characters in the story of my life: present and past (updated for the first time in 4 years!)
If you're wondering what spirit-kin, heart-kin, soul-kin or mind-kin mean (or -twin, the stronger version), read this post.
If there is anyone I've mentioned often who is not included here, please remind me.
People who are currently active in my life.
- Topaz -
(refuses photos)
spirit-kin, soul-twin, heart-kin, lover, soulfriend
Topaz (not on LJ): Met zir in August of 2012, had our first real conversation in October 2012, fell smack-faced in love, and we have been together since then. Lives about 20 minutes from me.
Topaz is amazing. Ze's tough (to the point of being foolhardy sometimes), passionate, and actually goes after what ze wants. That last trait should really have a name, but 'ambitious' or 'driven' doesn't cut it because it's a life-full attitude, not just a career thing. Ze's a writer and artist and musician. Ze's dedicated to growth in a way I'd only seen before in Hannah and maybe myself. And because of zir own focus on life as a whole, and zir own passion for individuality, I feel like I can focus on what matters to only me for the first time while in an intense romantic relationship. I feel like when we go away from each other we do pine, but we also get shit done and when we come back together we have so much to share. When we first started our relationship I was worried that ze didn't care as much about touch as me, but ze assured me that ze just wasn't used to it, and sure enough nowadays ze touches me as often as I do zir, present and giving touch, and if I ever feel like I need to not give, there's no pouting or pressure. That is fucking novel for me. Ze's also really caring and connected, and notices when I feel bad. And if I ever say that there is a thing that I am uncomfortable with, ze takes it in and does what ze can to change it. Also our sex is amazing, best ever, and I didn't think it could get better than with Kylei.
- Kylei -
spirit-kin, heart-twin, ex-lover, forever friend
Kylei (secret_keep): Met zir in 2009 but we didn't really talk until May 2010, when we met for a conversation and plunged straight into an INTENSE relationship. We were together romantically from then until October 2012, living together from Decemberish 2010 to Decemberish 2012. Lives about 45 minutes from me.
Kylei is sweet and so generous and creative and cuddly and good at consent and talented at music and passionate and spiritual and just all-around wonderful. We stopped dating because we got in a very bad pattern due to both of us being depressed and having not enough energy to heal arguments easily. As two people who feel very deeply and express very loudly, the first year and a half of our relationship was intense fights mixed with even more intense sex and spiritual exploration and sharing and joy and creation. That second year didn't go well because we had a living situation that did not allow for either of us to have healing time (I need alone time, Kylei needs casual talking time), and we just had fights and sadness and desperate longing for what we had before but we couldn't do it. I broke it off and we spent about a year mostly apart except for group events (not angry at each other, but me needing distance). Now I feel like we're at a place where we can get to know each other again, and we're making progress. Ideally I would like to be together again though not living together, and short of that I'd like to be talks-at-least-once-a-week close.
- Heather -
soul-kin, close friend
Heather (mmmmurgle): met zir in late 2010, and we shared some days here and there (my first foursome, for one) but I feel like I actually started getting to know zir in late 2012 as ze grew closer to Kylei and started sort of accidentally spending more time with me. Lives about 45 minutes from me.
Heather is genuine and trustworthy and creative. Genuine because I can't really imagine Heather telling anyone anything but zir true feelings. Trustworthy because not only is ze honest, but if you were in a scrape and needed help and Heather could help, I feel ze would. When I use the word creative I don't just mean "wears colorful clothes and thinks unusually" (though that part is also true) -- I mean it as "a force of creation." Heather creates little worlds of love for people with hugs and paying attention, and also creates beauty through art, and helps to weave a web of connection between all people. Heather has gone through a LOT of dramatic life changes in the past few years and has grown so quickly and well; I admire zir and hope to be more like zir.
- Abby -
mind-kin, heart-kin, ex-lover, close friend
Abby (rextrocular): met zir in early 2011 after finding zir on OKcupid and inviting zir to a crafty party. Then we went to Euphoria together in the summer and I fell for zir, especially after seeing zir art journals. We dated for about 6 months and then my high-maintenance relationship with Kylei became too much for Abby, and Abby had expectations I didn't understand, so we stopped dating for a few months, then started seeing each other more casually for a few months, and then I broke up with zir because the relationship wasn't a shape that was good for me, and we've been good friends since then. I love zir and would like to be romantic with zir again but I don't see that happening until ze moves back (in 4+ years). Moved out of state summer 2013.
Abby is clever and dedicated and artistic. Clever in that ze knows a lot and can string various things together in new and interesting ways, dedicated in that ze makes long-term plans and then goes about doing them both in relationships and the broader world, artistic in that ze sees things like an artist; for their possibilities first and their factualities second. Abby is quiet and reflective with rainbow hair and a strong value of human connections.
- Aurilion -
heart-twin, ex-lover, forever friend
Aurilion (nosswhispers): met zir in 2006 online and in person that November, and we've been on and off as friends and lovers since. During 2008 we were very close, in a romantic relationship over long distance, flying to visit each other, and then from December 2008 until last December 2013 we didn't see each other. Finally seeing zir again this past year was such a wonderful joy, and a relief. Our relationship is anything but continuous, yet it hasn't decreased in meaning or intensity. Lives out of state.
Aurilion is intuitive, gentle, fierce, eager, and generous. I love being around zir because ze is so aware, and pays careful attention to everything; it helps me to develop my awareness. We both have very strong tree connections and value intuition and spirit.
- Allison -
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(don't have a recent photo yet)
soul-kin, good friend
Allison (no longer on LJ): Met zir in high school, 11th grade. Known since 1999, close from 99-01, then slowly drifted apart when we both moved away for college. In April 2006 ze cut contact with me, then in 2008 I contacted zir to apologize for any hurt I might have caused, and we became friends on social media but didn't really talk or spend time together until I started the crafty parties in 2011, and we slowly started hanging out more since then.
Allison is artistic and creative, brilliant, expressive, and energetic. Ze both sees things for their potential and creates constantly, in a wide variety of media. I think zir mind runs faster than mine and ze has a far better memory, so it makes for really fun conversation where ze brings in things that I would not have found in my mind-closet. Zir energy is contagious, and I love being around zir because ze gives me a fresh love for life. Back before crafty parties when I was afraid to create because I thought I wasn't good enough, ze encouraged me artistically -- in my writing (ze read my novel-in-progress and creature-ideas and gave feedback) and painting and jewelry (ze commissioned several pieces and wore them proudly and told everyone who complimented them to go to my website and buy them). I'm so happy to have zir as a more active force in my life now.
- Camellia -
heart-kin, good friend
Camellia (not on LJ): Our families knew each other when we were kids, and then we became friends after ze started going to the same college as me, in early 2012, and ze came to crafty parties and intimacy practices.
Camellia is sweet, attentive, and exploratory. Zir hugs are always genuine and ze sees people without preconceptions. I love being around zir because I feel connected and relaxed, and like ze values my time. I feel like ze is adventurous and wants to learn how things work.
- fireKat -
forever friend, soul-kin
Kat (kmiotutsie): Met through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Dec 2004, close since Nov 2006, met May 2007 and again March 2013. Lives out of state. We've never lost contact and I would say that out of all my LJ friends, we've had the steadiest connection.
Kat is free and adventurous and fuckin bluntly open and honest. Ze will call you on your shit and do it with no rancor. Ze never dismisses anything out of hand, and seems to see life as a series of opportunities -- ze's not easily set back. Ze doesn't live within laws, self-imposed or otherwise. We've had a very loose but strong connection for many years now -- I think we started out very different and slowly grew more similar. I feel like I've learned a lot from Kat over the years and I fuckin adore zir.
- Anika -
soul-kin, longtime friend
Anika (bunnika): Met zir through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Nov 2004, close from 2005 - 2006, ended Mar 2006 when ze chose to cut contact. Became LJ friends again Mar 2009, ze cut contact Oct 2010, became friends again January 2014.
Met and got to know zir through LJ; for a good while we were quite close. Ze inspired me so much spiritually and intellectually. Ze opened my eyes on a lot of things; looking back I would say that ze was an important catalyst for me in my journey to queerness and paganism. Ze was my first queer friend and the first non-christian person I talked to and resonated with about spiritual stuff. We went through some wild times in friendship, as evidenced by the on-again-off-again, but I feel like we are back to a place of similar frequency, so to speak, and I feel excited about getting to know zir again.
- SabR -
soul-kin, longtime friend
sabr: Met zir through LJ, ze added me. Known since Apr 2006.
We were pretty close for a while but then I made some choices that broke zir trust (and the trust of zir chosen family) and we were only peripherally friends for years but I feel like we started building it back near the end of 2013 and I am SO happy about it.
So wild and fierce! I am fascinated with how determinedly ze seeks growth and maturing. And ze's incredibly supportive and openminded. I love how ze is so open about the areas ze feels ze needs to grow in, it's a beautiful thing. Honest, bold, untamed, growing. One of the things I find most intriguing about zir is zir affinity with wolves; I feel like I have learned a lot from both SabR and Kazi (SabR's sister) about animal-spirits, and I cherish that knowledge.
People who aren't currently very active in my life but have had large impact on it.
(I average communication with them once a month or less)
- Arizona -
(refuses photos)
spirit-kin, ex-lover
Arizona (grey_arizona): met zir in 2009 and knew zir through group events until May 2010, when we started dating after I dreamed about kissing zir. We started living together shortly after that, as I worked for zir family for room and board, and we dated until November 2010, when I realized that I felt like ze was stuck and suffering and I didn't want to be in that environment, but ze said it probably wouldn't change for the rest of zir life. Six months later (2011) zir life had completely changed and we started on and off dating a bit, but ze's very home-centered so while not living together I feel we just didn't have potential to be very close. In mid-2013 ze moved out of state.
Arizona is thoughtful, nurturing, and curious. One of the things I most value about zir is that our conversations make me think and re-examine my ideas, and I feel comforted by zir presence. Ze's openminded and always learning, always asking questions and seeking to grow in knowledge. And ze is very firm in expressing zirself, while being a totally non-judgemental listener no matter how outrageously incorrect the speaker may be.
- Adi -
spirit-kin, ex-lover
Adi (adi_stroyer): Met in 2011, knew peripherally until ze started dating Kylei and joined intimacy practice, then we dated from February 2012 until approximately October. Our connection was intense but constantly pulled loose by other things, so I feel like we never really got a chance to build it.
Adi is strong and sweet and creative. Strong in that ze has been through some major shit and also because it's just the way ze approaches life; ze has a take-no-shit attitude. Sweet in that ze can see and appreciate people very deeply. Creative in that nothing is off-limits and if ze wants to make it, ze will.
- Hannah -
spirit-kin, soul-kin, heart-kin, ex-lover, previous soulfriend
Hannah (shioneh): Met zir through LJ. Known since July 2005, soulfriends from March 2006 to November 2007, lovers from March 2008 to July 2008. Lives out of country.
We were instantly close on becoming LJ friends, and 8 months later we committed soulfriendship to each other. Our soulfriendship lasted about a year and a half, and was an incredible source of growth and nourishment to both of us. Because we entered the relationship with such clear goals, we both learned so much more about communication and the ways to grow a relationship. In that time ze came to visit me twice, July 27th - Aug 13th 2006, and June 20th - July 24th 2007. The soulfriendship ended because we both went through a very dark period and it took too much energy over such a long distance, when even calling is a hardship. I think that if we had lived close we would have been able to stay soulfriends, but as it was we decided to end it, at least for the time. We never broke off contact but we didn't start talking in realtime again until early February, when I felt totally awful and randomly IMed zir partner Nick, and Hannah was there next to zir and began talking with me to comfort me. We rapidly grew close again (with many tears along the way), and in late March Hannah decided ze wanted to explore polyamory and proposed a romantic relationship (which I gleefully agreed to). That was a tempestuous journey; a Hannah-Aurilion-me triad, then just Hannah and I, then a Hannah-Nick-me triad (for a day), and then Hannah and Nick realized that polyamory wasn't right for them. That was insanely painful (I was numb for nearly two months afterward), but I don't regret it. Hannah and I have attempted to be close again several times but for whatever reason we haven't gotten there; the distance and time difference make it hard. I have hope but am deeply sad about it.
Hannah is open & honest, passionately compassionate, fierce, creative. Ze loves taking photos, dancing, painting, sharing with others, exploring the abstract, learning the concrete, celebrating life, helping to create equality. Ze taught me how to keep compassion in my anger, how to be vulnerable, how to question; so many of the things that I most cherish about myself. I ache every day we are not in contact.
- Nea -
deep friend, soul-kin
Nea (acid_burns): Met zir through LJ, via an Angelina Jolie community. Known since Dec 2004, close from Aug 2007, met zir in person September 2009. Lives out of country.
Nea has been an important person in my life for a long time. It's hard to describe our friendship because I communicate with zir in a way I don't with anyone else. We speak in music and photos and books and art (we don't share much of the same taste in film, heh), and for most of our friendship that was all, yet I felt like we understood each other really well. Ze's purely nonjudgmental and so compassionate, but there's nothing push-over-ish about zir. I admire and love zir for zir perspective and zir art and most of all for zir love for humankind. I LOVED getting to meet zir! If we lived close I know we'd hang out all the time. I hope we can communicate more and get closer again.
- ex-partner -
heart-kin, ex-spouse, ex-lover
--
B, ex-partner. Met through our parents going to the same church. Known since 1991, lovers jan2001-nov2008, partners from dec2003-oct2009.
I met zir when I was a wee child of 8 (ze was 7), and felt a connection since then. I moved away and then back (my dad was in the military) and sometime in high school we developed a rather one-sided friendship that lasted until I moved again for my freshman year of college. When I came to visit zir family over Christmas break, ze asked me out and we started a long-distance relationship. About 17 days in (Jan 19, 2002) we made our own private vows to each other and considered ourselves spiritually married from that point on. That summer I moved back to GA to be closer to zir and we continued dating for another year, and got legally married December 2003. The first year (2004) was fun at first, but soon turned rocky, as sex had brought up repressed memories of childhood abuse (we didn't have penetrative sex until after getting legally married, due to zir desires) and I started working through those, and we both had to deal with misconceptions about what a partnership (marriage) meant (I started out 'serving' zir and no I'm not kidding. After about 6 months I realized that wasn't really healthy or nourishing). 2005 was worse; I was depressed and paranoid to the point of not being able to leave the house, but by the end of that year I had overcome most of it. 2006 was okay, no real gains or losses. 2007 started off very badly, financially, and I blamed our lack of connection on that, but as time went on I realized that the finances made it worse but they were not the problem, they just added to the problem. Halfway through the year it all came to a head and my partner decided to work on opening up and learning to express zirself, so that we could really communicate. I was skeptical at first but ze really changed; I began to get to know zir in a way I never had before. We had a lot more conflict, but it was productive, and I began to fall in love with zir in a whole new way. 2008 began with us stronger than ever, but as it went on and I began to develop other relationships, ze began to withdraw. Whenever we talked about it ze said ze was okay with me being polyamorous, and blamed zir distance on other things. When I was out of the country visiting Hannah, ze did something that I considered cheating, and confessed to me later (after I felt that something was wrong and asked about it). I forgave zir and we worked on re-building trust but I think that ze continued to feel guilty about it (in addition to the sense of debt ze had because of all the unfulfilled promises ze'd made) and I think ultimately that was the thing that made it too much. In 2009 we were still working on things, but I realized I didn't want to be partners and without the structure of marriage, ze did not have the motivation to work on anything anymore (which is part of the reason I do not want partnership/marriage -- if you're not motivated to work on stuff without structure then I don't want to do it with you!). In November ze started seeing someone else, and as ze is monogamous that meant we were truly over. I was very hurt for about 6 months over broken promises, and then I forgave zir. We were out of contact for a while as ze had a lover who didn't believe in being friends with exes, and now we are on friendly terms but not in regular contact.
- Viv -
spirit-twin, ex-lover
Met through OKcupid in June 2009, were very close until Nov 2009, friends again in 2013.
Ze messaged me in June and I impulsively invited zir along to my first cuddle party. I fell in love pretty much the second we hugged and my heart was trip-tripping the whole drive there... we cuddled a lot and talked a lot and spent tons of time together for the next five months. I'm wasn't sure what to call us because we did a lot of making out and sensual things but had no privacy so it never went very far and ze waffled back and forth on whether or not ze wanted more than friendship. I call zir my ex-lover because it was a lover-type relationship for me. But while the romantic aspect was lovely and eye-opening, what was really amazing for me was having a violet spirit who lived near me and was passionate about feminism and equality in general and philosophy and music and art ♥ It ended rather stutteringly due to addiction; I didn't want to feel like I needed to rescue zir, and I would have felt that way if we were close while ze was using habitually. That brief connection was one of the most incredibly enlightening, inspiring, thrilling, and beautiful experiences I have had. Nowadays it's just distance that prevents us being closer -- for whatever reason we don't connect well over the internet, at least so far.
- Ben -
heart-kin, mind-kin, ex-lover
Ben (justben): Met zir in May 2009, casual friends until September 2009, dated until May 2010, casual friends since then.
Ben helped me grow a great deal; we connected intensely on an intellectual, physical, and spiritual level. We would listen to music together (more intently than I had done with anyone up to that point; an ecstatic experience of music), explore the forest together (also with very beautiful intensity), argue constructively, discuss social ills and patterns, and have lots of sex. When we first got together, I had never really had sex that was intensely physically pleasurable, and ours was. But physical pleasure is always secondary to me, and I stopped wanting it so much after a while, which was very disappointing to Ben (who I think has a much higher sex drive than I do). I also realized, once I experienced it, that I need daily flowy communication to feel nourished in a romantic relationship, but we didn't really talk unless we were physically present with each other. I had a very hard time ending our romantic relationship and I think I hurt Ben by not being more direct, but I couldn't articulate why I didn't want to continue (now I understand that we had clashing needs).
Ben is intellectual, curious, and bouncy; very enthusiastic about anything ze cares about. Very cuddly and generous and clever, sensual and alert.
- Ace -
biological sister, deep friend, soul-kin
Ace (girlslovegirls7): met zir when I was almost ten and ze was a squalling red little newborn. We were close for the first few years, then horrible events and lying parents came between us. We started getting close again in Jan 2007 and became deep friends in summer 2009, but since then have drifted apart. Ze lives out of state.
Ace truly amazes me; so fierce and so compassionate, so open and honest, so full of joy and curiosity, and so willing to take risks (though that last bit has been in hiding for a while). Ze's also a talented artist and I look forward to seeing zir blossom creatively. Ze's so fascinated by people, and so uninhibited in expressing that -- ze will ask intensely personal questions of strangers and do it in such a purely curious way that they're startled into actually answering. And ze's tied for the most compassionate person I've ever met -- ze will almost always notice when someone is suffering and reach out, and when ze does ze always means it. I love zir so so so much ♥
- Kate -
deep friend, heart-kin, mind-kin
clown_frog: Met zir through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Nov 2004, close from Dec 2005 (less so in 2007-on because of lack of internet). Lives out of country.
Ze's quiet and shy, but very passionate and opinionated! Ze's very inquisitive, very thoughtful, and zir questions and observations always make me think hard. Ze's a fierce feminist, which is SO inspiring! I love how ze stretches my mind. And ze has such a beautiful spirit, very gentle and compassionate. Also, somehow ze always seems to understand me perfectly, so zir comments are always encouraging, because they make me feel understood. My favorite quality of zirs would probably be zir thirst for understanding. Ze reminds me of what famous philosophers must have been like. ;-) Philosophical, artistic, compassionate, generous.
- Ash -
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previously deep friend, flatmate
Ash: Met zir through elya -- the two of them were best friends at one time. Known since 1998, very close in 2006 followed by horrendous breakup and again in 2009, followed by another horrendous breakup in May 2010. No real contact since.
We were very close in 2006, but in November of that year ze left me when I was in the middle of an emotional breakdown and then three weeks later told me ze didn't want to be friends anymore, both of which hurt me deeply. I learned later that ze had thought I was faking the breakdown to manipulate zir, and had gotten furious with me about it. About a year after this, I messaged Ashley and told zir that I forgave zir, and that I was sorry for any hurt I might have caused zir. I offered to have a conversation for the sake of closure and healing, so we talked, and it felt really good to talk to zir again. A while after that I spent a few days at zir apartment and realized that the breakup and year after had made deep changes in both of us that created a lot of distance, and I think ze felt it too because we fell mostly out of contact after that. Then Ash got back in touch with me in 2009 and we started building a friendship again. Over the summer we spent a TON of time together, and October we moved in together. We lived together fairly harmoniously for a good while, and then I started falling for zir romantically, but resisting because I didn't want to live with a lover. Ze started dating someone I also crushed on, and then in a whirl spanning two weeks they propositioned me for sex and then when I wanted to talk about it first they changed their minds. Then Ash got upset in a way I still don't really understand, and told me I needed to pay more or get out. So since I couldn't pay more I started making arrangements to move out (ze gave me a month and a half), but ze left before I did. I paid up through the end of my time but Ash did not pay the power bill and left me for two weeks without power. I would have understood if ze had been kind about it, but ze was not. A few weeks later I met someone who had met Ash in a restaurant and been told negative things about me -- a total stranger to both of us. I was pretty upset about that. We didn't talk for years and only recently ze messaged me randomly, but did not want to discuss previous conflict. Since that was the biggest issue between us I just wished zir well and left it at that. I don't rule out a future friendship, and I do miss zir sometimes, but ze'd have to have a lot more skill at conflict management for me to start a friendship again.
- Nick -
deep friend, spirit-kin, heart-kin
aquilian: Met zir through Hannah. Known of since July 2005, became good friends when ze visited in June/July 2007, deep friends when I visited in May/June 2008, lovers for a day in June 2008. Lives out of country.
Nick is Hannah's partner, and I am not sure on what level we connect, but connect we definitely do. We have amazing conversations and feel so very at ease with each other. Ze and I don't keep in close contact because ze is not so long-distance-communicative, but when in person we very much enjoy each other's presence. I think if we lived nearby ze would be a very active part of my life.
Very thoughtful, generous, philosophical, honest, open-minded, kind. Ze loves deep discussions, feminism/equalism, photography, gaming, learning.
- Spencer & Paula -
(the wynnes)
spiritual parents
Met them through Liberty church. Known for 4 years, close for the 1.5 years, casual after that. Live not far from me, last I knew.
Spencer and Paula are a couple with whom I lived for a year, chauffeuring/mentoring their kids (Gabe and William) in exchange for room and board. Living with them taught me what family is like -- they accepted me as I was, loved me, and helped me in any way they could. I still consider them my spiritual parents. Paula I love because ze is vibrant, cheerful, and intensely loving, and ze honestly cares about me. Spencer I love because ze is the best father I've ever known -- ze and Paula both had children from previous relationships, and ze took zir son, Gabe, into zir heart and loved zir every bit as much as William, zir biological son. Ze shows absolutely no preference -- and that amazes me. I also love zir because ze trusted me almost immediately (when someone gives me their trust I feel immensely grateful, especially if I hold them in high esteem), and because ze supported me and showed interest in my jewelry business -- just because it was important to me. I lived with them for a year, then moved out to get married. Six months later I moved into a house in their neighborhood and spent a loooooot of time with Paula, who was having a very difficult pregnancy and had to be on bed rest. I'd walk over every day and we'd talk and talk, I'd make zir lunch and bring zir drinks... then zir mom moved in to help and I wasn't needed, so I just drove zir to doctor's appointments (because zir mom doesn't drive). I still love them all so much and I'm so very grateful for the love and acceptance they gave me, and how much they taught me about love and family ♥ They're all amazing.
- Gabe -
spiritual little sib
The Wynnes' kid, my (spiritual) little sibling. (ze called me sis ♥) Ze's one of the most honest, growth-seeking, and good-hearted people I've ever known; when I lived with zir family, ze would amaze me by being honestly sorry and trying to change when confronted about a bad habit or other problem. Ze thought of me as zir older sibling, and turned to me for advice, which made me feel so trusted. After years of very little contact, I got up the guts to friend zir on facebook in 2009. Unfortunately ze's still pretty stuck in some bad doctrine, but ze hasn't unfriended me yet...
Ava
spirit-kin, previous extremely-close friend
mourningdoveava: Met through LJ, via an addme community. Known since August 2007, close from October 2007 to May 2008.
Ava is my spirit-kin. We had such a strong emotional connection -- ze went through an intense spiritual experience while talking to me on IM, and I felt it so strongly that I cried. Our conversations were so incredibly deep and invariably taught me something or helped me to clarify some of my truth. Unfortunately I caught zir in some lies which made me doubt everything else and I eventually gave up on learning the truth when ze disappeared from LJ. I still don't know who ze was -- I know I felt a connection and that can't be faked, but I wonder if ze was some kind of clever and well-educated sociopath (because our conversations weren't about common knowledge and ze'd have had to do a significant amount of reading) or perhaps doing some kind of sociology project involving sockpuppets. I'm still entirely baffled.
Meliae
previous very close friend
earthy_goddess: Met zir through LJ, ze went googling for curvy-positive stuff, found the curvygirls comm, and though that, me! Known since Jan 2007, close from Feb - May 2007, stopped being friends in 2008 because I was a self-absorbed poobrain.
We became very close very fast -- we understood each other very well. Ze's extremely compassionate, and feels things deeply. Ze has a passion for learning and helping others to learn, which is something I share -- we liked to talk about alternate ways of learning and teaching, and the importance of self-education. Ze's very open and honest, so we conversed about every aspect of our lives. In 2008 I went to visit Hannah and Meliae met us in Belgium -- we had some lovely moments but then ze got caught in the explosion of pain that ended Hannah-Nick-me's one-day triad, and I was really selfish and thought nothing of Meliae's feelings. I didn't even realize this for months after because I was so numb. I did write and apologize but I have no idea if ze even got the email. I hope that if ze did it brought some peace or closure, because my behavior was really just so damn selfish. I would like to be friends again if ze forgives me and looks me up sometime, but that's a really unlikely hope.
Rebecca
previous best friend
my ex-partner's younger sister, my friend -- met zir through our parents attending the same church. Known since I was 8. Best friends from 1998-2002.
We were very close for years, called each other every day, told each other everything... but then I moved, and we both felt deserted by the other, and we drifted apart. We've also just changed, and we have very little in common now. We've forgiven each other for all the hurt, but haven't really renewed our relationship. Ze got married and I cried my fucking guts out because it felt like the final ending to our friendship... and even though I had gotten married, deep in my heart there was still younger-me who wanted to go live in the woods with zir, far away from everyone, and commune with each other and nature forever. I feel pretty sure that at this point we are too different to reconnect, and with zir family, blood comes first so my divorce from zir sibling finalized that.
Kaylene
previous deep friend
mayana: Met zir through a group counseling series. Very close from Oct 2003 - Feb 2004, then lost contact through moves, parting was benevolent. I got back in touch through facebook later and we were friends for a while and then ze unfriended me, I'm guessing because I got too weird.
Ze's a deep, passionate person, who is intense in everything ze does, and ze doesn't commit half-way. Ze's a talented singer/songwriter and dancer, an artist in every sense of the word. We had so many things in common in our history and we understood each other -- I think ze was the first person I had met who was at all like me, it was amazing. Ze was completely open and honest with me after we decided to be close, and we bonded so deeply that within four months of first meeting zir, I asked zir to be one of my bridesmaids. Zir fearlessness and determination to be who ze wanted to be inspired me greatly, and helped set me on the path to becoming my true self.
People who I haven't had much direct contact with yet they've made significant impact on my life.
J - J is a very private person with a public persona for work, so I can't explain too much. We've been LJ friends since August of 08, if I'm remembering correctly, and ze's inspired me so much with zir honesty and openness and abundant growth. Ze's one of the most tenacious people I've ever met, and I admire zir so much.
Laura - We became LJ friends in 2008 and ze died last year (April 2013). We never talked in real-time though we would read and comment or message each other on various social media. I loved zir so much and if I had known that it was near the end I would have gone to see zir... it was always my plan but I thought I had more time. Ze inspired me so much just with the compassionate open-minded way ze looked at everything. I feel like no matter what, ze would not judge, ze would be kind. I miss zir more than I would have thought possible. We share the same birthday.
ladywind - Jess is someone I've not had real-time interactions with but we've also been friends since 2008 on LJ and the way that ze writes about things and sees things resonates so much with me spiritually that I VERY much want to meet in person. I love the way ze parents zir kid, I love the way ze prioritizes, I love the way ze observes.
darkpool - Kimberley was one of my first LJ friends and is one of the rare few people who identify as Christian that I think Jesus would get along with. Ze's quiet, thoughtful, and one of the kindest people I've met. We don't have a lot of contact nowadays as ze is very busy with children, but ze was a very important friend to me for a long time, sort of helping me through my own spiritual journey by being there and being supportive. I think it would have been much harder for me if I didn't have Christian support because then I would have had to reject my past instead of integrating it, and I would have lost so much.
Deb - Ze was important for similar reasons to Kimberley, but it was both more intense (because ze was in person, and someone I regarded as my elder), and less so (because we rarely interacted). I think the biggest impact Deb had on my life was being an accidental buffer between me and my then in-laws, who I felt exceedingly censured by.
jenniology - Jenny changed my life in a radical way just by exposing me to the Kemetic Orthodoxy, but also by being a faithful and generous friend. Every now and then ze will express love in a way that is exactly what I need and means the absolute world to me. We've been friends since 2007.
sidheblessed - Nicky has been my LJ friend since 2005 and has seen me through some shit! Ze's an excellent parent and a deeply compassionate person who inspires me with zir growth, kindness, and irrepressible joy.
chillychilly22 - LJ friends since 2005, Lisa is one of the most unflinchingly growth-focused people I've ever met, and seems so fearless to me. I love how ze will take any opportunity to learn, and not let anything get in the way. Ze also was a huge support when I was trying to get myself, Adi, Abby, and Kylei to Transcending Boundaries, and that changed my life.
MM - MM is someone who I spent about one day with in a way that totally opened my eyes to stuff I still don't have words for. Ze can be pretty caustic and I don't quite know what to make of zir but I care about zir and I think ze is changing the world in a positive way, overall.
delicatexflower - LJ friends since 2006, Angie is probably the sweetest and most gentle person I've ever known. Ze's very sensitive and very kind-hearted. Ze's changed me just by showing me how open-heartedly a person can live.
kschap - Kelley is a badass. I'm lucky to have several people in my life who just go for what they want, no holds barred, and Kelley is tied for first in that category. Wants to be in porn? does it. Wants to move cross-country? does it. Wants to be in a dance troupe? does it. Just, BAM. Also, crude and rude and hilarious about it.
Kyotey/Koronah - the first person I met who saw 'inanimate' objects as living, some awake and some not. Ze gave me a lot of confidence in the way that I sense things.
there are more but... this could go on and on.
If there is anyone I've mentioned often who is not included here, please remind me.
People who are currently active in my life.
- Topaz -
(refuses photos)
spirit-kin, soul-twin, heart-kin, lover, soulfriend
Topaz (not on LJ): Met zir in August of 2012, had our first real conversation in October 2012, fell smack-faced in love, and we have been together since then. Lives about 20 minutes from me.
Topaz is amazing. Ze's tough (to the point of being foolhardy sometimes), passionate, and actually goes after what ze wants. That last trait should really have a name, but 'ambitious' or 'driven' doesn't cut it because it's a life-full attitude, not just a career thing. Ze's a writer and artist and musician. Ze's dedicated to growth in a way I'd only seen before in Hannah and maybe myself. And because of zir own focus on life as a whole, and zir own passion for individuality, I feel like I can focus on what matters to only me for the first time while in an intense romantic relationship. I feel like when we go away from each other we do pine, but we also get shit done and when we come back together we have so much to share. When we first started our relationship I was worried that ze didn't care as much about touch as me, but ze assured me that ze just wasn't used to it, and sure enough nowadays ze touches me as often as I do zir, present and giving touch, and if I ever feel like I need to not give, there's no pouting or pressure. That is fucking novel for me. Ze's also really caring and connected, and notices when I feel bad. And if I ever say that there is a thing that I am uncomfortable with, ze takes it in and does what ze can to change it. Also our sex is amazing, best ever, and I didn't think it could get better than with Kylei.
- Kylei -
spirit-kin, heart-twin, ex-lover, forever friend
Kylei (secret_keep): Met zir in 2009 but we didn't really talk until May 2010, when we met for a conversation and plunged straight into an INTENSE relationship. We were together romantically from then until October 2012, living together from Decemberish 2010 to Decemberish 2012. Lives about 45 minutes from me.
Kylei is sweet and so generous and creative and cuddly and good at consent and talented at music and passionate and spiritual and just all-around wonderful. We stopped dating because we got in a very bad pattern due to both of us being depressed and having not enough energy to heal arguments easily. As two people who feel very deeply and express very loudly, the first year and a half of our relationship was intense fights mixed with even more intense sex and spiritual exploration and sharing and joy and creation. That second year didn't go well because we had a living situation that did not allow for either of us to have healing time (I need alone time, Kylei needs casual talking time), and we just had fights and sadness and desperate longing for what we had before but we couldn't do it. I broke it off and we spent about a year mostly apart except for group events (not angry at each other, but me needing distance). Now I feel like we're at a place where we can get to know each other again, and we're making progress. Ideally I would like to be together again though not living together, and short of that I'd like to be talks-at-least-once-a-week close.
- Heather -
soul-kin, close friend
Heather (mmmmurgle): met zir in late 2010, and we shared some days here and there (my first foursome, for one) but I feel like I actually started getting to know zir in late 2012 as ze grew closer to Kylei and started sort of accidentally spending more time with me. Lives about 45 minutes from me.
Heather is genuine and trustworthy and creative. Genuine because I can't really imagine Heather telling anyone anything but zir true feelings. Trustworthy because not only is ze honest, but if you were in a scrape and needed help and Heather could help, I feel ze would. When I use the word creative I don't just mean "wears colorful clothes and thinks unusually" (though that part is also true) -- I mean it as "a force of creation." Heather creates little worlds of love for people with hugs and paying attention, and also creates beauty through art, and helps to weave a web of connection between all people. Heather has gone through a LOT of dramatic life changes in the past few years and has grown so quickly and well; I admire zir and hope to be more like zir.
- Abby -
mind-kin, heart-kin, ex-lover, close friend
Abby (rextrocular): met zir in early 2011 after finding zir on OKcupid and inviting zir to a crafty party. Then we went to Euphoria together in the summer and I fell for zir, especially after seeing zir art journals. We dated for about 6 months and then my high-maintenance relationship with Kylei became too much for Abby, and Abby had expectations I didn't understand, so we stopped dating for a few months, then started seeing each other more casually for a few months, and then I broke up with zir because the relationship wasn't a shape that was good for me, and we've been good friends since then. I love zir and would like to be romantic with zir again but I don't see that happening until ze moves back (in 4+ years). Moved out of state summer 2013.
Abby is clever and dedicated and artistic. Clever in that ze knows a lot and can string various things together in new and interesting ways, dedicated in that ze makes long-term plans and then goes about doing them both in relationships and the broader world, artistic in that ze sees things like an artist; for their possibilities first and their factualities second. Abby is quiet and reflective with rainbow hair and a strong value of human connections.
- Aurilion -
heart-twin, ex-lover, forever friend
Aurilion (nosswhispers): met zir in 2006 online and in person that November, and we've been on and off as friends and lovers since. During 2008 we were very close, in a romantic relationship over long distance, flying to visit each other, and then from December 2008 until last December 2013 we didn't see each other. Finally seeing zir again this past year was such a wonderful joy, and a relief. Our relationship is anything but continuous, yet it hasn't decreased in meaning or intensity. Lives out of state.
Aurilion is intuitive, gentle, fierce, eager, and generous. I love being around zir because ze is so aware, and pays careful attention to everything; it helps me to develop my awareness. We both have very strong tree connections and value intuition and spirit.
- Allison -
(don't have a recent photo yet)
soul-kin, good friend
Allison (no longer on LJ): Met zir in high school, 11th grade. Known since 1999, close from 99-01, then slowly drifted apart when we both moved away for college. In April 2006 ze cut contact with me, then in 2008 I contacted zir to apologize for any hurt I might have caused, and we became friends on social media but didn't really talk or spend time together until I started the crafty parties in 2011, and we slowly started hanging out more since then.
Allison is artistic and creative, brilliant, expressive, and energetic. Ze both sees things for their potential and creates constantly, in a wide variety of media. I think zir mind runs faster than mine and ze has a far better memory, so it makes for really fun conversation where ze brings in things that I would not have found in my mind-closet. Zir energy is contagious, and I love being around zir because ze gives me a fresh love for life. Back before crafty parties when I was afraid to create because I thought I wasn't good enough, ze encouraged me artistically -- in my writing (ze read my novel-in-progress and creature-ideas and gave feedback) and painting and jewelry (ze commissioned several pieces and wore them proudly and told everyone who complimented them to go to my website and buy them). I'm so happy to have zir as a more active force in my life now.
- Camellia -
heart-kin, good friend
Camellia (not on LJ): Our families knew each other when we were kids, and then we became friends after ze started going to the same college as me, in early 2012, and ze came to crafty parties and intimacy practices.
Camellia is sweet, attentive, and exploratory. Zir hugs are always genuine and ze sees people without preconceptions. I love being around zir because I feel connected and relaxed, and like ze values my time. I feel like ze is adventurous and wants to learn how things work.
- fireKat -
forever friend, soul-kin
Kat (kmiotutsie): Met through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Dec 2004, close since Nov 2006, met May 2007 and again March 2013. Lives out of state. We've never lost contact and I would say that out of all my LJ friends, we've had the steadiest connection.
Kat is free and adventurous and fuckin bluntly open and honest. Ze will call you on your shit and do it with no rancor. Ze never dismisses anything out of hand, and seems to see life as a series of opportunities -- ze's not easily set back. Ze doesn't live within laws, self-imposed or otherwise. We've had a very loose but strong connection for many years now -- I think we started out very different and slowly grew more similar. I feel like I've learned a lot from Kat over the years and I fuckin adore zir.
- Anika -
soul-kin, longtime friend
Anika (bunnika): Met zir through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Nov 2004, close from 2005 - 2006, ended Mar 2006 when ze chose to cut contact. Became LJ friends again Mar 2009, ze cut contact Oct 2010, became friends again January 2014.
Met and got to know zir through LJ; for a good while we were quite close. Ze inspired me so much spiritually and intellectually. Ze opened my eyes on a lot of things; looking back I would say that ze was an important catalyst for me in my journey to queerness and paganism. Ze was my first queer friend and the first non-christian person I talked to and resonated with about spiritual stuff. We went through some wild times in friendship, as evidenced by the on-again-off-again, but I feel like we are back to a place of similar frequency, so to speak, and I feel excited about getting to know zir again.
- SabR -
soul-kin, longtime friend
sabr: Met zir through LJ, ze added me. Known since Apr 2006.
We were pretty close for a while but then I made some choices that broke zir trust (and the trust of zir chosen family) and we were only peripherally friends for years but I feel like we started building it back near the end of 2013 and I am SO happy about it.
So wild and fierce! I am fascinated with how determinedly ze seeks growth and maturing. And ze's incredibly supportive and openminded. I love how ze is so open about the areas ze feels ze needs to grow in, it's a beautiful thing. Honest, bold, untamed, growing. One of the things I find most intriguing about zir is zir affinity with wolves; I feel like I have learned a lot from both SabR and Kazi (SabR's sister) about animal-spirits, and I cherish that knowledge.
People who aren't currently very active in my life but have had large impact on it.
(I average communication with them once a month or less)
- Arizona -
(refuses photos)
spirit-kin, ex-lover
Arizona (grey_arizona): met zir in 2009 and knew zir through group events until May 2010, when we started dating after I dreamed about kissing zir. We started living together shortly after that, as I worked for zir family for room and board, and we dated until November 2010, when I realized that I felt like ze was stuck and suffering and I didn't want to be in that environment, but ze said it probably wouldn't change for the rest of zir life. Six months later (2011) zir life had completely changed and we started on and off dating a bit, but ze's very home-centered so while not living together I feel we just didn't have potential to be very close. In mid-2013 ze moved out of state.
Arizona is thoughtful, nurturing, and curious. One of the things I most value about zir is that our conversations make me think and re-examine my ideas, and I feel comforted by zir presence. Ze's openminded and always learning, always asking questions and seeking to grow in knowledge. And ze is very firm in expressing zirself, while being a totally non-judgemental listener no matter how outrageously incorrect the speaker may be.
- Adi -
spirit-kin, ex-lover
Adi (adi_stroyer): Met in 2011, knew peripherally until ze started dating Kylei and joined intimacy practice, then we dated from February 2012 until approximately October. Our connection was intense but constantly pulled loose by other things, so I feel like we never really got a chance to build it.
Adi is strong and sweet and creative. Strong in that ze has been through some major shit and also because it's just the way ze approaches life; ze has a take-no-shit attitude. Sweet in that ze can see and appreciate people very deeply. Creative in that nothing is off-limits and if ze wants to make it, ze will.
- Hannah -
spirit-kin, soul-kin, heart-kin, ex-lover, previous soulfriend
Hannah (shioneh): Met zir through LJ. Known since July 2005, soulfriends from March 2006 to November 2007, lovers from March 2008 to July 2008. Lives out of country.
We were instantly close on becoming LJ friends, and 8 months later we committed soulfriendship to each other. Our soulfriendship lasted about a year and a half, and was an incredible source of growth and nourishment to both of us. Because we entered the relationship with such clear goals, we both learned so much more about communication and the ways to grow a relationship. In that time ze came to visit me twice, July 27th - Aug 13th 2006, and June 20th - July 24th 2007. The soulfriendship ended because we both went through a very dark period and it took too much energy over such a long distance, when even calling is a hardship. I think that if we had lived close we would have been able to stay soulfriends, but as it was we decided to end it, at least for the time. We never broke off contact but we didn't start talking in realtime again until early February, when I felt totally awful and randomly IMed zir partner Nick, and Hannah was there next to zir and began talking with me to comfort me. We rapidly grew close again (with many tears along the way), and in late March Hannah decided ze wanted to explore polyamory and proposed a romantic relationship (which I gleefully agreed to). That was a tempestuous journey; a Hannah-Aurilion-me triad, then just Hannah and I, then a Hannah-Nick-me triad (for a day), and then Hannah and Nick realized that polyamory wasn't right for them. That was insanely painful (I was numb for nearly two months afterward), but I don't regret it. Hannah and I have attempted to be close again several times but for whatever reason we haven't gotten there; the distance and time difference make it hard. I have hope but am deeply sad about it.
Hannah is open & honest, passionately compassionate, fierce, creative. Ze loves taking photos, dancing, painting, sharing with others, exploring the abstract, learning the concrete, celebrating life, helping to create equality. Ze taught me how to keep compassion in my anger, how to be vulnerable, how to question; so many of the things that I most cherish about myself. I ache every day we are not in contact.
- Nea -
deep friend, soul-kin
Nea (acid_burns): Met zir through LJ, via an Angelina Jolie community. Known since Dec 2004, close from Aug 2007, met zir in person September 2009. Lives out of country.
Nea has been an important person in my life for a long time. It's hard to describe our friendship because I communicate with zir in a way I don't with anyone else. We speak in music and photos and books and art (we don't share much of the same taste in film, heh), and for most of our friendship that was all, yet I felt like we understood each other really well. Ze's purely nonjudgmental and so compassionate, but there's nothing push-over-ish about zir. I admire and love zir for zir perspective and zir art and most of all for zir love for humankind. I LOVED getting to meet zir! If we lived close I know we'd hang out all the time. I hope we can communicate more and get closer again.
- ex-partner -
heart-kin, ex-spouse, ex-lover
--
B, ex-partner. Met through our parents going to the same church. Known since 1991, lovers jan2001-nov2008, partners from dec2003-oct2009.
I met zir when I was a wee child of 8 (ze was 7), and felt a connection since then. I moved away and then back (my dad was in the military) and sometime in high school we developed a rather one-sided friendship that lasted until I moved again for my freshman year of college. When I came to visit zir family over Christmas break, ze asked me out and we started a long-distance relationship. About 17 days in (Jan 19, 2002) we made our own private vows to each other and considered ourselves spiritually married from that point on. That summer I moved back to GA to be closer to zir and we continued dating for another year, and got legally married December 2003. The first year (2004) was fun at first, but soon turned rocky, as sex had brought up repressed memories of childhood abuse (we didn't have penetrative sex until after getting legally married, due to zir desires) and I started working through those, and we both had to deal with misconceptions about what a partnership (marriage) meant (I started out 'serving' zir and no I'm not kidding. After about 6 months I realized that wasn't really healthy or nourishing). 2005 was worse; I was depressed and paranoid to the point of not being able to leave the house, but by the end of that year I had overcome most of it. 2006 was okay, no real gains or losses. 2007 started off very badly, financially, and I blamed our lack of connection on that, but as time went on I realized that the finances made it worse but they were not the problem, they just added to the problem. Halfway through the year it all came to a head and my partner decided to work on opening up and learning to express zirself, so that we could really communicate. I was skeptical at first but ze really changed; I began to get to know zir in a way I never had before. We had a lot more conflict, but it was productive, and I began to fall in love with zir in a whole new way. 2008 began with us stronger than ever, but as it went on and I began to develop other relationships, ze began to withdraw. Whenever we talked about it ze said ze was okay with me being polyamorous, and blamed zir distance on other things. When I was out of the country visiting Hannah, ze did something that I considered cheating, and confessed to me later (after I felt that something was wrong and asked about it). I forgave zir and we worked on re-building trust but I think that ze continued to feel guilty about it (in addition to the sense of debt ze had because of all the unfulfilled promises ze'd made) and I think ultimately that was the thing that made it too much. In 2009 we were still working on things, but I realized I didn't want to be partners and without the structure of marriage, ze did not have the motivation to work on anything anymore (which is part of the reason I do not want partnership/marriage -- if you're not motivated to work on stuff without structure then I don't want to do it with you!). In November ze started seeing someone else, and as ze is monogamous that meant we were truly over. I was very hurt for about 6 months over broken promises, and then I forgave zir. We were out of contact for a while as ze had a lover who didn't believe in being friends with exes, and now we are on friendly terms but not in regular contact.
- Viv -
spirit-twin, ex-lover
Met through OKcupid in June 2009, were very close until Nov 2009, friends again in 2013.
Ze messaged me in June and I impulsively invited zir along to my first cuddle party. I fell in love pretty much the second we hugged and my heart was trip-tripping the whole drive there... we cuddled a lot and talked a lot and spent tons of time together for the next five months. I'm wasn't sure what to call us because we did a lot of making out and sensual things but had no privacy so it never went very far and ze waffled back and forth on whether or not ze wanted more than friendship. I call zir my ex-lover because it was a lover-type relationship for me. But while the romantic aspect was lovely and eye-opening, what was really amazing for me was having a violet spirit who lived near me and was passionate about feminism and equality in general and philosophy and music and art ♥ It ended rather stutteringly due to addiction; I didn't want to feel like I needed to rescue zir, and I would have felt that way if we were close while ze was using habitually. That brief connection was one of the most incredibly enlightening, inspiring, thrilling, and beautiful experiences I have had. Nowadays it's just distance that prevents us being closer -- for whatever reason we don't connect well over the internet, at least so far.
- Ben -
heart-kin, mind-kin, ex-lover
Ben (justben): Met zir in May 2009, casual friends until September 2009, dated until May 2010, casual friends since then.
Ben helped me grow a great deal; we connected intensely on an intellectual, physical, and spiritual level. We would listen to music together (more intently than I had done with anyone up to that point; an ecstatic experience of music), explore the forest together (also with very beautiful intensity), argue constructively, discuss social ills and patterns, and have lots of sex. When we first got together, I had never really had sex that was intensely physically pleasurable, and ours was. But physical pleasure is always secondary to me, and I stopped wanting it so much after a while, which was very disappointing to Ben (who I think has a much higher sex drive than I do). I also realized, once I experienced it, that I need daily flowy communication to feel nourished in a romantic relationship, but we didn't really talk unless we were physically present with each other. I had a very hard time ending our romantic relationship and I think I hurt Ben by not being more direct, but I couldn't articulate why I didn't want to continue (now I understand that we had clashing needs).
Ben is intellectual, curious, and bouncy; very enthusiastic about anything ze cares about. Very cuddly and generous and clever, sensual and alert.
- Ace -
biological sister, deep friend, soul-kin
Ace (girlslovegirls7): met zir when I was almost ten and ze was a squalling red little newborn. We were close for the first few years, then horrible events and lying parents came between us. We started getting close again in Jan 2007 and became deep friends in summer 2009, but since then have drifted apart. Ze lives out of state.
Ace truly amazes me; so fierce and so compassionate, so open and honest, so full of joy and curiosity, and so willing to take risks (though that last bit has been in hiding for a while). Ze's also a talented artist and I look forward to seeing zir blossom creatively. Ze's so fascinated by people, and so uninhibited in expressing that -- ze will ask intensely personal questions of strangers and do it in such a purely curious way that they're startled into actually answering. And ze's tied for the most compassionate person I've ever met -- ze will almost always notice when someone is suffering and reach out, and when ze does ze always means it. I love zir so so so much ♥
- Kate -
deep friend, heart-kin, mind-kin
clown_frog: Met zir through LJ, via an addme community. Known since Nov 2004, close from Dec 2005 (less so in 2007-on because of lack of internet). Lives out of country.
Ze's quiet and shy, but very passionate and opinionated! Ze's very inquisitive, very thoughtful, and zir questions and observations always make me think hard. Ze's a fierce feminist, which is SO inspiring! I love how ze stretches my mind. And ze has such a beautiful spirit, very gentle and compassionate. Also, somehow ze always seems to understand me perfectly, so zir comments are always encouraging, because they make me feel understood. My favorite quality of zirs would probably be zir thirst for understanding. Ze reminds me of what famous philosophers must have been like. ;-) Philosophical, artistic, compassionate, generous.
- Ash -
previously deep friend, flatmate
Ash: Met zir through elya -- the two of them were best friends at one time. Known since 1998, very close in 2006 followed by horrendous breakup and again in 2009, followed by another horrendous breakup in May 2010. No real contact since.
We were very close in 2006, but in November of that year ze left me when I was in the middle of an emotional breakdown and then three weeks later told me ze didn't want to be friends anymore, both of which hurt me deeply. I learned later that ze had thought I was faking the breakdown to manipulate zir, and had gotten furious with me about it. About a year after this, I messaged Ashley and told zir that I forgave zir, and that I was sorry for any hurt I might have caused zir. I offered to have a conversation for the sake of closure and healing, so we talked, and it felt really good to talk to zir again. A while after that I spent a few days at zir apartment and realized that the breakup and year after had made deep changes in both of us that created a lot of distance, and I think ze felt it too because we fell mostly out of contact after that. Then Ash got back in touch with me in 2009 and we started building a friendship again. Over the summer we spent a TON of time together, and October we moved in together. We lived together fairly harmoniously for a good while, and then I started falling for zir romantically, but resisting because I didn't want to live with a lover. Ze started dating someone I also crushed on, and then in a whirl spanning two weeks they propositioned me for sex and then when I wanted to talk about it first they changed their minds. Then Ash got upset in a way I still don't really understand, and told me I needed to pay more or get out. So since I couldn't pay more I started making arrangements to move out (ze gave me a month and a half), but ze left before I did. I paid up through the end of my time but Ash did not pay the power bill and left me for two weeks without power. I would have understood if ze had been kind about it, but ze was not. A few weeks later I met someone who had met Ash in a restaurant and been told negative things about me -- a total stranger to both of us. I was pretty upset about that. We didn't talk for years and only recently ze messaged me randomly, but did not want to discuss previous conflict. Since that was the biggest issue between us I just wished zir well and left it at that. I don't rule out a future friendship, and I do miss zir sometimes, but ze'd have to have a lot more skill at conflict management for me to start a friendship again.
- Nick -
deep friend, spirit-kin, heart-kin
aquilian: Met zir through Hannah. Known of since July 2005, became good friends when ze visited in June/July 2007, deep friends when I visited in May/June 2008, lovers for a day in June 2008. Lives out of country.
Nick is Hannah's partner, and I am not sure on what level we connect, but connect we definitely do. We have amazing conversations and feel so very at ease with each other. Ze and I don't keep in close contact because ze is not so long-distance-communicative, but when in person we very much enjoy each other's presence. I think if we lived nearby ze would be a very active part of my life.
Very thoughtful, generous, philosophical, honest, open-minded, kind. Ze loves deep discussions, feminism/equalism, photography, gaming, learning.
- Spencer & Paula -
(the wynnes)
spiritual parents
Met them through Liberty church. Known for 4 years, close for the 1.5 years, casual after that. Live not far from me, last I knew.
Spencer and Paula are a couple with whom I lived for a year, chauffeuring/mentoring their kids (Gabe and William) in exchange for room and board. Living with them taught me what family is like -- they accepted me as I was, loved me, and helped me in any way they could. I still consider them my spiritual parents. Paula I love because ze is vibrant, cheerful, and intensely loving, and ze honestly cares about me. Spencer I love because ze is the best father I've ever known -- ze and Paula both had children from previous relationships, and ze took zir son, Gabe, into zir heart and loved zir every bit as much as William, zir biological son. Ze shows absolutely no preference -- and that amazes me. I also love zir because ze trusted me almost immediately (when someone gives me their trust I feel immensely grateful, especially if I hold them in high esteem), and because ze supported me and showed interest in my jewelry business -- just because it was important to me. I lived with them for a year, then moved out to get married. Six months later I moved into a house in their neighborhood and spent a loooooot of time with Paula, who was having a very difficult pregnancy and had to be on bed rest. I'd walk over every day and we'd talk and talk, I'd make zir lunch and bring zir drinks... then zir mom moved in to help and I wasn't needed, so I just drove zir to doctor's appointments (because zir mom doesn't drive). I still love them all so much and I'm so very grateful for the love and acceptance they gave me, and how much they taught me about love and family ♥ They're all amazing.
- Gabe -
spiritual little sib
The Wynnes' kid, my (spiritual) little sibling. (ze called me sis ♥) Ze's one of the most honest, growth-seeking, and good-hearted people I've ever known; when I lived with zir family, ze would amaze me by being honestly sorry and trying to change when confronted about a bad habit or other problem. Ze thought of me as zir older sibling, and turned to me for advice, which made me feel so trusted. After years of very little contact, I got up the guts to friend zir on facebook in 2009. Unfortunately ze's still pretty stuck in some bad doctrine, but ze hasn't unfriended me yet...
Ava
spirit-kin, previous extremely-close friend
mourningdoveava: Met through LJ, via an addme community. Known since August 2007, close from October 2007 to May 2008.
Ava is my spirit-kin. We had such a strong emotional connection -- ze went through an intense spiritual experience while talking to me on IM, and I felt it so strongly that I cried. Our conversations were so incredibly deep and invariably taught me something or helped me to clarify some of my truth. Unfortunately I caught zir in some lies which made me doubt everything else and I eventually gave up on learning the truth when ze disappeared from LJ. I still don't know who ze was -- I know I felt a connection and that can't be faked, but I wonder if ze was some kind of clever and well-educated sociopath (because our conversations weren't about common knowledge and ze'd have had to do a significant amount of reading) or perhaps doing some kind of sociology project involving sockpuppets. I'm still entirely baffled.
Meliae
previous very close friend
earthy_goddess: Met zir through LJ, ze went googling for curvy-positive stuff, found the curvygirls comm, and though that, me! Known since Jan 2007, close from Feb - May 2007, stopped being friends in 2008 because I was a self-absorbed poobrain.
We became very close very fast -- we understood each other very well. Ze's extremely compassionate, and feels things deeply. Ze has a passion for learning and helping others to learn, which is something I share -- we liked to talk about alternate ways of learning and teaching, and the importance of self-education. Ze's very open and honest, so we conversed about every aspect of our lives. In 2008 I went to visit Hannah and Meliae met us in Belgium -- we had some lovely moments but then ze got caught in the explosion of pain that ended Hannah-Nick-me's one-day triad, and I was really selfish and thought nothing of Meliae's feelings. I didn't even realize this for months after because I was so numb. I did write and apologize but I have no idea if ze even got the email. I hope that if ze did it brought some peace or closure, because my behavior was really just so damn selfish. I would like to be friends again if ze forgives me and looks me up sometime, but that's a really unlikely hope.
Rebecca
previous best friend
my ex-partner's younger sister, my friend -- met zir through our parents attending the same church. Known since I was 8. Best friends from 1998-2002.
We were very close for years, called each other every day, told each other everything... but then I moved, and we both felt deserted by the other, and we drifted apart. We've also just changed, and we have very little in common now. We've forgiven each other for all the hurt, but haven't really renewed our relationship. Ze got married and I cried my fucking guts out because it felt like the final ending to our friendship... and even though I had gotten married, deep in my heart there was still younger-me who wanted to go live in the woods with zir, far away from everyone, and commune with each other and nature forever. I feel pretty sure that at this point we are too different to reconnect, and with zir family, blood comes first so my divorce from zir sibling finalized that.
Kaylene
previous deep friend
mayana: Met zir through a group counseling series. Very close from Oct 2003 - Feb 2004, then lost contact through moves, parting was benevolent. I got back in touch through facebook later and we were friends for a while and then ze unfriended me, I'm guessing because I got too weird.
Ze's a deep, passionate person, who is intense in everything ze does, and ze doesn't commit half-way. Ze's a talented singer/songwriter and dancer, an artist in every sense of the word. We had so many things in common in our history and we understood each other -- I think ze was the first person I had met who was at all like me, it was amazing. Ze was completely open and honest with me after we decided to be close, and we bonded so deeply that within four months of first meeting zir, I asked zir to be one of my bridesmaids. Zir fearlessness and determination to be who ze wanted to be inspired me greatly, and helped set me on the path to becoming my true self.
People who I haven't had much direct contact with yet they've made significant impact on my life.
J - J is a very private person with a public persona for work, so I can't explain too much. We've been LJ friends since August of 08, if I'm remembering correctly, and ze's inspired me so much with zir honesty and openness and abundant growth. Ze's one of the most tenacious people I've ever met, and I admire zir so much.
Laura - We became LJ friends in 2008 and ze died last year (April 2013). We never talked in real-time though we would read and comment or message each other on various social media. I loved zir so much and if I had known that it was near the end I would have gone to see zir... it was always my plan but I thought I had more time. Ze inspired me so much just with the compassionate open-minded way ze looked at everything. I feel like no matter what, ze would not judge, ze would be kind. I miss zir more than I would have thought possible. We share the same birthday.
ladywind - Jess is someone I've not had real-time interactions with but we've also been friends since 2008 on LJ and the way that ze writes about things and sees things resonates so much with me spiritually that I VERY much want to meet in person. I love the way ze parents zir kid, I love the way ze prioritizes, I love the way ze observes.
darkpool - Kimberley was one of my first LJ friends and is one of the rare few people who identify as Christian that I think Jesus would get along with. Ze's quiet, thoughtful, and one of the kindest people I've met. We don't have a lot of contact nowadays as ze is very busy with children, but ze was a very important friend to me for a long time, sort of helping me through my own spiritual journey by being there and being supportive. I think it would have been much harder for me if I didn't have Christian support because then I would have had to reject my past instead of integrating it, and I would have lost so much.
Deb - Ze was important for similar reasons to Kimberley, but it was both more intense (because ze was in person, and someone I regarded as my elder), and less so (because we rarely interacted). I think the biggest impact Deb had on my life was being an accidental buffer between me and my then in-laws, who I felt exceedingly censured by.
jenniology - Jenny changed my life in a radical way just by exposing me to the Kemetic Orthodoxy, but also by being a faithful and generous friend. Every now and then ze will express love in a way that is exactly what I need and means the absolute world to me. We've been friends since 2007.
sidheblessed - Nicky has been my LJ friend since 2005 and has seen me through some shit! Ze's an excellent parent and a deeply compassionate person who inspires me with zir growth, kindness, and irrepressible joy.
chillychilly22 - LJ friends since 2005, Lisa is one of the most unflinchingly growth-focused people I've ever met, and seems so fearless to me. I love how ze will take any opportunity to learn, and not let anything get in the way. Ze also was a huge support when I was trying to get myself, Adi, Abby, and Kylei to Transcending Boundaries, and that changed my life.
MM - MM is someone who I spent about one day with in a way that totally opened my eyes to stuff I still don't have words for. Ze can be pretty caustic and I don't quite know what to make of zir but I care about zir and I think ze is changing the world in a positive way, overall.
delicatexflower - LJ friends since 2006, Angie is probably the sweetest and most gentle person I've ever known. Ze's very sensitive and very kind-hearted. Ze's changed me just by showing me how open-heartedly a person can live.
kschap - Kelley is a badass. I'm lucky to have several people in my life who just go for what they want, no holds barred, and Kelley is tied for first in that category. Wants to be in porn? does it. Wants to move cross-country? does it. Wants to be in a dance troupe? does it. Just, BAM. Also, crude and rude and hilarious about it.
Kyotey/Koronah - the first person I met who saw 'inanimate' objects as living, some awake and some not. Ze gave me a lot of confidence in the way that I sense things.
there are more but... this could go on and on.