Comments | belenen: depression, stopped caring about people & life / state of my relationships w Topaz, Kylei, friends

belenen

depression, stopped caring about people & life / state of my relationships w Topaz, Kylei, friends

Feb 23, 2013 21:26

I haven't written in months because I've been dealing with a depression that is unlike any I've felt before. It started a while ago, not sure how long, but it hit hard with the new year and since then I've had a deep-weeping breakdown at least 8 times and have cried almost every day. It has been an absolutely epic struggle to motivate to do ( Read more... )

n/a*, kylei, abby, pain, fear / insecurity, topaz, relationships

Comments 6

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queerbychoice February 24 2013, 06:26:51 UTC

I know this wasn't addressed to me, but I want to try to answer it because I identified with Bel in that line ( ... )

nowiamsix February 27 2013, 19:13:19 UTC

I actually really appreciate this comment. It did help to answer some of the questions that I have.

I suspect that a majority of the issues between myself and this person are rooted in my generalized anxiety, but this is a great place to start. Thank you for responding. :)

queerbychoice February 27 2013, 19:48:24 UTC

You're very welcome! I appreciate the fact that you care about trying to improve the situation.

queerbychoice February 24 2013, 06:04:57 UTC

"I'm so frustrated with everyone and want to dump everyone out of my life except for Topaz."

I think you should do that.

I don't know whether you'll need to dump them permanently or not, but I think that as much as possible, you should avoid being around them for as long as you don't feel able to care about them. Surely it can't be good either for them or for you that you continue to be around them when you feel completely indifferent to them. Can it?

My guess would be that some people probably do need to be dumped permanently from your life, but it doesn't sound like you're in a healthy place for making that type of decision right now. So I think you should focus on separating yourself temporarily, and let the longer-term situation sort itself out more gradually.

sabr February 25 2013, 01:14:42 UTC

I have been there - so drained for so long.

Freefalling towards the bottom, it doesn't always get gradually worse. Free falling with 5 miles to go and free falling with 5 yards to go are essentially the same if you don't know to look down.

The best thing that you can probably do for yourself is to disconnect - you HAVE to be able to put positive energy into saving yourself in order to ever be able to substantially help anyone else. You are your own most valuable resource.

Your connections with that group of people may never be the same after the disconnect, but if you cant get back to the point of caring, it won't matter. You have to put yourself first - I know that sounds selfish, but it's selfish to allow such a unique, valuable, irreplaceable resource to be depleted from negligence.

frecklestars February 25 2013, 18:09:53 UTC

Sorry to hear life's been rough on you lately. <3 I think that, if it's in the name of self-care, you can and should dump everyone in your life who isn't making you feel better. (Though some small part of me wonders whether that isn't the depression talking. Not to invalidate your feelings, but just to point it out that depression, at least the types I've seen, often manifests as a need for radical change that may not actually be the best course of action.)

I know _exactly_ what you mean about wanting not to be needed. It made me think of this Amanda Palmer song: http://www.youtube.com/embed/3UYEZnhnVCg

Anyway. I hope you get to feeling better. You can always text me. <3 Or catch me on g-chat. Anytime.