on saving kids from 'broken hearts' & teaching kids about consent / red flags for bad-at-consent

[belenen]

icon: "analytical (a close-up photo of my eye in bright sunlight, showing the green and grey and roots-looking patterns)"Q: How do I keep my kid from getting their heart broken

Comments

[stray_infinity]

a lover should always be someone you feel comfortable saying no to for any reason.

I'm all for this part. I was talking to a friend about relationships and sexual consent. I thought that inherent in relationships (wrongfully so) is the idea that your partner will always consent to being touched in sexual or non-sexual ways, where the only reasons against it would be "I'm too tired to do stuff," or "I'm in pain and it hurts to move." In the case of encounters with strangers, consent should be of the utmost priority considering that you risk injuring someone's mental well-being and possibly dealing with law enforcement. But that seems to disappear when relationships are concerned... It's almost like "I just don't want to be touched" becomes void.

And just to reiterate, I'm not saying that's good.

[belenen]

Yeah, I think our culture teaches that being in a relationship means you own your partner's body and have rights to it, and then we have to unlearn that if we want to be respectful and compassionate people. It's a journey.

[mountaincalling]

THANK YOU for this!!! You are so right that the notion of consent needs to be taught at a very early age.

Also, you're right when you say you can't prevent your kids from having their hearts broken. And that's ok, because it's a part of life! We learn more through our struggles than we ever do when we are content and complacent. So many "helicopter parents" hover because they don't ever want anything bad to happen to their children - which is understandable. However, we all learn through making our own mistakes, and if we are never allowed to make them in the first place, it can cause a lot of issues in adulthood when we lack general problem solving skills and emotional intelligence.

[belenen]

I totally agree! I think one of the main goals of healthy parenthood is to teach how to make choices. A lot of times the first time a kid really gets to make choices about their lives it's all of a sudden and it's high-stakes -- in college. And people wonder why kids can't manage.

[mountaincalling]

Also - I love what you said about how rape doesn't have to ruin someone's life. It's a terrible thing to go through, and it causes a lot of emotional pain. But it is SO important to remember that your life isn't over afterwards. You're approaching it with a very empowering mindset, and I admire that. :)

[belenen]

glad you agree! it was such a life-changing realization for me.

[song_of_copper]

Your red flags: you've managed to put into words those instinctive feelings of 'this doesn't feel quite right' just amazingly well. This is all stuff that is so easy to dismiss in your own mind, if you're not accustomed to trusting your instinct - and of course a manipulative person will dismiss it for you, tell you you're being paranoid/selfish/overreacting. To go out into the world calmly-prepared for these situations, equipped with strategies for self-protection: that has to be a good thing.

[belenen]

*nodnod* I wish I had had practical understanding of bad consent behaviors when I was a kid. I wish I could give it to everyone ever.

[wanderipity]

This made me realize how sheltered I was growing up.

[belenen]

in that people didn't talk about strategies for avoiding rape? or something else?