why/how I make people a priority

[belenen]

icon: "polyamorous relationship anarchist (a rainbow-colored heart with the 'anarchy' capital letter A cutting through it, over a brick texture that suggests the heart is graffiti)"What causes me to make someone a priority is one of two things: we decided together to deliberately build a connection, or we have an energetic connection that is

Comments

[wanderipity]

I agree with this. I'm recently struggling coming into terms about dropping a 15 year friendship. It's really sad.

I like authentic human connection.

[belenen]

I feel ya, I'm sorry you're dealing with that *offers hugs*

[qwentoozla]

I've never really thought of my relationships in terms of prioritizing different people--I only have about 6-8 close friends anyway, so I think I would prioritize all of them, if I thought about it in those terms. But it's definitely true that friendships and relationships should be reciprocal, and it doesn't feel good when you notice that you're making all the effort with someone.

[belenen]

Are you sure? most people don't put friends and family and romantic partners on the same level.

[qwentoozla]

Yes, that's true!

Edited to add (because I was called away suddenly when I was trying to respond): Yes, of course my family members have a different level of importance to me than my friends, and romantic partners would also have a different level. But generally speaking, I don't need to consciously think about this, because the circle of people in my life is small enough that I usually have enough emotional energy for everyone. I hope that makes sense--and I apologize if I misinterpreted what you were talking about in your original post.

[queerbychoice]

One of the very hardest lessons I've had to keep learning and re-learning in life is that whenever people's words and actions don't seem to align, it is a very, very bad idea for me to believe their words.

Unfortunately it's still the hardest thing in the world for me to absolutely refuse to believe someone I care about when they frantically plead with me to please believe them. But believing them has not tended to work out well for me.

[belenen]

Unfortunately it's still the hardest thing in the world for me to absolutely refuse to believe someone I care about when they frantically plead with me to please believe them.

*nods lots* I feel ya.

[jeune_fleur]

Ugh, I get you so much! I'm currently going through the same. I crave deep, intimate relationships and it seems that most people around me have zero interest in me whatsoever. Like, if I don't talk to them, we'll probably end up not talking at all for months D:

[belenen]

oh no *empathy* I feel ya on that. It's hard to keep giving when others don't reciprocate.

[stormdog]

This, and some comments on this, remind me strongly of some of my own feelings about my attempts to connect with other people. So often it seems like if I don't reach out to people, I don't have any contact with them. If I'm not initiating, nothing happens.

I feel like there must be something I'm not doing just because it feels like a long enough pattern that the real constant is myself. It makes me feel like I must be bad at building the kinds of relationships I want. Which is probably true, given how much that part of my atrophied through school. But I digress; I don't want to make this about me too much.

In short, I sympathize.

[belenen]

I understand why it feels like it's you! but I don't think it is. I think honestly it is that most people don't build their friendships on purpose and it is hard for those few of us to find each other. I think the problem is systemic, partly due to the white supremacist sexist creation of the nuclear family and the myth of romance as life purpose. People do not treat friends as important because in this society friendship is not valued, bonds are not valued unless they are romantic or blood-relation.

I appreciate when people share about themselves in response to things I post -- that is my favorite kind of comment. So feel free to digress as much as you want!