are picking out the "opposite of painkiller" line, because that's the seed around which the whole poem grew. I'm glad to see it's retaining its power and yet not overpowering the whole poem.

Funny thing about his father's voice. I've spent a long time on these poems, on and off, thinking and drafting, and then yesterday the final two stanzas of this one came at me out of the blue and practically wrote themselves in just a few minutes. The sob that threatened in the first stanza needed to come back, I guess, and the memory of his father chastising him followed on its heels.

Thanks for giving this a shot even though you don't normally read poetry!

[daasgrrl]

That was just... extremely cool. I'd vaguely heard of sestinas but it's been a very, very long time since I read one. I liked the intensity of the format, particularly for this subject. The pacing worked for me, and I also notice the 'opposite of painkiller' line which was great. The 'fucking' in the second last stanza jarred a little the first time, but on a reread it doesn't. It was just the first time I actually noticed you'd changed the forms of the words in some places. You've taken great advantage of 'fuck's' versatility :)

I remember supplying a prompt set - do I get one of these? Because I will be terribly thrilled if I do.

[bironic]

Both of your sets are in line; I hope to use the second for a poem, and the first will have to be a ficlet if anything. Now you know why I playfully complained about getting prompts like "argent" and "sacrilege"!

Thanks for the heads-up about the form change being jarring the first time through. I'll keep that in mind next time I consider a bigger change to a prompt, like adding "ing" instead of just an "s" or an apostrophe. On the bright side, it means the other adjustments worked well because they didn't register, and that's also good to know.

I liked the intensity of the format, particularly for this subject.

I'm glad this one got finished first, because it really is the best example of the bunch of how the form suits House's obsessiveness.

You've taken great advantage of 'fuck's' versatility :)

Heh. There's something you're not told every day.

[elynittria]

Oh my god--sestinas! I think I'm in love. This was amazing, and I can't wait to read the rest of them.

[bironic]

Hee. I thought you might like this project. Thanks for the enthusiasm, and I hope the others live up to expectation.

[leiascully]

Zowie. This is going in my mems for a number of rereads. I was intrigued by the idea, and it's come out amazingly well! The sestina form works for you.

[bironic]

Oh, splendid. Thanks so much. That passage in your House/Wilson fic with the shampoo bottles (which, if I haven't mentioned it lately, I love) really gave me a kick in the seat of the pants to finish these up.

[leiascully]

I am well pleased that I could write something that would stay with you! By the way, recced this at TWOP, hope you don't mind.

[bironic]

Mind? Of course not! usomitai pointed me to the forums post yesterday and I was (and still am) thrilled.

Yep, I definitely took that paragraph and started a file for fic quotes that read like sestinas. It's good inspiration.