RPS Fic: Man's Best Friend (J2, NC-17) 1/2
Sorry this took so long! I was beginning the think the universe was conspiring against me. ANYWAY.
Title: Man's Best Friend
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jensen gets turned into a dog. Things...happen.
Notes: at end of fic
Warnings: Extreme crack
Word Count: ~ 18,000
Disclaimer: Not mine, never happened.
ETA: Podfic by juice817 here!
It’s all because of the goddamn snakes. Jensen likes animals just fine (in fact, he’d go so far as to say he’s pretty fond of them) but as far as he’s concerned, snakes are not animals. Or reptiles, or whatever. They’re creepy, slithering, fanged things, and he does not appreciate them crawling all over him, thank you very much.
So when the scene ends and he can move, the first thing he does is get them the hell off him. He gets why they’re there, and it probably does look pretty cool on camera, a bunch of diamondbacks curling up Dean’s legs, but as soon as there’s a cut, they’re just freaky reptiles attached to Jensen’s legs, and he really doesn’t think it’s his fault if he’s a little too forceful shoving them off.
Leon the snake guy, though, takes offense. “Hey, watch it!” he says sharply, cradling a mud-colored snake that curls around his hand. “You’re going to hurt them.”
“Sorry,” Jensen mutters, carefully detaching a pale yellow snake from his boot. “I’m just…not a fan. They’re kind of weird.”
“Weird?” Leon repeats, bristling. “They’re beautiful, intelligent, resourceful creatures. They’re even worshiped as gods in some countries!”
“Oookay,” Jensen says. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to - ”
“And they’re harmless,” Leon interrupts, and yeah, he’s in a full snit now. “They’re just doing what I ask them to, they don’t deserve to be treated cruelly just because you think they’re weird. How would you feel if your entire survival depended on someone else, huh?”
“Uh,” Jensen says. “Yep, you’re right. That’d suck.” He starts backing away slowly. “I’m just going to - “
“All creatures in God’s kingdom deserve respect!” Leon yells after him.
“Okay, psycho,” Jensen says under his breath, making tracks for his trailer. It’s a Friday and he’s done shooting for the day at barely noon, which makes it pretty hard for him to care about snakes anymore. He has a whole afternoon free to do whatever he wants.
Except he should have cared about snakes. He should have remembered that Leon, besides being unnaturally attached to snakes, is also a little on the weird side. He should have remembered how Leon had been taking an unusual interest in all the spellwork in the episode they were shooting. He should have added all these things up in his head and not pissed off the creepy snake guy who had a hard-on for magic.
But he didn’t, and that’s why Jensen gets about two steps into his trailer before something hits him hard, knocking the wind out of him, the world tilting violently before everything goes black.
* * *
When he wakes up, things aren’t much better. For one thing, he’s lying on the floor. For another, his trailer smells funny. For yet another, his vision is acting weird. It’s not that he’s seeing in black and white, just that colors are kind of…different. And when he lifts his head, his trailer looks a lot bigger.
Then he tries to stand up, and nearly passes out again, because holy shit. Those are not hands in front of him. That’s not his usual pair of legs. Six inches is not his usual height. And he’s pretty sure that thing on his ass is a tail. If he isn’t on the worst acid trip ever (and he shouldn’t be, not unless Jared slipped something into his coffee at breakfast, which is always possible) then Jensen is…a dog.
And not just that, he’s also a really little one. Like, tiny. When he steadies himself on four legs, he’s barely taller than the pile his abandoned clothes make on the floor. And when he climbs over them, little claws tapping on the linoleum as he takes inch-long steps toward the full-length mirror in his closet, he discovers he’s also kind of fluffy.
What. The fuck. Jensen is used to weird shit happening on pretty much a daily basis, but most of that is for the camera, and weird shit happening to Dean Winchester is a lot different from weird shit happening to Jensen Ackles. For one thing, it’s a lot less personal. Jensen wouldn’t really be surprised if someone cursed Dean (he loves the guy, but Dean can be an asshole), but he’s shocked and a little hurt that someone cursed him. He’s not a hunter or a womanizer or the older brother of a guy with possible ties to hell. He just plays one on TV.
So it’s a terrifying experience, looking into a mirror and realizing that weird little furball is actually him. And the thing is, even if Jensen had ever considered somehow turning into a dog, he wouldn’t have imagined himself as this particular dog. Seriously, Jensen got shortchanged somehow in this transformation, because pretty much nothing of his previous self survived translation. He’s still cute, all right - the big wet eyes and delicate face are working for him - but he’s got tufty little ears and a round little body. Not to mention he’s probably six inches tall and all of two pounds (and that’s really soaking wet). Seriously, Tom on Smallville, Jared on Supernatural, and now this? The universe is clearly out to undermine his totally respectable height.
If Jensen had to picture himself as a dog, he’d have picked something, well…bigger. A lab, maybe, or a retriever. Strong, good-looking, and friendly, the kind of dog that you can take camping or running, not the type you have to carry in a purse. Something like Jared’s dogs, maybe.
And that thought hits him hard, because Jared. Jensen has never been turned into a dog before and therefore has very little idea what to do about it or how to fix it, but if anyone can help, it will be Jared. He just has to find him and somehow communicate his problem. And fast, before Jared leaves for the weekend.
Jensen runs through the trailer, skittering across the tiles, and takes the steps in two huge leaps. His little paws ache when he hits the ground, and the rough pavement scratches the pads as he runs, but he doesn’t stop to think about it. He’s got to find Jared and get him to understand the problem so they can get to fixing this thing.
Jared’s not by his trailer, though, or the food tent. Jensen almost detours that way anyway, because holy shit, he’s never smelled anything so good before. Food! It almost makes him delirious, all the smells swirling together, stronger than ever before.
But he’s a man (well, dog) on a mission, so he scurries away, heading back toward set. Jared’s not there, either, and Jensen doesn’t want to chance himself on some random PA, but fuck, he’s tired. Legs three inches long are really not helpful on a TV set. He sits down for a brief rest, panting a little, but that’s only good for a minute or two before the Vancouver chill sets in.
Shit. Now he’s tired, frustrated, and still has no idea where Jared is, and to top it all off, he’s shivering.
He’s resigned himself to pouncing on the nearest human being and hoping for the best when there’s a noise behind him. He turns, and holy fuck. He’s gotten used to the four-inch difference, but nearly six feet of height difference is a whole new thing, and he sort of startles and cowers before his brain figures out what’s going on.
“Hey there,” Jared says, stopping dead. “What are you doing here, huh?” He kneels down slowly, eyes on Jensen. “C’mere, buddy, it’s okay,” he calls, crooking his fingers. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Jensen really wants to roll his eyes, but that doesn’t seem to work in a dog body.
“That’s a good puppy,” Jared croons as Jensen trots over. “There you go. C’mon.” When Jensen nears his fingers, Jared reaches out gently to stroke the top of his head. Jensen was intending on staying out of reach until he communicated the problem, but - oh, that feels good. Jared rubs behind his ears next, warm fingers scratching just right, and Jensen forgets all about what he’s supposed to be doing.
Which is bad, because then he’s not paying attention to Jared’s other hand, and suddenly he’s swooped up into the air, Jared soothing, “I got you, that’s a good dog,” and Jared’s tucking him into his jacket, saying, “It’s cold out here, buddy. What’re you doing all by yourself? We’d better find who you belong to.”
Jensen would jump down or protest or something, but Jared’s right, it’s fucking freezing out when all the outerwear you have is a thin coat of hair, and Jensen’s paws are sore from the pavement already. Jared’s like a furnace, jacket all warm and soft, and Jensen’s dog brain also notices that Jared smells really, really good. He can’t identify all the smells like with the food, but there’s sweat and soap and something that’s just Jared, a mix of a million things that says warm and comfortable and home. So Jensen nestles in against him and rests his little head against the steady beat of Jared’s heart.
* * *
The tour of the crew lasts for-fucking-ever, because while no one has any clue whose dog Jensen is or how he got on set, practically every single person has to spend ten minutes cooing over how cute he is. Even Kim, who could probably make a brick wall cry, softens a little and says, “Well, what a cute little fella,” and rubs a thumb over Jensen’s head. Jensen is never, ever going to let that go when he’s a human again. He wishes he had it on camera.
One PA goes into paroxysms of joy (seriously, she almost cries) and begs to hold him. Jared seems a little reluctant at first, but when she won’t quit asking, he scoops Jensen out and hands him over. And the thing with Kim petting him was kind of funny, but this is just downright weird. The girl cuddles him into her neck, stroking his fur gently, and while it’s sort of nice, on a basic, physical level, all Jensen can think about is the strange smell of her perfume (it smells like a meadow of flowers that have been sprayed with toxic chemicals, which is a little overwhelming to his nose) and how much better he fits in Jared’s hands.
Thankfully, Jared seems to agree. Once he’s ascertained that she has no idea who Jensen belongs to or what he’s doing there, Jared tucks him back into his jacket and moves along. The whole thing is pointless, and Jensen is just waiting for Jared to wise up and figure out he’s missing, but then Leon the weird-ass snake guy shows up.
He can’t keep his eyes off Jensen’s new canine look, and while that’s no different from everyone else before him, it is the first time someone’s looked at Jensen like he’s some kind of rare delicacy. It makes him uncomfortable, squirming restlessly against Jared, but Leon only watches with barely-contained glee. Jensen has no idea what the fuck his problem is, only that he has no interest in being part of someone’s creepy fetish, but then Jared says, “Hey, you seen Jensen anywhere around?” and Leon says, “Yep. He left,” smooth as you please.
Jared looks just as confused as Jensen feels. “Left?” he repeats, the word rumbling through his chest. “But the van’s still waiting for us.”
“Took a cab,” Leon tells him. “Seemed in a big hurry to get away,” and oh, Jensen is going to kill that fucker. There’s no reason for Leon to lie unless he knows the truth, and that malice shining in his eyes makes a lot more sense now. Jensen goes to voice his anger (and possibly some threats toward Leon’s mother or his beloved snakes) but all that comes out of his throat is a reedy little growl that’s more like a purr. Damn tiny dog body! At least he can bare his teeth just fine.
It’s not very threatening, judging by Leon’s smirk, but Jared looks concerned. “Hey, buddy, relax,” he says, cuddling him closer. “Nobody’s going to hurt you. I got you.” And there’s something else to be annoyed about - Jared talking to him like he’s a two-year-old is not cute. Jensen definitely doesn’t snuggle into Jared or feel instantly safe or protected. Or at least, if he does, he’s not going to admit it.
“Well, okay. I’d better figure out what to do with this little guy,” Jared says. “Thanks, Leon. See you on Monday.”
The set’s quickly clearing of people, and Jensen wonders what exactly Jared’s going to do with him when he figures out that Jensen’s technically a stray. He really doesn’t want to spend the night in his trailer, not now that he can’t even reach the handle on the mini-fridge, and a night in the local pound isn’t very appealing either. Jensen’s not really good at making small talk with people he barely knows, and he doesn’t think his odds will improve with strangers sniffing his ass. Plus, isn’t the pound kind of like dog prison? Jensen’s always been a little too pretty for his own good, and the last thing he wants is to end up some Doberman’s bitch.
It’s looking bad when Jared pulls out his cell phone and Jensen hears a tinny voice on the other end say, “Kingsway Veterinary Clinic, this is Chelsea. How can I help you?”
But after a copious amount of small talk (apparently everyone at the vet’s office loves Jared and his dogs, big surprise, and they all want to know if Harley’s broken toenail has healed up right and if Sadie enjoyed that bone) Jared says, “I’m actually calling about another dog. I found him wandering around at work, and I wanted to bring him in and have Dr. Dave check him out, if that’s okay. Just want to make sure he’s not sick or hurt.”
It turns out Dr. Dave would be thrilled to help, and after Jared thanks Chelsea and hangs up the phone, he says, “Okay, buddy. We’re going to go get you all checked out, all right?”
Jensen isn’t exactly looking forward to being poked and prodded (and this dog body had better have its shots, because there’s no way he’s letting someone poke him with needles when he’s the size of a grapefruit), but he doesn’t exactly have a choice.
Jared carries him back to his trailer and grabs his stuff, and Jensen has a brief surge of hope when Jared notices Jensen’s trailer door hanging open and goes over to investigate, but Jared just looks down at the pile of clothes and laughs a little. “Must have been in a hurry.” He kicks the clothes out of the way and pulls the door shut, and Jensen discovers dogs can sigh, too.
Riding in a car as a dog isn’t very different, or so Jensen thinks until Jared gets dropped off in his driveway. Because riding in Jared’s lap in the back of a van is one thing, but riding shotgun when Jared’s driving is something completely different. And a hell of a lot more dangerous. Jared’s not a bad driver, exactly, but he’s not the most attentive one, either. Jared’s hastily thrown-out hand is the only thing that keeps Jensen from flying into the dashboard at one particularly fast stop, and when he wobbles to his feet, he’s immediately thrown against the seat when Jared accelerates and whips into a turn.
And then Jared moves Jensen to a safer place where he can keep a hand on him, and while Jensen would normally appreciate that (he’s not really looking to die in a dog body) it is a little awkward when Jared deposits him squarely in his lap. Because there’s not a lot of Jared Jensen isn’t intimately familiar with, but that’s one area he was more than happy to know very little about. He curls gingerly against Jared’s thigh, since it is kind of a nice place for a nap, warm and cozy, and keeps his observations limited to that.
There’s another awkward moment when they get to the vet’s office, because Chelsea the vet tech immediately starts cooing over Jensen, saying, “Oh, what a cutie! Such a pretty little puppy. Such a pretty little girl, yes you are,” and Jensen doesn’t really appreciate being mistaken for a girl, because all his parts are there, thank you very much, even if they have been miniaturized.
But then Jared goes, “Huh, I didn’t even check,” and lifts Jensen up to have a nice long look, and that is so totally not how Jensen ever imagined Jared would see his junk. Not that he’s imagined that, or anything, but if he had, it would have involved his usual, normal-sized (well, it’s better than just normal, but technically speaking) junk. Shrinkage is a bitch anyway, especially when he spends half his time outside in the middle of frigid Vancouver nights, but this is taking it to a whole new level.
Other than that, though, it goes fine. Dr. Dave does a bit of poking and prodding and checks Jensen’s teeth before declaring him perfectly healthy. And when he asks what Jared’s going to do with Jensen, offering to call a local animal shelter, Jared says, “Nah, I’ll just take him home with me. I want to put up some posters and see if I can find who he belongs to,” and Jensen’s enormously relieved. And apparently in a dog body, relieved=happy=uncontrollable tail wagging, and Jensen’s whole body wiggles with the motion.
Jared grins. “You like that idea, huh? Want to come and meet my other puppies?” He starts petting Jensen again, long fingers stroking through soft fur, and when Jensen gets the urge to lick him enthusiastically, he figures what the hell and goes for it.
* * *
Jensen’s already met Sadie and Harley, of course - he’s practically their co-owner or second father or whatever, given the amount of time he’s spent with them on set or at Jared’s place - but this time is different.
They come bounding to the door to greet Jared, as usual, and while Jensen would normally be crouching down to pet them while avoiding sloppy tongues, this time he cowers back against Jared. Harley and Sadie are huge, all muscle and teeth and claws, panting and tails wagging, looking at Jensen like he’s a toy or a treat, and Jensen’s not sure which is worse. He makes a noise that, even as a dog, sounds like a whimper.
Harley cocks his head at the noise, like Jensen’s a stuffed animal suddenly come to life, and Sadie jumps up, trying to get a better look.
“Hey, hey, down,” Jared commands, pushing the dogs back. He kneels down slowly, cupping Jensen in his palms, and holds him out. Jensen is not down with being held out like a sacrifice, especially when the dogs lunge for him, but they just sniff him all over, big wet noses snuffling at his fur, while Jared performs introductions. He’s not really fond of Jared introducing him as “Little guy,” either, but at least Jared’s got the gender right this time.
Then Harley pulls back, cocking his head again, and says, “Dog? Baby dog?” He sniffs again. “Cat?”
And Jensen is obviously not a cat, anyone with two eyes can see that, and he bristles, waiting for Jared to say so, but that’s when he realizes that Harley didn’t actually say that. He barked. And Jensen understood it. Holy shit.
“Play! Playplayplay!” Sadie barks.
“Cat? Play?” Harley echoes, and Jensen opens his mouth without thinking to say, “I’m not a fucking cat.” A sharp yip comes out instead (oh, God, he’s one of those dogs - Jensen may never live this down), and Harley freezes.
Sadie darts forward and sniffs him again, and then she says something, a garble of words that Jensen has trouble translating, but he gets the general meaning, and holy fuck. It’s not as simple as his name, it’s more like a combination of sensory details and an idea, an affectionate warmth that’s tied to Jared, but the point is, they recognize him. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s currently canine, they know who he is. They go crazy again, tails wagging, and Harley says happily, “Little dog Jensen!”
“Play!” Sadie repeats. “Play, little dog Jensen!”
Jared, oblivious to the conversation going on in front of him, balances Jensen in one hand and distributes pats to Sadie and Harley’s heads. “Good dogs. Such good dogs. You’re all going to get along just fine, aren’t you? See, little guy? These big goofs love you already.”
Well, of course they do. Jensen, their second-favorite person in the whole entire world, has just been transformed into one of them. They’re probably hoping Jared follows suit soon.
And isn’t that a terrifying thought. Jared would be a huge dog, something shaggy and giant, the type that would knock you down and lick you to within an inch of your life, just because he was happy to see you, and then hump your leg for the fun of it. He’d chew things and steal things and make all the mischief possible, and then turn big, liquid eyes on you when he got caught, making it impossible to stay mad at him.
Actually, now that Jensen thinks about it, that’s not that different from how Jared acts as a human - right down to the leg humping. Huh.
Jared interrupts his revelation by standing up, pushing past the dogs to set down his keys and stuff, and calling, “Time to go out!” Harley and Sadie scramble after him as he heads for the sliding doors at the back of the house, and as soon as there’s an opening wide enough for a nose, they’re shoving their way outside and streaking across the lawn.
Jared steps out onto the little patio, shutting the door behind him, and sets Jensen down at the edge of the grass.
Jensen just stands there for a minute, taking in how truly huge Jared’s little backyard looks to a dog smaller than a basketball. Even the grass is a little overwhelming now, practically waist-high, and Jensen doesn’t even want to think about how long it would take his stubby little legs to run to where the other dogs are currently playing. There’s a riot of smells out here, too, and Jensen can pick out everything from the remains of the steaks they grilled last week to the last place Harley took a crap. And - he sniffs the air - is that a trace of squirrel?
Jared notices his hesitation and says, “Go on, little guy. Go potty.”
And okay, if there were ever two words Jensen did not need to hear Jared say, those would be them. He gives Jared a baleful look that’s intended to imply, “Are you kidding me?”
Jared just repeats himself, giving Jensen a little encouraging push, and hell, no. He and Jared don’t really go in for modesty (it would be kind of stupid, given the amount of time they spend together) but this is crossing the line. Jensen is not going to pee in front of Jared. Especially not when he’s not exactly sure how to do that in a miniature dog body.
But Jared’s looking at him expectantly, and Jensen gets the feeling he’s not going to be allowed back inside unless he produces some results. Worse still, he’s pretty sure he actually does have to go, now that he’s thinking about it, and the urge keeps getting stronger. Jensen’s not sure how three cups of coffee translate from one body to another, but it’s clear that he’s going to have to do something about his bladder. He sends Jared one last glare, then steps gingerly off the bricks into the long grass.
The grill creates a little shelter to his left - not much, and Jared could see over it if he takes one step - but it’s enough. Jensen goes around behind it and sets about figuring out this peeing thing.
His first instinct is to lift a leg, like Harley’s doing across the yard, but his little body nearly overbalances when he tries it, and it looks like only dogs with longer legs (and better balance) can achieve that. It figures. His dog body seems to want to squat, belly almost to the ground, so Jensen goes with that, and miracle of miracles, it’s all systems go.
Business taken care of, he trots back, head high and tail wagging. Jared’s full of effusive praise, and while part of Jensen is very weirded out by the fact that Jared’s validating him for pissing in his yard, he can’t stop a little flare of pride. This dog thing sucks, but Jensen’s totally rocking it anyway. He’s adaptable like that.
* * *
Harley and Sadie nearly mow Jensen down when Jared lets them back inside, and Jared says, “Hey, careful,” sharply before leaning down to scoop Jensen up. Jensen’s really more than capable of walking, even with two big dogs to watch out for, but apparently Jared has decided it’s just easier to carry Jensen places, because he barely sets him down after that. He tucks Jensen against his chest with one arm while he reads his mail, gets a glass of water, sends someone a text message, and checks the freezer for dinner possibilities. Jensen’s starting to think Jared’s totally forgotten he’s even there, but then Jared heads for his bedroom and deposits Jensen on his bed before shooing Sadie and Harley out of the room and closing the door.
“Don’t want them running you over,” he says to Jensen, toeing off his shoes and kicking them toward the closet. “And I can’t watch you when I’m in the shower.” He loses several more items of clothing, and Jensen busies himself testing the springiness of the mattress under his paws.
“You just stay up here, okay buddy?” Jared comes over to the bed one last time, just in boxers, and rubs Jensen’s head. “Take a nap. I’ll be out in a few minutes, and then we can see about some dinner, okay?”
With that, he disappears into the master bathroom, leaving Jensen alone on the sloppily made bed. Jensen hears the water go on in the bathroom, the clink of the shower curtain rings sliding across the rod, and figures he’s got a good fifteen minutes to kill. He spends two of them exploring the bed, but it’s not really that exciting. Comforter, sheets, and pillows, all smelling strongly of Jared, and one odd sock Jensen’s pretty sure Jared must have lost weeks ago. He is a little tired, after having such an exciting day - first the snakes, then full-body transformation, and the stress of suddenly being a dog really takes it out of you - so he decides to take Jared’s advice and have a little nap. The foot of the bed would probably be a good place, but the comforter’s scratchy and rough and he’s not used to sleeping without a pillow, so when he discovers an inviting little stretch of soft sheets right next to Jared’s pillow, he forgoes common sense and curls up.
He’s asleep in seconds, which is sort of the first actual perk of being a dog, and he doesn’t wake up until Jared exits the bathroom in a wave of steamy air.
Unfortunately, that’s all that accompanies Jared out of the bathroom, and Jensen makes the mistake of lifting his head and getting quite an eyeful.
It’s not like he and Jared haven’t seen in each other in just about every state of undress - they have to make a lot of costume changes, after all, especially when there’s fake blood or weird fluids or rain involved, and neither of them are big on clothes when they’re sleeping, so there’s been more than one hungover morning where they’ve had coffee in little more than boxers - but Jensen always averted his eyes when it got close to anything R-rated.
And, uh. Wow. Jensen really tries not to stare, but damn. He had no idea Jared was packing that. It makes a certain amount of sense, given that Jared’s kind of big all over, but still. Jesus.
And then Jared comes over to the bed to pet him, putting his junk right at face-level, and wow, that’s a lot of detail Jensen never thought he’d have about certain parts of Jared. And instead of putting on some shorts like a normal person, Jared then wanders across the room to his jeans, where he pulls out his cell phone. But not before bending over, presenting Jensen with a spectacular view of his ass. Not that his ass is spectacular - well, okay, it’s pretty nice, as asses go - but that’s just a figure of speech. Right.
Because the thing is, seeing Jared minus a shirt or sans pants while they’re at work or just out of bed is kind of one thing, and seeing the whole package at once? Well, that’s another. Jensen knows, intellectually, that Jared works out, but he’s never had the chance to appreciate just how well that’s going for him. And that’s totally all it is, admiring Jared’s hard work. Yep. Definitely.
When Jensen shakes himself enough to stop ogling, he realizes Jared’s dialing someone on his phone, and when Jared says, “Hey, Jen, it’s me,” Jensen realizes that he didn’t really want to know that Jared calls him while naked.
“You left in kind of a hurry, so I just wanted to make sure everything was all right,” Jared continues. “And you missed the most awesome thing ever, but I’m not going to tell you what it is until you call me back. So you better call, asshole.”
Jensen feels a little bad when Jared snaps the phone shut, because his cell phone is currently somewhere in his trailer on set and his human self is going to be snubbing Jared until they get this thing figured out, but whatever. The sooner Jared realizes that Jensen’s not answering his phone, the sooner Jared will figure out he’s missing, and the sooner they can get to revelations and spell breaking.
* * *
Jared does eventually put on some clothes, thankfully, and then he herds the dogs into the kitchen for supper, as promised.
Sadie and Harley go nuts, all yipping and dancing and whining that Jensen hears as “FOOD! Foodfoodfoodfoodfood!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jared mutters, shouldering them out of the way as he kneels down to dump kibble in their bowls. They sit obediently while he’s filling up the bowls, rivers of drool making plate-sized puddles on the linoleum, and Jensen ducks off to the side to avoid being soaked. It also keeps him from being trampled when Jared finally claps for the dogs to eat, because Harley and Sadie go for the food like they’ve been starved for ten years, more inhaling going on than chewing, and barely ten seconds pass before they’re licking the last crumbs from their bowls, nosing them around the kitchen in search of one last tidbit.
Jensen watches the entire show with wide eyes, and Jared laughs. “Don’t worry, little guy. I’ve got food for you, too.” He digs in a cupboard and pulls out a can. “Here. You’re a little too small for kibble, but this is even better.” The dogs snap out of their post-food haze when he pops the top, and he laughs again. “See? They love this stuff.”
Jensen isn’t as enthused. Somehow, in resigning himself to being a dog for a little bit, he hadn’t thought about having to eat like a dog. He’s never eaten dog food before, but judging by what he’s smelled on Harley and Sadie’s breath, it isn’t very appetizing. And whatever Jared is spooning out of the can falls into the dish with a wet squelch, and yeah. Not appetizing at all.
Jared herds the dogs out of the kitchen and puts a gate across the door before depositing the bowl in front of Jensen. “There you go, little guy. Eat up.”
Jensen surveys the brownish glop, even giving it a tentative sniff, but it’s just too gross. Besides, he can smell the frozen pizza Jared has cooking with his new super sense of smell, and he’s much more interested in that.
But when he follows Jared and the pizza to the table, sitting hopefully by Jared’s feet and trying out his own set of puppy eyes, Jared doesn’t fall for it and slip him a morsel. Instead, he says, “No people food, little guy,” very firmly, and takes Jensen back to his dish of glop.
Jensen thinks about pushing the dish away and starving until he gets his human body back, because it can’t be that long (Jared will figure it out soon, Jensen’s sure of it), and it’s not like this tiny little body actually needs much food. Whatever he had for breakfast should last him for a while.
But then Jared looks worried and kneels down by Jensen on the floor, moving the dish right under his nose. “Come on, buddy, you need to eat. You need the energy. We can’t have you getting sick before I can get you home.” He taps the dish again. “I know it’s probably not what you’re used to, but it’s good, I promise.” And to prove his point, Jared dips a finger into the dish and shows it to Jensen before licking it off himself.
Jensen watches in horrified fascination, but Jared doesn’t seem grossed out by it. He scoops more food on his finger, but this time he holds it out to Jensen, accompanied by his own set of puppy eyes. “Just try it,” Jared coaxes. “Please?”
And Jensen, as always, is powerless to resist that look. He wrinkles his nose, but takes a delicate lick of the food on Jared’s finger.
To his shock, it’s not really that bad. The consistency is odd, but it tastes kind of like meat-flavored Jell-O, or congealed gravy. It’s still weird, but once he gets over the mental block of eating dog food, it’s not awful. He cleans off Jared’s finger, realizing just how hungry he actually is, and goes for the dish.
Jared praises him the whole time, all “Good dog, such a good little boy,” and Jensen finishes the dish in under a minute, licking up the leftovers with his tongue, which is longer and more dexterous than a human one.
That comes in handy when Jared fills his dish with water and Jensen has to figure out how to slurp it up. He only spills a little on himself, which is easily solved by a bit of shaking off, and Jared rewards him with a place on his lap while he finishes his pizza and beer. Jensen perches his front paws on the table and watches the news hopefully, but there’s no story about a devious snake handler who’s accused of kidnapping a local actor. Not surprising, since Jensen’s only been missing a few hours, but no one can blame him for hoping.
Jared keeps flipping open his cell phone as he eats, checking for a message or missed call, but it stays silent. When he’s finished the pizza and two beers, he flips it open and types out another text. Jensen can’t see who he’s sending it to, but he can read it: pizza and beer not good enough for you?
Jared must have texted Jensen earlier, inviting him over for dinner. If only he knew just how much Jensen would give to eat that pizza. And the beer, come to think of it.
When a few minutes go by with no response, Jared sighs and gets up, setting Jensen on the floor while he cleans up. Jensen feels a little bad about his absent human self being kind of an asshole, but short of turning himself back into a human through sheer willpower, his options are pretty damn limited. He resolves to be as nice to Jared as possible while he’s a dog to make up for it.
* * *
After dinner, Jared settles down in the living room for some quality time in front of the TV. He flips through all of the channels twice, then watches ten minutes of a CSI rerun before switching to an infomercial on some super-sharp knives. He finally settles on What Not to Wear, and Jensen has to make an effort not to wag his tail too much, because this is the best blackmail material ever. Jared actually watches, too, that little furrow between his brows popping up like he’s concentrating hard on Clint’s advice, his eyebrows going up a few times at Stacy’s bitchiness. Jensen is never, ever going to let him live this down.
Then he starts wondering if the show ever comes near Canada, because there’s no limit to what he would pay if Jared could actually be on the show. Just thinking about Clint and Stacy raiding Jared’s closet and mocking his shirt collection is almost enough to make up for his horrible day.
But then Jared sighs heavily, checking his phone one last time before getting up and heading over to his shelf of DVDs. Jensen gets a little worried that they’re going to have to watch a chick flick now, or High School Musical or Step Up or something, because not only does Jared own those type of movies, he tries to get Jensen to watch them sometimes. But Jared’s bypassing all those gems and reaching behind them, way back into the cabinet, and then Jensen gets really worried, because there’s no way he’s sitting on Jared’s lap while Jared watches porn. He’s still hoping to make it through this dog thing with a shred of his dignity.
But when Jared slips the DVD in, it’s not cheesy music and naked people, it’s a theme song that Jensen knows far too well and a shirtless Tom Welling all over the screen. If dogs could laugh, he’d be cracking up right now. It just figures that Jared’s secret shameful DVD-watching is devoted to old episodes of Smallville.
And not just any episodes, Jensen realizes a few minutes later, when an extremely familiar voice comes through the speakers and he looks up to find himself splashed all over the screen.
At first he’s a little weirded out that Jared’s watching old episodes of his work, but then he feels stupid. Jared’s friends with Mike and Tom, too, so maybe he’s just watching to make fun of them. Or maybe he’s really into the storyline about stones of power. With Jared, anything’s possible. And whatever, anyway. It’s not like Jensen doesn’t have a few seasons of Gilmore Girls himself - they were Danneel’s, and Jensen just never got around to throwing them out, that’s all.
Plus, this could be an awesome opportunity. When Jason strolls onscreen next, Jensen jumps up on Jared’s leg and barks furiously at his onscreen self. Sadie and Harley both raise their heads at his cries of “That’s me! I’m him! I’m Jensen!” but Jared, unfortunately, just grins and says, “You like him, huh? That’s Jensen.”
“Jensen!” Harley barks happily, and Sadie wags her tail.
Jensen tries again, but Sadie and Harley join in this time, echoing his name every time he barks it, and after a few rounds, Jared has to shout for calm. When he strokes Jensen’s back and says, “Yeah, I know. Jensen’s pretty awesome. He’s coming over tomorrow, so you’ll get to meet him. You’ll love him,” Jensen gives up.
* * *
He’s half-asleep on Jared’s thigh, fifteen minutes later, when something weird happens. Jensen’s heard all about how dogs can sense emotions, but inhabiting a little furry body hasn’t exactly turned him into a psychic yet, so it takes a few seconds to realize what he’s tuning into. It’s not really an emotion - he can’t tell what Jared’s thinking (well, anymore than usual), but a bunch of little shifts catch his senses. The heartbeat under his head is a little faster, his breathing’s a little louder, and Jared’s scent (a mix of sweat and soap and his spicy aftershave) is suddenly sharper, like he’s getting warmer.
And none of that really makes any sense until Jensen notices Jared squirming a little and just happens to glance over at his lap, because oh. Jensen turns his head the other way, trying to avoid the awkwardness, but that just has him looking at the TV screen, where Jason and Lana are making out enthusiastically. And okay, sitting on your costar’s lap while he gets all worked up over bad TV is awkward as hell, but it’s also kind of hilarious that Jared has a thing for Lana. She’s definitely his type, petite and gorgeous with long dark hair, but somehow Jensen just hadn’t ever figured she was the kind of girl Jared would be into. Not that he spends a lot of time considering what fictional characters Jared would like, but he does get bored sometimes.
Anyway, Jensen would get up or move or something, but Jared’s hand is still on Jensen’s back, and it probably weighs as much or more than he does. Besides, it’s not like he hasn’t already seen Jared naked and up-close. This’ll just be one of those things he’ll neglect to mention to Jared and try to forget he ever witnessed.
But then it starts again - Jared starts getting all shifty and hot and his pulse speeds up - but Lana isn’t even onscreen. It’s that one episode where they’re all in China and Jason and Lex are in prison getting some kind of electroshock torture (the logistics of it all never really made any sense to Jensen, but by that point his character had been so fucked over that he didn’t even care anymore). Anyway, Jensen and Mike are shirtless and chained at their wrists and writhing in fake pain, but there’s definitely no sign of Lana onscreen.
Which means Jensen has to consider the possibility that Jared’s having a few impure thoughts about Mike. Or, at least, his character. And is maybe into bondage or cheesy torture. Huh.
Jensen’s a little thrown by that at first, but then he remembers that it has been several weeks since Jared broke up with his girlfriend, and after all, Jensen still has no idea what Jared’s thinking about - he’s just sensing the physical part. For all he knows, Jared’s in the middle of a fantasy about Lana chaining him up for some sexy torture, or one where she uses her random-ass dominatrix kung fu moves to swoop in and rescue him (Jared’s very progressive about gender roles) and had no idea who was even onscreen.
Either way, Jensen just adds the whole experience onto his mental list of things he and Jared will never, ever talk about after the dog thing is over. The list is growing alarmingly long, considering it’s only been one day, but whatever.
And then, because things can’t get anymore awkward, Jared’s phone rings and he answers with a hearty “Chad! Hey, man!”
Because the thing is, Jensen likes Chad just fine. He does. The guy’s a little weird, and his dating habits are a little unorthodox, but whatever. Jared likes him, and as far as Jensen’s concerned, that’s reason enough to get along with the guy, at least.
But he likes Chad the most when there’s several states between them, because Chad comes up to visit Jared every so often, and every damn time he and Jared are like ten-year-olds, all giggly with their little secrets and in-jokes, and hanging out with two people whose conversations never seem to include you is only fun for so long. Like when by “so long” Jensen really means “never.”
And the last time Chad came up, he spent the whole time giving Jensen these totally bizarre looks for no reason, and when Jensen called him on it, Jared blushed and changed the subject and Jensen was left totally confused.
But at least he doesn’t have to talk to Chad now. He does have to listen to Jared’s end of the conversation, which seems to involve a lot of small talk and some random insults, but he can tune that out. Well, until Jared gets up and wanders into the kitchen, laughing his head off at some story Chad’s telling, and comes back with a pint of Chunky Monkey. Eating and keeping Harley and Sadie from soaking his jeans with drool takes two hands, so he puts his phone on speaker and sets it on the coffee table.
And Jensen would totally go somewhere else, but he’s got this new awesome sense of smell there’s no way he can just get up and leave when there’s banana and chocolate and nuttiness wafting from Jared’s lap, so he ends up hearing everything Chad has to say.
Which is a lot of pointless crap about One Tree Hill, mostly, until Chad finishes some story and says suddenly, “Hey, what about you? Did you tell him yet?”
Jared sighs. “No. Not yet.”
“Dude,” Chad says, packing a truckload of disapproval into a single syllable. “You broke up with Sandy to have a chance with this guy. When are you going to man up and just tell him?”
And that’s kind of a shock, because a) Jensen had no idea Jared broke up with Sandy for someone else, and b) he had no idea that someone else was a guy. What the fuck? He didn’t even know Jared was into guys in the first place. Jared said he and Sandy ended things because of time or distance or…something. Jensen was a little busy dealing with his own messy stuff with Danneel at the time, so he might have missed some details, but he definitely wouldn’t have missed Jared mentioning possible bisexuality or a crush on some other guy.
And the fact that Jared told Chad and not Jensen doesn’t make it any better. Jensen tells Jared all of his random shit, including (and especially) what gender he’s interested in, and he always assumed Jared did the same. He doesn’t know why Jared never mentioned it - maybe he didn’t want to, or thought Jensen wouldn’t be okay with it - but either way, it leaves Jensen feeling left out and more than a little hurt.
“I don’t know,” Jared says around a mouthful of ice cream. “It just never seems like the right time. It’s not the kind of thing you just come out with, you know? There needs to be some lead-up.”
“So get him drunk,” Chad advises. “Or tie him to a chair, or whatever kind of foreplay works for you. Just tell him. I can’t take much more of this moping crap.”
And come to think of it, Jared has been kind of broody lately. Nothing major, just a little less exuberant than he usually is. Jensen had put it down to the Sandy thing or how busy they’ve been, but apparently not. It’s disconcerting to realize that he doesn’t know Jared as well as he thought and that he’s been oblivious to it all, not to mention that he’s hearing about it from Chad.
“I just don’t want to ruin things between us,” Jared’s saying when Jensen tunes back in. “I have no idea if he’s into guys, and I don’t want to make everything painfully awkward.”
“Come on, I’ve seen the guy,” Chad says. “He’s not exactly the manliest dude in the world. There’s no way he’s not at least a little into cock.”
Jensen doesn’t put much stock in Chad’s gaydar (Chad has a whole detailed theory about Mike and Tom being gay for each other, which is just ridiculous), but it does sting to realize that Chad’s met this mysterious guy and he hasn’t.
“Maybe, but he’s never given me any kind of sign that he wants that from me,” Jared argues.
“Maybe he doesn’t know you’re into guys.”
“Oh, please,” Jared scoffs. “I’ve only been flirting with him since I got here. He’d have to be blind and deaf to miss it.”
And that’s really the kicker, because if Jensen had even the slightest self-centered guess that maybe it was him Jared was talking about, it’s dashed now. He and Jared are extremely comfortable together, but they don’t flirt. They’re like brothers. They do brotherly things like wrestle and send random text messages during the few hours they’re apart and give each other backrubs and hug a lot. There’s no flirting involved.
Which means Jared has a crush on some other Vancouver guy. And since Jared has just as little free time as Jensen, it doesn’t seem likely it’s some random guy Jensen’s never met. But the only other people they really know and hang out with on a regular basis are Mike and Tom, and that’s - oh.
Jensen suddenly remembers Jared’s, uh, excitement during Smallville, which was coincidentally when Mike was onscreen. And come to think of it, Jared’s been hanging out with Mike and Tom a lot lately. Or at least, Jensen thought he was - he’s turned down the last few invitations due to exhaustion, so he has no idea if Tom was even there. It could have all been a big Mike/Jared flirt-fest, for all he knows.
So Jared has a crush on Mike, has ever since he got here, and he hasn’t mentioned it at all to Jensen. He can’t help feeling hurt and confused and a little sad. Unfortunately, on a dog, that translates to a kind of pouting whine. Jared takes that as begging and shoos Jensen away from the ice cream, saying, “No people food, little guy.”
“Are you talking to your dogs while I’m giving you valuable advice?” Chad asks testily. “Jesus. I’m trying to shepherd you through a gay crisis out of the goodness of my heart, and you’re playing with your mutts.”
“Dude, calm down. I’m listening to every word of your oh-so-generous advice on my gay crisis. I just had to defend my food.”
Chad snorts. “I should know food would come before a gay crisis in your world. Also, ‘little guy’ is like the least appropriate nickname ever for Harley.”
“I wasn’t talking to Harley.”
There’s a long pause. Then Chad says, “What, is Jensen there or something?”
Jensen makes a disgruntled little what the fuck? growl at that, but Jared just laughs. “No. I’ve got a new dog, actually.” He explains the whole situation to Chad.
“Aw, how sweet,” Chad says. “You should name him Jenny.”
“He does seem to have a thing for Jensen,” Jared admits, rubbing Jensen’s ears. “But you can’t give a boy dog a girl’s name. It’s confusing. And kind of mean.”
Jared seems to be conveniently forgetting that time when he mistook Jensen for a girl dog, which was infinitely more damaging than a girly name. Still, Jensen’s glad Jared said no. He doesn’t mind when Jared calls him Jen - it’s part of his name, so he can’t really take offense - but Jenny is taking it a little too far. He’s already kind of pissed that Chad’s calling him that behind his back.
“Whatever,” Chad says. “Look, I have to go. I’m going to call you on Monday, and if you don’t have a big, sappy, gay tale of never-ending love for me, I’m going to call the dude and tell him myself.”
“What - Chad! You wouldn’t,” Jared says, dropping a spoonful of ice cream. “You can’t!”
“Can and will,” Chad says. “I’m just going to call him and say, ‘Hi. Jared Padalecki wants to fuck you in the ass, and I’m sick of his whining. Either jump his bones or put him out of his misery.’”
“Chad!”
“Get it done, Jay,” Chad says, hanging up.
“Fucker,” Jared says to the phone, snapping it shut. “Right, like it’s that easy. I’ll just walk up to him and say, ‘Hey! I’ve been fantasizing about you since the second we met, and if I don’t throw you down and have my way with you soon, I think I might die of sexual tension. You want to?’” He snorts. “Yeah. Smooth.”
Jensen tilts his head and yips. It’s not so bad. Kind of hot, actually. Hell, if someone came up to him and said something like that, all sexy and confident, he wouldn’t say no. Well, he’s thinking more of a female someone, but whatever. Point is, pick-up lines are not necessary with men. Honest and hot is a much better bet.
But Jared doesn’t get all that from his little bark, so Jensen just makes a note to tell Jared that later. Hopefully he’ll be human before Chad makes good on his threat and creeps out Jared’s poor lover boy.
Jensen thinks about what Jared sees in Mike, but it’s a little weird. Jensen knows Jared’s type in women, but he’s not exactly surprised that Jared doesn’t go for delicate, petite men with long, dark hair. It makes sense that Jared would want someone closer to his own size, someone he wouldn’t have to be careful with or worry about hurting.
And Jensen’s not sure why, but when he pictures Jared with a guy, he pictures something really physical, lots of wrestling and fighting for dominance and pinning each other down. Kind of like when he and Jared are messing around and end up wrestling each other on the couch or the floor, fighting for the remote or the last beer or one of their teams’ honor, and Jared gets all sweaty and growly and bite-y.
Translating that into sex isn’t hard, but what surprises Jensen a bit is that it turns him on a little. But arousal in a dog body is not in any way something he wants to experience, and he’s pretty sure he’d never live it down if he actually humped Jared’s leg. Instead, Jensen gets up and stretches, distracting himself by contemplating just how far down it would be to jump off the couch.
Jared takes that as a sign that he’s ready to go to bed, and after herding all three dogs out into the yard another time to do their business, he gets them settled in for the night. Harley and Sadie go straight for their dog beds, but Jared digs through his laundry basket for a second before putting Jensen down on the floor by his bed and curling a sweatshirt into a little nest for him.
Jensen watches enviously as Jared stretches out on the cushy bed, head on the soft pillows, but when he reluctantly beds down on the sweatshirt, it’s surprisingly nice. The fleece is soft and warm against his fur, and Jared must have worn the thing while working out or something, because it smells strongly of him. Jensen rests his head on his paws and is out before he knows it.
Part Two
Title: Man's Best Friend
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jensen gets turned into a dog. Things...happen.
Notes: at end of fic
Warnings: Extreme crack
Word Count: ~ 18,000
Disclaimer: Not mine, never happened.
ETA: Podfic by juice817 here!
It’s all because of the goddamn snakes. Jensen likes animals just fine (in fact, he’d go so far as to say he’s pretty fond of them) but as far as he’s concerned, snakes are not animals. Or reptiles, or whatever. They’re creepy, slithering, fanged things, and he does not appreciate them crawling all over him, thank you very much.
So when the scene ends and he can move, the first thing he does is get them the hell off him. He gets why they’re there, and it probably does look pretty cool on camera, a bunch of diamondbacks curling up Dean’s legs, but as soon as there’s a cut, they’re just freaky reptiles attached to Jensen’s legs, and he really doesn’t think it’s his fault if he’s a little too forceful shoving them off.
Leon the snake guy, though, takes offense. “Hey, watch it!” he says sharply, cradling a mud-colored snake that curls around his hand. “You’re going to hurt them.”
“Sorry,” Jensen mutters, carefully detaching a pale yellow snake from his boot. “I’m just…not a fan. They’re kind of weird.”
“Weird?” Leon repeats, bristling. “They’re beautiful, intelligent, resourceful creatures. They’re even worshiped as gods in some countries!”
“Oookay,” Jensen says. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to - ”
“And they’re harmless,” Leon interrupts, and yeah, he’s in a full snit now. “They’re just doing what I ask them to, they don’t deserve to be treated cruelly just because you think they’re weird. How would you feel if your entire survival depended on someone else, huh?”
“Uh,” Jensen says. “Yep, you’re right. That’d suck.” He starts backing away slowly. “I’m just going to - “
“All creatures in God’s kingdom deserve respect!” Leon yells after him.
“Okay, psycho,” Jensen says under his breath, making tracks for his trailer. It’s a Friday and he’s done shooting for the day at barely noon, which makes it pretty hard for him to care about snakes anymore. He has a whole afternoon free to do whatever he wants.
Except he should have cared about snakes. He should have remembered that Leon, besides being unnaturally attached to snakes, is also a little on the weird side. He should have remembered how Leon had been taking an unusual interest in all the spellwork in the episode they were shooting. He should have added all these things up in his head and not pissed off the creepy snake guy who had a hard-on for magic.
But he didn’t, and that’s why Jensen gets about two steps into his trailer before something hits him hard, knocking the wind out of him, the world tilting violently before everything goes black.
* * *
When he wakes up, things aren’t much better. For one thing, he’s lying on the floor. For another, his trailer smells funny. For yet another, his vision is acting weird. It’s not that he’s seeing in black and white, just that colors are kind of…different. And when he lifts his head, his trailer looks a lot bigger.
Then he tries to stand up, and nearly passes out again, because holy shit. Those are not hands in front of him. That’s not his usual pair of legs. Six inches is not his usual height. And he’s pretty sure that thing on his ass is a tail. If he isn’t on the worst acid trip ever (and he shouldn’t be, not unless Jared slipped something into his coffee at breakfast, which is always possible) then Jensen is…a dog.
And not just that, he’s also a really little one. Like, tiny. When he steadies himself on four legs, he’s barely taller than the pile his abandoned clothes make on the floor. And when he climbs over them, little claws tapping on the linoleum as he takes inch-long steps toward the full-length mirror in his closet, he discovers he’s also kind of fluffy.
What. The fuck. Jensen is used to weird shit happening on pretty much a daily basis, but most of that is for the camera, and weird shit happening to Dean Winchester is a lot different from weird shit happening to Jensen Ackles. For one thing, it’s a lot less personal. Jensen wouldn’t really be surprised if someone cursed Dean (he loves the guy, but Dean can be an asshole), but he’s shocked and a little hurt that someone cursed him. He’s not a hunter or a womanizer or the older brother of a guy with possible ties to hell. He just plays one on TV.
So it’s a terrifying experience, looking into a mirror and realizing that weird little furball is actually him. And the thing is, even if Jensen had ever considered somehow turning into a dog, he wouldn’t have imagined himself as this particular dog. Seriously, Jensen got shortchanged somehow in this transformation, because pretty much nothing of his previous self survived translation. He’s still cute, all right - the big wet eyes and delicate face are working for him - but he’s got tufty little ears and a round little body. Not to mention he’s probably six inches tall and all of two pounds (and that’s really soaking wet). Seriously, Tom on Smallville, Jared on Supernatural, and now this? The universe is clearly out to undermine his totally respectable height.
If Jensen had to picture himself as a dog, he’d have picked something, well…bigger. A lab, maybe, or a retriever. Strong, good-looking, and friendly, the kind of dog that you can take camping or running, not the type you have to carry in a purse. Something like Jared’s dogs, maybe.
And that thought hits him hard, because Jared. Jensen has never been turned into a dog before and therefore has very little idea what to do about it or how to fix it, but if anyone can help, it will be Jared. He just has to find him and somehow communicate his problem. And fast, before Jared leaves for the weekend.
Jensen runs through the trailer, skittering across the tiles, and takes the steps in two huge leaps. His little paws ache when he hits the ground, and the rough pavement scratches the pads as he runs, but he doesn’t stop to think about it. He’s got to find Jared and get him to understand the problem so they can get to fixing this thing.
Jared’s not by his trailer, though, or the food tent. Jensen almost detours that way anyway, because holy shit, he’s never smelled anything so good before. Food! It almost makes him delirious, all the smells swirling together, stronger than ever before.
But he’s a man (well, dog) on a mission, so he scurries away, heading back toward set. Jared’s not there, either, and Jensen doesn’t want to chance himself on some random PA, but fuck, he’s tired. Legs three inches long are really not helpful on a TV set. He sits down for a brief rest, panting a little, but that’s only good for a minute or two before the Vancouver chill sets in.
Shit. Now he’s tired, frustrated, and still has no idea where Jared is, and to top it all off, he’s shivering.
He’s resigned himself to pouncing on the nearest human being and hoping for the best when there’s a noise behind him. He turns, and holy fuck. He’s gotten used to the four-inch difference, but nearly six feet of height difference is a whole new thing, and he sort of startles and cowers before his brain figures out what’s going on.
“Hey there,” Jared says, stopping dead. “What are you doing here, huh?” He kneels down slowly, eyes on Jensen. “C’mere, buddy, it’s okay,” he calls, crooking his fingers. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Jensen really wants to roll his eyes, but that doesn’t seem to work in a dog body.
“That’s a good puppy,” Jared croons as Jensen trots over. “There you go. C’mon.” When Jensen nears his fingers, Jared reaches out gently to stroke the top of his head. Jensen was intending on staying out of reach until he communicated the problem, but - oh, that feels good. Jared rubs behind his ears next, warm fingers scratching just right, and Jensen forgets all about what he’s supposed to be doing.
Which is bad, because then he’s not paying attention to Jared’s other hand, and suddenly he’s swooped up into the air, Jared soothing, “I got you, that’s a good dog,” and Jared’s tucking him into his jacket, saying, “It’s cold out here, buddy. What’re you doing all by yourself? We’d better find who you belong to.”
Jensen would jump down or protest or something, but Jared’s right, it’s fucking freezing out when all the outerwear you have is a thin coat of hair, and Jensen’s paws are sore from the pavement already. Jared’s like a furnace, jacket all warm and soft, and Jensen’s dog brain also notices that Jared smells really, really good. He can’t identify all the smells like with the food, but there’s sweat and soap and something that’s just Jared, a mix of a million things that says warm and comfortable and home. So Jensen nestles in against him and rests his little head against the steady beat of Jared’s heart.
* * *
The tour of the crew lasts for-fucking-ever, because while no one has any clue whose dog Jensen is or how he got on set, practically every single person has to spend ten minutes cooing over how cute he is. Even Kim, who could probably make a brick wall cry, softens a little and says, “Well, what a cute little fella,” and rubs a thumb over Jensen’s head. Jensen is never, ever going to let that go when he’s a human again. He wishes he had it on camera.
One PA goes into paroxysms of joy (seriously, she almost cries) and begs to hold him. Jared seems a little reluctant at first, but when she won’t quit asking, he scoops Jensen out and hands him over. And the thing with Kim petting him was kind of funny, but this is just downright weird. The girl cuddles him into her neck, stroking his fur gently, and while it’s sort of nice, on a basic, physical level, all Jensen can think about is the strange smell of her perfume (it smells like a meadow of flowers that have been sprayed with toxic chemicals, which is a little overwhelming to his nose) and how much better he fits in Jared’s hands.
Thankfully, Jared seems to agree. Once he’s ascertained that she has no idea who Jensen belongs to or what he’s doing there, Jared tucks him back into his jacket and moves along. The whole thing is pointless, and Jensen is just waiting for Jared to wise up and figure out he’s missing, but then Leon the weird-ass snake guy shows up.
He can’t keep his eyes off Jensen’s new canine look, and while that’s no different from everyone else before him, it is the first time someone’s looked at Jensen like he’s some kind of rare delicacy. It makes him uncomfortable, squirming restlessly against Jared, but Leon only watches with barely-contained glee. Jensen has no idea what the fuck his problem is, only that he has no interest in being part of someone’s creepy fetish, but then Jared says, “Hey, you seen Jensen anywhere around?” and Leon says, “Yep. He left,” smooth as you please.
Jared looks just as confused as Jensen feels. “Left?” he repeats, the word rumbling through his chest. “But the van’s still waiting for us.”
“Took a cab,” Leon tells him. “Seemed in a big hurry to get away,” and oh, Jensen is going to kill that fucker. There’s no reason for Leon to lie unless he knows the truth, and that malice shining in his eyes makes a lot more sense now. Jensen goes to voice his anger (and possibly some threats toward Leon’s mother or his beloved snakes) but all that comes out of his throat is a reedy little growl that’s more like a purr. Damn tiny dog body! At least he can bare his teeth just fine.
It’s not very threatening, judging by Leon’s smirk, but Jared looks concerned. “Hey, buddy, relax,” he says, cuddling him closer. “Nobody’s going to hurt you. I got you.” And there’s something else to be annoyed about - Jared talking to him like he’s a two-year-old is not cute. Jensen definitely doesn’t snuggle into Jared or feel instantly safe or protected. Or at least, if he does, he’s not going to admit it.
“Well, okay. I’d better figure out what to do with this little guy,” Jared says. “Thanks, Leon. See you on Monday.”
The set’s quickly clearing of people, and Jensen wonders what exactly Jared’s going to do with him when he figures out that Jensen’s technically a stray. He really doesn’t want to spend the night in his trailer, not now that he can’t even reach the handle on the mini-fridge, and a night in the local pound isn’t very appealing either. Jensen’s not really good at making small talk with people he barely knows, and he doesn’t think his odds will improve with strangers sniffing his ass. Plus, isn’t the pound kind of like dog prison? Jensen’s always been a little too pretty for his own good, and the last thing he wants is to end up some Doberman’s bitch.
It’s looking bad when Jared pulls out his cell phone and Jensen hears a tinny voice on the other end say, “Kingsway Veterinary Clinic, this is Chelsea. How can I help you?”
But after a copious amount of small talk (apparently everyone at the vet’s office loves Jared and his dogs, big surprise, and they all want to know if Harley’s broken toenail has healed up right and if Sadie enjoyed that bone) Jared says, “I’m actually calling about another dog. I found him wandering around at work, and I wanted to bring him in and have Dr. Dave check him out, if that’s okay. Just want to make sure he’s not sick or hurt.”
It turns out Dr. Dave would be thrilled to help, and after Jared thanks Chelsea and hangs up the phone, he says, “Okay, buddy. We’re going to go get you all checked out, all right?”
Jensen isn’t exactly looking forward to being poked and prodded (and this dog body had better have its shots, because there’s no way he’s letting someone poke him with needles when he’s the size of a grapefruit), but he doesn’t exactly have a choice.
Jared carries him back to his trailer and grabs his stuff, and Jensen has a brief surge of hope when Jared notices Jensen’s trailer door hanging open and goes over to investigate, but Jared just looks down at the pile of clothes and laughs a little. “Must have been in a hurry.” He kicks the clothes out of the way and pulls the door shut, and Jensen discovers dogs can sigh, too.
Riding in a car as a dog isn’t very different, or so Jensen thinks until Jared gets dropped off in his driveway. Because riding in Jared’s lap in the back of a van is one thing, but riding shotgun when Jared’s driving is something completely different. And a hell of a lot more dangerous. Jared’s not a bad driver, exactly, but he’s not the most attentive one, either. Jared’s hastily thrown-out hand is the only thing that keeps Jensen from flying into the dashboard at one particularly fast stop, and when he wobbles to his feet, he’s immediately thrown against the seat when Jared accelerates and whips into a turn.
And then Jared moves Jensen to a safer place where he can keep a hand on him, and while Jensen would normally appreciate that (he’s not really looking to die in a dog body) it is a little awkward when Jared deposits him squarely in his lap. Because there’s not a lot of Jared Jensen isn’t intimately familiar with, but that’s one area he was more than happy to know very little about. He curls gingerly against Jared’s thigh, since it is kind of a nice place for a nap, warm and cozy, and keeps his observations limited to that.
There’s another awkward moment when they get to the vet’s office, because Chelsea the vet tech immediately starts cooing over Jensen, saying, “Oh, what a cutie! Such a pretty little puppy. Such a pretty little girl, yes you are,” and Jensen doesn’t really appreciate being mistaken for a girl, because all his parts are there, thank you very much, even if they have been miniaturized.
But then Jared goes, “Huh, I didn’t even check,” and lifts Jensen up to have a nice long look, and that is so totally not how Jensen ever imagined Jared would see his junk. Not that he’s imagined that, or anything, but if he had, it would have involved his usual, normal-sized (well, it’s better than just normal, but technically speaking) junk. Shrinkage is a bitch anyway, especially when he spends half his time outside in the middle of frigid Vancouver nights, but this is taking it to a whole new level.
Other than that, though, it goes fine. Dr. Dave does a bit of poking and prodding and checks Jensen’s teeth before declaring him perfectly healthy. And when he asks what Jared’s going to do with Jensen, offering to call a local animal shelter, Jared says, “Nah, I’ll just take him home with me. I want to put up some posters and see if I can find who he belongs to,” and Jensen’s enormously relieved. And apparently in a dog body, relieved=happy=uncontrollable tail wagging, and Jensen’s whole body wiggles with the motion.
Jared grins. “You like that idea, huh? Want to come and meet my other puppies?” He starts petting Jensen again, long fingers stroking through soft fur, and when Jensen gets the urge to lick him enthusiastically, he figures what the hell and goes for it.
* * *
Jensen’s already met Sadie and Harley, of course - he’s practically their co-owner or second father or whatever, given the amount of time he’s spent with them on set or at Jared’s place - but this time is different.
They come bounding to the door to greet Jared, as usual, and while Jensen would normally be crouching down to pet them while avoiding sloppy tongues, this time he cowers back against Jared. Harley and Sadie are huge, all muscle and teeth and claws, panting and tails wagging, looking at Jensen like he’s a toy or a treat, and Jensen’s not sure which is worse. He makes a noise that, even as a dog, sounds like a whimper.
Harley cocks his head at the noise, like Jensen’s a stuffed animal suddenly come to life, and Sadie jumps up, trying to get a better look.
“Hey, hey, down,” Jared commands, pushing the dogs back. He kneels down slowly, cupping Jensen in his palms, and holds him out. Jensen is not down with being held out like a sacrifice, especially when the dogs lunge for him, but they just sniff him all over, big wet noses snuffling at his fur, while Jared performs introductions. He’s not really fond of Jared introducing him as “Little guy,” either, but at least Jared’s got the gender right this time.
Then Harley pulls back, cocking his head again, and says, “Dog? Baby dog?” He sniffs again. “Cat?”
And Jensen is obviously not a cat, anyone with two eyes can see that, and he bristles, waiting for Jared to say so, but that’s when he realizes that Harley didn’t actually say that. He barked. And Jensen understood it. Holy shit.
“Play! Playplayplay!” Sadie barks.
“Cat? Play?” Harley echoes, and Jensen opens his mouth without thinking to say, “I’m not a fucking cat.” A sharp yip comes out instead (oh, God, he’s one of those dogs - Jensen may never live this down), and Harley freezes.
Sadie darts forward and sniffs him again, and then she says something, a garble of words that Jensen has trouble translating, but he gets the general meaning, and holy fuck. It’s not as simple as his name, it’s more like a combination of sensory details and an idea, an affectionate warmth that’s tied to Jared, but the point is, they recognize him. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s currently canine, they know who he is. They go crazy again, tails wagging, and Harley says happily, “Little dog Jensen!”
“Play!” Sadie repeats. “Play, little dog Jensen!”
Jared, oblivious to the conversation going on in front of him, balances Jensen in one hand and distributes pats to Sadie and Harley’s heads. “Good dogs. Such good dogs. You’re all going to get along just fine, aren’t you? See, little guy? These big goofs love you already.”
Well, of course they do. Jensen, their second-favorite person in the whole entire world, has just been transformed into one of them. They’re probably hoping Jared follows suit soon.
And isn’t that a terrifying thought. Jared would be a huge dog, something shaggy and giant, the type that would knock you down and lick you to within an inch of your life, just because he was happy to see you, and then hump your leg for the fun of it. He’d chew things and steal things and make all the mischief possible, and then turn big, liquid eyes on you when he got caught, making it impossible to stay mad at him.
Actually, now that Jensen thinks about it, that’s not that different from how Jared acts as a human - right down to the leg humping. Huh.
Jared interrupts his revelation by standing up, pushing past the dogs to set down his keys and stuff, and calling, “Time to go out!” Harley and Sadie scramble after him as he heads for the sliding doors at the back of the house, and as soon as there’s an opening wide enough for a nose, they’re shoving their way outside and streaking across the lawn.
Jared steps out onto the little patio, shutting the door behind him, and sets Jensen down at the edge of the grass.
Jensen just stands there for a minute, taking in how truly huge Jared’s little backyard looks to a dog smaller than a basketball. Even the grass is a little overwhelming now, practically waist-high, and Jensen doesn’t even want to think about how long it would take his stubby little legs to run to where the other dogs are currently playing. There’s a riot of smells out here, too, and Jensen can pick out everything from the remains of the steaks they grilled last week to the last place Harley took a crap. And - he sniffs the air - is that a trace of squirrel?
Jared notices his hesitation and says, “Go on, little guy. Go potty.”
And okay, if there were ever two words Jensen did not need to hear Jared say, those would be them. He gives Jared a baleful look that’s intended to imply, “Are you kidding me?”
Jared just repeats himself, giving Jensen a little encouraging push, and hell, no. He and Jared don’t really go in for modesty (it would be kind of stupid, given the amount of time they spend together) but this is crossing the line. Jensen is not going to pee in front of Jared. Especially not when he’s not exactly sure how to do that in a miniature dog body.
But Jared’s looking at him expectantly, and Jensen gets the feeling he’s not going to be allowed back inside unless he produces some results. Worse still, he’s pretty sure he actually does have to go, now that he’s thinking about it, and the urge keeps getting stronger. Jensen’s not sure how three cups of coffee translate from one body to another, but it’s clear that he’s going to have to do something about his bladder. He sends Jared one last glare, then steps gingerly off the bricks into the long grass.
The grill creates a little shelter to his left - not much, and Jared could see over it if he takes one step - but it’s enough. Jensen goes around behind it and sets about figuring out this peeing thing.
His first instinct is to lift a leg, like Harley’s doing across the yard, but his little body nearly overbalances when he tries it, and it looks like only dogs with longer legs (and better balance) can achieve that. It figures. His dog body seems to want to squat, belly almost to the ground, so Jensen goes with that, and miracle of miracles, it’s all systems go.
Business taken care of, he trots back, head high and tail wagging. Jared’s full of effusive praise, and while part of Jensen is very weirded out by the fact that Jared’s validating him for pissing in his yard, he can’t stop a little flare of pride. This dog thing sucks, but Jensen’s totally rocking it anyway. He’s adaptable like that.
* * *
Harley and Sadie nearly mow Jensen down when Jared lets them back inside, and Jared says, “Hey, careful,” sharply before leaning down to scoop Jensen up. Jensen’s really more than capable of walking, even with two big dogs to watch out for, but apparently Jared has decided it’s just easier to carry Jensen places, because he barely sets him down after that. He tucks Jensen against his chest with one arm while he reads his mail, gets a glass of water, sends someone a text message, and checks the freezer for dinner possibilities. Jensen’s starting to think Jared’s totally forgotten he’s even there, but then Jared heads for his bedroom and deposits Jensen on his bed before shooing Sadie and Harley out of the room and closing the door.
“Don’t want them running you over,” he says to Jensen, toeing off his shoes and kicking them toward the closet. “And I can’t watch you when I’m in the shower.” He loses several more items of clothing, and Jensen busies himself testing the springiness of the mattress under his paws.
“You just stay up here, okay buddy?” Jared comes over to the bed one last time, just in boxers, and rubs Jensen’s head. “Take a nap. I’ll be out in a few minutes, and then we can see about some dinner, okay?”
With that, he disappears into the master bathroom, leaving Jensen alone on the sloppily made bed. Jensen hears the water go on in the bathroom, the clink of the shower curtain rings sliding across the rod, and figures he’s got a good fifteen minutes to kill. He spends two of them exploring the bed, but it’s not really that exciting. Comforter, sheets, and pillows, all smelling strongly of Jared, and one odd sock Jensen’s pretty sure Jared must have lost weeks ago. He is a little tired, after having such an exciting day - first the snakes, then full-body transformation, and the stress of suddenly being a dog really takes it out of you - so he decides to take Jared’s advice and have a little nap. The foot of the bed would probably be a good place, but the comforter’s scratchy and rough and he’s not used to sleeping without a pillow, so when he discovers an inviting little stretch of soft sheets right next to Jared’s pillow, he forgoes common sense and curls up.
He’s asleep in seconds, which is sort of the first actual perk of being a dog, and he doesn’t wake up until Jared exits the bathroom in a wave of steamy air.
Unfortunately, that’s all that accompanies Jared out of the bathroom, and Jensen makes the mistake of lifting his head and getting quite an eyeful.
It’s not like he and Jared haven’t seen in each other in just about every state of undress - they have to make a lot of costume changes, after all, especially when there’s fake blood or weird fluids or rain involved, and neither of them are big on clothes when they’re sleeping, so there’s been more than one hungover morning where they’ve had coffee in little more than boxers - but Jensen always averted his eyes when it got close to anything R-rated.
And, uh. Wow. Jensen really tries not to stare, but damn. He had no idea Jared was packing that. It makes a certain amount of sense, given that Jared’s kind of big all over, but still. Jesus.
And then Jared comes over to the bed to pet him, putting his junk right at face-level, and wow, that’s a lot of detail Jensen never thought he’d have about certain parts of Jared. And instead of putting on some shorts like a normal person, Jared then wanders across the room to his jeans, where he pulls out his cell phone. But not before bending over, presenting Jensen with a spectacular view of his ass. Not that his ass is spectacular - well, okay, it’s pretty nice, as asses go - but that’s just a figure of speech. Right.
Because the thing is, seeing Jared minus a shirt or sans pants while they’re at work or just out of bed is kind of one thing, and seeing the whole package at once? Well, that’s another. Jensen knows, intellectually, that Jared works out, but he’s never had the chance to appreciate just how well that’s going for him. And that’s totally all it is, admiring Jared’s hard work. Yep. Definitely.
When Jensen shakes himself enough to stop ogling, he realizes Jared’s dialing someone on his phone, and when Jared says, “Hey, Jen, it’s me,” Jensen realizes that he didn’t really want to know that Jared calls him while naked.
“You left in kind of a hurry, so I just wanted to make sure everything was all right,” Jared continues. “And you missed the most awesome thing ever, but I’m not going to tell you what it is until you call me back. So you better call, asshole.”
Jensen feels a little bad when Jared snaps the phone shut, because his cell phone is currently somewhere in his trailer on set and his human self is going to be snubbing Jared until they get this thing figured out, but whatever. The sooner Jared realizes that Jensen’s not answering his phone, the sooner Jared will figure out he’s missing, and the sooner they can get to revelations and spell breaking.
* * *
Jared does eventually put on some clothes, thankfully, and then he herds the dogs into the kitchen for supper, as promised.
Sadie and Harley go nuts, all yipping and dancing and whining that Jensen hears as “FOOD! Foodfoodfoodfoodfood!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jared mutters, shouldering them out of the way as he kneels down to dump kibble in their bowls. They sit obediently while he’s filling up the bowls, rivers of drool making plate-sized puddles on the linoleum, and Jensen ducks off to the side to avoid being soaked. It also keeps him from being trampled when Jared finally claps for the dogs to eat, because Harley and Sadie go for the food like they’ve been starved for ten years, more inhaling going on than chewing, and barely ten seconds pass before they’re licking the last crumbs from their bowls, nosing them around the kitchen in search of one last tidbit.
Jensen watches the entire show with wide eyes, and Jared laughs. “Don’t worry, little guy. I’ve got food for you, too.” He digs in a cupboard and pulls out a can. “Here. You’re a little too small for kibble, but this is even better.” The dogs snap out of their post-food haze when he pops the top, and he laughs again. “See? They love this stuff.”
Jensen isn’t as enthused. Somehow, in resigning himself to being a dog for a little bit, he hadn’t thought about having to eat like a dog. He’s never eaten dog food before, but judging by what he’s smelled on Harley and Sadie’s breath, it isn’t very appetizing. And whatever Jared is spooning out of the can falls into the dish with a wet squelch, and yeah. Not appetizing at all.
Jared herds the dogs out of the kitchen and puts a gate across the door before depositing the bowl in front of Jensen. “There you go, little guy. Eat up.”
Jensen surveys the brownish glop, even giving it a tentative sniff, but it’s just too gross. Besides, he can smell the frozen pizza Jared has cooking with his new super sense of smell, and he’s much more interested in that.
But when he follows Jared and the pizza to the table, sitting hopefully by Jared’s feet and trying out his own set of puppy eyes, Jared doesn’t fall for it and slip him a morsel. Instead, he says, “No people food, little guy,” very firmly, and takes Jensen back to his dish of glop.
Jensen thinks about pushing the dish away and starving until he gets his human body back, because it can’t be that long (Jared will figure it out soon, Jensen’s sure of it), and it’s not like this tiny little body actually needs much food. Whatever he had for breakfast should last him for a while.
But then Jared looks worried and kneels down by Jensen on the floor, moving the dish right under his nose. “Come on, buddy, you need to eat. You need the energy. We can’t have you getting sick before I can get you home.” He taps the dish again. “I know it’s probably not what you’re used to, but it’s good, I promise.” And to prove his point, Jared dips a finger into the dish and shows it to Jensen before licking it off himself.
Jensen watches in horrified fascination, but Jared doesn’t seem grossed out by it. He scoops more food on his finger, but this time he holds it out to Jensen, accompanied by his own set of puppy eyes. “Just try it,” Jared coaxes. “Please?”
And Jensen, as always, is powerless to resist that look. He wrinkles his nose, but takes a delicate lick of the food on Jared’s finger.
To his shock, it’s not really that bad. The consistency is odd, but it tastes kind of like meat-flavored Jell-O, or congealed gravy. It’s still weird, but once he gets over the mental block of eating dog food, it’s not awful. He cleans off Jared’s finger, realizing just how hungry he actually is, and goes for the dish.
Jared praises him the whole time, all “Good dog, such a good little boy,” and Jensen finishes the dish in under a minute, licking up the leftovers with his tongue, which is longer and more dexterous than a human one.
That comes in handy when Jared fills his dish with water and Jensen has to figure out how to slurp it up. He only spills a little on himself, which is easily solved by a bit of shaking off, and Jared rewards him with a place on his lap while he finishes his pizza and beer. Jensen perches his front paws on the table and watches the news hopefully, but there’s no story about a devious snake handler who’s accused of kidnapping a local actor. Not surprising, since Jensen’s only been missing a few hours, but no one can blame him for hoping.
Jared keeps flipping open his cell phone as he eats, checking for a message or missed call, but it stays silent. When he’s finished the pizza and two beers, he flips it open and types out another text. Jensen can’t see who he’s sending it to, but he can read it: pizza and beer not good enough for you?
Jared must have texted Jensen earlier, inviting him over for dinner. If only he knew just how much Jensen would give to eat that pizza. And the beer, come to think of it.
When a few minutes go by with no response, Jared sighs and gets up, setting Jensen on the floor while he cleans up. Jensen feels a little bad about his absent human self being kind of an asshole, but short of turning himself back into a human through sheer willpower, his options are pretty damn limited. He resolves to be as nice to Jared as possible while he’s a dog to make up for it.
* * *
After dinner, Jared settles down in the living room for some quality time in front of the TV. He flips through all of the channels twice, then watches ten minutes of a CSI rerun before switching to an infomercial on some super-sharp knives. He finally settles on What Not to Wear, and Jensen has to make an effort not to wag his tail too much, because this is the best blackmail material ever. Jared actually watches, too, that little furrow between his brows popping up like he’s concentrating hard on Clint’s advice, his eyebrows going up a few times at Stacy’s bitchiness. Jensen is never, ever going to let him live this down.
Then he starts wondering if the show ever comes near Canada, because there’s no limit to what he would pay if Jared could actually be on the show. Just thinking about Clint and Stacy raiding Jared’s closet and mocking his shirt collection is almost enough to make up for his horrible day.
But then Jared sighs heavily, checking his phone one last time before getting up and heading over to his shelf of DVDs. Jensen gets a little worried that they’re going to have to watch a chick flick now, or High School Musical or Step Up or something, because not only does Jared own those type of movies, he tries to get Jensen to watch them sometimes. But Jared’s bypassing all those gems and reaching behind them, way back into the cabinet, and then Jensen gets really worried, because there’s no way he’s sitting on Jared’s lap while Jared watches porn. He’s still hoping to make it through this dog thing with a shred of his dignity.
But when Jared slips the DVD in, it’s not cheesy music and naked people, it’s a theme song that Jensen knows far too well and a shirtless Tom Welling all over the screen. If dogs could laugh, he’d be cracking up right now. It just figures that Jared’s secret shameful DVD-watching is devoted to old episodes of Smallville.
And not just any episodes, Jensen realizes a few minutes later, when an extremely familiar voice comes through the speakers and he looks up to find himself splashed all over the screen.
At first he’s a little weirded out that Jared’s watching old episodes of his work, but then he feels stupid. Jared’s friends with Mike and Tom, too, so maybe he’s just watching to make fun of them. Or maybe he’s really into the storyline about stones of power. With Jared, anything’s possible. And whatever, anyway. It’s not like Jensen doesn’t have a few seasons of Gilmore Girls himself - they were Danneel’s, and Jensen just never got around to throwing them out, that’s all.
Plus, this could be an awesome opportunity. When Jason strolls onscreen next, Jensen jumps up on Jared’s leg and barks furiously at his onscreen self. Sadie and Harley both raise their heads at his cries of “That’s me! I’m him! I’m Jensen!” but Jared, unfortunately, just grins and says, “You like him, huh? That’s Jensen.”
“Jensen!” Harley barks happily, and Sadie wags her tail.
Jensen tries again, but Sadie and Harley join in this time, echoing his name every time he barks it, and after a few rounds, Jared has to shout for calm. When he strokes Jensen’s back and says, “Yeah, I know. Jensen’s pretty awesome. He’s coming over tomorrow, so you’ll get to meet him. You’ll love him,” Jensen gives up.
* * *
He’s half-asleep on Jared’s thigh, fifteen minutes later, when something weird happens. Jensen’s heard all about how dogs can sense emotions, but inhabiting a little furry body hasn’t exactly turned him into a psychic yet, so it takes a few seconds to realize what he’s tuning into. It’s not really an emotion - he can’t tell what Jared’s thinking (well, anymore than usual), but a bunch of little shifts catch his senses. The heartbeat under his head is a little faster, his breathing’s a little louder, and Jared’s scent (a mix of sweat and soap and his spicy aftershave) is suddenly sharper, like he’s getting warmer.
And none of that really makes any sense until Jensen notices Jared squirming a little and just happens to glance over at his lap, because oh. Jensen turns his head the other way, trying to avoid the awkwardness, but that just has him looking at the TV screen, where Jason and Lana are making out enthusiastically. And okay, sitting on your costar’s lap while he gets all worked up over bad TV is awkward as hell, but it’s also kind of hilarious that Jared has a thing for Lana. She’s definitely his type, petite and gorgeous with long dark hair, but somehow Jensen just hadn’t ever figured she was the kind of girl Jared would be into. Not that he spends a lot of time considering what fictional characters Jared would like, but he does get bored sometimes.
Anyway, Jensen would get up or move or something, but Jared’s hand is still on Jensen’s back, and it probably weighs as much or more than he does. Besides, it’s not like he hasn’t already seen Jared naked and up-close. This’ll just be one of those things he’ll neglect to mention to Jared and try to forget he ever witnessed.
But then it starts again - Jared starts getting all shifty and hot and his pulse speeds up - but Lana isn’t even onscreen. It’s that one episode where they’re all in China and Jason and Lex are in prison getting some kind of electroshock torture (the logistics of it all never really made any sense to Jensen, but by that point his character had been so fucked over that he didn’t even care anymore). Anyway, Jensen and Mike are shirtless and chained at their wrists and writhing in fake pain, but there’s definitely no sign of Lana onscreen.
Which means Jensen has to consider the possibility that Jared’s having a few impure thoughts about Mike. Or, at least, his character. And is maybe into bondage or cheesy torture. Huh.
Jensen’s a little thrown by that at first, but then he remembers that it has been several weeks since Jared broke up with his girlfriend, and after all, Jensen still has no idea what Jared’s thinking about - he’s just sensing the physical part. For all he knows, Jared’s in the middle of a fantasy about Lana chaining him up for some sexy torture, or one where she uses her random-ass dominatrix kung fu moves to swoop in and rescue him (Jared’s very progressive about gender roles) and had no idea who was even onscreen.
Either way, Jensen just adds the whole experience onto his mental list of things he and Jared will never, ever talk about after the dog thing is over. The list is growing alarmingly long, considering it’s only been one day, but whatever.
And then, because things can’t get anymore awkward, Jared’s phone rings and he answers with a hearty “Chad! Hey, man!”
Because the thing is, Jensen likes Chad just fine. He does. The guy’s a little weird, and his dating habits are a little unorthodox, but whatever. Jared likes him, and as far as Jensen’s concerned, that’s reason enough to get along with the guy, at least.
But he likes Chad the most when there’s several states between them, because Chad comes up to visit Jared every so often, and every damn time he and Jared are like ten-year-olds, all giggly with their little secrets and in-jokes, and hanging out with two people whose conversations never seem to include you is only fun for so long. Like when by “so long” Jensen really means “never.”
And the last time Chad came up, he spent the whole time giving Jensen these totally bizarre looks for no reason, and when Jensen called him on it, Jared blushed and changed the subject and Jensen was left totally confused.
But at least he doesn’t have to talk to Chad now. He does have to listen to Jared’s end of the conversation, which seems to involve a lot of small talk and some random insults, but he can tune that out. Well, until Jared gets up and wanders into the kitchen, laughing his head off at some story Chad’s telling, and comes back with a pint of Chunky Monkey. Eating and keeping Harley and Sadie from soaking his jeans with drool takes two hands, so he puts his phone on speaker and sets it on the coffee table.
And Jensen would totally go somewhere else, but he’s got this new awesome sense of smell there’s no way he can just get up and leave when there’s banana and chocolate and nuttiness wafting from Jared’s lap, so he ends up hearing everything Chad has to say.
Which is a lot of pointless crap about One Tree Hill, mostly, until Chad finishes some story and says suddenly, “Hey, what about you? Did you tell him yet?”
Jared sighs. “No. Not yet.”
“Dude,” Chad says, packing a truckload of disapproval into a single syllable. “You broke up with Sandy to have a chance with this guy. When are you going to man up and just tell him?”
And that’s kind of a shock, because a) Jensen had no idea Jared broke up with Sandy for someone else, and b) he had no idea that someone else was a guy. What the fuck? He didn’t even know Jared was into guys in the first place. Jared said he and Sandy ended things because of time or distance or…something. Jensen was a little busy dealing with his own messy stuff with Danneel at the time, so he might have missed some details, but he definitely wouldn’t have missed Jared mentioning possible bisexuality or a crush on some other guy.
And the fact that Jared told Chad and not Jensen doesn’t make it any better. Jensen tells Jared all of his random shit, including (and especially) what gender he’s interested in, and he always assumed Jared did the same. He doesn’t know why Jared never mentioned it - maybe he didn’t want to, or thought Jensen wouldn’t be okay with it - but either way, it leaves Jensen feeling left out and more than a little hurt.
“I don’t know,” Jared says around a mouthful of ice cream. “It just never seems like the right time. It’s not the kind of thing you just come out with, you know? There needs to be some lead-up.”
“So get him drunk,” Chad advises. “Or tie him to a chair, or whatever kind of foreplay works for you. Just tell him. I can’t take much more of this moping crap.”
And come to think of it, Jared has been kind of broody lately. Nothing major, just a little less exuberant than he usually is. Jensen had put it down to the Sandy thing or how busy they’ve been, but apparently not. It’s disconcerting to realize that he doesn’t know Jared as well as he thought and that he’s been oblivious to it all, not to mention that he’s hearing about it from Chad.
“I just don’t want to ruin things between us,” Jared’s saying when Jensen tunes back in. “I have no idea if he’s into guys, and I don’t want to make everything painfully awkward.”
“Come on, I’ve seen the guy,” Chad says. “He’s not exactly the manliest dude in the world. There’s no way he’s not at least a little into cock.”
Jensen doesn’t put much stock in Chad’s gaydar (Chad has a whole detailed theory about Mike and Tom being gay for each other, which is just ridiculous), but it does sting to realize that Chad’s met this mysterious guy and he hasn’t.
“Maybe, but he’s never given me any kind of sign that he wants that from me,” Jared argues.
“Maybe he doesn’t know you’re into guys.”
“Oh, please,” Jared scoffs. “I’ve only been flirting with him since I got here. He’d have to be blind and deaf to miss it.”
And that’s really the kicker, because if Jensen had even the slightest self-centered guess that maybe it was him Jared was talking about, it’s dashed now. He and Jared are extremely comfortable together, but they don’t flirt. They’re like brothers. They do brotherly things like wrestle and send random text messages during the few hours they’re apart and give each other backrubs and hug a lot. There’s no flirting involved.
Which means Jared has a crush on some other Vancouver guy. And since Jared has just as little free time as Jensen, it doesn’t seem likely it’s some random guy Jensen’s never met. But the only other people they really know and hang out with on a regular basis are Mike and Tom, and that’s - oh.
Jensen suddenly remembers Jared’s, uh, excitement during Smallville, which was coincidentally when Mike was onscreen. And come to think of it, Jared’s been hanging out with Mike and Tom a lot lately. Or at least, Jensen thought he was - he’s turned down the last few invitations due to exhaustion, so he has no idea if Tom was even there. It could have all been a big Mike/Jared flirt-fest, for all he knows.
So Jared has a crush on Mike, has ever since he got here, and he hasn’t mentioned it at all to Jensen. He can’t help feeling hurt and confused and a little sad. Unfortunately, on a dog, that translates to a kind of pouting whine. Jared takes that as begging and shoos Jensen away from the ice cream, saying, “No people food, little guy.”
“Are you talking to your dogs while I’m giving you valuable advice?” Chad asks testily. “Jesus. I’m trying to shepherd you through a gay crisis out of the goodness of my heart, and you’re playing with your mutts.”
“Dude, calm down. I’m listening to every word of your oh-so-generous advice on my gay crisis. I just had to defend my food.”
Chad snorts. “I should know food would come before a gay crisis in your world. Also, ‘little guy’ is like the least appropriate nickname ever for Harley.”
“I wasn’t talking to Harley.”
There’s a long pause. Then Chad says, “What, is Jensen there or something?”
Jensen makes a disgruntled little what the fuck? growl at that, but Jared just laughs. “No. I’ve got a new dog, actually.” He explains the whole situation to Chad.
“Aw, how sweet,” Chad says. “You should name him Jenny.”
“He does seem to have a thing for Jensen,” Jared admits, rubbing Jensen’s ears. “But you can’t give a boy dog a girl’s name. It’s confusing. And kind of mean.”
Jared seems to be conveniently forgetting that time when he mistook Jensen for a girl dog, which was infinitely more damaging than a girly name. Still, Jensen’s glad Jared said no. He doesn’t mind when Jared calls him Jen - it’s part of his name, so he can’t really take offense - but Jenny is taking it a little too far. He’s already kind of pissed that Chad’s calling him that behind his back.
“Whatever,” Chad says. “Look, I have to go. I’m going to call you on Monday, and if you don’t have a big, sappy, gay tale of never-ending love for me, I’m going to call the dude and tell him myself.”
“What - Chad! You wouldn’t,” Jared says, dropping a spoonful of ice cream. “You can’t!”
“Can and will,” Chad says. “I’m just going to call him and say, ‘Hi. Jared Padalecki wants to fuck you in the ass, and I’m sick of his whining. Either jump his bones or put him out of his misery.’”
“Chad!”
“Get it done, Jay,” Chad says, hanging up.
“Fucker,” Jared says to the phone, snapping it shut. “Right, like it’s that easy. I’ll just walk up to him and say, ‘Hey! I’ve been fantasizing about you since the second we met, and if I don’t throw you down and have my way with you soon, I think I might die of sexual tension. You want to?’” He snorts. “Yeah. Smooth.”
Jensen tilts his head and yips. It’s not so bad. Kind of hot, actually. Hell, if someone came up to him and said something like that, all sexy and confident, he wouldn’t say no. Well, he’s thinking more of a female someone, but whatever. Point is, pick-up lines are not necessary with men. Honest and hot is a much better bet.
But Jared doesn’t get all that from his little bark, so Jensen just makes a note to tell Jared that later. Hopefully he’ll be human before Chad makes good on his threat and creeps out Jared’s poor lover boy.
Jensen thinks about what Jared sees in Mike, but it’s a little weird. Jensen knows Jared’s type in women, but he’s not exactly surprised that Jared doesn’t go for delicate, petite men with long, dark hair. It makes sense that Jared would want someone closer to his own size, someone he wouldn’t have to be careful with or worry about hurting.
And Jensen’s not sure why, but when he pictures Jared with a guy, he pictures something really physical, lots of wrestling and fighting for dominance and pinning each other down. Kind of like when he and Jared are messing around and end up wrestling each other on the couch or the floor, fighting for the remote or the last beer or one of their teams’ honor, and Jared gets all sweaty and growly and bite-y.
Translating that into sex isn’t hard, but what surprises Jensen a bit is that it turns him on a little. But arousal in a dog body is not in any way something he wants to experience, and he’s pretty sure he’d never live it down if he actually humped Jared’s leg. Instead, Jensen gets up and stretches, distracting himself by contemplating just how far down it would be to jump off the couch.
Jared takes that as a sign that he’s ready to go to bed, and after herding all three dogs out into the yard another time to do their business, he gets them settled in for the night. Harley and Sadie go straight for their dog beds, but Jared digs through his laundry basket for a second before putting Jensen down on the floor by his bed and curling a sweatshirt into a little nest for him.
Jensen watches enviously as Jared stretches out on the cushy bed, head on the soft pillows, but when he reluctantly beds down on the sweatshirt, it’s surprisingly nice. The fleece is soft and warm against his fur, and Jared must have worn the thing while working out or something, because it smells strongly of him. Jensen rests his head on his paws and is out before he knows it.
Part Two