depression, stopped caring about people & life / state of my relationships w Topaz, Kylei, friends

[belenen]

I haven't written in months because I've been dealing with a depression that is unlike any I've felt before. It started a while ago, not sure how long, but it hit hard with the new year and since then I've had a deep-weeping breakdown at least 8 times and have cried almost every day. It has been an absolutely epic struggle to motivate to do

Comments

[queerbychoice]

I know this wasn't addressed to me, but I want to try to answer it because I identified with Bel in that line.

What separates an uncomfortable "need" from a comfortable "need" is that it's comfortable to feel that someone is with me because being with me makes them happier than they would otherwise be, not because being without me sends them into a terrible crisis. If I feel comfortably needed by someone, then I realize that if I were to dump that person, that person would be very upset and miserable at first, because breakups always tend to make people very upset and miserable at first, but I also realize that the person is also perfectly capable of recovering from that after a reasonable length of time and moving on with their life in an emotionally healthy way. If I feel uncomfortably needed by someone, I'm not so sure whether the person is emotionally healthy enough to be able to take care of themself on their own without me constantly looking out for their needs.

The specific things that someone could do to stop me from feeling uncomfortably needed by them would be to not rely on me to regularly rescue them from crises. The person should develop a sufficient support network so that when a crisis occurs, the person has multiple people supporting them and I don't feel obligated to always be the one helping out with a particular crisis. Unfortunately, developing a sufficient support network can be awfully difficult. However, if the person does actually have a sufficient support network and I just don't realize that, then the person should talk to me about feeling grateful for how much the various other people have helped and are helping, and the person should pay attention to when I don't feel I have enough energy to spare to help with a particular crisis, and the person should avoid turning to me for help when I'm feeling too exhausted to do a good job of helping.

[nowiamsix]

I actually really appreciate this comment. It did help to answer some of the questions that I have.

I suspect that a majority of the issues between myself and this person are rooted in my generalized anxiety, but this is a great place to start. Thank you for responding. :)

[queerbychoice]

You're very welcome! I appreciate the fact that you care about trying to improve the situation.