Have you ever seen the movie Summer Lovers? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084737/ I saw it at the movie theaters when i was young and it left a huge impression on me.
My husband and my best friend of 10 yrs were having a sexual realtionship. We all were so close that I accepted it for awhile. Kinda like the movie Summer Lovers. Eventually my jelousy and feelings of being left out overcame me and I ended the realtionship with her. I understand now beacuse I wasnt invoved in the sexual part of it.*feeling left out*
I do miss her and the friendship that we all shared.
My husband says hes comfortable with me having a girlfriend of my own.
My question to you is could you deal with your husband having a girlfriend that you werent sharing?
Im sorry to be springing this on you but I have been having this internal conflict for so long....
I've never seen the movie but it looks like an interesting watch.
If they hid it from you, then I consider that the ultimate dishonesty and I think it's only right that you be upset about it! But if they approached you beforehand and you all agreed on it, then it is sad that it didn't work out but sometimes it just doesn't... *hugs*
I do think I would be okay with my husband having a girlfriend I didn't share, but only if we were all completely honest and open with each other, and I got to be casual friends at least with her. And we'd have to be past this rough patch so that we knew each other better -- right now he's just beginning to really learn who he is, and I don't think he has the energy to devote to that and our relationship AND a new one. It's a little different with me because I know myself pretty well, but even so, I wouldn't jump into a relationship right now. I'm open to one coming along, but whenever it does, I'll probably take it slow.
As simplistic as it sounds, live your life how you want to live your life. People will accept it or they won't. I think you explained things excellently, but no amount of explaining will help some people accept what they can't or don't understand. Follow your heart and you can't go wrong.
Very thoughtful post - I think you did a great job defining your feelings. While a poly relationship wouldn't be something I could do (not that I disagree with it, I just know myself), I can see why it would make sense for you.
I'm curious as to what level of involvement your husband has in your relationship with a woman, since you're not in a triad relationship? And if you were to be in a triad, would it be a relationship that your friends and family knew about? I'm guessing so, due to your husband's concerns about society's judgement of the third. It's always interesting (and dismaying) how family/friends and society often sit in judgement on such intimate issues...
I can see how being attracted to women would be a strain on your marriage if your husband was making the "rules" - it's awesome that you guys were able to work on it and find a solution that makes you comfortable and doesn't limit you.
If/when I enter into a romantic relationship with a woman, Ben would be however involved the two of them wanted to be -- it'd just depend on what they wanted. And definitely, if we had a triad relationship it would be something our friends & family knew about. I don't think we'd announce it, unless we decided to have a handfasting ceremony or something similar, but we wouldn't hide it at all and we'd answer any questions about it.
I believe that every time you have sex with someone, there is a spiritual exchange -- you get a tiny piece of their spirit, and they get a tiny part of yours. The more you have sex with them, the more you exchange.
This is the main reason I waited until I was in love. I'm very glad Adam shares this as well. Shortly after our official engagement, we actually shared souls during a lovemaking session -- our souls locked together and merged. We now have a sort of empathic connection where we always know where the other is, in a vague sense, and how the other is feeling. Spiritually, it's like two dragons in freefall, claws locked together (ever seen that Animal Planet documentary on dragons? Like that.).
I think polyamory is wonderful if it can work out right. Good for you for listening to your heart and soul. :)
Well, you know that I am poly. I never thought of it as a possibility for me and my relationship until I met John. I didn't understand how you could love two people romantically at the same time and then I fell in love with John and I just did. Things were good with Andrew and I at the time. We were happy together. We're not happy now, but that's something we're working on. I also wanted to add that my husband was the only person I had ever had sex with up until John too. It's not like I have ever had this craving to have a variety of different sexual partners. I was happy with just my husband, and then I discovered that John fit into my heart so well, and then I was happy with both of them. I don't know if any of that made sense, I am a little... out of it. Sorry about the delete and repost, I wanted to add that bit about only having been with my husband before
( ... )
I think that some people think that polyamory is about wanting more sex -- and maybe that is true for some people -- but for me, it's about wanting more romance, more intimacy, more growth. Sex is a part of it but it isn't the main thing, you know?
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http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084737/
I saw it at the movie theaters when i was young and it left a huge impression on me.
My husband and my best friend of 10 yrs were having a sexual realtionship.
We all were so close that I accepted it for awhile. Kinda like the movie Summer Lovers.
Eventually my jelousy and feelings of being left out overcame me and I ended the realtionship with her.
I understand now beacuse I wasnt invoved in the sexual part of it.*feeling left out*
I do miss her and the friendship that we all shared.
My husband says hes comfortable with me having a girlfriend of my own.
My question to you is could you deal with your husband having a girlfriend that you werent sharing?
Im sorry to be springing this on you but I have been having this internal conflict for so long....
Thank you
~Renee
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If they hid it from you, then I consider that the ultimate dishonesty and I think it's only right that you be upset about it! But if they approached you beforehand and you all agreed on it, then it is sad that it didn't work out but sometimes it just doesn't... *hugs*
I do think I would be okay with my husband having a girlfriend I didn't share, but only if we were all completely honest and open with each other, and I got to be casual friends at least with her. And we'd have to be past this rough patch so that we knew each other better -- right now he's just beginning to really learn who he is, and I don't think he has the energy to devote to that and our relationship AND a new one. It's a little different with me because I know myself pretty well, but even so, I wouldn't jump into a relationship right now. I'm open to one coming along, but whenever it does, I'll probably take it slow.
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Thank you for your honesty and wisdom ^_^
*hugz*
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I'm curious as to what level of involvement your husband has in your relationship with a woman, since you're not in a triad relationship? And if you were to be in a triad, would it be a relationship that your friends and family knew about? I'm guessing so, due to your husband's concerns about society's judgement of the third. It's always interesting (and dismaying) how family/friends and society often sit in judgement on such intimate issues...
I can see how being attracted to women would be a strain on your marriage if your husband was making the "rules" - it's awesome that you guys were able to work on it and find a solution that makes you comfortable and doesn't limit you.
Good luck on your journey!
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Thanks so much for the comment and luck! ;-)
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This is the main reason I waited until I was in love. I'm very glad Adam shares this as well. Shortly after our official engagement, we actually shared souls during a lovemaking session -- our souls locked together and merged. We now have a sort of empathic connection where we always know where the other is, in a vague sense, and how the other is feeling. Spiritually, it's like two dragons in freefall, claws locked together (ever seen that Animal Planet documentary on dragons? Like that.).
I think polyamory is wonderful if it can work out right. Good for you for listening to your heart and soul. :)
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I'm sure they have it on DVD by now. It is so so worth it.
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I think that some people think that polyamory is about wanting more sex -- and maybe that is true for some people -- but for me, it's about wanting more romance, more intimacy, more growth. Sex is a part of it but it isn't the main thing, you know?
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