One of my favorite memories is when Paula's grandmother said to me, "That's your baby" -- about Risa.
Reading through your entry and then reaching that point made me a bit teary myself lol. I wasn't going to comment in case it felt invasive because I might not completely understand your situation but that really made me feel happy and sad at the same time for you. I hope you can build your connection with this family you feel so strongly about.
Very often the price of my openess has been losing someone I cared for. As I got older I realized that telling everyone the truth is NOT a good idea, even though it makes me feel better, because the sad truth is that most people are NOT open and CAN'T handle it. You know them and know what they can handle and how they would react, so act accordingly. I know your pain and disappointment.
if you really want to be open with them, you have to understand and accept the VERY REAL possibility that you would further your own self-acceptance and openness at the cost of the relationships.
So true... and that's why it's so hard to decide. Be myself? or think that I am accepted and loved for who I am, when that might not be true? Even simpler, ask for the truth or just believe what may be a lie?
I understand wanting to be open and honest about who you are with the people you love. I've felt the same sort of yearning from time to time.
However, I believe that artistic nude modeling (for example) is not who you are, but something you enjoy doing--it doesn't make you who you are because you would still be the same person if you couldn't do it for whatever reason. So many of us identify who we are with what we do, but we don't need to do that. Great athletes sometimes fall into this trap, I think. Once they can no longer play their sport, some of them have an identity crisis. I think people should learn to identify themselves by the qualities within, not what they do (my opinion).
Point is, you don't have to share all you do to share who you are with someone. Not everyone can understand artistic nude modeling in the way you understand it. Knowing that, you don't have to share that with them, but you don't have to sacrifice letting them know who you are because of it either.
I consider art modeling to be a part of who I am; not a part I want to share with everyone, because it's sensitive, but a very important part of me that I want to share with those I really love.
I might be one of those people who pop-in from time to time...saltardobunji19February 11 2005, 15:10:01 UTC
Kristen, you put yourself in this position, the position of people diapproving, you "honesty" about things is kinda of scary and well really wierd... and if you were to let Spencer read this/see your "art" he would dissaprove... i know Mrs.Paula to an extent, and i know she would be more morally against and disgusted about that stuff than i am, which would be alot. Im not trying to be mean... becouse i have realized that to be mean to you does not benifit me, and i was only mean to you becouse you hurt me. Im just telling you what i think. you always give TMI.
Re: I might be one of those people who pop-in from time to time...belenenFebruary 11 2005, 20:29:03 UTC
If it's TMI for you, there's a very simple solution. Don't read. This journal is for myself and those who want to get to know me; if you aren't one of those who want to get to know me, then you are not welcome in my journal. If you do want to know me, you're just going to have to deal with the fact that (at least in here) I am completely open.
I don't need your opinion on Paula and Spencer's reactions; I know them a great deal better than you do.
i just had this conversation about telling the truth with my lover.
we hadn't been together for a while, and he started seeing someone else, he lied to me about it...then he came clean. i was hurt, i was angry, i was frustrated. but SO happy that he told the truth. he also addressed my drinking problem. something i have been really testy about. once again, it hurt, but i am glad that somebody said something, he was the only one that had the guts.
keeping things from people is lame. honesty and the truth are the only things that people have to rely on. and if they hate you for what you tell them, then, at least for me, i don't want them in my life anyway.
it sounds like you are the type of person that wants honesty as much as you give it. great. but if people can't give that to you, then what's the point of knowing them? (sorry if i am out of line)
honesty and the truth are the only things that people have to rely on. and if they hate you for what you tell them, then, at least for me, i don't want them in my life anyway.
Absolutely... now I just have to wrench up enough guts to face possible rejection/disapproval.
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Reading through your entry and then reaching that point made me a bit teary myself lol. I wasn't going to comment in case it felt invasive because I might not completely understand your situation but that really made me feel happy and sad at the same time for you. I hope you can build your connection with this family you feel so strongly about.
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and thank you for the well-wishes. ;-)
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As I got older I realized that telling everyone the truth is NOT a good idea, even though it makes me feel better, because the sad truth is that most people are NOT open and CAN'T handle it.
You know them and know what they can handle and how they would react, so act accordingly.
I know your pain and disappointment.
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(The comment has been removed)
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So true... and that's why it's so hard to decide. Be myself? or think that I am accepted and loved for who I am, when that might not be true? Even simpler, ask for the truth or just believe what may be a lie?
Reply
However, I believe that artistic nude modeling (for example) is not who you are, but something you enjoy doing--it doesn't make you who you are because you would still be the same person if you couldn't do it for whatever reason. So many of us identify who we are with what we do, but we don't need to do that. Great athletes sometimes fall into this trap, I think. Once they can no longer play their sport, some of them have an identity crisis. I think people should learn to identify themselves by the qualities within, not what they do (my opinion).
Point is, you don't have to share all you do to share who you are with someone. Not everyone can understand artistic nude modeling in the way you understand it. Knowing that, you don't have to share that with them, but you don't have to sacrifice letting them know who you are because of it either.
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I'll explain more in my later post.
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Im not trying to be mean... becouse i have realized that to be mean to you does not benifit me, and i was only mean to you becouse you hurt me. Im just telling you what i think. you always give TMI.
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I don't need your opinion on Paula and Spencer's reactions; I know them a great deal better than you do.
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we hadn't been together for a while, and he started seeing someone else, he lied to me about it...then he came clean. i was hurt, i was angry, i was frustrated. but SO happy that he told the truth. he also addressed my drinking problem. something i have been really testy about. once again, it hurt, but i am glad that somebody said something, he was the only one that had the guts.
keeping things from people is lame. honesty and the truth are the only things that people have to rely on. and if they hate you for what you tell them, then, at least for me, i don't want them in my life anyway.
it sounds like you are the type of person that wants honesty as much as you give it. great. but if people can't give that to you, then what's the point of knowing them? (sorry if i am out of line)
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Absolutely... now I just have to wrench up enough guts to face possible rejection/disapproval.
(and no, don't worry, you weren't out of line)
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