me on LJ vs me on FB: beginning work to correct perceptions of me by being more open on FB

[belenen]

icon: "revolutionary (a gif flipping through four of my nude self-portraits in dancy poses lit by natural light, showing my soft rounded body)"I had a conversation with Cass the other day about the way people perceive me through facebook. She told me that I come across as very judgemental and hasty to dismiss people as unworthy; that she in the

Comments

[wantedonvoyage]

I'm kind of doing the opposite right now... I decided to scale way back on Facebook posts because I was afraid--in the face of two friends' lives publicly unraveling on there--that my constant chirping about this night out or that concert could be seen as hurtful (especially as one of them had taken to basically begging for money on there).

To me the tighter list of LJ readers are people who are invested and want to get to know each other at a higher level of detail. The fact that (most of) my LJ friends list are not people whom I know in real life gives me a (maybe false) sense of security that I can be more candid. The few people who "cross over" into the "real world" have also done some soul-baring on here so I feel like we have that bond.

[kiwi]

I honestly feel like this could have been my exact response. FB, despite me being "hidden" on it, is more public. LJ is much more private, with a smaller group of people.

[belenen]

I can understand that reasoning. My goal with facebook is similar to my goal with LJ; openness and connection first, social justice a close second.

[mr_sadhead]

I've got my LJ set up so it mirrors my posts to FB. I tend to look at FB more often, and I update my FB about as much as I always used to, so it works out. I am a little circumspect about what I throw out for mass consumption as opposed to sharing with my LJ constituency, so I have three levels of sharing: full (open to FB), guarded (not mirrored to FB), closed (LJ friends only).

[belenen]

I do a similar thing, but with probably more extreme differences in proportion. I'd say at least 70% of what I put on LJ I also put on FB, at least 90% of what I post is public, and probably less than 10% is locked to LJ-friends only.

[sabr]

There have been moments that I have been taken aback by your perceived demeanor on Facebook, it seems so incongruous to your personality in real life. At the time, I felt like it was either my own interpretation, affected by my own emotions and state at the time, or that it was something that I lacked the context to know the entire story. I cant even remember what it was now - but I know that I commented my own opinion, though it seemed to differ, and I remember feeling a little afraid that you would think of me less fondly because we differed, even though I know that is not true! You are very fierce on Facebook, and I feel that here you are more inquisitive and open for discussion. At the same time though, Facebook is less protective - any asshat can just walk right in and attack, whereas Livejournal is much more protective.

[belenen]

That is true. The fact that LJ has a smaller group of people now seems to mean it has fewer people just trollin. I hope that as I work to be more open on FB people will get less afraid of me. I don't want anyone I like to fear me at all (except maybe in negotiated consensual kink situations lolz).

[kmiotutsie]

I've always thought of social media platforms as very different environments. lj was always like hanging out in an intimate coffeeshop, where people came to have in-depth conversations; sit and stay for a while and get to know you. facebook is more like a crowded warehouse where everyone is talking loudly; sometimes it's friendly and sometimes it's intense but mostly it's just loud and a little overwhelming. When someone posts a status it's like getting up on a soapbox with a megaphone-- you might still be drowned out, but you're trying. On the same token, it's not an environment where the people present are often in a space to have that same kind of intimate connection, you know what I mean? Also, a lack of feedback might or might not accurately reflect who is observing; I frequently read the lj posts you link to fb without leaving feedback, often because I'll open the link in a new tab on my phone or something and it will be quite some time before I have the time and mental space to read it, by which point I'm not longer on facebook

[belenen]

it is so odd to me! I dunno, maybe it's old-fashioned to expect some kind of response if people are reading? Maybe that was the olden days and people have gotten less participatory and more spectator-y.

[ragnarok_08]

There is also the fact that livejournal allows me to give responses to people's experiences rather than just dealing with the more surface stuff. On facebook most people do not bare their soul, so there isn't a lot of valuable reflection I can give; an "I read this and I care" means a lot more in response to a soul-baring than it does in response to a post that isn't very personal.

I'm the same way with LJ and Facebook - Livejournal is more personal to me, as I can be more open and I can build connections here, while on Facebook I can keep in contact with some old friends and pop in every now and then, watching what I post there.

[belenen]

I never intentionally decided to be less open on facebook, it just kind of grew that way without me noticing. But now that I have noticed I can redirect it!