that's not my name

[beggar_always]

So the other day, my mom and I were having a discussion on various pet names/terms of endearment. James had called me and I answered with "Yes dear" as I've taken to doing and my mom went into this rant about such things. She finds terms of endearment to be rude, in any situation. I tend to not even notice them when they come from complete

Comments

[geeky_ginger]

I'm really not bothered by any of them...having grown up in the south, I heard a lot of these terms growing up, but they were always meant as terms of endearment, never in a condescending manner....but my friends who didn't grow up here seem to get offended if I use them towards them...for instance if I say, "Well, sweetie (sometimes I use Darlin')...." they tell me I'm being condescending...and I just don't get it. I'm meaning it as a term of endearment because I love my friends.

Guess it just goes with the difference in culture.

[beggar_always]

It's weird; I grew up in the Midwest, where I think it's usually portrayed in media that we say "hon" and "sweetie" and such...but most people don't (the people who do usually didn't grow up here). Then I lived in Central New York for a few months, and it was pretty commonplace to say "hon" or "dear" and such out there. So I moved back used to saying it, and I got funny looks. Here it seems to only be acceptable if you're an elderly woman. Otherwise, it's seen as patronizing.

[geeky_ginger]

Yeah....so when I move I've definitely going to have to get out of the habit of saying darlin' because I don't want people to think I'm patronizing them.

[beggar_always]

Yeah I've learned to edit my conversations around most people because I know it sounds weird to them.

[beggar_always]

I think babe/baby is the only one that bothers me consistently. But oddly enough I have no problem with "bb" online...

Cock, eh? That's...interesting. I can't think of anything that compares to that, lol.

[rockinhamburger]

I work at a telephone survey firm, and it really pisses me off when the people I'm calling use 'honey'. Don't mind 'hon', though, for some reason. Honey always seems cynical or rude, but hon indicates kindness to me.

I'm not a fan of babe in general. Feels weird being called that.

Otherwise, I personally use hon, sweetie, love, and dear. I've never really thought about people being annoyed by it. They're just terms of affection. But I can respect other people disliking the use of these words and foregoing the use of them if asked! :)

[beggar_always]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks there's a difference between 'hon' and 'honey'. I don't really know why, but 'honey' just always feels more condescending.

Babe almost always irks me. I think it's something that's fine between significant others, but otherwise it just makes me feel like I'm being objectified or something.

I was surprised by how offended my mother got because I called my roommate "dear". Even when annoys me, I usually don't take it personally. But I don't want to be calling other people things if it upsets them.

[rockinhamburger]

Word on all counts!

[zeitheist]

The only time when I get annoyed by terms of endearment is when they're being used to patronize me. I once knew a boy who would call me 'dear' or 'love' every time he did that, and eventually it got to the point where I had to get up and walk away before I tore his face off with my bare hands.

I agree that it's sometimes really irritating when it's a complete stranger, though. That happened a lot when I worked at WH Smith -- you'd get some chav tell me "I'm not bein' funny, love, but..." and I'd have to resist the urge to snap at them. Somehow, it was always more irritating when it was an older woman saying it to me. Maybe it's that sense of being patronized, again.

[beggar_always]

Yeah I get annoyed when I feel like I'm being patronized. Usually it comes in the form of middle-aged men calling me "honey" or "babe". I think a lot of it just depends on the tone too, though. When I worked at Starbucks there was one guy that called me "honey" every time he came in, but it didn't bother me because he was always friendly but there was another guy who called me "babe" all the time and he was always rude and "in a rush" and I always kind of wanted to "accidentally" burn hot coffee on him...

[exuberantself]

I'm okay with giving/receiving them with people I know, but not from random people. I had a guy come through work and try to get my attention by yelling, "Hey, Boo!" over and over. It definitely didn't work.

[beggar_always]

I'm fine with people I know. And I can usually handle it from strangers, as long as their tone is friendly. When I worked at Starbucks there was a guy who used to come in and call me "babe" all the time while also being rude in general. I hated it. But I was totally fine with the other guy who used to call me "honey" because he was always really polite. I would've slapped someone if they'd come in saying "Hey, Boo" over and over. Or at least dumped hot coffee on them.